[DeadliftOrDie]

Hey lads!

This is my first post here, and if you guys don’t think it belongs in here, or it is not worth posting, I’ll remove it.

My story begins in the beginning of last year. I am having the time of my life, have a fantastic job, meeting new friends, getting better in the gym etc. In a way, I have never felt as good as I did back then. I was 23 years old, close to 2m tall (still am), 110 kg, 10% body fat, and alpha over everyone I hung around with at that time. I was getting my notch count up every other week that passed.
I felt like I was indestructible. When I entered a party, people cheered at me and girls came up to me and hugged me (some whom I didn't even know).
However, there was this one girl that I had wanted for some time, that had a boyfriend. The lad was a buddy from my work. Usually I would never go for a girl that has a boyfriend (especially since he worked with me). But we connected extremely well, and she was usually the hottest girl in the room. A dime above nine in ratings.
After hanging a lot around this girl with our mutual friends, she started hitting on me. I was kind of surprised at first and didn't do anything about (to much drama could follow and all that). But after a few weeks of her hitting on me I caved in. I slept with her while she was still in a two-year long relationship with my work friend, which I actually enjoyed hanging around with.

She broke off with him couple of weeks later and I thought “fuck it! I like this girl, and the sex is fantastic. I am going to ask her out.” In a months time we were officially a couple. The couple that everyone was talking about. This was the time I really felt like a king. I spent my free time traveling with her and drinking with her and our friends, a very close group of friends that got along really well.

This was my first and only serious girlfriend. The relationship lasted around four months. To make the long story, of why the connection faded out, a short one, is that I got oneitis. I got so hooked up on this girl that I even begged her to take me back when she dumped me. I can say that it was absolutely lowest point of my life so far (hopefully forever, though).

After the breakup I was furious, but managed to release most of my anger in the gym. I started to analyse our relationship and look online for how to get over her. That’s when I found the Roosh V Forum. I found out that I fucked up big time when I started dating her, and became a beta. I had no idea of her countless shit tests i failed that I can see today and think to myself: What on earth was I thinking. I didn't even know what a shit test was at the time.
After the breakup this forum has been a great help for me during my post breakup phase. I started sleeping with other girls again, and am close to getting my previous mojo back with girls that I had just over a year ago.

However, I did not write this post to tell you this normal story about a girl that dumped me. I wrote it, because we broke up half a year ago after being together for four months. But still I'm thinking about her most nights. I even sometimes stay awake for hours because I can’t get her out of my head. I have no intentions getting back together with her, haven’t talked to her since the break up and don’t want to see her at all. I am hitting the gym hard, going out with people, taking care of my hobbies, having regular sex with irregular girls. I am doing everything I should do. But still, I can’t get over her. At first I wasn’t too worried about it. I thought that it would just take couple of months to feel as good as I did before. But at this point I am a little scared of why on earth I can’t get this girl out of my head.
And even though I am the same man as I was before all this in the eyes of others, I feel like shit inside. I enter a party and people cheer for me, but there simply isn’t this feeling in me that I am the man anymore. This girl damaged my ego massively. I’m thinking about if it’s normal to feel so bad after so much time. I’ve talked about this with my best mates and they agree that this is way too long time to feel bad after a break up. Especially after such a short relationship.

I am wondering if any of you have had a similar experiences to mine. Any tips on how I can improve my mental state, get my ego back and finally move on are greatly appreciated.

[Jack_Smith]

PERSIST.

There is no magic period of time after which you will be automatically "cured." Every person and every situation is different. You are doing all the right stuff. Do. Not. Quit. Quitting is the biggest risk in the frustration you are now experiencing. Find a meaningful goal for yourself - gym, money, whatever - and go after that. Relentlessly. In the meantime, try to abide with the way you feel, knowing that it will pass. It always does.

"Sail on, moma, sail on. You just go your way and I'll go mine.
Seems to me, that I once heard
Everything is finally cured by time..."

Gregg Allman

[Jack_Smith]

PS - You may want to take a look at meditation. Potentially useful tool.

[Vaun]

First off, you made a solid choice for a user name here, so at least you are making some good decisions.

