I had a similar situation at around the same age in that it left me scarred for a long time. The girl I gave up my virginity to gamed me hard (HB8) and started smashing my best friend at the time. She passed away in a car accident six months later and I never got the closure I felt I deserved.
A year later, I was engaged to a new girl that also played me hard (HB8.5).
If I'm being honest, the pain won't go away any time soon. It took me ten years to accept what happened with the first girl and I'm still madly in love with the second (eighteen years later).
But getting back to you:
You'll never forgot those first experiences with women; when you were introduced for the first time to love and sex.
The bright side, believe it or not, is that you recognize the fact you're in a bad place. Most would deny that and perpetuate and attempt to justify the behavior you're describing.
Get back up on the horse. Go meet other women. You'll find yourself comparing new women that you meet to the old one, and point out to yourself all the ways that they don't measure up to her, but ignore those feelings and push through.
In time, you'll develop many new relationships that will leave you with new experiences and memories. They won't replace the memories you have of this girl, but they will start to stack up and greatly lessen the impact those early memories have had in shaping you.
A year later, I was engaged to a new girl that also played me hard (HB8.5).
If I'm being honest, the pain won't go away any time soon. It took me ten years to accept what happened with the first girl and I'm still madly in love with the second (eighteen years later).
But getting back to you:
You'll never forgot those first experiences with women; when you were introduced for the first time to love and sex.
The bright side, believe it or not, is that you recognize the fact you're in a bad place. Most would deny that and perpetuate and attempt to justify the behavior you're describing.
Get back up on the horse. Go meet other women. You'll find yourself comparing new women that you meet to the old one, and point out to yourself all the ways that they don't measure up to her, but ignore those feelings and push through.
In time, you'll develop many new relationships that will leave you with new experiences and memories. They won't replace the memories you have of this girl, but they will start to stack up and greatly lessen the impact those early memories have had in shaping you.
“I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent.” (1 Timothy 2:12)