[Gixxy]

(08-07-2015 04:20 PM)Bodhisattva Wrote:  

I'm all for having confidence and being secure in yourself which translates into your relationship. However one will have a hard time being secure in a relationship with someone who conveys red flags. We're all human, we all look at other people. I'm not perfect but I can have the common decency not to blatantly stare at another chick while I'm out with my current girlfriend. I wouldn't want to disrespect or instill any insecurity into the trust she has in me. This is in regards to someone you're in a LTR with.

Let's run this down, again:

Your "red flags":
- She "liked" a post (several?) on Instagram.
- 1 YEAR LATER...she "looked" at a co-worker.
- She bummed a cigarette from a mutual friend at a wedding.

Pretty severe transgressions bro. Toss the relationship.

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On a side note what do you guys think about your girl liking some guys photos on Instagram and other forms of social media? Curious as to where others stand on this.

If you can't get on board with the idea that adult men and women have friendships with members of the opposite sex with no intention to have anything more than a friendship, you're in for a long and lonely life. I am 39 years old. I have friendships with women that have been friendships longer than 20 years. Do you REALLY think that I will let a woman come into my life and dictate to me who I can be friends with? This isn't a "red flag" issue. This falls squarely on your insecurity.

Let's examine this: You're dating a woman. The woman has an ex-boyfriend. They have a business together. Would you be jealous of that? Would you instruct her to fold the business?

What if the business netted her over $350,000 a year and was growing. The income directly improves your quality of life (QoL). Would you be jealous of the relationship still?

What if in the course of operating this business, you were presented with the opportunity to travel to Hawaii, The Bahamas, New York, LA, and numerous others places for tradeshows and other meetings. You get to go, do whatever you want during the day, and meet up at the end of the day for incredible meals, great stories, and making memories. These trips would come at no expense to you. You're there with your girlfriend and her ex-boyfriend/business partner. Work through this situation....

The above is an example of a real relationship that I was actually involved in. The real truth here is that we live in an age where women are hard working, driven, ambitious, and successful. If you're not able to get on board with this, accept it, and figure out how to adapt your life to fit into hers, you're going to forever be dating, or married to lower tier, insecure women. You need to get a handle on your insecurities now. Before it affects your ability to attract a woman of high caliber to yourself.

[Vaun]

Why do you need a girlfriend or a relationship? Is this the best you can do?

[Bodhisattva]

Ok Gixxy my girlfriend's behavior has nothing to do with women being hard-working, driven, ambitious and successful. This is about behavior that I find disrespectful coming from a girlfriend. If you're one of those individuals who believes it's ok to be friends with an ex good for you, I do not. However I do understand if there are certain situations where an ex may currently still be in the picture such as children in common or owning a business. And I do not have a problem with the woman I'm seeing having male friends. You're misconstruing what I constituted as red flags in my relationship.

1) With modern day social media it has become the norm that people may often "like", comment, and basically interact heavily with someone when their is genuine interest and/or attraction. Anybody correct me if you think I'm wrong or think otherwise. While I was single I knew if a girl was interested by how often she would "like" or comment on any status or photos I put up. It's basic common sense and anyone who's ever hooked up with someone via social media can contest that that is how basic flirting begins. If you caught your girl liking some other guy's photos, exchanging comments back and forth, when this guy isn't a "good friend" and you know he's trying to hit on her, you're going to raise some suspicion. Sorry but I just don't find that appropriate. Hell that's how she began flirting with me before we got together.

2) If you're out and about with your girlfriend and you introduce her to somebody and two minutes later she's not "looking" at him as how you put it, but rather obviously checking him out while attempting to be discreet about it. Maybe you wouldn't but I would feel slightly disrespected. I don't think it's ok to check somebody else out in front of your partner. Maybe you do and I'm too old fashioned.

3) I leave her alone at the table while at the wedding. While I'm gone she thought it was appropriate to ask some guy for a cigarette and join him outside as he had one. Perception is reality and I'm aware of how things can be perceived and apparently so was he. Otherwise I don't think he would've stopped and asked her, "Is your boyfriend ok with that?". This wasn't a mutual friend of mine. The groom was a mutual friend of ours, mine and the other guy at the table. I did not know this guy and neither did she. I'm not implying there's a double standard here. Anything I've noticed her doing I've done my part not to do it to her because I don't want her to feel disrespected.

