Awesome post OG. Wow, so elaborate and constructive.
Approach anxiety is what it is. I struggled with this since I did my first approach. I think it has decreased now that I have more awareness of my approach anxiety.
Honestly, I don’t even fear blow outs. I can handle rejection fine.
But for some odd reason every time I am about to approach a woman I’m attracted to this anxiety/fear thing scrambles my circuits. It is like my brain and emotions want to do everything to not approach. I mentioned this earlier but it is like having a tiger in the room or something.
It goes to show you that my main problem with women is psychological. Luckily, I am making positive steps forward.
What I am thinking before the approach is triggering this emotional reaction so I have to recalibrate myself. I have to remove whatever the perceived threat to me is that is causing my brain to go into fight or flight mode.
This is real CBT stuff here.
I have to really ACT like I don’t seek external validation, ACT like I am not afraid of the blow out, ACT like I don’t give a fuck.
Even if I am uncomfortable doing so I need to ACT like it.
Rather than thinking: “Oh my god, a girl I want to approach, oh shit she is talking with her friends. I don’t’ want to interrupt them. Oh, I can wait a little while and see what happens. Oh, I am just taking it easy tonight…just observing. I am chilling, maybe after another few drinks I will approach. Man, what will people think of me if I approach. Hmmmm, look at that girl over there, what will she think if I approach, will she think I am a player? Jesus, what am I doing it is late. I think I am going to go to sleep. Oh, this music is nice. Maybe I should dance first?”
I should be thinking: “Oh, there is a sexy woman. Wow. Hmm, I am feeling anxious and afraid but whatever, this is the feeling I always feel before I approach a woman. It will go away when I approach her,” and I should approach the girl.
Or, “Damn she is fine. I am going to check her out…WEEEEEE FUNNNN,” and approach.
Or, “Damn, that bitch is fine. BRING IT!” and approach.
Or, “Hot chick…1, 2,3, GO!” and approach.
Operating from the mindset of experience+not being attached to outcome+being able to handle whatever may come is what I need to ingrain That is the mindset.
And making sure I approach EVERYTIME I feel that fear/brainscrambling/walking on eggshells feeling, EVERYTIME, is what is going to finally release me from this mental emotional prison that has held me back for so many damn years.
I think one quote in a recent Return of Kings article mentioned that men have to learn to be excruciatingly uncomfortable.
I agree with that.
Dating is not easy. I mean hell, dating is quite difficult.
I remember one of my super player friends I knew back in the day said it best: “Attracting lots of women is easy. LEARNING how to attract lots of women is very very difficult. If it were easy every man in the world would be dating 9’s and 10s.”
Anxiety, Emotion, and Intelligence can turn a social situation into a fucking heavy weight fight. I think the biggest shift for me that occurred recently is understanding that there is a time for thinking and then there is a time for action. Approaching is pure ACTION. You have to approach. Don’t think, don’t judge,don’t try think of a perfect line, just slide right into the approach the way you would slide ride into warm bath water.
In terms of the dry spell? Well, it has been a while. I would be happy with a 5. I can’t do fat girls though. I can’t get it up for chubby so I don’t know why I am currently a “chubby chaser” on my handle.
And yes, like you, I spend most of my life in my head. I have to stop. Like seriously, S-T-O-P. The most important thing a man can have in regards to dating is BALLS. That is what I need. Action, Courage, GO, Attack, PUNCH, Jump, Swim, Kick. Not, “what is the best line I should use to kick this person?” No, you freaking kick in a fight. Same with approaching. You got to access that fight portion of the fight or flight response.
I like your mindset discussion as well. In the end I see sex as a competition between other men. We are trying to get the females. Putting it in that perspective, it turns my red blood up a notch since I am a very competitive person. I literally almost beat people up over losing a game of checkers.
So yeah, stepping into the club, seeing those other jokers talking to women., that pisses me off! I am better than all those pansies. I should be the one dominating. I should not be there to watch,scope the room, order a drink and chill. FUCK THAT. I am there to go Lebron James on everyone. That is the mindset I need to have. Fuck the discomfort. Hell, learn to enjoy it.
Also, you are spot on about women being sexual beings (otherwise there wouldn’t be players) and the power of a simple opener (which I use now since using pua lines cost me much more than I ever gained). I think game to me, as I understand it, is a man taking the lead and making things happen, which I feel is the natural role of a man. I never understood that until a week or so ago. You have to lead. You have to be the leader in the sexual dance.
Venues? Well, I focus mostly on bars. Clubs are okay but the loud music makes it hard to spit game at all. I haven’t done Day game yet so that should be something I consider. They have a huge international mall right down the road from where I live. I should check that out on a Saturday.
Night game is more my comfort zone.
You must have a lot of game. You covered a lot of wisdom that I did not come across in this forum, or any PUA related material. Not sure how you came across it but you uncovered some serious shit.
I will check out Mr. Nasheed’s commentary.
It is time to fight!
Rep point earned (and long overdue).
