[coolstorybro]

I'm overweight, not american obese, but still at least 10-15 lbs overweight.

When I've been out recently I notice I do not get the same responses from women that I did when I was in top shape.

It is mostly when I do a confident physical approach or something on the dance floor, the girls will not respond as well as they used to.

Is being overweight the issue or is it lack of game, that I simply got away with bad game before because I was in good shape and must have looked semi-attractive? It is because hesitation and insecurity about it is projected and girls pick up on it?

Is it possible to have an appearance where you simply look much less attractive being overweight, where as some other people may better be able to get away with it?

[mattybrews]

It's both, bro.

My gut level reaction says that if you're asking about it, it means that it bothers you. If it bothers you, rather than trying to find some way to rationalize it, DO something about it. ("If you have to ask...")

I'm sure other members can point to successful PUA who have been portly, rotund, fat, and had no problem gaming bishes. If so that's because they had other things going for them (confidence, social capital, financial capital, think of mobsters or big russians here) which carried them over.

But if you're like 99.99% of people out there, being in shape--or at very least taking real, honest steps to get fit--will make you feel good. There are many reasons. The first is that you will *look* better, eventually, by degrees and over time. The second is that you will *feel* better, flushing crap food, crap habits, and crap emotional states out of your body and replacing it with healthful ones.

10-15# past overweight? Drop 5# and you'll feel successful. Hit that 10-15# marker, not easy, but if you get there you will know true dedication, because it will take time. Drop 20+ pounds and you'll know not just dedication, but you'll notice that the level of women who notice and eyefuck you will have gone up significantly. In essence, you will have cracked up your level on the sexual marketplace.

Not to mention, raised your testosterone, adopted a better diet, adopted a better relationship with food ("Eat to live, not the other way around"), balanced your hormones, slept better, performed better in the sack, added a few years to your life...

There's a reason why just about EVERY introduction into the Game lifestyle makes it all but mandatory that you start lifting weights and eating high-protein, low-carb diets--they aren't the end-all be-all of fitness, but they will do the most to impact your strength, muscle tone, and testosterone levels in the shortest amount of time, especially if you are starting from zero (or all over again).

Also, FWIW, it's rote for many men to bash on "fitness gyms" (you know what I'm talking about) but they are an excellent place to start if you're like me, a.k.a. low on funds and just beginning to understand true, lifelong fitness. Just don't brag about it, because they aint shit in the long haul.

[Baldwin81]

I know, I know, watch what they do and pay no mind to what they say. However:

"I can't drink away fat."

- Slutty female I used to bang.

[iamdegaussed]

When I've been out recently I notice I do not get the same responses from women that I did when I was in top shape.

Seems like you've found your answer already mate.

[vinman]

It's you. If you're not giving yourself your best, and it may be affecting your confidence. If you want tip top you've got to give yourself tip top. And being at your best will carry over into other activities. But you have to do it for you. No one else.

[Vaun]

I think its being over weight. Would you still feel this way about yourself if you werent overweight? I am in the same situation as you. I let myself go fairly quickly without dilligent diet and exercise, my work schedule gets the best of me and I eat and drink a lot. But I can tell you without a doubt I feel 100% better when I am not overweight, in all areas.

The guys I know that feel comfortable with themselves as overweight are generally guys who work like crazy and are successful. If you are an average joe, which in itself is nothing to be ashamed of, being overweight in my opinion is one of the biggest obstacles you can create for yourself.

[Daddy]

Depends on why you're overweight. If you're overweight by choice, because you're bulking up or for other good reasons, then it won't matter. I was once 30 pounds overweight for a year, and I hadn't noticed the slightest change in women's attraction towards me, because I was still confident.

But if you're overweight because you're lazy, then you will feel ashamed of yourself and your attitude towards women will change. They will be less attracted to you.

[samsamsam]

While I appreciate the intellectual/theory aspects of questions, it seems like if you focused on just losing the weight, none of this will matter.

[arcterex]

It sounds like it's both physical and psychological. If I took two extremes, a completely obese guy and a perfectly in-shape guy, the fat guy would have to prove social status or high value in certain ways before the approach, or soon thereafter. The in-shape guy can have weaker game, not demonstrate value, right away (but would need to do so later on). Dance floor is a good example of a situation where it's almost all about first-impressions so it lends itself more to 'looking the part' - naturally success rates will drop a bit if you're a little more out of shape.

Sounds to me like you just have to adjust your game to your (slightly) different reality and be comfortable with it....or drop the weight.

[lowbudgetballer]

It's doable, believe me. But, if you are pulling in spite of your weight, you are definitely not on your best game. You'd probably have better results without the extra 10-15.

lowbudgetballer

[Parlay44]

You can drop that 15 pounds so quick. Just cut out basic things like soda and refined sugar.
Do a 30 minute walk everyday and just drink lots of water. It'll be gone in a month.

