[JustJay]

The Story of a Beta Black Man From DC

By JustJay

My name is Jay and I am 28 year old African American male that was born in the nations capital. I currently no longer reside in the city (thankfully) and I married. I’ve lived the life of a white knight, someone who followed “the plan” for the American Dream, and as someone who gave up 6 years of his life because it was “the patriotic thing to do”.

I have decided to share this story with everyone because I feel that it may be of some benefit to those who are raising boys or know of some boys they’d like to raise to be strong men. I would say that there are definitely man young men who’ve gone through similar situations such as I did, and felt that there was no way out. There will be a lot of depressing material in this story. There will be a lot of situations which will make you want to abuse something.

I won’t be putting too much personal information in (i.e full names, addresses, places of employment for people I know, etc.). This story will be on a bit of a time line and I won’t be putting everything out at once so any questions that may revolve around a later date in the story, please wait for that to be released before asking.

I hope this story proves to be educational and informative. I am by no means a person who writes for a living. I haven’t written anything like this in a very long time so it may be a bit rudimentary at times. So that means is that there will probably be a fair share of mistakes (grammatical) in this piece. Please PM me with any questions or errors that you may have.

Thanks and without further ado, the story…..

[JustJay]

Chapter One

Growing Up In The Nations Capital

I was born and raised in Southeast DC, where the crime was high, crack was still the ticket to wealth, and the tap water was yellow at best. I was born to a single mother out of wedlock, a common occurance in southeast, and my father was nowhere to be found. It was like living the urban dream, lots of food stamps,hand me down clothes, and in some cases cockroaches. The sidewalks were often in bad condition, littered with broken glass and bottles that were from drunks and other crack addicts. Every street next to mine had their own gang graffiti. Like 21st Street crew, or 30th street hoods. To me it was silly, but I felt that their art was kind of cool.

It was safe the say that my mother really did all she could to make me happy. I had a spoiled personality, obese, and lacking any real discipline. I always envied what my friends (the few that I had) had. Nintendo, Gameboy, Sega Genesis. I had a pretty entitled attitude about it, and I wouldn’t let any beatings stop me from complaining. Er…by beatings I mean spankings, hit with rulers, sticks, shoes, TV antenna, oh and definitely the belt. Anyway, I digress a little.

My mother worked a low level government job, she did not have a car so she took public transportation and up until maybe when I was 10 had to come pick me up from school. So 5 days a week 12-14 hour day easy. She was a devout Christian (unfortunately a part of a mega church) and was a strong believer that the Lord was going to save us from our problems. Thus was the sentiment that many other single mothers in my neighborhood had.

The one thing I will always be thankful to this day that she did for me was put me through private school up until 7th grade. I think if I didn’t get that kind of education I would have probably still been in the streets of DC and/or in jail somewhere. The second thing that helped was that she placed me in the Big Brother program (will be covered in a different section). Those two things really made a difference in my life.

Despite my spoiled behavior I did well in school, even skipped a grade and things were looking pretty good. I got into a lot of fights at school. Most of it was me just getting picked on because my hair color was in fact red. So I got called all kinds of names, Koolaid man, Sinbad, Malcom X, Big Red. I liked watching fights and martial arts. I just didn’t like beating up people. I made some kids bleed. But I was afraid of myself for that. I guess maybe all of the religious programming telling me to “Love Thy Neighbor” had it’s effect on me.

I didn’t like black girls my age that much either. The ones that I did like were a little older 13 or 14 years, but often times already pregnant. So dealing with loud, obnoxious screaming, mean black girls was a turn off for me. Most black women to this day still turn me off. Too much attitude. My grandmother was a definite reason as to why I have an adverse reaction to black women.

[JustJay]

My Grandmother and My Depression

Growing up as a kid I thought my grandmother was the best person in the world. She was nice, she got me my first Gameboy and Super Nintendo, and fed me good southern food. She lived in Maryland, so going to my grandmother’s was also my chance for me to get out of DC for a while. So how can such a nice old lady be so manipulative and destructive?

