As Roosh advised when I first read Bang and Day Bang, I needed a tangible goal to work towards. Something definite that I could measure and take steps to complete while improving myself and my game skills at the same time, albeit personal or with interaction.
So, I decided to write a note in my wallet to constantly remind myself so that I'd see it every time I opened it. It reads: 'I'm going to have sex with a girl in my bed and fall asleep next to her.' (Leaps and bounds huh?)
That's been there for about 6 months I think and I'm no closer to making it happen. Or if I am it's not something I've made measurable progress to.
I keep telling myself that it's because I've got more important things to do, like finding employment so I can stop eating into my savings or finish working on my quasi-novel or focus on my workouts at the gym. While those might be mitigating circumstances I feel like they're excuses. Hell, that's what they are.
The truth is that I can't get over my AA.
I was going out every Friday night to a pretty local club and doing my best to approach. Well, what could be considered my best by my standards. Usually it involved hanging around outside, ushering into conversation by asking if they've got a light and then (so I've been told) mini-bouncing by just staying put. But nothing ever comes from it.
Again, I try to tell myself it's because I don't have the experience to break groups of multiple women or the music's too loud or too much time's passed or whatever. But again, I just get scared.
Now that I think about it, I haven't really gotten over the whole fear of intimacy thing. And I don't mean that psychologically, I mean physically. Last time I had a girl down there my entire forearms were cold and sweaty with the tingle sensation.
I know the best way to overcome AA and reach my goal is to go out and approach but that...I mean it just defies logic. It's like saying the best way to overcome your fear of going out and getting shot in the streets is to go out and get shot in the streets.
Every time I think about it I get that gut-wrenching sensation in the pit of my stomach and then I pussy out, even if it's something as simple as an elderly opener.
Then the inevitable regret and self-loathing comes into play.
But I've been dealing with it for so long that it's gotten comfortable - like old leather. Routine almost. See a pretty girl, glance at her tits or ass, imagine fucking her, contemplate multiple scenarios of interaction, pass her by, hate myself, deal with it, rinse & repeat.
To be honest, I feel like a fraud. Yes I'm dressing better and I'm in arguably the best physical shape of my life from lifting but I haven't changed. I'm still just a beta but now I'm in alpha clothing.
Or maybe that's not true. Maybe because I've made a conscious effort to at least try it means.....something. Hell, I don't know. At this point I just need to have it spelled out in black and white.
I guess I made this thread so I could get some well-deserved beration. Get righteously called out for my weakness with lashings of advice or visualization techniques or something.
This is starting to sound too much like a pity party so I'll stop there.
So, I decided to write a note in my wallet to constantly remind myself so that I'd see it every time I opened it. It reads: 'I'm going to have sex with a girl in my bed and fall asleep next to her.' (Leaps and bounds huh?)
That's been there for about 6 months I think and I'm no closer to making it happen. Or if I am it's not something I've made measurable progress to.
I keep telling myself that it's because I've got more important things to do, like finding employment so I can stop eating into my savings or finish working on my quasi-novel or focus on my workouts at the gym. While those might be mitigating circumstances I feel like they're excuses. Hell, that's what they are.
The truth is that I can't get over my AA.
I was going out every Friday night to a pretty local club and doing my best to approach. Well, what could be considered my best by my standards. Usually it involved hanging around outside, ushering into conversation by asking if they've got a light and then (so I've been told) mini-bouncing by just staying put. But nothing ever comes from it.
Again, I try to tell myself it's because I don't have the experience to break groups of multiple women or the music's too loud or too much time's passed or whatever. But again, I just get scared.
Now that I think about it, I haven't really gotten over the whole fear of intimacy thing. And I don't mean that psychologically, I mean physically. Last time I had a girl down there my entire forearms were cold and sweaty with the tingle sensation.
I know the best way to overcome AA and reach my goal is to go out and approach but that...I mean it just defies logic. It's like saying the best way to overcome your fear of going out and getting shot in the streets is to go out and get shot in the streets.
Every time I think about it I get that gut-wrenching sensation in the pit of my stomach and then I pussy out, even if it's something as simple as an elderly opener.
Then the inevitable regret and self-loathing comes into play.
But I've been dealing with it for so long that it's gotten comfortable - like old leather. Routine almost. See a pretty girl, glance at her tits or ass, imagine fucking her, contemplate multiple scenarios of interaction, pass her by, hate myself, deal with it, rinse & repeat.
To be honest, I feel like a fraud. Yes I'm dressing better and I'm in arguably the best physical shape of my life from lifting but I haven't changed. I'm still just a beta but now I'm in alpha clothing.
Or maybe that's not true. Maybe because I've made a conscious effort to at least try it means.....something. Hell, I don't know. At this point I just need to have it spelled out in black and white.
I guess I made this thread so I could get some well-deserved beration. Get righteously called out for my weakness with lashings of advice or visualization techniques or something.
This is starting to sound too much like a pity party so I'll stop there.