[JamesW95]

Need you guys opinions.

I went to play football with a friend and his work mates on Thursday. I played the first half and didn't play the second. After the game he comes up to me and says "you're a faggot" in a serious tone and walks off. I say why did you just call me that but he didn't hear.

5 mins later it's late and I have work in the morning. I've left my car at my friends garage and he needs the permit. My friends want to walk and smoke some bud but I will get home late if I do that. After I've said I want to get the train, he starts gunning me calling me a pussy and a dickhead in a serious tone. I say why the f are you talking to me like I'm a dickhead. After I've said that he gets angry and in my face about to punch me. It was really strange and I don't tolerate this behaviour. My other friend diffuses the situation.

He half apologies later and wants an apology from me.

I realise that this is very juvenile but a good friend shouldn't be getting up in your face and try to fight you.

I firmly believe that your past actions are a good way to tell your future.

My question, burn this bridge? (Don't get much out of this friendship tbh) or make amends?

[Lochte]

Dont make amends, dont go out of your way to burn the bridge.

I feel like your story's missing something

[Driesinator]

Well, you say you're bothered by him , so i don't see why you're still hanging out with the guy.

Your 'friend' seems like a giant douche, i don't know your mate but if he acted that way round here he would get his head kicked in , fast.

If he doesn't add value to your life, it's better to just drop him.

[Dalaran1991]

I dont understand, you say he's a good friend, but the whole story doesnt give any reason why he s suddenly treating you badly. Because you didnt play the second half???

At any rate someone acting like that is like a girl playing drama game. I wouldnt say ditch him but stop actively hanging out with him until he offers a good reason and appology.

[Parlay44]

How old are you two? Friendships are never what they seem. I've lost many friends through the years. I don't miss them at all.

I had to pull away somewhat to do the college thing and work on my career. They were doing the same lame ass bullshit for 20 years. If you're not up each other's asses 24/7 then you get phased out.

Don't sweat it. And don't chase. Men are supposed to understand the struggle other men go through. It's women that need constant validation.

[JamesW95]

The whole thing felt like chick drama. I think it was because his work mates were there as well and he took offence when I stood up for myself. He's never done this before but a situation where he's talked down to me has happened but I never stood up for myself and took it as banter.

I really do not understand why he flipped.

[CarCrashKid]

Myself and a very close friend of mine were having a bit of a tiff.

He'd been constantly disrespecting me and when I reacted physically he'd call me a psycho in front of our group. Basic passive aggressiveness

Gonna be a long read.

So, one day we're in the Library about a week before exams and he has my Laptop charger which I need as all my notes are on it.
Anyway, I message him to bring in my charger from his car when he arrives cause it's absolutely pissing rain, he agrees, no bother.

He comes in 5 minutes later and I ask for my charger, but he's forgotten it and left it in his car. So he throws me his keys and tells me to go get it from the back of his car, as his car is just outside the Library. Now, I'm wearing a pair of shorts and a hoody, not appropriate clothing for an Irish Spring so you can imagine me going out and stepping in puddles and arriving at his car in a slight rage. But I decide to get into his car and drive it to the further car park and basically swap where our cars are parked. Harmless prank basically. Throw him back his keys and I decide to tell him what I've done. I get back to studying.

Now, he comes along and asks if we're going out for a smoke, I say no, another says Yeah. So my friend starts rolling, then gets his tobacco and throws a load of it into my hair. Annoying but he's trying to provoke me in front of everyone, I decide not to react.

He comes back about a half hour later, gets a sweet he's been eating and spits it onto the page I'm working on. Too far. I then grab the sweet and throw it back into his face. He picks it back up and then attempts to shove it back into my face but I grab his arm and tell him to stop. He then tries harder but I grip his arm tighter and tell him that if he doesn't stop that I am going to stand up and sort this out. He reacts with his usual "Oh you over aggressive psycho" bullshit. I tell him that he's being a passive aggressive little bitch and everyone can see through his insecure little play in which he's trying to make me react in front of the group and if he doesn't quit, that we're taking this outside and settling it absolutely.

