Quote: (07-26-2012 05:34 PM)cozos Wrote:
How do you improve conversational skills? Wit and coming up with "comebacks" on the go, etc etc..
Is it just practice? Intelligence? Emotional Quotient?
you learn to talk by talking. wit and smart ass comebacks should be the last thing on your mind. so yes, practice. WE TALKIN' ABOUT PRACTICE??!! ; )))))
1. how to talk
practice talking to people everyday. random people you bump into as you go about your day. also friends, their friends, familly, etc. nothing sophisticated, just small talk. ask questions, throw little comments. like..
- nice watch i was looking for something like that
- hello definitely the best haircut i've seen today
- i like your smile, stop doing it
- did you watch the game?
etc. little innocent things that can engage people in 30 seconds - 2 minute convo.
2. how to talk endlessly
lower your standards. in short, you can just talk shit. all of the stress comes from the need to impress. forget it. what you say is not impressive. remember that the goal of talking to a girl is to have a good time and vibe, not to exchange high end information.
notice how when when you talk to a fattie you don't run out things to say. you just talk shit cause you don't care. but when you got that "9" next to you, you want to bring your big guns and come up with all of these amazing things. that's why guys always bitch about that "it's so much different with 9s" and it's not different at all, it's just they got this little superficial value meter in their head, they can't remove it, they get super stifled, they put on a fake show, so they can't just talk normaly and let that shit flow.
3. how to talk endlessly and lead the convo
to do this you need to basically learn to talk to the wall for 10 straight minutes. it sounds stupid and looks even more stupid but by doing that you will not run out of things to say EVER. the principle here is to be able to talk without getting any kind of feedback (walls don't speak).
what for?
because as you talk to stranger person, in order to have a good convo you both need some context. so basically the first 1-2 minutes of approach is just you talking and giving her threads to grab. cause she needs something, just anything to contribute and invest in the convo. so it's like you go in, you talk talk talk (like to the wall) and at one point she's like 'oh really you like xyz? i love that" and that's when it hooks and convo becomes 50/50. so it's really important to be able to just talk and talk to give her a chance to join in. cause when you just recite scripted short lines/openers and you leave when they don't hook, you you will never learn conversational skills.
crucial thing is thinking on your feet and dealing with things in real time. you say something and she freakes out? it's not over, handle it, calm her down, endure that cold shoulder and move forward. pickup is never this smooth thing like when you say one line after another smooth sailing like that. it's messy with a lot of shit to deal with along the way.
4. how to talk endlessly and lead the convo and make it super exciting
use positive and negative expressions. when i talk, i talk complete shit at least at first:
hello, oh hi how are you beautiful girl? oh no we're complete strangers we can't talk to each other.. yeah i just came back from the mountains i met a lot of squirrels there.. they're very aloof.. oh you move like love to dance, but can you really?.. seems ok, you can teach me moves, but no no maybe not now, maybe later when you'll be more warmed up, it'll be more romantic.. yes i'm shy i like to cuddle and make romantic poetic love.. that's why i've been hurt so much and feel emotionally damaged right now.. i'm so stupid that i'm talking to you.. blablabla"
influence her emotions is the goal of convo..
so i just talk shit about whatever that pops up in my head that will add up to the vibe and arouse her emotionally and not to overdo it with only good or only bad emotions cause that's when it loses its charm. that's the key. nice guys overdo it with nice things, assholes overdo it with bad things, they all get predictable and boring with time and become irrelevant competition sooner or later. the goal is to be unpredictable and have wide range of emotions at you disposal so that girls knows that they will get aroused more if they stay with you. next thing you know is they stick with you like glue, comply with you and that's how you get afterparties, dates, snl.
how to stimulate..
if you want to be technical about it, view conversation as contant positive and negative stimulus where as you speaking you constantly spike her emotions, like pinching her, things you say and your delivery stimulate her cause one person's reaction is other person's stimulus. so to break it down:
- oh hi how are you beautiful girl? [compliment - positive pinch, she's surprised and confused so also negative pinch]
- oh we're complete strangers we can't talk to each other [push - negative pinch]
- yeah i just came back from the mountains i met a lot of squirrels there [absurd, funny - positive pinch]
- oh you move like love to dance [compliment - positive pinch]
- but can you really? [challenge - negative pinch]
- it'll be more romantic [sweet statement - positive pinch]
etc...
so it becomes like a sine wave. the specific content plays minor role, no need to dumb down or adapt to her with the things to say. the important things is the positive/negative influence of your convo overall. there's no difference between "we're complete strangers we can't talk to each other" and "but can you dance really?". none of these lines is better or worse. but both arouse her (negatively) so both are good.
in case of emergency..
in doubt, it you happen to run out of things to say or convo gets stale/boring/flat for some reason, talk about what you love and what you hate in general. it fits perfectly that positive/negative stimulus goal cause girls will react emotionally to your opinions and you're back on the right path. so you can say absolutely anything from "i love hip hop" to "i hate your shirt" etc.