rooshvforum.network is a fully functional forum: you can search, register, post new threads etc...
Old accounts are inaccessible: register a new one, or recover it when possible. x


Advice Sought for Paternity Issue
#1

Advice Sought for Paternity Issue

First off, I would like to say this is not my first post so please give me the benefit of the doubt as this is sincere and in no way a troll job. I’ve posted a couple hundred times but this subject is so sensitive I need to make an anonymous username…for my anonymous username. Can never be too careful! So the following is a subject that I need to discuss with someone but I hesitate to discuss with anyone I know IRL, for reasons that will become obvious. So yes, I am soliciting input from a bunch of strangers on the internet, but guys like DOBA, Samseau, Scorpion, and Quintus are pretty spot on so here we go.

My background – early 40’s, live in large US city, never married, no kids, finance professional / wealthy, in shape, red pill for 3 years. I am 50/50 if kids are right for me and would only get married if kids are part of the equation.

Timeline
May 2013 – start seeing a girl we’ll call Randi, 39 years old, teacher, smoking hot body but 4-5 years post wall, never married, no kids (5 4, 115lbs, 32 DD tits). Use to be a HB8.5 back in the day, about a 7 now (age adjusted 9)

June 2013 – see each other about once or twice a week, usually dinner followed by pretty good sex 2 or 3 times and again in the morning. Wore condoms first few times, then “pull out” method mixed with a few “cum inside me” requests, which I did only when she just finished her period. And she is 39 so what the hell? I mean, how many eggs could she have left anyway??

July 2013 – she realizes she is just a “plate” to me, though we get along great and the sex is even better. Not that I want to get married in the west (5% likelihood), but it’s a zero possibility I would consider marrying her since she is post wall and probably can’t have children.

Aug 2013 – Dec 2013 – see her maybe twice a month as she slowly pulls away realizing I am not “bf material”. No big loss for me but I really like the sex so I always keep coming back.

March 5th, 2014 – after a couple of months of missed calls/texts, we get together for dinner. Have sex afterwards and I nut inside her.

March 21st, 2014 – we get together again and have dinner. She tells me her OB-GYN told her last summer that her eggs are basically gone and she cant have kids. I feel a twinge of sympathy but then quickly come to my senses as she blew an incredible opportunity to lock down a high value man at age 27 to ride the cock carousal. That basically kills the mood and I go home alone after dinner. She also tells me at dinner she is seeing a guy somewhat seriously since December. During dinner she receives a few texts from “Matthew”, so I assume that’s the guy’s name.

March 29th, 2014 – I get horny again and text her to get together. She declines and says it’s serious with the other guy. So I view this as completely finished. Oh well.

April 26th, 2014 – Yes, just weeks after telling me she is serious with some dude she texts me out of the blue to get together. I was out of town and then over the next 10 days or so our schedules didn’t sync up, mostly because she said she claims she was sick.

May 8th, 2014 – after playing text tag for two weeks, she says she has “crazy personal stuff going on” that she may or may not tell me “some day”. She never specifies.

August 2014 – text her a happy bday, she says thanks and says she is moving, with no details provided.

September 2014 – I do a random google search on her name and guess what comes up? A fucking baby registry with due date Nov 27th, 2014 with someone named Matthew. I shake my head with amusement (cock carousal rider gets her baby, science be damned!) until I start doing some math. I went to two baby date websites and put in “Nov 27th” as a due date and guess what springs back as conception date? You guessed it, March 5th, 2014. Fuck me.

So a couple of thoughts first -
1 - If she had sex with this guy within 48 hours of me (50/50 chance in my opinion), then 50/50 the baby is mine. If she did not have sex within 48 hours of me, then 100% its mine (small chance for 3rd dude but not out of the question). So let’s put the chances at 75% its mine.
2 – I don’t know whether she thinks it’s mine or thinks it’s his or thinks its 50/50. But clearly she told him it was his (probably because she thought he would stick around more than me). And even if he didn’t have sex with her that week, I doubt he did the math and questions the paternity. In other words, I am 90% sure he thinks the baby is his.
3 – I looked him up on linkedin and this dude is seriously beta. His face screams “white knight” and is probably fired up about everything (pure speculation on my part).