[Ensam]

How big is your frame and how much muscle are you carrying? 10-15 lbs on a 135 lb frame is huge. 10-15 lbs on a 225 lb frame is nothing.


http://dangerandplay.com/2012/05/09/what...en-prefer/

If you're somewhere around built fat then you can compensate with well tailored clothing. Chicks will feel your muscles when they touch you and the fat won't be obvious until you're naked by which point it won't matter. Some girls even prefer built fat but they're rare. In any case better for your health to just lose it unless you've got an athletic goal which overrides it.

In any case it'll just improve your game to be working at a slight disadvantage while you get down the basics. You'll get sharper and when the weight drops you'll have the best of both worlds.

[coolstorybro]

^ I am most like builtfat but fatter, about 220 lbs now, would like to get to 195-200lbs which was my weight when I weightlifted consistently.

The problem is that some fat goes to my face which makes it look soft and round plus to the belly. Those two combined I think gives off a soft lazy look.

[commiejoe]

How tall are you?

[Gopher]

I think I'd rather be obesefat than skinny fat.

Everytime I see one of those dudes I actually pity them.

[Ensam]

(01-04-2014 07:48 PM)coolstorybro Wrote:  

^ I am most like builtfat but fatter, about 220 lbs now, would like to get to 195-200lbs which was my weight when I weightlifted consistently.

The problem is that some fat goes to my face which makes it look soft and round plus to the belly. Those two combined I think gives off a soft lazy look.

Have you updated your wardrobe since you gained the weight? Get a well tailored suit and wear it until you lose enough weight that it needs to be brought in, then get it tailored again. Also get your ass back in the gym. A good suit will give you a boost in confidence and the gym should back it up and help with the weightloss.

[coolstorybro]

(01-04-2014 08:44 PM)Ensam Wrote:  

(01-04-2014 07:48 PM)coolstorybro Wrote:  

^ I am most like builtfat but fatter, about 220 lbs now, would like to get to 195-200lbs which was my weight when I weightlifted consistently.

The problem is that some fat goes to my face which makes it look soft and round plus to the belly. Those two combined I think gives off a soft lazy look.

Have you updated your wardrobe since you gained the weight? Get a well tailored suit and wear it until you lose enough weight that it needs to be brought in, then get it tailored again. Also get your ass back in the gym. A good suit will give you a boost in confidence and the gym should back it up and help with the weightloss.

I am sure that is part of the problem. I am back in the gym too, but losing weight is harder for me now post 30 I've found. Not excusing, because I have been drinking too much too.

I have bought some new shirts in proper sizes, do you have any other advice for presenting yourself better when overweight? Tanning? I've begun losing some hair and thinning in recent years too, which all put together I think definitely takes a number of pure looks scale.

[Ensam]

I completely sympathize. I'm in my mid 30s and losing fat is a bitch. Posture is another way to cover up extra weight. practice walking around with your chest lifted. Don't try and hide your belly by slouching or rolling your shoulders forward. This is how you carry weight confidently:

I was in your situation about a year ago. Doing heavy compound lifts knocked the fat off my face and put on enough muscle to forgive my belly. Still working on getting rid of the stomach though. But mostly for health reasons, girls don't seem to mind if you have the muscle.

[lowbudgetballer]

I'm riding the fence between obesefat and strongfat. With my genetics, it's either a strapping, nonsteroid Mark kerr or overweight. Luckily, for the most part, it turns to muscle quick with some weights, some bodyweights, and a low-carb diet.

My best advice is Calvin klein shirts and make sure your pants aren't too poofy. In this case, the cut of the clothes can be everything. If your hair is thinning (I am but most people claim I'm not), keep it short. I think they call it a Caesar cut. My barber told me long hair will weigh down the hair you do have and give you less coverage.

lowbudgetballer

[WestIndianArchie]

Lemme put it like this, if you clean up your diet and get in the gym - you'll solve your initial problem. There's plenty of good advice on this forum and other in terms of getting your health and physique back on track.

But this is about chicks right?

Lotta of the meatheads will tell you that getting jacked/looking good makes bedding chicks easier.

Guess what, the meat heads are right. You're basically attacking her primal responses by expressing how masculine you are.

No brainer right? Let's go find your a real man's gym, get you some instruction, a little fire in your belly, and 100 lb barrel of whey isolate.

Think about your life now.

Do you get under 300 lbs of iron so that you can get under 105 lbs of perfumed girl flesh?

Is that going to be your life? Where you're taking BCAA's all the time, and debating the finer points of ass to grass with guys at the real gym?

When you finally settle down, get you a wife and some rug rats, are you going to want to be in the gym 4-5 times a week so that you're wife stays attracted to you because of your wash board abs?

Is the best way to get at a woman's mind by going to the gym and eating 5-6 small meals per day?

What about making money? Are you going to spend 40 hours a week stacking paper, so that you can attract women with what you can provide? Look at how awesome my life is...if only I had a 5'10 blonde goddess to share it with....

How about fame? You're going to spend a lifetime seeking the approval of people you don't know, just to attract women?

Up on all the latest fashions? Spending good money for bespoke suits from Naples?

Do you do these things that attract women, because that is how you want to attract women?

You have a choice here, one that's not that obvious.