It wasn’t until my grandmother lost her house in Maryland where I learned her true nature. I didn’t know at the time she lost her house but she had nowhere else to go. So I begged my mother to let her stay at our place in DC. My mother was very apprehensive about it and eventually gave in after much pestering. The first week was great. After that, it was a big shock to my childhood. She would curse my mother out for small little mistakes. Belittle her in front of me by telling her how useless she was. She would always be riding her. When my mother wasn’t around, her attention soon turned to me. She was just as verbally and emotionally abusive as she was to my mother. I didn’t know what depression was as a kid. But I definitely was sad a lot. I got this form of anxiety for approval and it was that traumatic experience that has possibly caused me to be who I am today. I believe it was 5th grade that I failed. I just didn’t have the energy for class. I started to tune things out, didn’t care as much about school. I repeated 5th grade and passed, but my life was still under duress from my grandmother.

I believe it was around 6th grade where my grandmother finally found a place to live and got out of there. The damage had been done. I’ve been on and off depressed for the rest of my time in DC. Was prescribed Prozac in 7th grade (My 2nd time in 7th grade) and let me tell you. Do not ever touch anti-depressants. I don’t care how depressed you are. Taking an anti-depressant is the equivalent of transforming yourself into a soulless husk of a human. You stop being human and I was terrified of the stuff and stopped taking it.


To be continued....

[polar]

[jariel]

[Quintus Curtius]

Jay:

At the risk of sounding like a heartless prick, I'm going to be honest with you. I see you joined the Forum in April. Thank you for joining, and I think you will find a wealth of resources here for men who genuinely interested in self-improvement, skills with women, camaraderie, knowledge, and the like.

Threads are not appropriate for personal musings.

In my opinion, it's very bad etiquette to join a new organization, and then as a new member with only 20 posts, to dump your personal problems on everyone. It's attention-seeking, dramatic, and extremely egotistical. We don't know you. You have offered nothing tangible yet to the community, and yet expect us to listen to your traumatic outpourings. You haven't earned the right yet to dump your personal issues on us.

You've displayed very poor taste and lack of consideration to your fellow members.

I don't want to hear it.

You've suffered? We've all been through it in here. Pick your ass up, suck it up, and keep moving. Period.

The correct approach to take when entering a new group of men is to listen, take notes, offer comments of a positive nature at selected times, and let time take its course.

The best lesson you can learn in life is this: No one owes you anything, and no one gives a shit about your problems.

Stop complaining, and keep moving forward.

.

[Cobra]

Shit.. these posts.. I kind of feel for the OP based on my own experience.

I remember wanting to post about my problems and hoping people at RVF would COME TO MY RESCUE.

But, I patiently read a lot of threads. THEN I POSTED...I still sounded fairly "beta" and was embarrassed to post at times. But people started responding and helped me stay on the path I CHOSE!.

Choose your own path first brother; we'll help you on the journey!

Otherwise, please don't waste our time.

[DarkTriad]

(07-16-2014 07:37 PM)Quintus Curtius Wrote:  

Jay:

At the risk of sounding like a heartless prick, I'm going to be honest with you. I see you joined the Forum in April. Thank you for joining, and I think you will find a wealth of resources here for men who genuinely interested in self-improvement, skills with women, camaraderie, knowledge, and the like.

Threads are not appropriate for personal musings.

In my opinion, it's very bad etiquette to join a new organization, and then as a new member with only 20 posts, to dump your personal problems on everyone. It's attention-seeking, dramatic, and extremely egotistical. We don't know you. You have offered nothing tangible yet to the community, and yet expect us to listen to your traumatic outpourings. You haven't earned the right yet to dump your personal issues on us.

I don't want to hear it.

You've suffered? We've all been through it in here. Pick your ass up, suck it up, and keep moving. Period.

The correct approach to take when entering a new group of men is to listen, take notes, offer comments of a positive nature at selected times, and let time take its course.

The best lesson you can learn in life is this: No one owes you anything, and no one gives a shit about your problems.

Stop complaining, and keep moving forward.

.

However, successful transformation stories are legit. If this is a success story, I'm happy to read it. Liked the quality of the writing so far. If inappropriate here, please resubmit to Red Pill Success Stories r/TheRedPill so I can get the rest of it.

This is one of the more advanced forums, this might not be the right place for it.

