[edtf]

I'm restarting my approach journey, last time I fizzled out. I was not ready for cold-approaching, always making excuses. I tried finding surrogates to rationalize my fear, mainly through online venues. However, I've had only low quality and low return on investment. It's time to face my fear head on and overcome this. There is no shortcut, there is no easy way, I need to plunge my hands in cold water and keep them there. Only then can I catch the fish.

Approach 1:
Girl walks by me on the subway platform. I ask her if she knows when the train is coming, she says it's always delayed. I tell her that I just moved here and wasn't used to the subway being so unreliable. She asks me where I'm from, and we start chatting. We get on the subway, and I look for a place with 2 seats free. I sit down, and I see her dawdle around, and I pat the seat next to me, looking at her. She sits down next to me and we keep talking. Turns out we go to the same university and she's working at a restaurant. We talk about majors and stuff, and when her stop was coming, she said I should drop by her restaurant later tonight. I told her yes, we should grab a drink, and she says yes. Got her number, sent her a text a few hours ago, and waiting to hear back. (I show her Facebook profile to my roommate, and he says he's seen her before on tinder haha)

Approach 2.
I get to the shopping mall, and after roaming around, I see a girl sitting by herself playing on her cell phone, with headphones in. Holy… Damnnnn she was beautiful, she looked something like this:

I walk past her, and turn my head to look at her. She looks up at me, and we lock eyes, and her head quickly darts back down to her cell phone. I keep walking. I am standing behind the pillar, and she cannot see me. My heart rate elevated, and notice my breathing has increased and my stomach tightened. I began to debate with myself:
I need to do something, say something, anything
No, she already saw you and you walked away, it will be awkward
Something is better than nothing
The security guard is standing right there, if this goes bad you'll get kicked out. Just keep walking, there's many other girls, abundance mentality right?
NO! NO! NO! That is what I have always been doing! This needs to change NOW!

After this I walk over, and I stop in front of her, I say:
Me: Excuse me, do you know where the temple is?
She asks me if I'm part of the religion, and I say no, I'm just looking at the sights since I just moved here. She tells me where it is and I can tell that her eyes were debating whether to return their gaze to her phone. This is usually the part where I eject and say "Thanks" and leave. "NOT THIS TIME MOTHERFUCKER", I tell myself. I ask her in Chinese, "You must be from xxx", and she lights up and says "oh I'm from xxx but why do you think that?" We start talking, and then turns out she's a CPA who recently graduated from my university. We chat for about 10 minutes, and she suddenly gets a phone call from a friend. She ends the call in 30 seconds, and her phone rings again. She answers and after she hangs up and says that her friend is waiting for her. I say that we should exchange our numbers, and she says OK. I text her and she texts me back on the spot. I shake her hand and tell her it was nice to meet her.

Afterwards, I walk around the mall, dazed. Couldn't believe that I actually did it! I did 2 cold approaches in one day. It felt natural and organic, I felt like I was glowing!

For the first time in my life, I stopped finding excuses and shortcuts. I took the initiative, and it felt GREAT!!!!!!

Guys, if you are not in the mood, meditate. I forced myself to meditate for 10 minutes after each set, and the thoughts swirling around in my head shaped into something coherent and conscious. I learned more about myself. I realized that I over-intellectualize things, and that results in no action, in game and in life.

[StrivingForGold]

This is inspiring. I'm planning on doing something similar as I often overanalyze situations and either debate internally or talk myself out of it. Keep us informed with the updates.

[iamdegaussed]

Keep it up, man. Don't be satisfied with just one day of this, and press-on. Good luck.

[edtf]

Approach 1 girl texts me back, saying she's going with her coworker (female) for a drink, and that i should come along. Transit shuts down at 11, and no car, so I ask her for raincheck, she asks me what day I'm free. I ask to hit up a happy hour on monday, waiting for her response.