What do I do now?
I need to know whether its mine or not. You can call it biology, morals, or whatever, I just need to know if there is a “Junior” at there, especially if it’s a boy (gender bias!). But I also need to know without alerting Randi and Matthew. If its negative, no need to blow up their relationship. So my plan is to hire a PI after the birth and basically have him trail her and the kid, acquire a DNA sample covertly that they discard (diapers, saliva on drink cup, etc), and run it against me. Question for board – any other suggestions for me to covertly find out paternity? I think my plan is pretty good but I am open for suggestions. If it is negative, no need to go further. If it is positive, I have some thinking to do.

Question for board – what the hell do I do if its positive?
If I tell her that’s my kid, 1) I blow up their relationship 2) get stuck with child support 3) at best, will have limited visitation 4) could hurt my own future relationships once a girl finds out I have some random kid

If I keep things quiet, I have a kid out there that’s mine that I have no influence on raising. What if I never kids? This could be something I sincerely regret if my only offspring doesn’t even know who the hell I am. And even if I keep things quiet and look the other way, if they break up in the future (at least 50/50 in my view as she enjoys alpha cock too much) she might come after me anyway for child support. Small possibility but never underestimated someone who is under financial hardship. Plus she knows I have money.

Can anyone recommend a course of action? Or think of issues I haven’t brought up?

I appreciate any and all viewpoints. Thanks guys.

“Daddy”
Reply
#2

Advice Sought for Paternity Issue

His name is on the birth cert, his kid. Legally
Reply
#3

Advice Sought for Paternity Issue

Get a paternity test on the kid ASAP once it's born. Also hugely important is whose name as the father she puts on the birth certificate. What you really need to do is read up on the laws in whatever jurisdiction you live in. State/provincial as well as federal.
Reply
#4

Advice Sought for Paternity Issue

Am I alone in thinking you've dodged a bullet but the poor bastard whose with her know got the tail end of it ?

I agree with Tytalus get it after the baby is born.

At this point it is what it is, she obviously doesn't want you in the picture at all.
Reply
#5

Advice Sought for Paternity Issue

This was a monster post and I didn't read it as closely as I probably should have. My comments are on the part that seemed to matter most.

I really think a lot of guys here overthink this topic.

Quote: (10-06-2014 01:27 PM)daddyblues Wrote:  

So my plan is to hire a PI after the birth and basically have him trail her and the kid, acquire a DNA sample covertly that they discard (diapers, saliva on drink cup, etc), and run it against me. Question for board – any other suggestions for me to covertly find out paternity?

If you're serious about hiring a PI, don't you think he's the best person to ask that question?

Quote:Quote:

If I tell her that’s my kid, 1) I blow up their relationship

Not your problem.

If it comes to deciding between knowing my own child and having him/her recognize me as such and supporting some woman's lie to save her feelings and convenience, I have to say I could give two shits about her relationship. Especially knowing that she's selling the guy on a lie and using him for 20+ years.

Quote:Quote:

2) get stuck with child support

If it's your kid, why would you not want to support it? You want some other man supporting your children for you?

If you're worried she's going to butt-rape you because you have money, maybe talk to a lawyer before you proceed?

Quote:Quote:

3) at best, will have limited visitation

No real way of knowing. I guess you're right that she might resent you if it does ruin the relationship.

In any case, she can't restrict you too much without grounds, and limited visitation is still a lot better than the alternative, in my opinion.

Quote:Quote:

4) could hurt my own future relationships once a girl finds out I have some random kid

No, it won't. This wouldn't even cross my mind.

Will there be an occasional woman who is iffy about moving in and what not? Sure, I guess so. But women are far more likely to be nurturing, they see a man who has a child already as a provider (extra points if he's a bad boy AND a good dad), and basically don't make logical decisions when they're in love anyhow. It will polarize, but I see this working in your favor more often than not.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling
Reply
#6

Advice Sought for Paternity Issue

Knowing is always better than ignorance. So definitely try to get the test done, though have no opinion on the best way to facilitate.

As for next steps if its positive, she has massive incentives for making sure this guy thinks he is the dad (she would come across as a complete whore to her family and friends if it got out), even if they broke up (he would still be on the hook for child support). So the odds of her hitting you up one day for money is quite slim in my view. And the upside of trying to get some visitation for a weekend a month isn't worth all the downside.

My advice? Get the test and let it go, either way.
Reply
#7

Advice Sought for Paternity Issue

Shes 40, so, slight chance of her getting pregnant without medical assistance, specially if as you say, she is "4-5 years post wall". As she would have to monitor her cycle to the minute and insure that someone nuts inside her at the exact time, do you think she would use her chance on you, her "irregular"?

