I was supposed to go out with a chic tonight. This would've been the second time we met up in the last month or so. She flaked tonight. I don't know if her excuse was real or BS but she was apologetic. I didn't get all mad or anything on the phone, I just let it slide and my attitude was "whatevers..." She offered to reschedule. I told her I'll let her know how's it looking later in the week as I may have a lot going on next weekend. I don't even know yet if I will, but told her that anyway.

I'm never quite sure what the appropriate response to a flake should be. If you act mad about it, then that could come off as AFC, yet it lets the girl know you take your time seriously and don't make plans with me unless you are going to follow through. But then you don't want to seem like you care all that much and are that emotionally invested in hanging out with her to the point that you get bent out of shape over it.

On the other hand, you can just let it roll off your back and you won't seem needy or easily derailed by it(And I think keeping your composure is a strong Alpha trait), yet without showing you are pissed, she might think it's cool to just break plans again whenever she feeling no threat that you will get mad at her.

If she calls you ahead of time, is apologetic and offers to reschedule, then I'd give her 1 more shot.

If she flakes and doesn't give you an excuse until later, then just forget about her unless someone actually had a heart attack.

I don't bother getting mad, if she's not into you move on. Or if she is into you but is so out of it that she can't even show up, move on just the same.

if you had a good start and she falkes hard forget her and call two or three weeks later if you get horny.. the fact that you aren't so available is one of the most basic turn ons.

As a corollary to the "zero flake tolerance" idea, in my over 50 years of life I have NEVER had a person, male or female, who for ANY reason did not keep their first appointment with me ( of any kind-- date, biz meeting etc) turn out to be reliable. They ALWAYS keep flaking and turn out to be not worth knowing.

EDIT: SInce some people liked this, I'll amplify-- I even mean people who call and cancel on the first meeting-- no shows are obvious no-wins as associates.

I do realize the OP was talking about a second meeting. I would still venture he's swimming upstream, would like to hear if she shapes up.

Almost all the time, if someone is pretty keen on you, they do what's necessary to make it. REAL emergencies, are super super rare. Think of
it-- how many times in your life did you actually suddenly get really sick, or crash your car? Not many, I bet.

Usually people that cancel just would rather do something else.

She offered to reschedule. That's a plus.

I noticed if you live in the city then flaking is part of the culture. Especially LA, you should know that.

I'm thinking of moving somewhere outside the city, some small town. Lower cost of living, less game required ( big city= lots of options= high level of game), people more friendly.

Quote: (09-20-2010 01:42 AM)wolf Wrote:  

I'm thinking of moving somewhere outside the city, some small town. Lower cost of living, less game required ( big city= lots of options= high level of game), people more friendly.

Good points. I've always wondered what game would be like in a smaller town. I think a place like Chicago though would be better suited for someone like me. Only thing is I wouldn't be able to stand the weather and the flat topography(I'm outdoors active so I need mountains around). I hear though that it's more down to earth and way less pretentious and flakey than L.A. yet still has all the pluses of a big city.

Quote: (09-19-2010 09:10 PM)speakeasy Wrote:  

She offered to reschedule.

Speakeasy brah,

Whenever your next planned meeting with this girl is, FLAKE ON HER. Sell your excuse well. Make it something cool or tough. Then reschedule for around 3 days later and keep those plans. Trust me, you'll get laid.

Aloha!

I agree with "I know"...

Reminds me of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HXNcWLka...re=related

Quote: (09-20-2010 02:38 AM)Kona Wrote:  

Quote: (09-19-2010 09:10 PM)speakeasy Wrote:  

She offered to reschedule.

Speakeasy brah,

Whenever your next planned meeting with this girl is, FLAKE ON HER. Sell your excuse well. Make it something cool or tough. Then reschedule for around 3 days later and keep those plans. Trust me, you'll get laid.

Aloha!

You know what, that's a damn good idea.

Quote: (09-20-2010 12:15 AM)iknowexactly Wrote:  

As a corollary to the "zero flake tolerance" idea, in my over 50 years of life I have NEVER had a person, male or female, who for ANY reason did not keep their first appointment with me ( of any kind-- date, biz meeting etc) turn out to be reliable. They ALWAYS keep flaking and turn out to be not worth knowing.

She did keep the first one. She flaked on the second one. I like Kona's idea though. I think I'll flake on her for the next one.