[edtf]

Approach 3:
Saw a latina girl while passing on the subway platform. I lock eyes with her. I smile, and she smiles back. She's sitting down at the end of the row of seats, and I stand next on the pillar next to her. She's talking on the phone in spanish. She finishes, and I open by asking how to get to xxx. She helps me, and then I fizzle out and run out of stuff to talk about. I sit next to her on the subway, we take turns glancing at each other. When I get to my station, I thank her and get off. I exit the subway and as I pass by her window, I smile at her and nod my head and she smiles back. Should have guessed where she was from or something. Maybe since the first 2 girls automatically threw out a conversation hook, and since she didn't, I couldn't react properly.

Fawk.

[edtf]

(08-02-2014 10:09 PM)StrivingForGold Wrote:  

This is inspiring. I'm planning on doing something similar as I often overanalyze situations and either debate internally or talk myself out of it. Keep us informed with the updates.

If you're struggling with opening, just start out with easy stuff, like "where is __ store?" or something, and throw in a hook, such as "Where I'm from, ___ is like this."

If she's not interested, she'll just give you the directions.

If she takes your hook, she'll be like "Oh where are you from? I'm/My best friend/Sister also from ___!"

Usually you don't get blown out with this, what kind of psycho cusses someone out for asking where H&M is?

I use this, but I feel eventually as I gain more confidence I can try more direct or ballsier openers.

[LuiVuitton]

Great progress, EDTF.
Glad that you're able to get over dat approach anxiety.

Congrats! Get'em broooo

[edtf]

Girl from approach 1 says there's no happy hours in this city because of weird liquor laws. She asks if I want to grab lunch sometime. I ask if she likes mexican food, and she says yes. suggested tapas and drinks later this week, she says yes. More to follow

[Sonsowey]

(08-03-2014 12:55 AM)edtf Wrote:  

Approach 3:
Saw a latina girl while passing on the subway platform. I lock eyes with her. I smile, and she smiles back. She's sitting down at the end of the row of seats, and I stand next on the pillar next to her. She's talking on the phone in spanish. She finishes, and I open by asking how to get to xxx. She helps me, and then I fizzle out and run out of stuff to talk about. I sit next to her on the subway, we take turns glancing at each other. When I get to my station, I thank her and get off. I exit the subway and as I pass by her window, I smile at her and nod my head and she smiles back. Should have guessed where she was from or something. Maybe since the first 2 girls automatically threw out a conversation hook, and since she didn't, I couldn't react properly.

Fawk.

Ramble bro.

"Oh cool, I'm going to do X right now. It's cool cause blah blah blah."

"I'm going to X part of town now, you know it? There's this spot I really like called blah blah blah"

"Oh today I'm busy going to dinner with my friends, we're getting Italian food, this great place where they make amazing blah blah blah."

"It's so hot today, when it's hot I love to go to the water and just read a nice book and relax, do you like to read? I just read this book called American Psycho it's about blah blah blah, you read anything good lately? Oh you read Cosmo and Twilight? Wow cool"

"That shirt is cool, it reminds me of something I saw in Singapore when I was there last year windsailing and saving dolphins for national geographic magazine"

"I think that guy over there is lonely, he may need a girlfriend. Should I introduce him to you? He seems like a good guy, I bet he would be very nice. Oh you don't like him? What's wrong with him, I think you two would be a good match"

[edtf]

Approach 4:
Girl in starbucks 5 face, 7 body. As I was walking to the restroom, she gave me eye contact. After I got back from the restroom, I sat down at her table. I ask her what time the place closes, and she said she didn't know, but that I could ask the worker there. Damn, this is going to fizzle out, I thought. So I asked, "are you also a student at ___?" She says no, that she is a summer intern at a company here, and asked me if I was a student. We started talking, where we were from, what we were studying, and since she was prepping for an interview, I didn't want to bother her too much. As she left, I asked her to exchange numbers, and she said yes and sent me a text.

I only use simple openers at the moment, because saying at least something is better than paralysis by analysis.

