[xeloris]

Hey Guys,

Im new to the thread been reading some posts for awhile. Although 31, i feel new to this 'dating' game. I grew up a shy guy and only had a few LTR's and not much in-between. I'd say the main raison behind that is always being shy growing up.


Let me give a scenario here that happened to me a few months ago. I was dating (or thought i was) a girl (32 yrs old) for about 4 months. We conversated everyday either talked or text, I met her daughter on multiple occasions. We went on multiple 'dates', obviously sex was going on during this whole 4 months. I also had my gal pal's over for a cookout in which she was over. My gal pal even asked how long have you guys been dating and she said '3months'. So i take off some time in mid july to hang out as we kinda had conflicting schedules, at this point she was kinda feeling distant however, these dates were already pre-arranged she gave me the dates. So last day i see her i have her and her young daughter over for dinner. Then the next day (i wish i asked in person) I send a txt asking where we stand? At this point she kinda disappears and non responsive or delays in txts. She's like it bother's me that you took off, i don't want commitment. Conversation stopped there a 5 days later i sent a txt basically asking what happened there we were dating for 4 months. Basically she sends an arrogant response saying thats just it we were never dating. I'm tired of guys assuming im dating them. I don't go into this world trying to break men's hearts, its just that every man that crosses my path i unintentionally crush their hearts.

Although at this point i don't want a relationship i'd much rather be single and run some game after this situation, More to grow confidence and lessen impact of a future heartbreak.

But at what point are you 'dating'. My intentions after meeting her were to 'date' her, so obviously we were both on 2 different pages here. I'm assuming most women wouldn't introduce their 7 yr old kid to some random f-buddy. I kinda thought that was the tell tale sign i was dating and after my friend asked her 'how long were you dating' and she even gave an answer. Then all the sudden when she disappears like a David Copperfield magic trick 'we were never dating'. Sounds like a rookie question here but am i to assume we are never dating unless there is conversation around it?

[Rawmeo]

You are 31, which means you are still young. Why bother running after a girl with someone else's kid in tow?

Just move on. Let the girls run after you.

[Teddykgb]

I'm always dating.

Don't send that needy text like "where do we stand?"

She has a kid for crying out loud. Move on and keep dating. I see your new and it's a tough pill to swallow but bitches be crazy and unless they are trying to lock you down you should never consider them anything long term especially if they have a kid.

[Dantes]

Your question is about commitment.

It seems like you did want a relationship.

Your texts related to "dating" and "where do we stand" exude neediness which is the kiss of death for a woman.

Study this forum thoroughly and get out there and meet other women.

[44delta]

Oh God..

Not putting you down (you came here asking for help, which means you're working on getting better at this -- a good thing), but what you did there is a fantastic way to instantly fill her brain with billions of questions and doubts. If you could have been in the room when she read that, her little hamster wheel probably sounded like an airplane going down the runway, taking off, being hijacked by Al Qaeda, and then crashing into a building. This is basically the equal / opposite dynamic that players run into, when girls (fuckbuddies) ask the same question, and you have to dodge.

As for your question, it is a little bit surprising how that worked out. The answer will probably not seem that helpful though -- what any particular woman wants, you will have to read indirectly from how she acts. As a man, you can think about what you want and blurt it out in plain English; chicks are not capable of that. The parts of their brains that really know, can't talk.

Also, +1 on the kid thing..

[monster]

(10-05-2014 08:07 PM)xeloris Wrote:  

I'm assuming most women wouldn't introduce their 7 yr old kid to some random f-buddy.

Actually, you'd be surprised. LOL

[Glider]

Heres where you went wrong:

- dating a 32 year old
- has a daughter
- taking time off to hang out
- she gave you the dates
- sent a text asking where you stand

[AntiTrace]

(10-05-2014 08:49 PM)monster Wrote:  

(10-05-2014 08:07 PM)xeloris Wrote:  

I'm assuming most women wouldn't introduce their 7 yr old kid to some random f-buddy.

Actually, you'd be surprised. LOL

I fucked a girl in a hotel room. She brought her year old baby. She built up this little fort of blankets so it wouldn't roll off the bed. We had crazy, dirty, nasty, sweaty sex. At one point she was riding on top screaming like a banshee and the kid woke up. She climbed off my cock, grabbed the pacifier (sp?), put it in the kids mouth, then climbed right back on my cock.

females man, fucking females....

[Bacchus]

When are you dating? When you say you are. She may have ideas, but you cannot let her ideas dictate your reality.

[xeloris]

Thanks for the input here guys, kinda sets my mind straight

[polar]

A guy offering commitment to a girl who isn't begging for it already is a huge turn-off as it demonstrates lack of other options on his part.

The only real way to get a girl to commit without her losing attraction is to string her along without mentioning it until her hamster is doing backflips: "other guys would've tried to lock me down by now, am I not good enough?" Wait for her to bring up the "so...what are we?" and then be nonchalant about it rather than excited.

Your job is to get sex from her without bidding the price up. Her job is to try to extract commitment and resources from you in exchange for the pleasure of her company. Don't confuse the job descriptions!