Quote: (09-20-2010 12:15 AM)iknowexactly Wrote:  

As a corollary to the "zero flake tolerance" idea, in my over 50 years of life I have NEVER had a person, male or female, who for ANY reason did not keep their first appointment with me ( of any kind-- date, biz meeting etc) turn out to be reliable. They ALWAYS keep flaking and turn out to be not worth knowing.

Yah I came to this life revelation some time this year. People that are a no show the first time around are worthless -- it doesn't matter what the excuse is.

Furthermore, I realized "re-scheduling" is a scam. When you accommodate a "re-schedule" request you only open yourself up to further frustration, dead-ends, time wastes and more flaking.

What I don't get about this post is this talk about flaking on flake and all these freakin' head games. It is like a chess match of breaking commitments? I only gives girls one chance to get it right if they try and pull anything like what is being mentioned in this thread delete the # and move on.

For chuckles here is a text conversation I had with a girl when she tried to blow me off for a meetup:

Girl: Hey. I've had a really long day at work. Can we maybe meet up another time?

Me: I have a standard that I only give girls one shot at meeting up and I don't compromise. Either your game tonite or never.

Girl: Sorry not your girl then.

Me: Some guys tolerate flaky behavior. I don't.

Girl: It's not flaky. It's called life & being flexible. I get your point & respect that though. Nice to have met you.

I try and find out if a girl is a dead end as fast as possible so that is how I do things. This girl would have just flaked on me at a later time so I'm happy to know she is a time waste and to move on.

The best writing on this subject is by Stagetwo in his article, 'Why do women flake? And how should we respond?'

An extract:-

How should we respond to her flaking?

To even ask yourself whether her excuse is true or not is misguided. Most likely it is not true. But whether it is true or not, it functions as a test either way: your response will define her attraction to you.

If you show you assume it’s true, you’re beta: naive.

If you show you assume it’s not true, you’re beta: insecure.

What’s beta in either case is caring whether it’s true.

Whole article here: http://stagetwo.wordpress.com/2009/01/27...e-respond/

Quote: (09-20-2010 10:41 AM)texaschili Wrote:  

For chuckles here is a text conversation I had with a girl when she tried to blow me off for a meetup:

Girl: Hey. I've had a really long day at work. Can we maybe meet up another time?

Me: I have a standard that I only give girls one shot at meeting up and I don't compromise. Either your game tonite or never.

Girl: Sorry not your girl then.

Me: Some guys tolerate flaky behavior. I don't.

Girl: It's not flaky. It's called life & being flexible. I get your point & respect that though. Nice to have met you.

no offense but i don't think this will ever work on a genuine hottie

i've had some experience with being flaked on and also doing some flaking if i just can't be asked

although in general i think it's best not to show to her that she's getting to you, IME girls tend to be attracted mostly to guys who are unpredictable, i.e. with different ways of communicating to her

IOW one time you can just reply with "cool, ok, whatever" if she flakes; but then another time, tell her she's being difficult and that you don't like games and swear; then the time after that be chill again

you don't want to be an insecure wimp but on the other hand you like her and want to see her so you can't be 100% ok with her constant flakiness either...

Quote: (09-20-2010 10:41 AM)texaschili Wrote:  

For chuckles here is a text conversation I had with a girl when she tried to blow me off for a meetup:

Girl: Hey. I've had a really long day at work. Can we maybe meet up another time?

Me: I have a standard that I only give girls one shot at meeting up and I don't compromise. Either your game tonite or never.

Girl: Sorry not your girl then.

Me: Some guys tolerate flaky behavior. I don't.

Girl: It's not flaky. It's called life & being flexible. I get your point & respect that though. Nice to have met you.

I try and find out if a girl is a dead end as fast as possible so that is how I do things. This girl would have just flaked on me at a later time so I'm happy to know she is a time waste and to move on.

Good principle to have, but is bad advice when it comes to women. If a girl is flaking on you she is either not attracted enough or she actually is busy. You have to make her more attract before you take her out. If I closed the door like this on some girls in my past I would have missed out on good times.



@speak-definitely flake on her next time. Don't call to tell her you can't make it, just wait until she calls you. And don't just sit home and do nothing..go out and rock and roll. She will be after you more if she calls and you are around a lot of other people.

Pretty much as has been said; if she offers to reschedule she usually has a good reason for flaking and feels bad, so I'll take her up on her reschedule.

If she just up and flakes for no reason and doesn't hit me back, I may decide to hit her up randomly like 6 months later, but she gets put so far on the backburner that she can't even see the oven. I have had girls flake then vanish, and then almost a year later on random reconnect agree to get a drink and not flake me.