[Gixxy]

(08-08-2015 12:37 PM)Bodhisattva Wrote:  

Ok Gixxy my girlfriend's behavior has nothing to do with women being hard-working, driven, ambitious and successful. This is about behavior that I find disrespectful coming from a girlfriend. If you're one of those individuals who believes it's ok to be friends with an ex good for you, I do not. However I do understand if there are certain situations where an ex may currently still be in the picture such as children in common or owning a business. And I do not have a problem with the woman I'm seeing having male friends. You're misconstruing what I constituted as red flags in my relationship.

If you're taking any of this personally, that's unfortunate. You came here looking for an input. I don't know you, or her. Take it for what it's worth. You're looking at this issue so myopically that it is clouding your potential. I'm going to make this really simple. In my opinion, you find this behavior unacceptable because you are insecure. Your red flags appear simple enough. Insulting my intelligence probably won't yield the results that you wish. I read them. I believe that I understand them clearly. What am I missing? Again, YMMV.

All of this other stuff is a red herring. Social media? Give me one example of Facebook altering your life in a profound, and significant (life changing) way. Just one. Girl looking at another guy? Dress it up as "disrespect" if you wish, but it's a red herring. The issue is your insecurity.

I can see where you would get testy about the wedding situation. But, if you don't trust her enough to leave her alone at a table while you go smoke, at a wedding that you brought her to, surrounded by mutual friends, I'll echo what Vaun said:

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Why do you need a girlfriend or a relationship? Is this the best you can do?

All done with this one.

[Bodhisattva]

I don't think so dude but thanks anyways.

[Bodhisattva]

I don't think so dude but thanks anyways.

[PapayaTapper]

(08-07-2015 03:49 AM)eradicator Wrote:  

Here is the best way to dump her: just start calling and texting like 5 times a day and tell her you want to spend more and more time with her and be an insufferably weak and pathetic. If you dump her, she will want to get back together.

Hilarious...but foolproof

[Off The Reservation]

op two questions. why would you stay and are there more "red flags?"

[poutsara]

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Should I dump her?

On balance, does she add value to your life or detract? Be objective. Do not rely on your emotions. Make a factual list of what you like, what you don't, what your options will be if you end it or not. Everything else is less important. Also, do not make a split second decision. Small decisions (99% of all decisions) can be made on gut instinct. But you've put in two years here. This deserves more than a snap judgment.

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I've been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years.

That's a long time.

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My first red flag was at 7 months in. I caught exchanging 'likes' with some guy who had been hitting on her via Instagram.

That is the nature of social media. I don't over analyze it.

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I dumped her and she spent a week begging me to take her back. We had a vacation booked for the following month and I still wanted to be with her so I caved.

Don't dump her unless you mean it. Dread game is effective but only if done subtly. Kudos for you for still taking the vacation. I'm sure it was fun.

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we bumped into a coworker of mine who happens to be a good looking guy. I introduced her and after he and I bullshitted for 5 minutes, I noticed her breaking neck to check him out more than once.

I wouldn't have even noticed this.

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asked me if it was ok if my girlfriend could have a cigarette because she had asked him for one. Mind you she had quit a while back and I found it inappropriate to say the least that she thought it was no big deal to ask another man for a cigarette as he was stepping outside to have one. I dismissed it by saying yeah I did mind and left it at that since I didn't want to ruin my friend's wedding.

Jealousy is no virtue. If you have reason to feel jealous, then you need to improve yourself. Nothing good will come of feeling insecure. As a man, you do not have the luxury of that emotion.

I disagree with those who say that if you question if you should end a relationship, then that means you should end it. If you are constantly assessing your situation, which you should do, then doubts will always linger in your mind, in good times or bad.

[amusedmastery]

@Gixxy wrote:

"The real truth here is that we live in an age where women are hard working, driven, ambitious, and successful. If you're not able to get on board with this, accept it, and figure out how to adapt your life to fit into hers, you're going to forever be dating, or married to lower tier, insecure women. You need to get a handle on your insecurities now. Before it affects your ability to attract a woman of high caliber to yourself."

