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Controlling Your Anger
09-10-2012, 04:04 PM
Players, I need some advice. I've always been one to get pissed easily and it ruins my day when it happens. It's a bad habit and I don't know how to control it.
Here's an example. I was having a great day up until a few hours ago. I noticed someone ran a cart against the side of my car or something like that when I came out of a store. I got real hot and almost hit someone when I peeled out of the parking lot. I went home and checked out the damage again. It's not that bad or even noticeable. I know a good detailer who I've been meaning to use anyways and I'm pretty sure he can get rid of the marks and discolorations. Even knowing that, it fucked up my day. I don't own much and it hurts when something happens to my car.
Is there anything I can do to not let anger control me?? I don't like getting mad so quick over every little thing and having a frown on my face for the rest of the day. I've tried closing my eyes and slowly counting to 10, but I just want to go home and drink when something like this happens.
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Controlling Your Anger
09-10-2012, 04:24 PM
I'm a hothead too. I remember some dumb chick backed into my new Tahoe and I'm standing there yelling at her like a jackass over minor damage. In the grand scheme of things it's so trivial. I've always aspired to be calm and collected and in control of my emotions but it's hard work, you have to remind yourslf to be cool a lot.
I'm not sure where I read this but it's helped me a ton. In your mind picture your anger (or whatever emotion you need to work on) like the volume level on your stereo from one to ten. When you get really pissed, visualize the level and mentally turn the volume on that emotion down to a "normal" level. It works if you can remember to do it when you're mad.
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09-10-2012, 04:28 PM
What do you do to control your anger? You fucking use it, man. Don't you think Ayn Rand was pissed as Hell when she wrote The Fountainhead? Don't you feel that Malcolm X was one of the angriest people to live in his generation? You let that anger motivate you, not by punching a hole in the wall or through somebody's head, but you have to burn it off by doing productive shit - whether it's 100 press-ups or going out and practising your Game. It seems like a lot of your anger in the example described is borne out of frustration, so you work that frustration out by fulfilling stuff.
Or at least that's how I do it.
The problem is that you might be the type who gets even more angry when they try to do productive stuff with their anger, but it fails. In that case, I strongly recommend you buy a punching bag.
Heh. I think someone on this very forum once posted that to be alpha is to be five seconds away from killing someone. I stand by that - but you need to control that urge into something that enables it to be vented out slowly. That's part of what being a man is about.
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Controlling Your Anger
09-10-2012, 04:42 PM
Fisto, good advice with the "revenge is a dish best served cold." That's exactly how you gotta be. When somebody wrongs me in a way that I feel deserves revenge my rule is to wait 90 days before doing anything. 90 days pass and I realize it's not worth it. This has saved me from doing something stupid a few times.
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Controlling Your Anger
09-10-2012, 05:44 PM
Yeah Count of Monte Christo is when you're really, extra serious, haha!
Waiting 90 days also throws suspicion off of you if you do decide to take it further.
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Controlling Your Anger
09-10-2012, 07:40 PM
Houston, I thought you blaze greens? Usually green blazers are cool as dirt. Perhaps you need to take up a sport, boxing or something? It might help you rechannel the anger.
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Controlling Your Anger
09-11-2012, 12:31 AM
Definitely agree with Moma on joining a sport. I train every day and play weekend warrior and it's the best thing for getting angry. What I found is that when you openly express your rage in a team sport on a regular basis you'll get better used to controlling it in daily life. Keeping that shit bottled up is what causes problems.
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Controlling Your Anger
09-14-2012, 12:23 AM
Yes, I've been thinking about joining a boxing gym and releasing it on the bag. Maybe I should get a boxing bag too?
I don't smoke bud as much right now. I've always been like that (stop for a while and start back up). Sometimes I hate being slow and other times I like being in my own zone after a bowl or joint. I don't think I'm any less angry when I'm blowing. I'll get pissed and just kill my high.
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Controlling Your Anger
09-18-2012, 09:56 AM
Theres an interesting documentry that i think the rational male posted. Henry Rollins is in it and its about "the warrior gene". Conclusion was totally useless for the most part.