[Tough lucky Luke]

"I liked watching fights and martial arts. I just didn’t like beating up people. I made some kids bleed. But I was afraid of myself for that. I guess maybe all of the religious programming telling me to “Love Thy Neighbor” had it’s effect on me."

Good news is, you are not a psychopath. Bad news is, you do sound and write a bit like a sociopath.

This sentence in particular is interesting, and sinister : "I made some kids bleed. But I was afraid of myself for that" . If you had said, : " I made some kids bleed. And I was sorry for that ", okay! But, stating that you are afraid of yourself, afraid of what you know to be your secret, real tendencies?....well....

"A sociopath has no difficulty in understanding how to behave in a social setting and mostly is not very temperamental in nature. His problem is more a result of bad company, negligence of the parents, hyper intelligence or poverty than anything else. As opposed to sociopaths, psychopaths usually are unable to understand and cope with the norms of the society because of their impulsive and fearless nature which prompts them to take unnecessary risks. Most of the psychopaths have no control over their temperamental issues because they are born with them.

4. Feel Remorse or Not

Psychopaths do not have a moral code of ethics and therefore are not able to feel empathy or remorse for their fellow beings. They tend to manipulate others and can resort to lying to achieve their goal. Their lifestyle is mostly parasitic and they continue to violate the norms of the society all throughout their lives. In general, psychopaths are found in less number in the world but account for almost one-fourth of the criminals that end up in jail.

Sociopaths are different from psychopaths and feel guilt for their actions. However, their emotional connection is limited to a certain group of people only with whom they can interact and build relationships with. Outside this group, the behavior of a sociopath is similar to that of a psychopath and he will reject the social norms just like him. A sociopath however, does not have a tendency to lie to people or manipulate them especially if they are part of his family or his group of friends instead he has genuine feelings for them and will feel remorse if he ends up hurting them in any way. "

[JustJay]

(07-16-2014 07:37 PM)Quintus Curtius Wrote:  

Jay:

At the risk of sounding like a heartless prick, I'm going to be honest with you. I see you joined the Forum in April. Thank you for joining, and I think you will find a wealth of resources here for men who genuinely interested in self-improvement, skills with women, camaraderie, knowledge, and the like.

Threads are not appropriate for personal musings.

In my opinion, it's very bad etiquette to join a new organization, and then as a new member with only 20 posts, to dump your personal problems on everyone. It's attention-seeking, dramatic, and extremely egotistical. We don't know you. You have offered nothing tangible yet to the community, and yet expect us to listen to your traumatic outpourings. You haven't earned the right yet to dump your personal issues on us.

You've displayed very poor taste and lack of consideration to your fellow members.

I don't want to hear it.

You've suffered? We've all been through it in here. Pick your ass up, suck it up, and keep moving. Period.

The correct approach to take when entering a new group of men is to listen, take notes, offer comments of a positive nature at selected times, and let time take its course.

The best lesson you can learn in life is this: No one owes you anything, and no one gives a shit about your problems.

Stop complaining, and keep moving forward.

.

Quintus,

Thanks for your direct response. I've followed up on your work through ROK and some other posts I've lurked through on this forum since I've joined.

I understand how this can be seen as dumping. However, I honestly wanted to contribute to the forum the only way I knew how and thats by relaying my life experiences as a learning lesson. What I am doing at the moment is just pretext. I'm setting things up. Please be patient and allow me to finish up at least the first chapter before I can be judged. Thats it. If you don't like it, i'll shut up and go back into the crowd and only contribute from the now.

Let me know.

-Jay

[JustJay]

(07-16-2014 07:57 PM)DarkTriad Wrote:  

(07-16-2014 07:37 PM)Quintus Curtius Wrote:  

Jay:

At the risk of sounding like a heartless prick, I'm going to be honest with you. I see you joined the Forum in April. Thank you for joining, and I think you will find a wealth of resources here for men who genuinely interested in self-improvement, skills with women, camaraderie, knowledge, and the like.

Threads are not appropriate for personal musings.

In my opinion, it's very bad etiquette to join a new organization, and then as a new member with only 20 posts, to dump your personal problems on everyone. It's attention-seeking, dramatic, and extremely egotistical. We don't know you. You have offered nothing tangible yet to the community, and yet expect us to listen to your traumatic outpourings. You haven't earned the right yet to dump your personal issues on us.

