Quote: (01-27-2014 02:10 AM)bacon Wrote:
I just learned my close friend committed sucide.
has anyone here dealt with the sucide of someone close? The shock of the news is wearing off now after reading his obituary 2days agobut this saddens me that a guy i shared so many memories with is gone from this earth. The fact that he ended his own life leaves me withmany conflicting emotions. The mind is a mystery and depression often affects the most interesting talented people.
Several people I've known have killed themselves. The first was a guy I only remember meeting once, at a party, back in the early 1990s. His father had given me a copy of Space Quest III on seven 5 1/4" diskettes, and I had gotten stuck for months trying to get past a place in the game where a robot kept catching me and twisting me into bits.
I told this guy about my problem, and he said, "Push the hook and it will hit the robot in the head and make him fall into the grinder." Sure enough, it worked, and allowed me to beat the game. I was so young that I don't even remember what he looked like; maybe I didn't even make eye contact with him, because he was so much taller than me.
Later, I heard that one day when his father was away from the house, he had broken into his dad's bedroom by putting a ladder through the window, and retrieved his dad's gun and killed himself. He had at least done one act of kindness for me before he went. My sister told me that he was a shy guy. Probably he just needed some pussy.
The second guy I knew who killed himself was a childhood friend of mine, my favorite in the whole neighborhood. The other kids used to call him a faggot and say that he talked like a robot. When he grew up, we used to talk about our suicidal thoughts in Facebook chats. Then I got sentenced to 10 months in jail, and when I got out, I accepted a friend request from a woman I didn't know.
After she was notified of my acceptance, she told me that she didn't know me, but she had been friending everyone on his friends list so she could tell them that he had killed himself. My first thought was, "Why did it have to be him?" I spent three hours writing a eulogy for him; then my browser crashed and I lost all my work, and I spent another three hours re-writing it.
The third person I knew who killed herself was my ex-wife. She had left me about 11 months earlier (347 days, to be exact), so I had already mourned the loss of her. However, it wasn't till the day I got a phone call telling me she was dead, that I found out in the same conversation that I had a daughter.
I reached out to another ex of hers, and he told me that he was glad she was dead. I guess he was happy that she couldn't cause any more harm. Part of me feels the same way, but I'll never stop loving her and wishing I could have had even a miserable life with her rather than lose her. Then again, I can't really wish upon any child to have a mother who's so emotionally and psychologically unstable.
When I think of the people I've known who killed themselves, it reminds me of rock stars, or actors like Heath Ledger, who died of overdoses. Some of the best (or most unique and interesting, anyway) people are only around for a short time. They're too intense, and they don't fit into society very well. So if you meet someone like that, enjoy them while you have them.
When people feel suicidal over and over, and make multiple attempts, it's hard to feel so bad about when they finally succeed. Obviously their problems were chronic, rather than temporary.
On the other hand, it's worth noting that many, if not most, of the people I've known, who killed themselves, had recently gotten on psychiatric meds. That's some dangerous shit, yo. I warned one of them that he was playing with fire, and he told me that he could handle it, because he'd experimented with psychedelics. Well, obviously whatever psych meds he was on were more dangerous than the illegal drugs he had played around with, because he's dead now.