[Gunner]

Hey, I searched the forum but I did not find anything relevant to my situation:

I want to take a weekend off from work in December before Christmas, maybe three days to enjoy one of the beatiful Caribbean beaches in Mexico. I just want to relax, swim, eat, dive, not really partying. I have a great FWB (seems like an LTR but I have never offered exclusivity): cool, femenine, sweet, mexican girl, been banging weekly for the last three months and I want to invite her to my getaway, paying airfare and hotel is not an issue for me. She works and usually offers to pay some drinks so I could let her pay some meals over there but the split would be 80/20 or 90/10.

My great question is: how do you invite her or travel with a girl without giving a beta/provider vibe?

I have practically decided to invite her regardless of the advice of "why do you take sand to the beach" (obviously there are going to be a lot of hot girls in my destination but I do not want to pursue them) but I want to do it in the best way possible.

[Fortitude]

Just tell her you want her to join you. Nothing beta about wanting to spend time with a girl. Neither with spending some cash on her.

[BCien]

Its only beta if it's a sacrifice for you, if your going on your own terms then there's nothing wrong with you inviting her to join you. Remember your taking her with you, shes not making you go.

[jariel]

(11-26-2014 02:31 PM)Gunner Wrote:  

I want to take a weekend off from work in December before Christmas, maybe three days to enjoy one of the beatiful Caribbean beaches in Mexico. I just want to relax, swim, eat, dive, not really partying. I have a great FWB (seems like an LTR but I have never offered exclusivity): cool, femenine, sweet, mexican girl, been banging weekly for the last three months and I want to invite her to my getaway, paying airfare and hotel is not an issue for me. She works and usually offers to pay some drinks so I could let her pay some meals over there but the split would be 80/20 or 90/10.

I talked about this in the Jump-Off Rulebook; this chick is your girlfriend, and you might as well be honest with yourself and her about it.

You may not be offering exclusivity, but you've already been doing things with her socially, you've been fucking her regularly for an extended period of time, and now you're heading into serious relationship territory by offering to take her on vacation.

She probably already thinks she's your girlfriend, regardless of what you say, and she has no reason to think otherwise because your actions say, "I'm your man."

If you're cool with that, then proceed forward, if you're not, then I'd dead this plan with the quickness.

[heavy]

^^ I second Jariel with a well thought out long detailed answer.

My quick simple dirty answer would have been: "Wanna take off for a few days in the Caribbean?"

Unless you don't wanna have to pay for her plane ticket...which is sketchy, but might maintain some semblance of fwb instead of gf for ya going forward: "Wanna take off to the Caribbean? I'm planning on renting a place for a few days in December...tickets are only $200 obviously I'd cover...(the room, or everything else, or whatever)"

Of course the latter leaves you at more risk of her saying no (for obvious reasons), and good luck re-framing to the former after she says no. she's paying attention to each step, each day, each "meet up" or date in the relationship.

I've posted this in a previous thread a while ago: "I think Brad P is where I read about frequency of visits and what makes a girlfriend...doesn't matter what you say or "status" with her, 1x a week is a fb, 3x a week is definitely girlfriend, and 2x is edging on girlfriend." I'll add, +time you've been seeing each other. If you see her 1x per week for a year, she means more than a ONS obviously.

[WEDO]

(11-26-2014 02:31 PM)Gunner Wrote:  

Hey, I searched the forum but I did not find anything relevant to my situation:

I want to take a weekend off from work in December before Christmas, maybe three days to enjoy one of the beatiful Caribbean beaches in Mexico. I just want to relax, swim, eat, dive, not really partying. I have a great FWB (seems like an LTR but I have never offered exclusivity): cool, femenine, sweet, mexican girl, been banging weekly for the last three months and I want to invite her to my getaway, paying airfare and hotel is not an issue for me. She works and usually offers to pay some drinks so I could let her pay some meals over there but the split would be 80/20 or 90/10.

My great question is: how do you invite her or travel with a girl without giving a beta/provider vibe?

I have practically decided to invite her regardless of the advice of "why do you take sand to the beach" (obviously there are going to be a lot of hot girls in my destination but I do not want to pursue them) but I want to do it in the best way possible.

You have been banging a chick for months and you are worried about giving her a beta vibe.....listen she already knows and obviously doesn't care.

The correct way to ask a chick to go on vacation with you is to tell her you are going to take a break to Mexico and tell her she is welcome to join you.

I guess if you want to try and dig yourself out of some beta hole you dug yourself into....you could just start telling her about how you have made plans to go to Mexico and then just go on and on about how great it is going to be and then when you see her pouting....say hey if you want to come that would be OK. LOL !

[travolta]

just invite her and be sure of yourself. Don't worry if a bunch of guys on a forum think you're beta or not...