He tells me taking his car was too far and that he just forgot the charger and I would just throw him the keys too. I explain I wouldn't, that if I said that I would do something, then I would do it. Even if I forgot it, I would go back outside in the rain and get the fucking thing. Blah Blah blah, I eventually give the ultimatum, either outside or we're good.


He decides, then we go get food an hour later.

[Comte De St. Germain]

(05-30-2015 07:57 PM)CarCrashKid Wrote:  

Myself and a very close friend of mine were having a bit of a tiff.

He'd been constantly disrespecting me and when I reacted physically he'd call me a psycho in front of our group. Basic passive aggressiveness

Gonna be a long read.

So, one day we're in the Library about a week before exams and he has my Laptop charger which I need as all my notes are on it.
Anyway, I message him to bring in my charger from his car when he arrives cause it's absolutely pissing rain, he agrees, no bother.

He comes in 5 minutes later and I ask for my charger, but he's forgotten it and left it in his car. So he throws me his keys and tells me to go get it from the back of his car, as his car is just outside the Library. Now, I'm wearing a pair of shorts and a hoody, not appropriate clothing for an Irish Spring so you can imagine me going out and stepping in puddles and arriving at his car in a slight rage. But I decide to get into his car and drive it to the further car park and basically swap where our cars are parked. Harmless prank basically. Throw him back his keys and I decide to tell him what I've done. I get back to studying.

Now, he comes along and asks if we're going out for a smoke, I say no, another says Yeah. So my friend starts rolling, then gets his tobacco and throws a load of it into my hair. Annoying but he's trying to provoke me in front of everyone, I decide not to react.

He comes back about a half hour later, gets a sweet he's been eating and spits it onto the page I'm working on. Too far. I then grab the sweet and throw it back into his face. He picks it back up and then attempts to shove it back into my face but I grab his arm and tell him to stop. He then tries harder but I grip his arm tighter and tell him that if he doesn't stop that I am going to stand up and sort this out. He reacts with his usual "Oh you over aggressive psycho" bullshit. I tell him that he's being a passive aggressive little bitch and everyone can see through his insecure little play in which he's trying to make me react in front of the group and if he doesn't quit, that we're taking this outside and settling it absolutely.

He tells me taking his car was too far and that he just forgot the charger and I would just throw him the keys too. I explain I wouldn't, that if I said that I would do something, then I would do it. Even if I forgot it, I would go back outside in the rain and get the fucking thing. Blah Blah blah, I eventually give the ultimatum, either outside or we're good.


He decides, then we go get food an hour later.

Two possible reasons this is happening.

A. You're growing up and seeing through his bullshit that he used to always pull.

Or the more likely case

B. He feels you're growing past him and making something of yourself so he feels he needs to prove himself in order to get you to stay. Crabs in a bucket mentality.

I think your choices are pretty clear, but it's all up to you as there's too many factors I don't know about.

[JamesW95]

I'm 19, he's 21.

Edit: can't quote on mobile for some reason

[LINUX]

Just curious. How old are you two ?


Never mind. You just answered it. That explains it.

[Onto]

James, it's hard to say what the deal is between you guys. Based on what you wrote he may have felt you weren't representing him well in front of his co-workers, but his reaction points to a more long-simmering issue with your friendship.

I might get some shit here for saying this, but friendships are based on each person getting something from it. I can't say never, but it's rarely some altruistic bond that can never be broken. There's always some underlying psychological glue that holds it all together.

It's the same deal with "true love" in regards to a woman. True love is really just an underlying psychological/metaphysical glue that binds one to the other.

In part, this glue is an assumption by each person that the other will have a specific kind of relation to them. When that no longer exists, the friendship has to either evolve, devolve, or end completely.

A personal story of mine. I lost my best child-hood friend of 20 years. We were closer than brothers, but he went down a road of criminality and hard-core drug use that I could not follow. He felt I abandoned him, and the fallout of that was not good. That was over 15 years ago, and we still haven't spoken since that day.

I wish I knew then, what I know now. Maybe I could've saved him/our friendship. I miss him, and I'll always love him as my brother, but some friendships, no matter how tight, just can't last forever.