[edtf]

1 flake, rest no response. damn….

[edtf]

Approach 5:

Saw a girl running a booth for a campus club. Tall, tanned skin, big eyes, slim body, pretty. As I walk over to her booth, I notice her eyes widen and she does a hair flip. I stand and look at the booth next to her for a second. I notice she's looking at me, and I say "Hi, how are you?" We chat for a while about the club, and it turns to getting to know each other. Eventually as I eject, I ask for her email. She says I should also take her number. I text her my name, and she text back saying it was very nice to meet me, and to let her know if I ever need to talk or anything. I respond back, saying it was nice to meet her as well and that we should do lunch.

[edtf]

Today I broke up with my girlfriend. 5 months, the last 2 months long distance. Time to start fresh. No more guilt, no more cognitive dissonance.

Approach 5 girl agrees to lunch next week.

[brofists]

Quote:

I walk past her, and turn my head to look at her. She looks up at me, and we lock eyes, and her head quickly darts back down to her cell phone. I keep walking. I am standing behind the pillar, and she cannot see me. My heart rate elevated, and notice my breathing has increased and my stomach tightened. I began to debate with myself:
I need to do something, say something, anything
No, she already saw you and you walked away, it will be awkward

man this was my exact thoughts yesterday to this cute latina girls sitting by herself in the park. She gave no IOIs when I walked past her, and I talked myself out of it thinking it would be awkward to go back and start a conversation.

Felt horrible for the remainder of the day, I'm glad you pulled through!

[edtf]

No approach because school is picking up. While sitting in Starbucks, I see a girl wearing a black tank top sitting on the couch next to me. Half an hour later, a 40-year old indian guy sits across from her. He plays on his phone for a few minutes, then asks her what the tattoo is. She tells him what it is and looks back down at her laptop. 30 seconds later, he asks if there is a story behind the tattoo. His voice was quiet and reeked of lack of self-confidence. She said yes again and looked back down. He plays on his phone for a few more minutes and then says that the reason he asked her is because he was thinking of getting a tattoo himself, and wanted her opinion. She said that it was a subjective thing and she didn't think she could give advice on it. After a few minutes, he leans in and asks her something, I can't hear it. She says, "No, Sorry" and he leaves.

First time seeing a stranger approach, it was pretty bad. If he had lost the glasses, and ditched the WalMart clothes, and spoke more confidently, he might have had more success. Good luck, anonymous brother, keep working at it.

[edtf]

Approach 6:

Pleasant surprise while going in for a haircut today. Stylist was a cute blonde girl, 7.8/10. I hit it off in conversation with her, and after that I email closed her. Yeah I should have gone for number, but her boss was right next to her, and I chickened out. Better than nothing. Going to work with this and see how far it goes.

[The Reactionary Tree]

(08-15-2014 12:28 AM)edtf Wrote:  

Approach 5:

Saw a girl running a booth for a campus club. Tall, tanned skin, big eyes, slim body, pretty. As I walk over to her booth, I notice her eyes widen and she does a hair flip. I stand and look at the booth next to her for a second. I notice she's looking at me, and I say "Hi, how are you?" We chat for a while about the club, and it turns to getting to know each other. Eventually as I eject, I ask for her email. She says I should also take her number. I text her my name, and she text back saying it was very nice to meet me, and to let her know if I ever need to talk or anything. I respond back, saying it was nice to meet her as well and that we should do lunch.

Dont even bother with email, just go straight for the number. I understand why you did the email close on the hair stylist but when the girls are out in the wild and not at work, just go straight for the number. You'd be surprised how easily a girl will just give you her number. Like in this case, she literally insisted that you take it. Consider your environment too. On a college campus, no one really knows each other. Everyone is on their own in the world for the first time. If they are a freshman or even sophomore, they probably dont have a lot of friends so they will be eager to make new ones.

Other than that, great job man. Keep up the good work. I've just exited a relationship and am planning to do this on the local campus once classes start. These approach diaries inspire me.