Funny enough I am going through something very similar to you. On top of life flying high in 2015, met girl, ups and downs, dumps me. Causing significant pain and hurt from a relationship that lasted 10 months. I have had zero contact, no social media, no texts, no nothing. She lives near me and she pops up in dating apps all the time. I am not over it yet. Lately I have come to the realization that I felt so much oneitus and neediness, from blowing my load in her hundreds of times with no condom, and giving her many orgasms through cunnilingus. This type of sexual activity with one person over produces the oxytocin hormone, which makes us think its "love". I have never busted in a woman as much raw(I had to learn how because I never really have), or made a woman cum as much. I made a lot of bad choices(going raw), and I paid for it. I broke all of my rules, and it sunk me; blowing raw 100's of times, going all in with a hot sub-standard women with immediate red flags, acting beta, spending money on her, talking/texting acting like the worst masculine version of myself I think I ever have. I let go of my personal standards and it put me on my back. My way out of this is redeveloping myself, to never allow these mistakes again.

You have to get back into your life. Read everything you can on getting over a break up. Here are a few tips that I have used lately;

Friends and family first. Hang out with them every day if you can. Never turn down an invite.

Take a month off solid from women. Heartiste gives this advice. Take a solid month off of no dating, approaching, apps, nothing, and just focus entirely on yourself. Hit your gym goals, go to work on your finances, get closer with your friends and family. Take a trip. Crush it at work.

Actively remember how bad she made you feel. Always go back to that place about how bad you felt. Then think of all of her negative traits. Mine was a relentless shit testing bitch, who had a big nose and occasionally got acne. And has a 600 credit score. And a bunch of other fucked up stuff she told me. I made a list of that, and I used to reflect on that when I got crazy about her again. Its also good to realize that the oneitus you got was unhealthy. She brought out the worst side of yourself. She could have been a narcissistic woman. Look this up on YouTube and watch video's about narcissistic women. Its likely she was, and then she discarded you, and now you are feeling it bad, causing the oneitus and pain. Its very common now. Four months is often the amount of time the discard happens. Good relationships make you feel powerful and in control, and whatever good there was, was fleeting, and this is not what is best for you.

Read books. Read a lot. Take some time for yourself.

Post here in the No Contact thread when you feel the urge to contact. Read up on all of the break up threads here too.

Good luck, it will take a few more months.

[Rekk'd]

Even tho you claimed your life was perfect or almost perfect, I believe deep down you knew it wasn't. You believed that girl would fill what's missing, and now that you lost her... So the problem is there but on the surface and clear.

Try to really think about your life and your being. Hopefully you will find an answer, or atleast a temporary solution untill another problem starts in your life that will make you feel the same way.

[Drix]

Great Honest life experience. Welcome to the forum and Yeah i have a similar story as yours.

To keep it short, 2 years and half ago, i fell in love of a medium high class foreigner. She was so beautiful, at the beginning, everything was perfect. She paid my spendings and threated me as a king and I was the super romantic boyfriend. After a couple of months, The relationship started to be so terrible, She got angry of every stupid thing, paranoid, some mental problems and many things more. Despite of that i was interested in her(i had zero game, zero experience), She broke up with me and i felt so depressed.

Months passed, I didn't contacted her, but I thought in her everytime. Even i was questioning myself if I wasn't enough for her. I banged another girls, And this chick was still in my mind. After 2 months, my grandparent told me this simple line: You had the opportunity to be in a relationship with her and You saw that She is not for you. Hard moments always appear, but You are a great man, Drix.

After this event, i started to focus in myself. I followed this routine:

*Going out more with my family and friends.
*Reading a lot.
*Playing soccer (my favorite sport).
*Stopping to feel me guilty. She was the bitch, not me
*Acompplish some personal goals(university, work).
*Implement a new hobbie. For example, I started to invite my friends to see movies in my house. We cooked and then We had a great time, i totally enjoyed this shit a lot.

My recommendation is that You shouldn't feel desesperate, Some people can forget faster than others. Your mind should be that this relationship doesn't work, i know it hurts, but you are a good man who will find the bright side.

Focus in yourself, time will help you for sure. Even if you think that she appears in your mind too much, keep with your activities. Sooner or later, you will see that She was just an experience. I know You don't know who i am, but Let me tell you that I am with you in this situation. I lived the same and if you want to ask for any extra detail, PM me or keep updated your thread and other member can give help you more..

Buena suerte, Drix

[RatInTheWoods]

Honest open post and welcome to the forum.

I think we all have a story like yours, and some of the older members (like me) have probably had this happen 3-4 times in our lives... that special connection and the depression that strikes when its over.

You know the answer to your dilemma, and are doing the all right things.

When you meet up with a hotter, sexier better woman, you will look back and laugh at yourself being so sad about the old one.

How are you going to meet this next wonderfull woman? Keep lifting and keep approaching...