[Dr. Howard]

I would need the OP to define "good friend" to know whats up here. I've had "guys in the group of friends I hang out with" pull that kind of shit, but they weren't people I would confide in or trust behind my back in the first place.

Also, on carcrash when your friend said

Quote:

"Oh you over aggressive psycho" bullshit.

That brings me back. That is the play of a little bitch. When I was in high school and college I'd have people try to pull some sort of gay shit like the tobacco or sweets spitting and I'd be on their throat in an instant and they'd pull the same "holy psycho, what you can't take a joke?" I felt it was like some last ditch effort to try to shame me and save them the embarrassment of having their ass kicked. I despised that awkward situation so I just acted harder and faster so they'd be croaking "...holy...psycho" from a chokehold or from their mouth smashed against a table in an armbar. The embarrassment ploy at that point was moot.

I guess the point is...and part of me feels like this is bad advice...if 'friends' in your social circle (not strangers, walk away from conflict with strangers) get in your face put them down fast and hard. You want them, and everyone who sees what happens to be 'shocked', especially if you look soft, unassuming or are labelled a 'nice guy'. You want to leave them with the impression that you are Joe Pesci in Casino or Goodfellas.

[Parlay44]

You'll feel different at 25. You'll stop giving a fuck about anything by 30. And when you hit 40 like me ...you'll really see people for what they are. Opportunistic parasites at worst and faint aquaintences at best. Don't sweat it.

[kinjutsu]

A few years ago i was hanging out with some friends from school.
There was this one guy i'll call "Eric". We were cool with each other and i liked him. We chilled a lot together.
Eric was the annoying guy that would do shit to the girls in our school to get their attention but overall he was very immature compared to the rest of us. I didn't mind because he was still a decent guy when it counted.
We were at a female friends house and all night Eric was running his mouth all night as he started to get more and more drunk.
The younger sister of the girl who's place we crashed at, Eric and myself all ended upi crashing on the pullout bed in the living room.
In the middle of the night he started to make annoying noise as the two of us were trying to sleep.
I told him if he continues to make noises i was gonna "go to the kitchen and get a knife and cut his throat."
He ran his mouth saying i was a pussy and wouldn't do it. So i got up turned on the light, went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife.
I walked over to the pullout bed and stepped on his throat and made sure he saw the knife in my hand. I asked him if he wanted to continue talking shit to me. He didn't say anything.
I returned the knife to the kitchen.
Eric was silent for the rest of the night.
A few days later a few of my friend come up to me saying that Eric thinks I'm a psycho and that if i'm there hes not gonna come around anymore.
I explained to my friends what happened and they all laughed at how much of a pussy he was.
In school he tried talking more shit behind my back until i caught him in the act. I roughed him up a bit and made it clear that if he talks shit about me again i'll cut out his tongue.
As far as i know he stopped shit talking altogether after that day.

Looking back he was probably trying to act tough to impress that girl.

[Quintus Curtius]

It sometimes happens that guys you knew for a while start to act differently or weirdly. Or maybe you see things in them that you don't really like, and it starts to accumulate.

Sometimes guys you've known for a while start to take a different direction with their behavior or their lives. People grow apart. It's just the way life is, sometimes.

Just limit your time with that person. Trying to get inside someone else's head to figure out why they do things: this is usually futile.

Limit your time with assholes and douchebags. Don't hang around them. Don't try to reform them. They just waste a lot of your time.

Some words of wisdom from Jerry Heller, manager of Ruthless Records:

“He never liked me. So I never liked him. A long time ago I made a decision that made things a lot simpler for me: I wasn't going to like someone who didn't like me. If someone had a problem with me, I wouldn't argue with him or try to change his mind. If he demonstrated he didn't like me, I came to the conclusion that life was too short, so fuck him.

This included quite a few people I ran across in the music business, as well as my own brother and the whole nation of France. I wasn't going to turn into Sally Field ("You like me! You really like me!"), but I wasn't going to waste my time with assholes, either.” ― Jerry Heller, Ruthless: A Memoir