[Gunner]

(11-26-2014 03:50 PM)jariel Wrote:  

(11-26-2014 02:31 PM)Gunner Wrote:  

I want to take a weekend off from work in December before Christmas, maybe three days to enjoy one of the beatiful Caribbean beaches in Mexico. I just want to relax, swim, eat, dive, not really partying. I have a great FWB (seems like an LTR but I have never offered exclusivity): cool, femenine, sweet, mexican girl, been banging weekly for the last three months and I want to invite her to my getaway, paying airfare and hotel is not an issue for me. She works and usually offers to pay some drinks so I could let her pay some meals over there but the split would be 80/20 or 90/10.

I talked about this in the Jump-Off Rulebook; this chick is your girlfriend, and you might as well be honest with yourself and her about it.

You may not be offering exclusivity, but you've already been doing things with her socially, you've been fucking her regularly for an extended period of time, and now you're heading into serious relationship territory by offering to take her on vacation.

She probably already thinks she's your girlfriend, regardless of what you say, and she has no reason to think otherwise because your actions say, "I'm your man."

If you're cool with that, then proceed forward, if you're not, then I'd dead this plan with the quickness.

Insightful, I don't offer her exclusivity and we have not had the "define the relationship" talk, however, we see each other 2x a week and do social stuff besides banging, I know her sister and I am sure that she does not go out with anyone. I do not consider her a "low value slut" like a bunch of others that I have known. I guess that the relationship just grew like that without noticing.

[Marmite]

Drop a hint about the trip, and tell her you're looking for someone whose good company to take with you, but since all your friends are busy that weekend, that you're going to invite her instead!

[rhr]

(11-26-2014 09:24 PM)travolta Wrote:  

just invite her and be sure of yourself. Don't worry if a bunch of guys on a forum think you're beta or not...

I agree with this. A real "alpha" would never ask something like "does it look beta if I do this or that..?". Invite her and have fun! You only live once!!

Good luck.

[jariel]

(11-26-2014 10:27 PM)Gunner Wrote:  

we see each other 2x a week and do social stuff besides banging, I know her sister and I am sure that she does not go out with anyone. I do not consider her a "low value slut" like a bunch of others that I have known. I guess that the relationship just grew like that without noticing.

My advice was really just about keeping it 100. Guys who take fuck buddies on vacation are looking for trouble when the girls start expecting to be treated like something better and then the guys are like, but wait you're just...but you've established that this chick is your girlfriend, you're crossing off all the checkpoints on the do-not do list from the Jump-Off Rulebook, and hey there's nothing wrong with that since it's clear that she means more to you than being a jump-off.

Just remember, there's three sides to every relationship: your side, her side, and the truth. Never assume a woman thinks like you; you don't have to offer her anything, but that doesn't mean though she doesn't expect it nor already believes she has it.

Get your mind right on your feelings about her, I challenged you because I wanted to see where you stood on this girl, the fact that you stood up for her and validated her worth here says a lot, might be time to share that with her on this vacation.

Have fun and enjoy the fact that you've found someone in your life who maybe can be a teammate and not an opponent, us players are constantly going up against adversaries who are more concerned with steals while we're looking for someone who wants to rack up assists.

Thank you for this thread, it gave me an idea for my next discussion on the game board.

[jariel]

(11-27-2014 12:11 AM)Marmite Wrote:  

Drop a hint about the trip, and tell her you're looking for someone whose good company to take with you, but since all your friends are busy that weekend, that you're going to invite her instead!

I'm going to disagree with this advice, he cares for this girl, and she's not playing games, so he doesn't need to play the game with her.

I wouldn't go overboard about the trip, but let her know that this is something you want to do for yourself and she's welcome to accompany you.

Don't make her seem like she was a Plan D; that's bad advice.

He's already won over this girl, no need to start doing shit that makes her question if he even really gives a fuck, that sense of uncertainty makes her feel unwanted, which makes her vulnerable, then MVPs like myself will meet her, sense that vulnerability, and take her from him.

[bojangles]

(11-27-2014 12:11 AM)Marmite Wrote:  

Drop a hint about the trip, and tell her you're looking for someone whose good company to take with you, but since all your friends are busy that weekend, that you're going to invite her instead!

Don't do this. Just ask her straight up, basically 'stop being a pussy'. It really is that simple.

I'll put this down to another one of those cases where a guy is try to 'game' every situation when it's really not needed. You just need to be socially savvy.

[Marmite]

(11-27-2014 08:52 AM)bojangles Wrote:  

(11-27-2014 12:11 AM)Marmite Wrote:  

Drop a hint about the trip, and tell her you're looking for someone whose good company to take with you, but since all your friends are busy that weekend, that you're going to invite her instead!

Don't do this. Just ask her straight up, basically 'stop being a pussy'. It really is that simple.

I'll put this down to another one of those cases where a guy is try to 'game' every situation when it's really not needed. You just need to be socially savvy.

