[Dream Medicine]

Note: this post is off-topic and has no Chile-specific intel

Mr. 'Australia Sucks',

I have outlined some things for you to think about below, centering on the conflict that arises in part due to your posting style. I hope you see this as constructive feedback that could help with (a) your own self-development, (b) your relationship with people on this forum, and (c} improving your chance of gaining advice here. Although it may not be easy to accept all this feedback right now, let alone take it all in, I am confident that if you firstly ask yourself "How can this help me?" and follow up by taking action, you will enjoy a number of rewards in the long run.

As I am the only member to have verified you in person I feel somewhat compelled to jump in here. Although you dismissed my last plea to cultivate a positive mindset by continuing to complain about Peru, I'm going to give it one last shot because I want to give you a chance and I recognize your potential to add value.


1. Openness to feedback

In response to Thebassist, notably:

(06-02-2017 09:45 AM)thebassist Wrote:  

You should consider being more respectful toward the opinions of members who are relaying to you their impressions of Chile that are formed over much longer periods of time than you have had in the country...

...you replied:

(06-02-2017 10:09 AM)Australia Sucks Wrote:  

I do consider what others say but at the same time I have seen a lot of places hyped up on the forum that did not deserve it, so I am a bit skeptical now.

This is another way of saying "I have limited experience in Chile and would like to get help BUT I will harshly question the advice given because I have been burnt before". Put simply, this is disrespectful and it's no wonder that you have received a lot of push back. RVF is filled with guys that find satisfaction in helping other members, but unfortunately you are shooting yourself in the foot by reacting so defensively.

It seems that you haven't considered how frustrating it can be when someone takes the time to respond to a request for advice and to then have this advice thrown back in their face or ignored. Given how common it is for rookies to ask for help and then fail to help themselves by rejecting the advice provided to them (see here for one example), you can imagine that unless you drop your defensive and cynical posting style, you can expect to receive less and less help.


1.1. Information online

It seems like you came to Peru with high expectations of easy bangs, became frustrated by your lack of results, and dumped responsibility in the hands of forum members rather than yourself. This resentment seems to have resulted in persistent injection of unwavering pessimism into Peru-related threads, along with a steady rejection of personal criticism.

Without a doubt, I agree that a lot of guys online exaggerate how awesome their game is and how many hot babes they slayed. It's common to see simple reports, without any detail of the work they put in or any personal characteristics, written as if the dude laid hotties without much effort. Therefore, I always recommend readers to view any online claims with a skeptical eye, especially from guys who have not been verified in the real world and do fly-over trips. Changing your location can do wonders for your results, but hot girls worldwide take serious effort to bang.

None of this absolves you from taking ownership for your own experience.



Re-frame

--> A more positive re-frame could be "I am going to listen to advice from people who have enjoyed more success and experience than me, with a mindset of learning and openness. Whenever I receive feedback, I will firstly ask myself 'how can I learn from this?' Further, when evaluating information online I will temper my expectations and do my due diligence by conducting thorough research of my own." <--


2. Speculation and generalisation

One of the most important points of this thread is that you need to spend a lot more time in Chile before you could come close to making a justifiable decision about buying property. A related point is that you need to spend more time invested in the process before asking for such help.

In addition, you are making broad claims about Chile based on very little time there. You stated that Santiago is a "daygame paradise" despite the fact that you only spent one day there. Instead, I encourage you to consider the following:

(06-03-2017 08:54 AM)Shimmy Wrote:  

... I have never visited a city in the world that the girls were as flakey as Santiago. The place seemed like paradise my first day there then after 2-3 days you realize its all smoke and mirrors.

I am glad you had a good time in Chile! My concern here is that other posts of yours seem to likewise imply general statements rather than purely personal anecdotes. Such premature generalizations could be lead to unreliable conclusions, and I urge you to adopt a more measured, tentative outlook. Newgame put it bluntly:

(06-02-2017 05:15 PM)newgame Wrote:  

...you should be asking questions and paying attention instead of making assumptions based on almost zero experience.

Re-frame

--> "I had a good time in Chile however because my experience is very limited I'll need to spend a lot more time with my boots on the ground before I can make any broad conclusions. In recognising the risks of developing beliefs and making decisions based on potentially faulty generalisations, I can see that it would be a good idea to get more experience and to remain open to new information. Similarly, listening to people with more experience will be of great value." <--



3. Attitude

In response to criticism about your negative views on Peru and other places, you seem to fall-back on the idea that your experience is valid just because you had it. In doing so, you fail to consider that the utility of relaying bad experiences is likely to be questioned unless they are qualified by honest self-awareness and a balanced illustration of some positive aspects. Further, if a poster demonstrates a negative mindset in general, it is difficult for the reader to conclude which parts of the poster's perceived experience are an accurate reflection of the objective situation, or merely the result of an overly pessimistic view. I urge you to consider that readers can get a glimpse into your overall attitude without even looking at the content of your posts, but rather, just by seeing your username.

Online forums attract an unfortunate amount of negativity, and at a level that would not be acceptable if the contributor was talking to someone in real life. Conversely, consider the online vibe and positive in-person reps of Vinny, Windom Earle, Linux, Dantes, Irish, Papi Rico, Kangaroo, CodyB, Birthday Cat, Thoughtgypsy, Tokyo Joe, Merenguero, Rudebwoy, Rottenapple, Bushido, Scotian, Cr33pin, Onto, Global Entry, Fortis, MaleDefined, Clean Slate... etc (this is just a small sample of members that are well-regarded offline).