It was pretty funny how all the mma fighters were wanting to have it and none of them did.
Barely anything pisses me off unless someone is getting physical with me i just couldnt give a fuck. Stop caring.
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Controlling Your Anger
09-19-2012, 11:47 AM
The problem with "controlling" anger is that trying to control it makes it harder. This is gonna sound like some hippy bullshit but roll with me:
Most people to some degree or another let their feelings control their lives. Histrionic women and angry men are too archetypes of this. Some people try and surpress their feelings, but this just makes them stronger (the "don't think of a pink elephant" effect). The way to get over this is to realise that you are not your feelings, you merely observe them.
Emotions are formed in our subconscious mind, but we can't control our subconscious mind, we can only control our conscious mind. To that end your subconscious mind is really just another sensory organ, throwing stimulus at your conscious mind in the same way that your eyes, ears, nose, mouth and skin do. The two stimuli it provides are thoughts and feelings.
When you frame it that way, your emotions can no longer control your actions, you can observe and acknowledge your feelings (thereby not suppressing them) but still act in a rational way.
This applies across the board, but is particularly useful when dealing with anger and fear. It's the root of ideas like "feel the fear and do it anyway" and other similar mantras.
When I'm angry I normally just take a mental step back and think "I'm angry because XYZ, but acting on this anger won't help me. There's nothing wrong with the fact that I'm angry, but I'm still going to take the rational action."
Just my tuppence worth.
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Controlling Your Anger
09-19-2012, 12:05 PM
Quote: (09-19-2012 11:47 AM)dulst Wrote:
The problem with "controlling" anger is that trying to control it makes it harder. This is gonna sound like some hippy bullshit but roll with me:
Most people to some degree or another let their feelings control their lives. Histrionic women and angry men are too archetypes of this. Some people try and surpress their feelings, but this just makes them stronger (the "don't think of a pink elephant" effect). The way to get over this is to realise that you are not your feelings, you merely observe them.
Emotions are formed in our subconscious mind, but we can't control our subconscious mind, we can only control our conscious mind. To that end your subconscious mind is really just another sensory organ, throwing stimulus at your conscious mind in the same way that your eyes, ears, nose, mouth and skin do. The two stimuli it provides are thoughts and feelings.
When you frame it that way, your emotions can no longer control your actions, you can observe and acknowledge your feelings (thereby not suppressing them) but still act in a rational way.
This applies across the board, but is particularly useful when dealing with anger and fear. It's the root of ideas like "feel the fear and do it anyway" and other similar mantras.
When I'm angry I normally just take a mental step back and think "I'm angry because XYZ, but acting on this anger won't help me. There's nothing wrong with the fact that I'm angry, but I'm still going to take the rational action."
Just my tuppence worth.
+1
you cant control your feelings, but you can take a distant observer position in your mind (primarily with your rational mind). you are angry, but you can prevent doing stupid things or have a total rage explosion. nevertheless your body will have released some stress hormones and shit, sport is the best way to cope with these and get back in balance. works for most other emotions too.
1. dont make your possesions part of your ego
2. as long as things dont have negative effects on your body, most things are not worth raging about. just some inconveniences one has to put up with, everyone has too.
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Controlling Your Anger
10-02-2012, 10:40 PM
Today, at 7 in the morning while I was slowly moving in traffic, a car cut me off hard and made me slam on my brakes. I honked and he pulled up next to me cussing and telling me to follow him. I looked in his eyes for a few seconds, looked at my pistol on the floor and told myself just to forget about it while I rolled the window up. I forgot about it a few minutes later and didn't think about it all day
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Controlling Your Anger
10-04-2012, 12:49 AM
Quote: (10-03-2012 03:38 AM)Vorkuta Wrote:
Quote: (10-02-2012 10:40 PM)houston Wrote:
Today, at 7 in the morning while I was slowly moving in traffic, a car cut me off hard and made me slam on my brakes. I honked and he pulled up next to me cussing and telling me to follow him. I looked in his eyes for a few seconds, looked at my pistol on the floor and told myself just to forget about it while I rolled the window up. I forgot about it a few minutes later and didn't think about it all day
Holy fuck,you guys just drive around with guns?! I knew you could have them at home but didn't know you could walk around with them. Can you go into bars and clubs with them? What would happen if someone attacked you without a gun,can you shoot them? Does having one make you feel invincible?