I don't want to hear it.

You've suffered? We've all been through it in here. Pick your ass up, suck it up, and keep moving. Period.

The correct approach to take when entering a new group of men is to listen, take notes, offer comments of a positive nature at selected times, and let time take its course.

The best lesson you can learn in life is this: No one owes you anything, and no one gives a shit about your problems.

Stop complaining, and keep moving forward.

.

However, successful transformation stories are legit. If this is a success story, I'm happy to read it. Liked the quality of the writing so far. If inappropriate here, please resubmit to Red Pill Success Stories r/TheRedPill so I can get the rest of it.

This is one of the more advanced forums, this might not be the right place for it.

Thank you. It is indeed meant to be a success story and I understood the risks of potential backlash for posting this. That is all that this is building up to be. A success story. I am open to criticism and if this in fact turns out not to be the place for this then I'll pack it up and that'll be the end of it.

[JustJay]

Story Discontinued

After the consulting with members through PM and the responses provided through this thread I will discontinue with this story here. I will continue with the project and will provide a final copy to those who may be interested in it. (Note made about DarkTriad's request)

I have not taken any of the comments personally, nor will I. I appreciate the feedback and I'll continue to read and educate myself on improving myself as a man.

Thank you,

Jay

[aphelion]

Please post to /r/TheRedPill, it's quite interesting.

[funkyzeit]

This kind of thing on the internet usually ends with a "...to sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air"

[The Reactionary Tree]

start a blog

[aphelion]

Thread of the year if it ends with a Fresh Prince non sequitur.

[Days of Broken Arrows]

I agree life stories don't really work in this forum, since there's too much to analyze.

But anecdotes do. If you can cherry-pick an important life lesson or two and post about those, that works -- especially if the subjects tie in with either current events or the false B.S. we're taught to believe by Hollywood/schools/parents.

I've wanted to do one about how the idiotic saying "she's out of your league" led me to end relationships with three great women...only to find they wound up with guys pretty much like me anyway.

Slice-of-life stories are helpful to the board, especially when the moral is "Don't do the stupid thing(s) I did."

[Built to Fade]

On a serious note, re-read your story and use it as a tool for self reflection and as a means to move forward. You'll probably get much more out of it that way.

The self realization of your betaness is the first step and the main catalyst for change. The best of luck in your personal growth and alpha development.

[Sawyer]

I enjoyed the story. Please post a link in this thread when you find a good place to post the rest.

[Cobra]

I think you have a good head on your shoulders OP but maybe should have also posted a disclaimer that you intend to continue posting about positive actions you have taken albeit following a more chapter based format.

The forum is not meant as much for chapter based stories as much at is for ready and direct reflection. Another words, if you want to summarize certain key issues and questions, it is easier for members to digest.

If you make your posts complex and wordy, not only will you NOT get an audience BUT you also will NOT get as much help.

That being said I like what you have to say and look forward to your posts.

[JustJay]

Thanks for your responses everyone. I've taken the additional input under consideration and I agree that useful slice-o-life nuggets would be appropriate and useful in helping others throughout the forum. I've done a lot of dumb shit.

Some things I am going to address is:

Experiences of black on black hate. (wha?)

Social Media 1.0 Before Facebook was hot and how it's transformed and affected me and others.

Free Therapy.

I'm still working on the story of course and it'll be a little while before it is finished. I wouldn't post it here if part of my change for the better wasn't attributed by RoK and this very forum.

Regarding the lack of clear disclaimer of my intentions I can see how it may have given some the wrong idea about what I was doing. When I post again and when I submit a new thread I'll be sure to rectify that.

Thanks again for your responses and your time. Till next time.

[rhodey]

(07-18-2014 12:21 AM)JustJay Wrote:  

Thanks for your responses everyone. I've taken the additional input under consideration and I agree that useful slice-o-life nuggets would be appropriate and useful in helping others throughout the forum. I've done a lot of dumb shit.

Some things I am going to address is:

Experiences of black on black hate. (wha?)

Social Media 1.0 Before Facebook was hot and how it's transformed and affected me and others.

Free Therapy.