Welcome to the forum!

[Dalaran1991]

Dont feel bad for what happened, most of us go through this at some point and if you play it right you will come back stronger from the breakup.

I have a few questions though:

(04-06-2017 08:10 AM)DeadliftOrDie Wrote:  

My story begins in the beginning of last year. I am having the time of my life, have a fantastic job, meeting new friends, getting better in the gym etc. In a way, I have never felt as good as I did back then. I was 23 years old, close to 2m tall (still am), 110 kg, 10% body fat, and alpha over everyone I hung around with at that time. I was getting my notch count up every other week that passed.

I'll give you the benefits of the doubt and assume everything you said is true. This makes you a the top 10-15% of men, the type people often refer to when they say "girls only go out with those guys".

Assuming everything is still true since you spend most of your time in the gym.

What stopped you getting your notch count up, while you were in a relationship with her? Did you falsely assume that you were "exclusive" with a girl who cheated on her boyfriend?

It's been half a year. There are lots of great girls out there, why havent you run into someone hot who also vibes well with you? Are you still living the great social life back before you met this girl?

Think about it like this: she did you a favor leaving you, so that you can discover all the wonderful girls out there. Dont waste the opportunity by letting the black mark of her passing prevents you from enjoying other women.

[Vill@in]

(04-06-2017 12:13 PM)Vaun Wrote:  

Actively remember how bad she made you feel. Always go back to that place about how bad you felt. Then think of all of her negative traits. Mine was a relentless shit testing bitch, who had a big nose and occasionally got acne. And has a 600 credit score. And a bunch of other fucked up stuff she told me. I made a list of that, and I used to reflect on that when I got crazy about her again.

Yeah I am going to second this. Make a list of all her negative traits and focus on those. Sounds like you're only concentrating on the good stuff (i.e. sex). Since the relationship was so short you may have trouble thinking of anything negative, but just dig deep.

I don't know if you can truly 'get over it'. I still have an ex that I broke up with 2009 that I still think about from time to time. The sex was fire. But then I remember all the stuff I disliked about her and I'm ok.

[DeadliftOrDie]

Thanks for all the replies, guys. It's always good to hear stories similar to yours that remind you that you are not alone in this and it happens to everyone. I can honestly say that it helped more, even though I've read a lot of similar stories and read similar replies to them

Funny thing is since I posted this I can honestly say that I feel better. I took a trip with my mates around Europe and made some good memories that I won't forget soon. Haven't thought about the girl too much since.

I took a break from the gym from the reason I mentioned above and the change of environment has done me really good I think.

(04-07-2017 05:06 AM)Dalaran1991 Wrote:  

Dont feel bad for what happened, most of us go through this at some point and if you play it right you will come back stronger from the breakup.

I have a few questions though:

(04-06-2017 08:10 AM)DeadliftOrDie Wrote:  

My story begins in the beginning of last year. I am having the time of my life, have a fantastic job, meeting new friends, getting better in the gym etc. In a way, I have never felt as good as I did back then. I was 23 years old, close to 2m tall (still am), 110 kg, 10% body fat, and alpha over everyone I hung around with at that time. I was getting my notch count up every other week that passed.

I'll give you the benefits of the doubt and assume everything you said is true. This makes you a the top 10-15% of men, the type people often refer to when they say "girls only go out with those guys".

Assuming everything is still true since you spend most of your time in the gym.

What stopped you getting your notch count up, while you were in a relationship with her? Did you falsely assume that you were "exclusive" with a girl who cheated on her boyfriend?

It's been half a year. There are lots of great girls out there, why havent you run into someone hot who also vibes well with you? Are you still living the great social life back before you met this girl?

Think about it like this: she did you a favor leaving you, so that you can discover all the wonderful girls out there. Dont waste the opportunity by letting the black mark of her passing prevents you from enjoying other women.

Thanks for a good reply!
The thing is, I liked to be exclusive with one girl. I have never been in a situation like this before, that is, being one in the circle where two people cheat on the third one. I have no intentions on doing that again.
Right now I'm trying not to date anyone seriously, since I will be moving out of the country in around four months, and knowing me, it would be hard to move away from someone I really like, giving I would start serious dating. This is the reason I purely focus on the gym and use tinder a lot for one (couple) night stands to release my sexual demands.

I'm going to hit the gym hard again now, and focusing on better myself each day as I should. As well as being an active member on this forum.

[puckerman]

The best way to forget about her is to indulge in psychedelics. I would drink ayahuasca after something like this. It will get it out of your system.