[edtf]

Asked a girl in my class if she wanted to get drinks, and she said maybe. I said that one drink never hurt anyone, and she agreed. I said "sounds good, i'll hit you up this weekend" and she says "OK deal". The day comes and she drives over to my house so that we can walk over together. We banter and have good conversation, I kino and she doesn't resist. An hour into it all of our classmates show up, WTF? turns out there was a get-together for our class planned at the same exact place that I didn't read about. All her friends are there and it gets awkward to escalate more, so I forget about the bang and just enjoy myself. Whatever plenty more opportunities

[edtf]

Approach 6:

Girl was looking at the campus map. I walk over and ask her "You wouldn't happen to know where ___ is, would you?", she smiles and says she doesn't know. She tells me she's looking for a building near there, and I see it on the map. We walk together, and start learning about each other, she asks a lot of personal questions. At the end, I say we should hang out sometime, and I gave her my number and told her to send me a text.

She texts me 15 minutes later, and I banter with her a little bit, making fun of her last name and how it sounds like a girl from Little house on the prarie. I ask her to hang out on friday, and she says she will get back to me since she might have something going on on Friday.

We'll see, but this was a good solid cold approach number close.

[edtf]

Approach 7:

Solid 8 at the bus stop. She looks at me, looks down and smiles. Dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. I sit by her, she has headphones on. I ask what time the bus is coming, and she tells me, she pauses a little, as if giving me a hint to say something else. I guess at which part of campus she's going, and I tell her she's lucky because I'm all the way up the hill at ___ building. She asks what I'm studying, and we start chatting. I call her out on her accent and she turns out to be Norwegian. We banter back and forth about the difference between Americans and Norwegians. "This right here", she says, as her hands point to her and then me, "would never happen in Norway, you just talking to a stranger at a bus stop."

Shit test, I thought. Well, I just turn it back on her. "Aren't there only like 10 million people in Norway? You would think that if you don't see anyone for miles around, you would want to talk to the first person you see. That sounds crazy and weird to me." She laughs out loud. We get on the bus, and it is crowded. She re-engages me in conversation, and I am standing up while she is sitting down. We talk about her swim team, and a bunch of other stuff. Suddenly, I notice three of my classmates sitting on the bus next to me. Shit, they're listening to everything I say. I start to feel self conscious. Girl pulls out her phone and starts texting. I wait until she's done. She re-engages me again and we chat. At her stop, I say that it was nice to meet her, she tells me her name, and I tell her that I'll see her around.

Damn, I've never gamed in front of people I knew before. Fear took over, I was afraid of getting number-closed blown out in front of my classmates. Thinking back, it doesn't really matter that much. Whatever, I'll probably see her again.

Girl from Approach 6 flaked out when I asked her to hang out on Friday. We exchanged a few banter texts (like about 5) back and forth, and then I pushed for the meet up. She said she might have something going on, and she'll let me know later. Two days later she texts me and says she has something going on. I say "No problem, have a good weekend" and don't text her back. I think I need to start incorporating more banter into the texts here or at least go out for lunch or coffee before doing drinks. The state I'm living in is pretty conservative, and even when initial interest exists, the meet up is not happening.

[edtf]

Hey guys, I realized I haven't made a post in quite a while, and there's some catching up to do.

I found that I had a lot of inner game issues to fix. In half a year, I've gotten skin care to clear up my skin, contact lenses, and upgraded my wardrobe, and I realized I was getting a ton more eye contact and interest from girls, but my personality was still my old and unconfident self.

I had gone out specifically to the mall 2 times to day game, making a commitment to go direct, but I couldn't do it. My heart would beat faster, I would let 1 approach go by, then 1 more, then many more, and after that the whole day was gone and I didn't do jack.