[blacknwhitespade]

I think somewhere after 3-6 dates, you are "dating", at least in my book. 4 months was a relationship. Maybe not a real serious/commited relationship, but you guys had a relationship nonetheless. She's either in denial or just an incredibly dumb bitch (which is more plausible than you might think) if she believes she was never "dating" you and "not trying to break men's hearts", that's a total fucking cop out.

Anyways, yeah, you're 31. Go get yourself a young 20s girl w/out kids.

[heavy]

What's a "gal pal"?

Edit: Wait, I googled it. These "gal pals" are your 6 in 1 beauty accessory.
   

[OregonToSoCal]

Other than contacting a woman no more than once per week to explicitly arrange a date (read: opportunity for sex) you should let her do ALL of the thinking, pursuing and attempts at locking you down to a LTR. As a man your only job is to set up a date, plan a fun activity for when you're together and lead the interaction to sex. Wash, rinse, repeat.

[AneroidOcean]

(10-05-2014 08:07 PM)xeloris Wrote:  

Im new to the thread been reading some posts for awhile. Although 31, i feel new to this 'dating' game. I grew up a shy guy and only had a few LTR's and not much in-between. I'd say the main raison behind that is always being shy growing up.

You're new. Don't worry, many of us have been in the same position. My history is similar despite some age differences.

1. Unless this woman is seriously woman of your dreams material, has all her shit VERY well together, is AMAZING in every way, you shouldn't even be considering her if she's over 30 and has kid(s).

2. She should not be setting multiple dates, you should be setting the vast majority of dates.

3. It sounds like you have an inordinate amount of female friends and likely an inordinate amount of feminine qualities. You likely have similar misconceptions as I did as to what women want. Women do not want what WOMEN claim they want. They do not want a man that can relate to all their feelings and that is always there for them when they're upset or who is just an endless romantic.

Repeat this in your head until you really understand/believe it. Women DO NOT want to fuck a guy who has gal pals, much less refers to them as gal pals. Seriously. As a guy I would walk QUICKLY away from any guy wanting to hang out with his "gal pals." If you don't have mostly good male friends in your life, you need to turn this around now. Women do not want to fuck another woman, they want to fuck a man. A man with a plan, a man with goals, a man who is driven. Not a man whose world revolves around her and other women.

CAVEAT: Feminine qualities in men are not necessarily a dealbreaker. MANY feminine qualities are. If you're wondering where the balance lays, it's whether anyone questions the feminine qualities in you. If they don't that's because your overall masculinity shines through. I don't think this is the case with you. Something to analyze and work on.

4. If you are spending time with her and her kid, you are NOT on a date. You are on a platonic get together. That's not sexy. Doesn't mean you couldn't hang out with her and her kid from time to time (sparingly), but you know what people get when they go on a date? A babysitter.

5. Dating doesn't even mean exclusivity nowadays, like it might have in the past (when you were a child). You assumed you were boyfriend/girlfriend basically, when it was far from the case. You were more of a beta orbiter that managed to get sex than you were a man she'd want to date.

Small note: Conversate isn't really a word. Conversed is the word you're looking for.

(10-05-2014 08:07 PM)xeloris Wrote:  

Although at this point i don't want a relationship i'd much rather be single and run some game after this situation, More to grow confidence and lessen impact of a future heartbreak.

This is the best thing you said in the whole post. This means you are willing to grow yourself and open your eyes to the true nature of women so you can have a better future. This doesn't preclude you having a serious relationship, a marriage, kids, etc... Game/the red pill is necessary in order to have your interactions with women be a positive in your life.

Oh, and to answer your question, you should assume that you are non-exclusive unless the woman brings up exclusivity ("what are we" type questions) or there is absolutely zero doubt in your mind that she is so traditional that she would never consider going out on more than a few dates with you and being physical with you for any length of time without considering it an exclusive relationship.

Remember, men are the gatekeepers of commitment, women are the gatekeepers of sex. Men escalate physicality, women escalate commitment.

Welcome to the forum. With an open mind towards self improvement and willingness to fail until you succeed you will be a better man for it.

[xeloris]

Repeat this in your head until you really understand/believe it. Women DO NOT want to fuck a guy who has gal pals, much less refers to them as gal pals. Seriously. As a guy I would walk QUICKLY away from any guy wanting to hang out with his "gal pals." If you don't have mostly good male friends in your life, you need to turn this around now. Women do not want to fuck another woman, they want to fuck a man. A man with a plan, a man with goals, a man who is driven. Not a man whose world revolves around her and other women.

CAVEAT: Feminine qualities in men are not necessarily a dealbreaker. MANY feminine qualities are. If you're wondering where the balance lays, it's whether anyone questions the feminine qualities in you. If they don't that's because your overall masculinity shines through. I don't think this is the case with you. Something to analyze and work on.


First off before there is a misconception here, I want to get one thing straight i DO NOT have feminine qualities haha. I just happen to have female friends that i met after my last break up years back. Actually they have become pretty good friends, they are nurses and i work a non-standard schedule so we hung out a lot. I do have male friends.

Secondly, Thanks for the great response it is very helpful..

Speaking of point 5.. ya i did assume we were boyfriend/girlfriend and from now on i'll assume its non-exclusive instead of the other way around

couldn't figure out how to get the quote option to work..