This was actually meant as a joke. I've used this under different circumstances delivered with a wry smile and received a positive response.

[Carlos100]

Ask her to come along and bring one of her friends, implying that you have a three-way in mind.

[Cyclone]

(11-26-2014 02:31 PM)Gunner Wrote:  

I want to take a weekend off from work in December before Christmas, maybe three days to enjoy one of the beatiful Caribbean beaches in Mexico. I just want to relax, swim, eat, dive, not really partying. I have a great FWB (seems like an LTR but I have never offered exclusivity): cool, femenine, sweet, mexican girl, been banging weekly for the last three months and I want to invite her to my getaway, paying airfare and hotel is not an issue for me. She works and usually offers to pay some drinks so I could let her pay some meals over there but the split would be 80/20 or 90/10.

Wow, literally was in the exact same position as you. Banging weekly, she knows she's not exclusive, Filipino, tropical getaway for a weekend....

I don't think there is any issue with telling her to come with you. just downplay it as much as possible as if it's just another getaway. it really should *not* be a big deal for you. However my biggest issue was splitting the finances - unlike you, i expected her to pay 30-40% of it (this would be the way to reduce beta-ness or whatever). So, make sure she chips in for HER portion of hotel+airplane, and when you land there and have day-to-day expenses, YOU pay for everything. It just works smoother that way.

(my girl tried paying for various fees and stuff while we were there and it just left a bad taste for me. Once you're on the ground, be the man and pay)
.

[Cyclone]

(11-27-2014 06:54 AM)jariel Wrote:  

Get your mind right on your feelings about her, I challenged you because I wanted to see where you stood on this girl, the fact that you stood up for her and validated her worth here says a lot, might be time to share that with her on this vacation.

Have fun and enjoy the fact that you've found someone in your life who maybe can be a teammate and not an opponent

I wouldn't put words into his mouth if I were you.. just because he's banging the same girl regularly doesn't mean wants to extend it into a real relationship or even feels love for her. It's perfectly normal to take a chick on a trip, and we don't need people telling us to "confess" like that; i know i'd be irritated if someone tried to tell me I got feelings...

And as a side-note, I do agree with you that the girl will view this as something serious / a turning point. When you get back to USA you can expect her to get hella clingy. It happened to me with another girl just 2-3 months ago with a simple island trip. Had to cut her loose.
.

[jariel]

(11-27-2014 01:15 PM)Cyclone Wrote:  

I wouldn't put words into his mouth if I were you.. just because he's banging the same girl regularly doesn't mean wants to extend it into a real relationship or even feels love for her. It's perfectly normal to take a chick on a trip, and we don't need people telling us to "confess" like that; i know i'd be irritated if someone tried to tell me I got feelings...

I don't have to put words in anybody's mouth, and he liked both of my responses, so I'm pretty sure he doesn't share your sentiment.

My advice is to help for the decision that he needs to make and the aftermath of that decision. You can tell yourself and the members of this board that you don't have feelings for a chick, you don't want to be with her exclusively, and all that blase blase, but a woman who is being fucked regularly by a man and only that man, spending time with that man, and doing clear relationship activities like taking vacations together is not going to draw the conclusion that she's not wanted as his chick.

A lot of inexperienced guys who aren't real players get into relationships and actually think that the only side of the relationship that matters is their side, furthermore, they make the mistake that thinking the girl is thinking rationally like them, "we'll we're just fucking, and he hasn't said shit about a relationship, so I'm sure he doesn't want one, and that's cool with me"; girls start getting their minds fucked when they allow their bodies to get fucked.

While they may try their damnedest to separate the emotional from the physical, and might be able to do it in the beginning, over time it proves to be too much for them to deal with -- with the exception of sluts and hoes, and we've established this chick is neither a slut nor a hoe. The only way to mitigate the push-back is to keep them at arm's length, and you're not doing that when they're sitting with you at a gate waiting to catch a flight to hit a tropical destination where the sand is white.

That may irritate you, but it's real talk, and please don't say it's "normal" to take a girl who you don't consider to be your girl nor want to be your girl on a trip, there isn't one true player here who will agree with that outlook, I'm amongst the creme de la creme that we have here, and I feel very comfortable stating that for my brethren.

[TripleG]

(11-26-2014 02:31 PM)Gunner Wrote:  

Hey, I searched the forum but I did not find anything relevant to my situation:

I want to take a weekend off from work in December before Christmas, maybe three days to enjoy one of the beatiful Caribbean beaches in Mexico. I just want to relax, swim, eat, dive, not really partying. I have a great FWB (seems like an LTR but I have never offered exclusivity): cool, femenine, sweet, mexican girl, been banging weekly for the last three months and I want to invite her to my getaway, paying airfare and hotel is not an issue for me. She works and usually offers to pay some drinks so I could let her pay some meals over there but the split would be 80/20 or 90/10.

