Lots of screwups, but one always stands out in my mind because it taught me so much.
This one I call thirsty nervous beta game..
For most of my young life I had very low self confidence and cared what women thought about me. All the classic beta male qualities I had in spades including emotional problems complete with a strong self hating belief system which doubted that any woman on earth would find any value in me. I didn't know anything about game, self confidence, or life for that matter.
I was doing online dating and I saw a girl I liked so I asked her some dumb questions about her profile. She ignored my questions and just gave me her Aol screen name.
We start chatting. She started making jokes about sex. I joked back and kept things light and flirty. This was pure luck, as I had no idea what I was doing. I think this was a kind of shit test because looking back I feel like if I got really into the sex talk, escalated over IM it would have come off as thirsty she would have dropped me right away.
We meet for the date and it goes really well. Ends up with us making out in a parking lot and then back to her place. This is where the problem starts. I was so bad with women that I was nervous as hell. For me at that time it was unfathomable that a woman would actually be interested in me, yes I was that terrible. I wasn't beta I was gamma. I was so nervous I couldn't even get an erection and I've never in my life had problems with that even now many years later.
We were laying on the bed cuddling and dry humping each other. Every time I try to put it in she resists so I just stop everything. Soon after she starts rubbing her ass on my still half-hard dick.
I guess this was my half hearted attempt at a classic freeze-out to break LMR. Again, I didn't know about these concepts so this was pure luck. We repeated this routine several times until I finally left and went home. The whole time we were spooning on the bed like this she is naked and I kept my shirt on.
So now of course I'm crazy into this girl. I text her the next day to plan a next day second date. She agrees and we go out but the magic is fading fast. No physical action at all this time and by the end of the date she makes her excuse to go home and its over.
By day 3 the one-itis has become severe.
I was so crazy that I was actually pacing back and forth trying to figure out what happened. I had to go to the kitchen and take a shot of whiskey. A friend called to hang out and I and went to chill with him and just started smoking large quantities of weed all day. The one-itis disease lasted for weeks.
The only reason I got with this girl at all is because she liked something about me in the beginning. I had a good job, wasn't too bad looking, was into nerdy stuff and so she pegged me as a potential "quality man" from the start. Basically, pure luck.
Also the first night she kept rubbing her ass on my crotch and saying things like "You probably want to put it in my ass". I suspect shes into anal and I probably could have put it in her butt the first night if I didn't act like such a retard. FML... She also talked about how she had threesomes with her other girlfriends sometimes.
Lessons learned:
-Don't be a fucking nervous beta clown
-Don't get too hung up on one girl
-
A woman can be really into you now and lose all interest in 5 seconds if you fuck it up
That last one will stick with me forever.