Break it down guys,having a gun is such an anathema to us Europeans. How many of you guys carry a gun?
You have to get the gun registered under your name and can keep it concealed in your car if you have a clean background (no felonies). You have to get a special license to carry it around on you though. Your life has to be in danger for you to shoot someone and get off the hook. I would feel invincible if I had one in a state with pussy gun laws but it's nothing here.
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Controlling Your Anger
10-04-2012, 09:50 AM
Yeah the Europeans constantly be tripping over how many firearms that I tell them I own. I don't even know why they think guns are a problem. Not a troll.
I did have a thought about controlling anger. I know that when somebody distracts me with noise I tend to get a lot angrier than if they poked me on the shoulder or something. Maybe you've just got some specific anger trigger that you have to isolate and think about.
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Controlling Your Anger
10-04-2012, 11:56 AM
Getting easily mad is being too emotional. Being sensitive or emotional is a feeling for women. Avoid it at all costs.
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Controlling Your Anger
10-05-2012, 01:45 PM
read
this book
I'm not a big fan of the Dummies series but this one is pretty good, once you cut out some psycho babble and keep thumb rules in your mind.
"Fart, and if you must, fart often. But always fart without apology. Fart for freedom, fart for liberty, and fart proudly" (Ben Franklin)
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Controlling Your Anger
10-05-2012, 10:38 PM
Anger is an emotional response to something you feel you should be able to control, but cannot.
For example, if you ask your brother to help you with something but then your brother refuses, you might get angry at him. You think to yourself, "I can't believe he's not helping me! After all the thing's I've done for him! That fucking assfuck, motherfucking traitor piece of shit!"
But see, the anger is misplaced. You think your brother should behave in a certain way, as if you can impose your will over him, but of course no one needs to do obey you over anything.
And that is the crux of anger: Believing you have control when in fact you have none.
Next time you feel yourself becoming angry, ask yourself, "Why did I expect anything different?" If the answer to this question is, "Because I thought he/she/it would act differently," then you know your anger is misplaced. You are trying to extend your will over the world, when in fact there is nothing you could have done.
In situations such these, all you can do is verbalize your feelings to whatever (or whoever) made you angry, and then move on. Let's try an example:
Car cuts you off on a stop light, and then pulls beside you.
Feeling the blood rise inside of you, you ask yourself, "Why did I expect anything different?" You realize there are bad drivers everywhere. You can't expect everyone to drive with courtesy. Will yelling at him make him a better driver? Will cursing him out make you a happier person?
With a calm mind, you roll down the window. You look over. He glares back. You simply yell loud enough to hear, "Dude - learn to drive." The light turns green, and you drive forward. Within minutes, you've forgotten about the incident entirely.
And that is how to handle anger; by asking yourself the critical question of "Why did I expect anything different?" and taking rational action in the face of that question.
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Controlling Your Anger
10-06-2012, 02:47 AM
Seriously Houston, you should join a boxing gym.
I used to have some anger issues, but boxing really helped them. Lets say its round 1, I get punched in the nose, and Im pissed. If I let it take over my emotions, I go nuts, beat the dudes ass for the next 2 minutes, then the bell rings.
But guess what happens next round? Im tired as hell from exerting all that energy and get my ass whooped. Boxing makes you relax and shake things off. If you get made everytime you get punched in the face boxing, you'll be pissed all the time. You just learn to go with the punches. You know if you get mad and blow your load in the 1st round, and your scheduled to spar 6 rounds, them next 5 are gonna be bad.
Boxing teaches you to relax and always be in control of your emotions. Boxing, MMA, Jiu-Jitsu, any combat sport will make you control your emotions if you spar so they are great for men.
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Controlling Your Anger
01-20-2013, 05:17 PM
Good read. Been super angry at my friends today. Needed this.