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When you get flaked on
09-19-2010, 09:10 PM
I was supposed to go out with a chic tonight. This would've been the second time we met up in the last month or so. She flaked tonight. I don't know if her excuse was real or BS but she was apologetic. I didn't get all mad or anything on the phone, I just let it slide and my attitude was "whatevers..." She offered to reschedule. I told her I'll let her know how's it looking later in the week as I may have a lot going on next weekend. I don't even know yet if I will, but told her that anyway.
I'm never quite sure what the appropriate response to a flake should be. If you act mad about it, then that could come off as AFC, yet it lets the girl know you take your time seriously and don't make plans with me unless you are going to follow through. But then you don't want to seem like you care all that much and are that emotionally invested in hanging out with her to the point that you get bent out of shape over it.
On the other hand, you can just let it roll off your back and you won't seem needy or easily derailed by it(And I think keeping your composure is a strong Alpha trait), yet without showing you are pissed, she might think it's cool to just break plans again whenever she feeling no threat that you will get mad at her.
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When you get flaked on
09-19-2010, 09:22 PM
If she calls you ahead of time, is apologetic and offers to reschedule, then I'd give her 1 more shot.
If she flakes and doesn't give you an excuse until later, then just forget about her unless someone actually had a heart attack.
I don't bother getting mad, if she's not into you move on. Or if she is into you but is so out of it that she can't even show up, move on just the same.
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When you get flaked on
09-19-2010, 10:28 PM
if you had a good start and she falkes hard forget her and call two or three weeks later if you get horny.. the fact that you aren't so available is one of the most basic turn ons.
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When you get flaked on
09-20-2010, 12:15 AM
As a corollary to the "zero flake tolerance" idea, in my over 50 years of life I have NEVER had a person, male or female, who for ANY reason did not keep their first appointment with me ( of any kind-- date, biz meeting etc) turn out to be reliable. They ALWAYS keep flaking and turn out to be not worth knowing.
EDIT: SInce some people liked this, I'll amplify-- I even mean people who call and cancel on the first meeting-- no shows are obvious no-wins as associates.
I do realize the OP was talking about a second meeting. I would still venture he's swimming upstream, would like to hear if she shapes up.
Almost all the time, if someone is pretty keen on you, they do what's necessary to make it. REAL emergencies, are super super rare. Think of
it-- how many times in your life did you actually suddenly get really sick, or crash your car? Not many, I bet.
Usually people that cancel just would rather do something else.
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When you get flaked on
09-20-2010, 01:42 AM
She offered to reschedule. That's a plus.
I noticed if you live in the city then flaking is part of the culture. Especially LA, you should know that.
I'm thinking of moving somewhere outside the city, some small town. Lower cost of living, less game required ( big city= lots of options= high level of game), people more friendly.
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When you get flaked on
09-20-2010, 10:41 AM
For chuckles here is a text conversation I had with a girl when she tried to blow me off for a meetup:
Girl: Hey. I've had a really long day at work. Can we maybe meet up another time?
Me: I have a standard that I only give girls one shot at meeting up and I don't compromise. Either your game tonite or never.
Girl: Sorry not your girl then.
Me: Some guys tolerate flaky behavior. I don't.
Girl: It's not flaky. It's called life & being flexible. I get your point & respect that though. Nice to have met you.
I try and find out if a girl is a dead end as fast as possible so that is how I do things. This girl would have just flaked on me at a later time so I'm happy to know she is a time waste and to move on.
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When you get flaked on
09-20-2010, 11:56 AM
Quote: (09-20-2010 10:41 AM)texaschili Wrote:
For chuckles here is a text conversation I had with a girl when she tried to blow me off for a meetup:
Girl: Hey. I've had a really long day at work. Can we maybe meet up another time?
Me: I have a standard that I only give girls one shot at meeting up and I don't compromise. Either your game tonite or never.
Girl: Sorry not your girl then.
Me: Some guys tolerate flaky behavior. I don't.
Girl: It's not flaky. It's called life & being flexible. I get your point & respect that though. Nice to have met you.
no offense but i don't think this will ever work on a genuine hottie
Detective Rust Cohle: "All the dick swagger you roll, you can't spot crazy pussy?"
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When you get flaked on
09-20-2010, 12:05 PM
i've had some experience with being flaked on and also doing some flaking if i just can't be asked
although in general i think it's best not to show to her that she's getting to you, IME girls tend to be attracted mostly to guys who are unpredictable, i.e. with different ways of communicating to her
IOW one time you can just reply with "cool, ok, whatever" if she flakes; but then another time, tell her she's being difficult and that you don't like games and swear; then the time after that be chill again
you don't want to be an insecure wimp but on the other hand you like her and want to see her so you can't be 100% ok with her constant flakiness either...
Detective Rust Cohle: "All the dick swagger you roll, you can't spot crazy pussy?"
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When you get flaked on
09-20-2010, 07:08 PM
Pretty much as has been said; if she offers to reschedule she usually has a good reason for flaking and feels bad, so I'll take her up on her reschedule.
If she just up and flakes for no reason and doesn't hit me back, I may decide to hit her up randomly like 6 months later, but she gets put so far on the backburner that she can't even see the oven. I have had girls flake then vanish, and then almost a year later on random reconnect agree to get a drink and not flake me.
What can I say about it? I'm never happy when it happens, but 98% of the time this is not communicated, we all slip up from time to time, getting mad just makes her realize that you weren't worth the time, being nonchalant makes her question her own worth* and want to see you more.
* - She thinks its too high anyways.
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When you get flaked on
09-20-2010, 10:31 PM
I think one thing that's telling is that you never hear women complaining about being flaked on. I don't think I can even conjure up a memory of a woman I know saying, "we had a first date set up, then he just totally flaked so he can spent time with his friends!" That scenario sounds not only implausible, it sounds laughable. A dude is going to flake on a chic so he can hang around a bunch of cocks? Yet the reverse happens all the time. Only time guys flake on girls is if she's a clingy, needy girl he's been banging for awhile and he needs space. That's about it.
Reality is, women are more important to men, then men are to women. If men and women assigned equal importance to each other, we wouldn't be talking about this issue.
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When you get flaked on
09-21-2010, 09:55 AM
"Good principle to have, but is bad advice when it comes to women. If a girl is flaking on you she is either not attracted enough or she actually is busy. You have to make her more attract before you take her out. If I closed the door like this on some girls in my past I would have missed out on good times."
I never mind closing the door permanently on a dead end. Every time I have tried to re-schedule I have been flaked on a *second* time. I mean jeez, at least I prevented myself from having that happen. Now or never are the only terms I accept because it is to easy to develop new leads.
Perhaps I'm missing out on later good times but I can never know for sure b/c she started off on the wrong foot which I don't tolerate. It never really bothers me when I alienate a girl like this because now I know for sure she wasn't attracted and she was a dead end.