Whats the problem? You dont want to be "that man" that has a kid that doesnt knows him? You are not even sure its yours. Theres very little chance it is, and yet you are wrecking yourself trying to find out, for what? So she can explain to her beta provider that she was "going trough a lot of personal issues at that time", gets him to apologize, remain in the picture, and you still get to pay child support for a kid that will never call you dad?

Move on man, its not yours. If you are as "experienced" as you claim, and so "red pill" that you are even able to mention a few of the forum members, then move on.

Otherwise, im calling troll on this, but lets give you the benefit of the doubt.
Reply
#8

Advice Sought for Paternity Issue

Quote: (10-06-2014 02:20 PM)germanico Wrote:  

Shes 40, so, slight chance of her getting pregnant without medical assistance, specially if as you say, she is "4-5 years post wall". As she would have to monitor her cycle to the minute and insure that someone nuts inside her at the exact time, do you think she would use her chance on you, her "irregular"?

Never claimed (or think) she got pregnant on purpose. 90% chance she said "fuck it, doc says no way so why bother using birth control". And then shit happened.

Quote:Quote:

Whats the problem? You dont want to be "that man" that has a kid that doesnt knows him? You are not even sure its yours. Theres very little chance it is, and yet you are wrecking yourself trying to find out, for what? So she can explain to her beta provider that she was "going trough a lot of personal issues at that time", gets him to apologize, remain in the picture, and you still get to pay child support for a kid that will never call you dad?

I thought I was clear but maybe not. My first issue is that there could be a kid out there that is mine. I simply want to know (there is a better than 50/50 chance its mine, not "very little"). Whether you call it a biological urge or what, I want to know. So I plan to find out covertly. 2nd issue is if it is mine, what do I do at that point? It's easy to sit back and say "forget it", but its whole other ballgame if you truly know you have offspring out there. I am leaning towards "let sleeping dogs lie" but wanted to bring this up around like minded men for various viewpoints/experiences.

Quote:Quote:

Move on man, its not yours. If you are as "experienced" as you claim, and so "red pill" that you are even able to mention a few of the forum members, then move on.

Otherwise, im calling troll on this, but lets give you the benefit of the doubt.

Never made a claim about any "experience" level, but I appreciate you giving me the benefit of the doubt.
Reply
#9

Advice Sought for Paternity Issue

BB - all valid responses. Re: PI, of course I will. But wanted to put the question out there anyway.

But if this happened to you, and you found out the test was positive, what would be your next move? Let it go or try to develop a relationship with the kid? I guess what I was trying to get at and think through is that even if it is my kid and I try to develop a relationship with him/her, it would be severely limited by the legal system anyway (visitation, her poisoning the kids mind if I blew up her relationship, etc). So would it even be worth it?
Reply
#10

Advice Sought for Paternity Issue

I would just get a picture of the kid when they are of age and compare to the potential parents.
Reply
#11

Advice Sought for Paternity Issue

Your best move is to leave it alone. You can't do anything to improve the situation. You can only do things to make it worse. My guess is that she found out that she was pregnant, told this Matthew guy that, he then proposed to her, and that they are now either engaged or have already gotten married. If he didn't propose to her, he most likely either considers himself to be the father or plans on raising the child as his own. If they are married at the time the child is born, in some states there is a presumption that he is the father. This presumption can, of course, be rebutted, but there needs to be a paternity test showing that someone else is the father. Also, I have seen cases where the guy who the child considers to be the father knows all along that he is not the father, yet agrees to raise the child as his own. Possible reasons for this is that he loves the child's mother and wants to be with her, he can't have kids of his own, or he decides that it wouldn't be fair to tell a five year old, ten year old, or fifteen year old that he is not the child's father. As for the comment above about the other guy's name being on the child's birth certificate, this varies from state to state. Sometimes the mother puts some random guy's name on the birth certificate and down the road, some other guy is shown to be the father. I wouldn't rely on that for you being off the hook. It's basically a waiting game. If, in the future, you are served with child support papers, get a paternity test and make sure you don't give her a dime unless and until you are declared the father. Even then, make sure you only pay her in checks and money orders. Unless and until you are served with child support papers, you really don't have to deal with this and I would just let it go.
Reply
#12

Advice Sought for Paternity Issue

Here is my advice, coming from the following perspective: 1. I have had to paternity test kids twice, both with favourable results 2. I have a close family member that did not meet their 'father' until age 15.

