[XPQ21]

(10-26-2015 01:41 AM)evilbuttmunch Wrote:  

I must not be a very good looking guy because I live in the suburbs of NY and I only get about 1 to 2 likes and 8 views a week on OkC and the women are all pretty gross. I've gone out with four women in the 5/6 range in the past year, and out of those three of them initiated. Most of the women who send me likes are 3s and 4s. I was really depressed about it at first and it was an insane sap to my confidence. It's better now, but I'm 31 and I still send out custom tailored messages to 30 yo 5s that I have a ton in common with and the vast majority of them ignore me.

I found that indeed, picture quality makes a big difference. I was only getting around 10 views a week on my profile at the beginning of the summer when I didn't have many pics up. I got some better shots taken (including a full body shot doing something 'interesting' - women are scared of the SIF as well I think) and saw my numbers jump - but yeah the majority of women who "like" me are much older than I'm interested and not very attractive so I'm in the same boat there.

And even though I have a bunch of good pics, there was a woman hitting me up the other day who kept nagging me about wanting more pictures until I finally gave up and told her to get lost. Conversely, the women who I've had the most success with (i.e. lays) are the ones who didn't put a whole lot of effort into their pictures - you could tell they were cute and weren't obese, but otherwise their main photo was usually just a cheap cellphone shot.

The chicks who have a main photo that looks like they're trying to be on an album or magazine cover, where you can tell they've had ten thousand pro shots taken and grabbed the best ones and edited them and applied effects, etc. are the ones you definitely want to avoid - these god-tier attention whores will never go on a date with you, and even if by some miracle they do, you'll likely never get a second.

I actually find I have less success with women who I have a ton in common with. I've seen quite a few 99% matches on the site and messaged all of them and I don't think I've ever gotten a reply. Similarly, I work in a scientific field, and there are many women on the site in my area who do as well, but I've never had any luck with those queen of the nerds types; I'm guessing if I were in some local emo band I'd do better with them!

I honestly have the most luck getting responses with women in the 70-80% match range it seems. The last woman I went out with worked in fashion and if all goes well I'll be seeing her again later this week. While women say they want a guy who shares their interests, I think at some level they're actually more attracted to men who come from outside their realm of experience - a guy whose "frame" is radically different from theirs.

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Are you sending messages to women in general or mainly to women who view or like you? Because while I've certainly had dates with attractive women on that site, everyone was a mess in some way and I've never gotten anywhere close to sex. Meanwhile, I joined Match in frustration with a nearly identical profile and was chatting up 4 women at the same time, half of whom initiated with me first, all 6s and 7s. But that's starting to dry up and I have to initiate now as I've gotten 900 views in the past 3 months. I think it really does have to do with the season as well, but online dating just sucks in general, with OkC being at the bottom.

I send messages to women who view me, I send messages to women who "like" me, I swipe through quickmatch, I play around with distance and city settings for the major metros near me and age ranges, sometimes I just scroll down the "browse" window and fire off a message to every other girl.

Meeting someone who actually wanted to have sex was an uphill struggle even so, you got it. As I mentioned in another thread it took me around 150 openers and several months of work to find the first chick who I really hit it off with. And some people think that's a low number.

So my general advice for online is: match percentage that's not high or low, do your best to resist attention-whore model pic profiles, and don't try to build attraction or "bond" over common interests, because it's sort of a waste of time.

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Sorry that this was somewhat off topic. I think you're just going to have to pick a different place. Try the coffee shop at the bookstore instead, but you might just be out of the age range. Like I said, I'm 31 and I agree with you. I can't picture hitting on a girl in the coffee shop. They're too young for me and I can't relate to them. You might just have to go to the mall or flirt with random women in your daily life, like at the grocery store. I dropped bait and ran GALNUC on the girl who worked at the car rental agency and she was a solid 8, mid 20s, tight blonde with huge natural breasts, but every day surrounded by boring and unattractive coworkers and she went to a tech school so she knew the value I brought with my career. I'm pretty sure I could have gotten her number but I lacked inner game and pussied out at the last minute. It's just random occurrences. You see any woman in your age range that you're attracted to, and make it your policy to approach her. Like I've gone on online dates with women I thought I'd have nothing in common with and it turned out we were the best match I've ever had in my life. It can and does happen. And if you talk to anyone and everyone that you think is "interesting" then it won't feel as awkward only talking to the attractive women you find "interesting."

To paraphase Roosh about the suburban area I'm in - it's filled with people who think they're cool because...I don't know what reason.

The irony is that at the local joint I go to the only women in their 20s who have really warmed up to me are...a couple of the baristas who work there. Probably because I'm relaxed and don't make a big fuss about the quality of my drink or how fast they serve it like most people around here do, and I've cracked a few jokes with them in private about what tools most of their customers are.

The loud one always smiles at me when I come in and has started giving me shit tests.."Oh you again, huh? Decided to make drinking coffee your job?"

I already hit the quiet one up to go out with me after her shift and while she seemed to briefly consider it, she equivocated pretty hard and I took it as a no and didn't push things. I may try my luck with the loud one, but after that I'm done. I like the place as it's relaxed and close to me, and I don't realy want to be known that I'm the creepy regular trying to hit up all the employees.

Grocery stores around here during the day are sort of the same problem magnified - mostly married chicks or chicks with kids.

I think, unfortunately, that I'm going to have to bite the bullet and at least for the moment start driving closer to or into the city. It just sucks burning gas and spending time doing it.