Quote: (06-24-2012 07:27 PM)basilransom Wrote:
Yeah, that's why you can't trust the opinions or advice of lots of guys.
Success for You: a Bang. Blowjob at a bare minimum.
Success for Them: "she smiled at me." "She told her friend I'm cute." "She gave me her number." "We hugged." "She let me buy her a drink." "She said yes to dinner." Then they'll relay the shitty game that got them those results, as if it were the philosopher's stone of pussy hunting.
I'll listen to them talk and I'll say, "Yeah, but *did you bang her*?" Out come the excuses, the rationalizations, even accusing me of being crass. "Dude, why are you so obsessed with sex?"
Being a player is humbling like that. You know that it's the bang that counts. All the other stuff that would pump a guy's ego, you give it a jaded look, and say "whatever, we'll see."
I could never put my finger on this dynamic during my first year or two of college, but you've described it perfectly here.
I recall once having a conversation with a fraternity brother and a teammate that went almost
exactly along these lines. He was a good guy, gal-pal to many girls and most certainly an uber-beta, but very well known and liked by many on campus (He DJ'ed quite a bit at local frat parties).
We're leaving the frat when he goes into his advice giving mode, something he liked to do.
"See, Athlone, it isn't that hard to succeed with girls." He says. "Its as simple as this. Here's how I do it".
He began to motion with his hands as we walked, as though he were approaching someone.
"I go up to her. I say hi. I grab her hand, and then..." his voice kind of lowered and softened here, almost the way it does when someone is speaking about some past, deep, intimate, and profound memory. "...we dance."
By this time we're still walking, and he's making a little motion with his body with his eyes closed and head down as though he were actually dancing slowly with some girl. After 3-5 seconds I guessed he was done, so I interrupted his reverie fairly bluntly.
"Yeah, dude, but do you fuck them?" (actually exactly what I said, no paraphrase/copy here)
"What do you mean "do I fuck them?"
"You dance with them, but do you ever fuck them?"
It was an honest question at the time, since I'd recently learned from peers that this guy had a rep for having tons of female friends (again, a very well-known guy/campus DJ, and not a gay one either), but almost never getting laid. I was curious. It was (and still is) downright normal for guys on campus, even apparently high-status ones, to end up in such a situation for most of their time there, though most knew fewer girls than this dude. They got friendzoned by a half-dozen or perhaps a dozen girls with whom they were acquainted, not the 50-60+ this guy knew.
"No, Athlone, that isn't the point!"
"How is it not the point?"
At this point, he simply gives me his patented "you've-got-a-lot-to-learn" look, complete with an abundance of head-shaking to signal disappointment. He then moved on, muttering "Athlone, Athlone, Athlone..." before trailing off towards his dorm while I continued to mine in another direction. I'd have this kind of conversation several times that year.
I was far from alpha at this stage in my life (late freshman year) due to naivete, inexperience, "nice guy"isms and desperation. At the same time, I can see now that in spite of all of that I was one of the only guys around who held myself to the type of standard Basil outlined above (BJ/sex is success, smile/hug are not). Of all the 100+ D1 Football players I could call "teammate" at the time, only a handful really appeared to do the same. Most were, in hindsight, of a similar mind to this guy.
I was still prone to oneitis with some girls at this time and this standard went away when that hit (it'd have me doing dinner dates and being ok with them for a while), but generally when I went out on a normal weekend I had no intention of being ok with a hug or platonic dance the way my peers all were. Success required far more than that.
It was odd, because my peers would regularly ridicule me in groups (to the point of it becoming a running frat joke) for holding this type of mentality and "caring too much", using pretty much exactly the same language outlined above ("dude, why are you so obessed with sex?")? Back then, this left me questioning myself. Over time, I began to see that, while I was no Casanova back then and had a lot of bad habits, there wasn't much more to be said about them either.
In fact, there isn't much to be said about 85% of dudes out there when it comes to game, even the ones who look the part of the high-status guy.