If this is really making you crazy, get the PI to test. Don't get involved with the relationship, if no one is asking questions leave the currently legally named father and mother alone. If the DNA test comes back that the kid is yours, set up a trust with some money, do some estate planning, pay to keep a trace on the kid and have the PI or some other professional intermediary approach the kid when they are 18 with the proof, the introduction, and use of the trust to fund all of this.

If you leave it to age 18, then its you and the kid, now an adult who make all of the decisions and you leave the legal dad and mom out of it.

Why do the heathen rage and the people imagine a vain thing? Psalm 2:1 KJV
Reply
#13

Advice Sought for Paternity Issue

Quote: (10-06-2014 01:27 PM)daddyblues Wrote:  

Question for board – what the hell do I do if its positive?
2) get stuck with child support

Respectfully, you did choose to nut inside of her. I guess you need to follow your own moral compass. No judgement or anything. There another thread where some guy was happy that some other guy was going to take the fall for him. So it is just a question of your own character, no judgement. But I think that is what it comes down to.

Others will cite logic etc, money, etc. Women be crazy, etc. But it comes down to being responsible for your actions. I am no saint, so no judgement from me.

I guess this is a question, would you want this to happen to you? Yes, we can blame the poor schmuck for not getting tested, for being beta, for not being red pill, whatever. I dunno, what the right answers are. Never been ion this position.

Fate whispers to the warrior, "You cannot withstand the storm." And the warrior whispers back, "I am the storm."

Women and children can be careless, but not men - Don Corleone

Great RVF Comments | Where Evil Resides | How to upload, etc. | New Members Read This 1 | New Members Read This 2
Reply
#14

Advice Sought for Paternity Issue

You do NOTHING. She has a "father" on the hook for her offspring. Hopefully you're in a state where the legal dad stays the legal dad for life and you can avoid child support. When they divorce, and they will you can get to know your kid without the courts getting involved.

"Feminism is a trade union for ugly women"- Peregrine
Reply
#15

Advice Sought for Paternity Issue

Here's the option you didn't think of: She chose Matthew to be the father. When you talked to her on the 21st, her body is already telling her she's pregnant, but she wouldn't be aware if it's her first pregnancy. I'm going to guess the early stages of pregnancy are what brought that bit about the OB-GYN out. Her mind is telling her she's pregnant, but the all knowing doctor said it's pretty much impossible. Anyway, at this point she's not looking to fuck around, she's looking for a caretaker of her future child. She tells you about Matthew, hoping you would get jealous or some other urge to snatch her away from him. You didn't take the bait. In fact, I would say that by not fucking her that night, you basically told her to go with Matthew. Your call a week later falls in the time frame of the missed period. She may not have done a test yet, but it's becoming obvious that she's going to be having a child. You are out of the question at this point, as beta provider Matt is more likely to stick around.

It's better to let sleeping dogs lie. You didn't want it then, so there's no reason to want it now. She didn't claim to be sick. She was sick from being pregnant. That's what she was going to tell you if you met up. To you it's out of the blue, but it makes perfect sense when you break down the timeline. I'm going to assume the kid is yours, but your chance to be the father [unknowingly] came on March 21st. Everything else falls in line with her telling you about "crazy personal stuff" (having a baby, unsure of who the father is) and "may or may not tell you someday" (the kid is yours). That google search isn't random at all. I search random stuff on google all the time. I have never looked up a past fuck in those cases*. What she said to you in May has been eating at your soul. You caught oneitis. The best thing you can do is forget about this and go get some more plates.

Congrats Alpha Fux

*It helps when you can't remember the names of all but 3 of the several dozen women you've fucked

10/14/15: The day I learned that convicted terrorists are treated with more human dignity than veterans.
Reply
#16

Advice Sought for Paternity Issue

You move to Poland and never ever have sex with old women! You are in your early 40's,well off...why would you get involved with a 39 y.o?
On a more practical note...I would tell the father to be that his woman is a whore and possibly using him. Then get paternity done ASAP.
Reply
#17

Advice Sought for Paternity Issue

Quote: (10-06-2014 05:43 PM)Wayout Wrote:  

On a more practical note...I would tell the father to be that his woman is a whore and possibly using him. Then get paternity done ASAP.