@Gixxy, there is so much wrong with this I have no idea where to start. You and I are the same age, and I can tell you're living in a blue pill mindset or are a troll. Bullshit if I am going to "get on board" with some post-wall broad's feminist "success", "ambition", "career", etc. That's what you are selling here on Roosh's forum?? Cmon, dude. Next, you be telling us to forgive her for riding the cock carousel and that we should all "man up", "shut up" and marry one of these fembots.

"Adapt your life to fit into hers"....Hmmmm. Where have we all heard this shit before?? Play in her frame, huh? Let her take the lead? Admire her for her sass and snark? Nice try, "dude".

Your continued use of "insecurities" also
makes me wonder if you're a female troll pecking away on your laptop while your cat slinks around your apartment.

OP, disregard this feminist. He/She is leading you astray, I didn't realize I was on the Jezebel forum today. Dump that girl you're with asap. She's disrespectful and flirting with other guys while in an LTR with you. Play in your frame.

[easternwomenrule]

Rooshv article
"Don’t Worry About How You’ll Break Up With Her"

http://www.rooshv.com/dont-worry-about-h...p-with-her

[Guitarman]

Eradicator wrote ; "Here is the best way to dump her: just start calling and texting like 5 times a day and tell her you want to spend more and more time with her and be an insufferably weak and pathetic. If you dump her, she will want to get back together."

That is the best advice on this thread and exactly what I was thinking. "Anti- game" her. Get all needy and smothering and before long she will be tricked into dumping you. Minimal drama, in fact she is likely to apologise to you!

Job done with no/ minimal difficulties.

[MidniteSpecial]

How old are you? If you're under 35 you should definitely dump her.

No man should have just one girlfriend. They are a waste of time and money.

At this point in your life you should only be worried about one thing. Stacking paper.

[bjjay]

You're not gonna dump her.
He will probably marry her and she will cheat eventually. She probably did.
People never change.

[Gixxy]

(08-10-2015 12:10 AM)amusedmastery Wrote:  

@Gixxy, there is so much wrong with this I have no idea where to start. You and I are the same age, and I can tell you're living in a blue pill mindset or are a troll. Bullshit if I am going to "get on board" with some post-wall broad's feminist "success", "ambition", "career", etc.

That's quite an assumption to make. I am an airline pilot. My ex is good at what she does. Making that work took some flexibility/adaptation/compromise on both of our parts. There's nothing BP about it. I found someone that I wanted to be in a relationship with. There were some sacrifices and compromises that we had to make that had nothing to do with anything other than a desire to spend a weekend together. It's really not complicated.

Let's stick to the topic, shall we. 2 year relationship, and THESE are the red flags:

- She "liked" a post (several?) on Instagram.
- 1 YEAR LATER...she "looked" at a co-worker.
- She bummed a cigarette from a mutual friend at a wedding.

OP has made the choice to be in a relationship. The issues that OP is facing are going to keep coming up regardless of who he is dating or in a relationship with. These minor infractions are going to keep appearing as "red flags". He's a jealous and insecure dude by his own admission.

[amusedmastery]

Ok...I'm going to have a longer response later but those are NOT the red flags. You're brushing over them quite nicely to fit the feminist imperative.

1. She "liked" a guy that was hitting on her.
2. She did more than "look".
3. The guy was not a mutual friend.

Did you read his response to you earlier?

I'm not sure as hell not insecure, but I tell you what...If my girl of 2 years was doing that stuff and putting out a vibe, I'd find another or dread game her to the point of insanity.

I'm glad you've found a relationship that works for you, but "adapting your life to fit in hers" and cheerleading feminist ideals of "success" "ambition" and "career" don't fly in the manosphere.

[Bodhisattva]

@gixxy. In no way did I admit to being insecure. I admitted to having my moments of jealous at times during a two year relationship. If it wouldn't bother you if your woman checked out other guys and flirted with them via social media then I don't think this is the forum for you. I'll agree with the last dude. Your "go girl" response sounded pretty blue pill to me.

[Gixxy]

(08-07-2015 11:41 AM)Bodhisattva Wrote:  

In no way did I admit to being insecure. I admitted to having my moments of jealous at times during a two year relationship.