Let me know if you ever are in the Tampa Bay area.
Approach anxiety is what it is. I struggled with this since I did my first approach. I think it has decreased now that I have more awareness of my approach anxiety.
Honestly, I don’t even fear blow outs. I can handle rejection fine.
But for some odd reason every time I am about to approach a woman I’m attracted to this anxiety/fear thing scrambles my circuits. It is like my brain and emotions want to do everything to not approach. I mentioned this earlier but it is like having a tiger in the room or something.
It goes to show you that my main problem with women is psychological. Luckily, I am making positive steps forward.
What I am thinking before the approach is triggering this emotional reaction so I have to recalibrate myself. I have to remove whatever the perceived threat to me is that is causing my brain to go into fight or flight mode.
This is real CBT stuff here.
I have to really ACT like I don’t seek external validation, ACT like I am not afraid of the blow out, ACT like I don’t give a fuck.
Even if I am uncomfortable doing so I need to ACT like it.
Rather than thinking: “Oh my god, a girl I want to approach, oh shit she is talking with her friends. I don’t’ want to interrupt them. Oh, I can wait a little while and see what happens. Oh, I am just taking it easy tonight…just observing. I am chilling, maybe after another few drinks I will approach. Man, what will people think of me if I approach. Hmmmm, look at that girl over there, what will she think if I approach, will she think I am a player? Jesus, what am I doing it is late. I think I am going to go to sleep. Oh, this music is nice. Maybe I should dance first?”
I should be thinking: “Oh, there is a sexy woman. Wow. Hmm, I am feeling anxious and afraid but whatever, this is the feeling I always feel before I approach a woman. It will go away when I approach her,” and I should approach the girl.
Or, “Damn she is fine. I am going to check her out…WEEEEEE FUNNNN,” and approach.
Or, “Damn, that bitch is fine. BRING IT!” and approach.
Or, “Hot chick…1, 2,3, GO!” and approach.
Operating from the mindset of experience+not being attached to outcome+being able to handle whatever may come is what I need to ingrain That is the mindset.
And making sure I approach EVERYTIME I feel that fear/brainscrambling/walking on eggshells feeling, EVERYTIME, is what is going to finally release me from this mental emotional prison that has held me back for so many damn years.
I think one quote in a recent Return of Kings article mentioned that men have to learn to be excruciatingly uncomfortable.
I agree with that.
Dating is not easy. I mean hell, dating is quite difficult.
I remember one of my super player friends I knew back in the day said it best: “Attracting lots of women is easy. LEARNING how to attract lots of women is very very difficult. If it were easy every man in the world would be dating 9’s and 10s.”
Anxiety, Emotion, and Intelligence can turn a social situation into a fucking heavy weight fight. I think the biggest shift for me that occurred recently is understanding that there is a time for thinking and then there is a time for action. Approaching is pure ACTION. You have to approach. Don’t think, don’t judge,don’t try think of a perfect line, just slide right into the approach the way you would slide ride into warm bath water.
In terms of the dry spell? Well, it has been a while. I would be happy with a 5. I can’t do fat girls though. I can’t get it up for chubby so I don’t know why I am currently a “chubby chaser” on my handle.
And yes, like you, I spend most of my life in my head. I have to stop. Like seriously, S-T-O-P. The most important thing a man can have in regards to dating is BALLS. That is what I need. Action, Courage, GO, Attack, PUNCH, Jump, Swim, Kick. Not, “what is the best line I should use to kick this person?” No, you freaking kick in a fight. Same with approaching. You got to access that fight portion of the fight or flight response.
I like your mindset discussion as well. In the end I see sex as a competition between other men. We are trying to get the females. Putting it in that perspective, it turns my red blood up a notch since I am a very competitive person. I literally almost beat people up over losing a game of checkers.
So yeah, stepping into the club, seeing those other jokers talking to women., that pisses me off! I am better than all those pansies. I should be the one dominating. I should not be there to watch,scope the room, order a drink and chill. FUCK THAT. I am there to go Lebron James on everyone. That is the mindset I need to have. Fuck the discomfort. Hell, learn to enjoy it.
Also, you are spot on about women being sexual beings (otherwise there wouldn’t be players) and the power of a simple opener (which I use now since using pua lines cost me much more than I ever gained). I think game to me, as I understand it, is a man taking the lead and making things happen, which I feel is the natural role of a man. I never understood that until a week or so ago. You have to lead. You have to be the leader in the sexual dance.
Venues? Well, I focus mostly on bars. Clubs are okay but the loud music makes it hard to spit game at all. I haven’t done Day game yet so that should be something I consider. They have a huge international mall right down the road from where I live. I should check that out on a Saturday.
Night game is more my comfort zone.
You must have a lot of game. You covered a lot of wisdom that I did not come across in this forum, or any PUA related material. Not sure how you came across it but you uncovered some serious shit.
I will check out Mr. Nasheed’s commentary.
It is time to fight!
Rep point earned (and long overdue).
Let me know if you ever are in the Tampa Bay area.