Quote: (04-06-2016 08:34 PM)CleanSlate Wrote:
Remember the girl I went to Palawan with? Well, what I didn't mention here yet was that a few months ago, she asked to borrow some money to pay for her son's tuition as he's starting school... her excuse was that she wasn't prepared for a big payment by the school's deadline.
My heart sank right there.
I really liked this girl, but this was several red flags in one. It showed that she's impulsive, doesn't plan ahead, is a poor saver, not good with money, and it's a slippery slope that many a foreigner have gone before me to their own financial and emotional peril.
Aside from modest taxi fare, I've never given money to a Pinay, but I've been asked plenty of times by girls online who I've never met and once from a girl I had already met and slept with a couple times.
I didn't have any problem saying no to those girls, but if it were someone I had spent considerable time with and genuinely cared about I may find it hard not to help her out if she needed it. Depending on the amount, reason, and if I believed her.
I'm not saying one should or shouldn't, but we have to remember that many of the girls we are dating are very, very poor and might not even want to ask for money but get pressured from their family when they find out she's dating a foreigner.
I think if we're going to be in an LTR with a Pinay that isn't well-off then we have to figure out how to navigate the fact she and her family may really need or benefit from our help and we have the means to do that easily. Maybe it's paying for the food/medicine, or whatever it is directly so you know it's going towards what it's said for. Maybe you just let it be known you never will.
I usually don't give bums on the street money, but sometimes I do. I don't have a hard and fast rule to when I do or don't. I just go with my gut.
I was still borrowing money from my parents and accepting gifts from them into my late 20's. One could say, "Well they are your family". Ok, but then what are you to your LTR and her to you?
The concept of money is usually a non-issue when dating a Western woman because she is independent, makes her own money, and doesn't need a man. However, once you marry them that financially autonomy seems to go out the window.
I guess I say all this CS, because I wouldn't feel too badly towards her or yourself. I'm sure she genuinely enjoyed being with you and hopes to again.