I started looking at an approach anxiety program by Good Looking Loser, and thought his ideas made sense, taking baby steps to reduce anxiety and reduce fear through constant immersion. I also started meditating, 20 minutes a day, along with trying self-hypnosis in order to boost my own confidence and reduce anxiety. I don't know which one of these it was, but I felt better about myself, that I was worth looking girls in the eye and holding eye contact, that I wasn't creepy but that they found me attractive.

Now I could hold eye contact, but still I wouldn't approach, I would still keep walking past them even after getting eye contact or a smile. I realized that I still had anxiety from potential rejection, and was holding me back from smiling at girls I didn't know. I practiced in the mirror to give just the right smile, never thinking it would be this much work.

Another inner game issue I had was my fear of approaching white girls. I think subconsciously I had put them on a pedestal, and I had much more trouble approaching them compared to Asian girls or Hispanic girls, and I wanted to get over this.

Its taken me about 4 months to address these inner game issues, and I'm more confident then before, and I've made 3 approaches in the past 3 weeks:

#8: At the airport, I sit down next to a cute blonde girl (7) at the airport terminal. We exchange glances several times, and I know I need to say something. Yet my instinct is to pull out my textbook and start studying, and I kick myself inside for doing this. Over the loudspeaker, the pilot makes a joke, saying," ___ college and ___ university football fans get to board the plane first." We immediately lock eyes and smile at each other. I open, asking which college she's going to. We start talking about our majors, where we live, etc, and board the plane. She's sitting 3 aisles behind me and I'm separated from her until the end of the flight. As I got off the plane, I noticed she was walking slow and glancing back, as if waiting for me. I catch up with her and we keep talking, and at baggage claim she gets a call from her parents to hurry up and get to the loading zone. I didn't have time to number close, and she told me she will look me up. She somehow finds me on Facebook and adds me, and she is agreeing to hang out after winter break when finals are over.

#9: During finals week at the library, I notice a cute blonde girl (7.5) sitting by herself in a booth. I double back, and ask her if I can join her, and she gives a sweet smile and says yes. I start reading my books and 30 minutes later she packs up to leave. I'm thinking of something to say, and then she gets up, doesn't even look at me, and walks off. "Fuck! I'm a bitch!", I thought. About an hour later she is back, and sits back next to me in the booth. She doesn't make any eye contact or give any IOI's, and I feel nervous about opening. Finally the library is about to close, and as she is packing, I think its now or never, better man up and at least say something. "Are you done studying for tonight?", I ask her. She gives me the widest smile, using her eyes, and tells me all about her paper. We talk and she asks me a bunch of personal questions, where I'm from, what I'm studying, what I like to do, and I also notice how much better I am at throwing out good conversation hooks. about 10 minutes later, she says she needs to leave, and I tell her we should stay in touch and hang out some time. I ended up asking if she has Facebook (yeah i know, lame, I need to work on this) and she says she doesn't use it much, and she wrote her name and number in my notebook. Going to call her to hang out after finals.

#10: Leaving campus, and at the elevator to the subway, I see a hipster-looking girl (6.5) with dirty blonde hair. She sees me, gives a small smile, and looks away. As we get in the elevator, I ask her "Ready to go home?", and she takes out her headphones, and we start making small talk. Turns out she's a PhD in my department, and we talk about science and stuff, and I tease her and she hits me on the arm. About 3 stations later, she says "well this is my stop." I say we should stay in touch and hang out sometime, as the subway doors are opening. She quickly digs her phone out of her pocket, and hands it to me, and I punch in my number, and she gives me a missed call. I ask her name and she gives me hers, and she yells back, nice to meet you!, as the doors on the subway close. I ended up running into her today in the hall, and will hit her up once finals are over.

[edtf]

Followup on #10, texted her asking if she wanted to get drinks. She said she would love to hang out, but she has a boyfriend and would like to be friends if i'm interested. Not going to pursue it, its too much work.

[Sensei Creation]

Nice thread so far , keep at it

[enderilluminatus]

Keep it going!

[The Reactionary Tree]

OP, what country are you in if you dont mind me asking?