I'm still working on the story of course and it'll be a little while before it is finished. I wouldn't post it here if part of my change for the better wasn't attributed by RoK and this very forum.

Regarding the lack of clear disclaimer of my intentions I can see how it may have given some the wrong idea about what I was doing. When I post again and when I submit a new thread I'll be sure to rectify that.

Thanks again for your responses and your time. Till next time.

Are you actually black? You sound like the Indian Race troll masquerading as a beta Blackman, very fugazy.

[JustJay]

Beta Story #1 The Indoctrination of a White Knight

Note: This passage is me exploring the origins of white knight hood and how I was indoctrinated at a young age, and the harsh lessons learned before discovering the red-pill

It was years ago when I was a kid when I started to undergo training of white knighthood. Back then to stay out of trouble I lead a reclusive life and was fortunate enough to have a computer to use and around that time AOL was maybe 2 or 3 years old.

When you're a child, as a boy you learn the basics from TV about how to defend the honor of women. They are always in trouble and it was the man's job to save them. The woman would often be harassed by this male oppressor who was causing the woman great distress and even perhaps great harm. So it is then you want to be the good guy. The guy who rushes to aid and protect these defenseless creatures.

So take that mindset and mix it with being a Christian at the time and it lead to a lot of naive misguided behaviors. To me being a Christian was doing good things so that God may reward me in the future for my good deeds. Good deeds means good rewards right? Not quite. Being good costed me having my Gameboy snatched right out of my hands in the middle of the streets in DC. From being good I found myself giving up my resources to help students who were lazy to prepare themselves. When you give handouts to the needy. Some will become dependent on you until they bleed you dry.

Using AOL was like opening a whole new world before me at my fingertips. Plenty of friendly people to converse with. Heck you might even have some regulars to talk to if you're online enough. There was a particular chatroom that I stumbled across that was pretty much the Dungeons and Dragons of AOL. These chatrooms were the ultimate training ground to be a white knight. So being the kid I was I got involved, lied about my age of course and was part of the ranks.

One frustration I had that it took me years to get was that the "bad guys" were always recapturing the women. Arguments "Out of Character" ensued as to why these women kept getting captured. Excuses ensued and so I decided to try my hand at playing this...bad guy character.

It was strange because doing this went against the very fiber of what I was brought up to be. Nice, courteous, in service of women in need. Yet this character I role-played to be was getting so many responses from other female players that I was blown away. I just didn't get it. Why were these women all into this bad guy. What's wrong with these women?

When I reflect upon that and other men who might have went through the same state of confusion as I did as a kid. I only understood that women men who are the bad boys because it keeps them thrilled and excited. They crave to be dominated and kept in check by a strong man whom they can't control.

Is it this very reason that men today had to forget about the stance of "chilvary" and evolve into what Roosh has defined as clowns?

I've found myself in other online arguments in the defense of the woman and I never knew the full story. I just automatically believed she was innocent. The prettier the more innocent she was. All in all hiding behind this thirsty demeanor of maybe someday getting in the pants of this woman who I didn't know over the internet. I got called out on it but I immediately stopped listening when the guy starts mentioning "Oh she's a whore/slut/cunt/etc." She's beautiful how could she be capable of being a cock carousel? In the mean time of course the woman who you were defending was nowhere to be found or you're thanked for your good deed, informed that you a "nice guy" and thats the end of it.

I think it was around my early 20's when I started to wake up after I was on a double date with a woman at a beach somewhere. We were talking and she told me how I was marriage material. Instinctively that didn't sit well with me and I never got laid afterwards. How right she was though. Easily controlled pussy whipped beta? Definite marriage material.

I believe in NAWALT. However after finally waking up recently to the true state of American women the red-pill was like going to the doctor and being told you have AIDS. But in this case. There's a cure to the madness. I think the fronts we put on in society is no different than putting on fronts in an online atmosphere. A persona is the aspect of someone's character that is presented to or perceived by others. We are all actors in the game of pursuing women. Is this act often truly who we want to be in the face of women? Who knows. But until we can get these "strong, independent females" to be more feminine. Well, I guess we have no choice but to keep acting. At least this time for me, it won't be in a fragile suit of armor of a white knight.

[JustJay]

-deleted-