This has to be the worst possible course of action and would likely lead to both the mother and father being really pissed of at O.P. and some serious consequences, including, but not limited to, O.P. getting hit with a paternity suit.
Reply
#18

Advice Sought for Paternity Issue

Quote: (10-06-2014 05:28 PM)teh_skeeze Wrote:  

Here's the option you didn't think of: She chose Matthew to be the father. When you talked to her on the 21st, her body is already telling her she's pregnant, but she wouldn't be aware if it's her first pregnancy. I'm going to guess the early stages of pregnancy are what brought that bit about the OB-GYN out. Her mind is telling her she's pregnant, but the all knowing doctor said it's pretty much impossible. Anyway, at this point she's not looking to fuck around, she's looking for a caretaker of her future child. She tells you about Matthew, hoping you would get jealous or some other urge to snatch her away from him. You didn't take the bait. In fact, I would say that by not fucking her that night, you basically told her to go with Matthew. Your call a week later falls in the time frame of the missed period. She may not have done a test yet, but it's becoming obvious that she's going to be having a child. You are out of the question at this point, as beta provider Matt is more likely to stick around.

It's better to let sleeping dogs lie. You didn't want it then, so there's no reason to want it now. She didn't claim to be sick. She was sick from being pregnant. That's what she was going to tell you if you met up. To you it's out of the blue, but it makes perfect sense when you break down the timeline. I'm going to assume the kid is yours, but your chance to be the father [unknowingly] came on March 21st. Everything else falls in line with her telling you about "crazy personal stuff" (having a baby, unsure of who the father is) and "may or may not tell you someday" (the kid is yours). That google search isn't random at all. I search random stuff on google all the time. I have never looked up a past fuck in those cases*. What she said to you in May has been eating at your soul. You caught oneitis. The best thing you can do is forget about this and go get some more plates.

Congrats Alpha Fux

*It helps when you can't remember the names of all but 3 of the several dozen women you've fucked

fucking brilliant.
Reply
#19

Advice Sought for Paternity Issue

Why would you bother getting involved? She clearly doesn't want you in the picture and has a surrogate father figured out. If anything I would say this is wrapped up pretty neat.

If you find out now that you want a family then start over and look for a different woman to do that with. This woman in particular has her own life now.
Reply
#20

Advice Sought for Paternity Issue

Quote: (10-06-2014 05:54 PM)daddyblues Wrote:  

Quote: (10-06-2014 05:28 PM)teh_skeeze Wrote:  

Here's the option you didn't think of: She chose Matthew to be the father. When you talked to her on the 21st, her body is already telling her she's pregnant, but she wouldn't be aware if it's her first pregnancy. I'm going to guess the early stages of pregnancy are what brought that bit about the OB-GYN out. Her mind is telling her she's pregnant, but the all knowing doctor said it's pretty much impossible. Anyway, at this point she's not looking to fuck around, she's looking for a caretaker of her future child. She tells you about Matthew, hoping you would get jealous or some other urge to snatch her away from him. You didn't take the bait. In fact, I would say that by not fucking her that night, you basically told her to go with Matthew. Your call a week later falls in the time frame of the missed period. She may not have done a test yet, but it's becoming obvious that she's going to be having a child. You are out of the question at this point, as beta provider Matt is more likely to stick around.

It's better to let sleeping dogs lie. You didn't want it then, so there's no reason to want it now. She didn't claim to be sick. She was sick from being pregnant. That's what she was going to tell you if you met up. To you it's out of the blue, but it makes perfect sense when you break down the timeline. I'm going to assume the kid is yours, but your chance to be the father [unknowingly] came on March 21st. Everything else falls in line with her telling you about "crazy personal stuff" (having a baby, unsure of who the father is) and "may or may not tell you someday" (the kid is yours). That google search isn't random at all. I search random stuff on google all the time. I have never looked up a past fuck in those cases*. What she said to you in May has been eating at your soul. You caught oneitis. The best thing you can do is forget about this and go get some more plates.

Congrats Alpha Fux

*It helps when you can't remember the names of all but 3 of the several dozen women you've fucked

fucking brilliant.

I just repped teh_skeeze for this and other great contributions to the forum. Unfortunately, I think he may be a victim of the New Jersey public school system, where often the smart kids get screwed and the not so smart kids somehow do well. I was in the same boat, but thankfully was able to fix everything after I got to college.
Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)