(08-07-2015 11:41 AM)Bodhisattva Wrote:  

I will admit jealousy is a flaw of mine which I am attempting to work on but controlling, no. However with each of this instances I'm left with an uneasy feeling. It all comes down to respect.

You did say this, correct? Than you sure as shit did say that you were insecure. Don't come at me trying to blame shift this onto me. You came here asking for our opinion and advice. I gave it to you. You don't like it. Fine. Your deal. Not mine. You chose the relationship. Either be in, or get the fuck out. I'm not going to sit here and debate the miniscule points of this issue with you.

If I'm not understanding this correctly, than it's on me. The way that you have communicated this is that it was a one time thing over a period of 2 years.

I'll repeat the question that I asked once that you haven't answered. What about the details am I missing?

@amusedmastery
You're talking about this like you were there. Were you? What info do you have that I don't?

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1. She "liked" a guy that was hitting on her.
2. She did more than "look".
3. The guy was not a mutual friend.

She liked a Social Media post. Or several. Whatever. Irrelevant. Tell her to stop, or gtfo. Pretty simple.
Really? More than look? How so? Go on a date? Oogle him? Vibe to him while he was standing there? Again. This is simple. Call her out, or gtfo.
They were together, at a wedding, surrounded by mutual friends. This one is pretty simple; Call her on it, or GTFO.

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I'm glad you've found a relationship that works for you, but "adapting your life to fit in hers" and cheerleading feminist ideals of "success" "ambition" and "career" don't fly in the manosphere.

I'm not IN a relationship. The reality for my life is that I need to make some sacrifices to make a relationship work.

If you can't simply acknowledge and recognize success in someone's life, man or woman, that's something about you. I can. Watching a single guy offload from his own Falcon 2000 with a bevy of women made me recognize that much. You don't roll like that. I know this from your posts. Getting around people who do could be good for you.

The more you write, the more you appear to be a jilted woman hating dude with a kid or two who got taken for a ride because you didn't get a pre-nup. That's on you, bro. But don't try to scold me for doing things in my life that work for me when I choose to be in a relationship with someone.

[amusedmastery]

@Gixxy

Your hamster is spinning so fast it's fur is flying off in tufts. Poor little thing must be exhausted.

I appreciate your prescience in knowing how I roll. I can assure you I come into contact with successful men and women on a daily basis in my work and not just leering from the FO seat on a CRJ. (Since we are assuming).

I can also assure you that I love women, but like most on these forums, am profoundly disappointed in feminist hivemind propaganda, entitlement, solipsism, unrestrained hypergamy, et all. We come together here to promote neo-masculine ideals and find solutions to overcome the bizarre behaviors that women have put forth in the modern sexual market. They are the gatekeepers of sex, so we must adapt.

I will continue to call you out or "scold" (fem term) based on your comments in relation to inter gender dynamics and promoting feminist imperatives. I could care less about your personal dating life. Mine is actually going quite well, btw.

We probably have more in common than you think, as an aside...I've been a pilot since I was 16. Loved that Piper Warrior I flew for my PPL.

Cheers

[Gixxy]

(08-10-2015 02:31 PM)amusedmastery Wrote:  

We probably have more in common than you think, as an aside...I've been a pilot since I was 16. Loved that Piper Warrior I flew for my PPL.
Cheers

If that's the case, I'll be in Denver for 6 weeks starting Sept 13. Perhaps a beer?

[amusedmastery]

Sounds good. I'll PM you...Denver is in my territory.

[Off The Reservation]

OP response?

[Bodhisattva]

Sorry for the late response guys. The advice is all much appreciated. I just wanted to add every time I brought up having an issue with her behavior, her first reaction was to deny doing any wrongdoing and fabricate a story. In example, the Instagram scenario, her defense was her phone "accidentally" liked the guy's pictures...I've since moved on. Cheers gents and thanks again.

[Sonoma]

You do sound extremely jealous.

Dump her for your own sake, whether she's doing anything shady or not. Either way it'll help you

[coverdoc]

This thread was entertaining to read, not for you OP, but the other members who commented. Even though you moved on, ALWAYS follow your gut. If you have a suspicion, it's probably true. Some random strangers on a forum can tell you what ever, but you know when something is up. Girls know what they are doing and when they should not be doing it. Good move

-CD