You can do all of these external things that will bring women into your life.
You will probably feel better about yourself as you achieve your goals, and that will turbocharge the attraction.

Or you can learn game.

Right now the holistic approach to game is the best approach
- you work on how you feel about you
- you work on all the external things

But inner game and outer game, they are secondary to Game.

Game is approaching these chicks to dance, with the good style, with the confident body language, but also knowing that when you start to twirl her around, put your hands on her, when you talk - you know what buttons to push.

You can make her feel rich without being rich.
You can make her feel protected without looking like Steve Austin.
You can incite the lust in her heart and the envy in her friends, by what you say and do to her.

When you can't make it to the gym
When your business fails
When people forget who you are
When no one wants to return your call

With game, you can still pull. You know what's going on in a chick's mind, what she responds to. You don't go the roundabout way to attract a woman, you go direct.

I don't think your post is about insecurity per se. It's about not considering all of your options.

I do think you should lose weight, and get educated, and make money, and get suited down, and move to a better location with hotter chicks, make more friends, et cetera - those are all good things in and of themselves.

But they aren't game.

Learn game too.

WIA

[Avon Barksdale]

(01-05-2014 02:35 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

Lemme put it like this, if you clean up your diet and get in the gym - you'll solve your initial problem. There's plenty of good advice on this forum and other in terms of getting your health and physique back on track.

But this is about chicks right?

Lotta of the meatheads will tell you that getting jacked/looking good makes bedding chicks easier.

Guess what, the meat heads are right. You're basically attacking her primal responses by expressing how masculine you are.

No brainer right? Let's go find your a real man's gym, get you some instruction, a little fire in your belly, and 100 lb barrel of whey isolate.

Think about your life now.

Do you get under 300 lbs of iron so that you can get under 105 lbs of perfumed girl flesh?

Is that going to be your life? Where you're taking BCAA's all the time, and debating the finer points of ass to grass with guys at the real gym?

When you finally settle down, get you a wife and some rug rats, are you going to want to be in the gym 4-5 times a week so that you're wife stays attracted to you because of your wash board abs?

Is the best way to get at a woman's mind by going to the gym and eating 5-6 small meals per day?

What about making money? Are you going to spend 40 hours a week stacking paper, so that you can attract women with what you can provide? Look at how awesome my life is...if only I had a 5'10 blonde goddess to share it with....

How about fame? You're going to spend a lifetime seeking the approval of people you don't know, just to attract women?

Up on all the latest fashions? Spending good money for bespoke suits from Naples?

Do you do these things that attract women, because that is how you want to attract women?

You have a choice here, one that's not that obvious.

You can do all of these external things that will bring women into your life.
You will probably feel better about yourself as you achieve your goals, and that will turbocharge the attraction.

Or you can learn game.

Right now the holistic approach to game is the best approach
- you work on how you feel about you
- you work on all the external things

But inner game and outer game, they are secondary to Game.

Game is approaching these chicks to dance, with the good style, with the confident body language, but also knowing that when you start to twirl her around, put your hands on her, when you talk - you know what buttons to push.

You can make her feel rich without being rich.
You can make her feel protected without looking like Steve Austin.
You can incite the lust in her heart and the envy in her friends, by what you say and do to her.

When you can't make it to the gym
When your business fails
When people forget who you are
When no one wants to return your call

With game, you can still pull. You know what's going on in a chick's mind, what she responds to. You don't go the roundabout way to attract a woman, you go direct.

I don't think your post is about insecurity per se. It's about not considering all of your options.

I do think you should lose weight, and get educated, and make money, and get suited down, and move to a better location with hotter chicks, make more friends, et cetera - those are all good things in and of themselves.

But they aren't game.

Learn game too.




WIA

Amazing post man. OP I also think you should start working out not just to get females, but for your own health and well being.

[deathtofatties]

Take a cold shower everyday for longer than two minutes. Your body warming itself burns many calories. Cold showers are a proven rapid fat loss method.

[XXL]

(01-04-2014 02:41 PM)coolstorybro Wrote:  

Is being overweight the issue or is it lack of game, that I simply got away with bad game before because I was in good shape and must have looked semi-attractive? It is because hesitation and insecurity about it is projected and girls pick up on it?

Both.

Whatever you do, do not focus only on one thing. Work on your body AND game chicks wile you're out of shape to harden yourself up and develop confidence/charisma to pull things off. Once you get fit you will be walking on water.

Good luck!

[RexImperator]

Great post by WIA. It's one of the paradoxes I believe you need to learn to live with that you should be constantly working on improvement but you also you need to know you're good enough and accept yourself as you are. That may sound contradictory (it comes out of some eastern philosophies) but it's not.

Tyler/Owen from RSD posted a great video on this recently. I think this is one of his best, though I'd skip the last 4 minutes when he starts singing...:

[Tommy Eyes]

My friend lost 100lbs and became muscular, but is still extremely omega with the ladies. Do what I'm doing, approach whilst losing the weight, my real goal is to lose the gut, as well as not end up morbidly obese like my father.