Now, what is the point of dropping these names? I first want you to consider that these are some of the men working behind the scenes to build a genuine brotherhood by adding value to each other's lives, much of which comes through a combination of positive behaviours and sharing entertaining, funny, interesting, insightful, upbeat thoughts/vibes. Second, it begs the question - have you ever met any (non-commercial) guys who have a great social and sexual life but constantly complain? Perhaps it would be useful to think about how your life could be improved through fostering a more optimistic outlook, by showing more respect to guys with more experience, and by doing more networking in the real world so you can get some honest, precise feedback.

Re-frame

--> "Whenever I start to complain, I will gently remind myself to take a deep breath and re-focus on something I can appreciate or look forward to. Every day I will consciously make the effort to practice gratitude and can expect to feel lighter and lighter with each day that passes, along with improved relationships with the people around me. I also recognise the value of developing friendships offline and will take any opportunities I have to meet fellow RVFers." <--




3.1. Get Loose

I think getting out of your head and getting loose could be key to allowing yourself to have fun, considering your by-the-books approach;

(03-27-2017 06:12 PM)Australia Sucks Wrote:  

I do not drink alcohol, do drugs or smoke and I am not a fan of night game.

(03-27-2017 09:54 PM)Australia Sucks Wrote:  

I do not drink coffee...

I can definitely respect your self-control here. Now in terms of getting laid, creating fun with women or having a blast with fellow players, you are more than likely to make some gains by loosening up.

Re-frame

--> "My ability to maintain self-control is a reflection of my own power. Yet sometimes it can be fun to relax, try something a bit crazy, and to let all my inhibitions dissolve. I don't have to take everything so seriously. What's more, a lot of girls will be more attracted to me when I bring the party, don't give a fuck what happens, and act boldly." <--


4. Responsibility

Another essential mindset for any self-actualizing man is the acceptance of personal responsibility. You seem to attribute your lack of success to external factors and downplay the contribution of your own game. Having too much pride is a common barrier that prevents men from achieving the success they really want with women. It is hard enough to admit to yourself that your game has some limitations, let alone in public, so I understand the difficulty here. Just keep in mind that people will respect you a lot more if you can acknowledge your weaknesses or mistakes rather than deflecting criticism with counter-attacks and by blaming external constraints.

There is no way around it - if you wanna get good with women you need to stop blaming external circumstances (like being in Australia) or uncontrollable personal traits (like your skin colour) and start asking yourself some honest questions about what you can work on. The truth may hurt now, but stagnation will come back to haunt you later. I could whine all day about how being below average in height means I can never bang ladies like a much taller man could -- and I could note that it would be true -- however, it would be far from helpful. After all, our view of the world is a reflection of ourselves and our focus determines our reality.

Re-frame

--> "I have the power to enhance my quality of life, and by being honest with myself about my strengths and areas to improve, I can maximise my own growth. It feels great to know that I am not a passive victim of my surroundings, but rather I am self-made man that can forge my own path. As self-mastery is a marathon not a sprint, I will be accepting and patient with myself, and I will savour any progress no matter how incremental." <--




5. In summary

(a.) Cultivate a habit of positive thinking and expressing gratitude daily,
(b.) Take your time to gain more knowledge and experience before drawing broad conclusions,
(c.) Practice letting go of what you cannot control,
(d.) Focus on your power to improve your life by accepting ownership, taking action, and modelling others who represent aspects of your desired self,
(e.) Don't be so serious. Enjoy letting loose now and then.

In closing, I think it'd be best for me to give you more personal, nuanced feedback privately, so again feel free to get in touch off the forum. In addition to these areas for consideration, I also recognize that you are an intelligent guy who has put a lot of work into getting out of your comfort zone, that you have developed considerable self-control, and that in view of your youthfulness, you have plenty of time to grow. Be patient and gentle with yourself.


Readings

RVF

- H1N1: "Re: The dangers of the red pill"
- Guriko: "Re: The 'I am thankful for' thread"
- Dream Medicine:
i. "RE: Drix's Adventures in Arequipa, Cusco and Puno 2017" (topic: adopting a positive mindset)
ii. "RE: Massive Melbourne, Australia Datasheet" (topic: dealing with over-analysis, and letting loose**)
iii. "RE: How does one deal with a long dry spell?" (topic: the 'why' and 'how' of RVF networking)

External

- Steven Parton: "The Science of Happiness: Why complaining is literally killing you"
- Art Markman: "Control and Health" (topic: how the perception of control impacts wellbeing)

Vids/Audio

**Video Recipe for Pre-Club Boostin

- 0 fucks given from Lil Jon and the Eastside Boyz, plus Mystikal and Krazy Bone - "I Don't Give a Fuck"
- 1 biiig cup of pimp syrup à la Three Six Mafia, UGK and Project Pat - "Sippin on Some Syrup"
- 2 steps of playful high-energy through the Lonely Island - "I'm on a Boat"
- 3 seconds before you go in with the raw sexual dominance of Tech N9ne - "Don't Tweet This"