My great question is: how do you invite her or travel with a girl without giving a beta/provider vibe?

I have practically decided to invite her regardless of the advice of "why do you take sand to the beach" (obviously there are going to be a lot of hot girls in my destination but I do not want to pursue them) but I want to do it in the best way possible.

No offense but sounds beta to me. If you're in a tropical destination and think that there will be many hot, young girls around you then don't stop practicing the art of game. Unless you have a fiancee/wife never ever stop gaming.

[CodyB]

Buy yourself a ticket in business, keep her in economy.

[Cyclone]

(11-27-2014 02:10 PM)jariel Wrote:  

You can tell yourself and the members of this board that you don't have feelings for a chick, you don't want to be with her exclusively, and all that blase blase, but a woman who is being fucked regularly by a man and only that man, spending time with that man, and doing clear relationship activities like taking vacations together is not going to draw the conclusion that she's not wanted as his chick.

From the chick's side it may be different/real, and I agreed with you on that. I was talking about the male's perspective. And the male doesn't have to give a fuck what the girl thinks, plain and simple. And you are claiming that it's impossible for the man not to have feelings for her, which is why your post is irritating. If you can't take a girl on a trip without falling in love with her, that's YOUR personality/issue, not everyone else's.

(11-27-2014 02:10 PM)jariel Wrote:  

and please don't say it's "normal" to take a girl who you don't consider to be your girl nor want to be your girl on a trip, there isn't one true player here who will agree with that outlook, I'm amongst the creme de la creme that we have here, and I feel very comfortable stating that for my brethren.

Not sure what to say other than you are flat out wrong. I have taken multiple girls out to weekend island trips out here in SEAsia. Do they get clingy afterwards? Often yes. Have I ever had feelings for them? Not once. So again, don't put words into people's mouths.
.

[jariel]

(11-28-2014 04:31 AM)Cyclone Wrote:  

Not sure what to say other than you are flat out wrong. I have taken multiple girls out to weekend island trips out here in SEAsia. Do they get clingy afterwards? Often yes. Have I ever had feelings for them? Not once. So again, don't put words into people's mouths.

Dude, I'm not talking about your feelings, I don't care about your feelings, I'm talking about what the girl ends up thinking, I also stand by the reality that it is not normal for a man to take a woman on a trip that he doesn't really want a relationship like that with.

Just because you do it on the regular doesn't make it normal, it's only normal for you. There's a whole debate here involving guys who don't even want to pay for appetizers during happy hour when chicks are hungry, so what faction of this board do you think would agree with you that it's normal for a man to pay for a woman that he's not in a relationship with to go on a trip with him?

[Cyclone]

(11-28-2014 02:56 PM)jariel Wrote:  

(11-28-2014 04:31 AM)Cyclone Wrote:  

Not sure what to say other than you are flat out wrong. I have taken multiple girls out to weekend island trips out here in SEAsia. Do they get clingy afterwards? Often yes. Have I ever had feelings for them? Not once. So again, don't put words into people's mouths.

Dude, I'm not talking about your feelings, I don't care about your feelings, I'm talking about what the girl ends up thinking, I also stand by the reality that it is not normal for a man to take a woman on a trip that he doesn't really want a relationship like that with.

So, you take back what you said about OP necessarily having feelings for the girl he's taking on the trip. Thats all we needed to hear.
.

[Veloce]

"Hey I'm going on a trip, wanna come?"

That simple.

I don't recommend traveling with girls. They can ruin a trip in about 60 seconds.

If you're hell bent with going on a trip with some chick, try to separate your itineraries. Tell her, "I have some business to take care of" or "family issues" and that she'll have to meet you there for part of the trip, but you won't be together 100% of the time.

[jariel]

(11-30-2014 12:37 PM)Cyclone Wrote:  

So, you take back what you said about OP necessarily having feelings for the girl he's taking on the trip. Thats all we needed to hear.

No, I don't take back anything I said.

Just because it's standard procedure for you to simp on chicks, you're trying to project that onto everyone else, furthermore, you're trying to come across as a player because even though you're a simp, you're disconnecting your feelings from the situation, like "Sure, I take girls on trips, but I don't care about them," and that fraud shit has you getting put on blast.

I will agree with you in the sense that it is normal for simps to simp.

Real players don't take chicks they don't care about on trips and then act surprised when they get "hella clingy" because real players see that shit before it comes which is why they don't do cupcacking, boyfriend-esque shit like going on trips together in the first place.

In this case with the OP, he has a chick in his life who cares for him and who he appears to care for in kind, he hasn't defined their relationship, nor has he wrapped his head around his feelings for her, but he's on here defending her, talking her up, and considering doing something with her that she will view as monumental, and that tells me everything that I need to know.

OP, keep us posted on how your situation turns out.