What can I say about it? I'm never happy when it happens, but 98% of the time this is not communicated, we all slip up from time to time, getting mad just makes her realize that you weren't worth the time, being nonchalant makes her question her own worth* and want to see you more.

* - She thinks its too high anyways.

Quote: (09-20-2010 02:13 AM)speakeasy Wrote:  

Quote: (09-20-2010 01:42 AM)wolf Wrote:  

I'm thinking of moving somewhere outside the city, some small town. Lower cost of living, less game required ( big city= lots of options= high level of game), people more friendly.

Good points. I've always wondered what game would be like in a smaller town. I think a place like Chicago though would be better suited for someone like me. Only thing is I wouldn't be able to stand the weather and the flat topography(I'm outdoors active so I need mountains around). I hear though that it's more down to earth and way less pretentious and flakey than L.A. yet still has all the pluses of a big city.

I used to live in a small city(in Wisconsin), since there is not a lot to do people hang out with their close friends all the time. Girls too. In my old country( Ukraine) girls sleep with you just because, they don't do it for status, money, or anything else. If you start to travel like Roosh you'll find it quicky to hate LA.

I think one thing that's telling is that you never hear women complaining about being flaked on. I don't think I can even conjure up a memory of a woman I know saying, "we had a first date set up, then he just totally flaked so he can spent time with his friends!" That scenario sounds not only implausible, it sounds laughable. A dude is going to flake on a chic so he can hang around a bunch of cocks? Yet the reverse happens all the time. Only time guys flake on girls is if she's a clingy, needy girl he's been banging for awhile and he needs space. That's about it.

Reality is, women are more important to men, then men are to women. If men and women assigned equal importance to each other, we wouldn't be talking about this issue.

Quote: (09-20-2010 02:14 PM)feomuerto Wrote:  

@speak-definitely flake on her next time. Don't call to tell her you can't make it, just wait until she calls you. And don't just sit home and do nothing..go out and rock and roll.

That's great advice, but you gotta call if you don't hear from her within 1 hour of your scheduled meeting time.

Speakeasy you're in LA so get all ready like you're gonna take this girl out, but then hit a Koreatown hostess bar or two. My cousin went there a few weeks ago and says the k-bars are just as good as ours in Hawaii. I went to LA not so long ago, but didn't hit them. There's girls at one in Hawaii that say they "waitress" at one called S Bar. I went there tonight and the mama said they were in LA so they gotta be there. It's 3 Koreans and they're all freaking sexy, so there you go.

If you don't like that idea there's a few other sure thing flake stories I can send you're way that'll get you laid. I like ditching girls but telling a good story. It's good to do if you have a date type scenario but you aren't sure you'll get laid. The story takes the place of the "first-date" and then on the second one she's an easy swoop.

Let me know what's up at that S Bar.

Aloha!

Quote: (09-20-2010 10:41 AM)texaschili Wrote:  

For chuckles here is a text conversation I had with a girl when she tried to blow me off for a meetup:

Girl: Hey. I've had a really long day at work. Can we maybe meet up another time?

You: No problem, in fact I can't make it either as my friend just invited me to a house party/I just booked a flight and departing to Vegas in two hours. Sorry for bothering you.

Quote: (09-21-2010 02:25 AM)oldnemesis Wrote:  

Quote: (09-20-2010 10:41 AM)texaschili Wrote:  

For chuckles here is a text conversation I had with a girl when she tried to blow me off for a meetup:

Girl: Hey. I've had a really long day at work. Can we maybe meet up another time?

You: No problem, in fact I can't make it either as my friend just invited me to a house party/I just booked a flight and departing to Vegas in two hours. Sorry for bothering you.

Why would I text something back that isn't true? And plus, I never use the word sorry for anything I do.

"Good principle to have, but is bad advice when it comes to women. If a girl is flaking on you she is either not attracted enough or she actually is busy. You have to make her more attract before you take her out. If I closed the door like this on some girls in my past I would have missed out on good times."


I never mind closing the door permanently on a dead end. Every time I have tried to re-schedule I have been flaked on a *second* time. I mean jeez, at least I prevented myself from having that happen. Now or never are the only terms I accept because it is to easy to develop new leads.

Perhaps I'm missing out on later good times but I can never know for sure b/c she started off on the wrong foot which I don't tolerate. It never really bothers me when I alienate a girl like this because now I know for sure she wasn't attracted and she was a dead end.

Quote: (09-21-2010 09:50 AM)texaschili Wrote:  

Why would I text something back that isn't true?

if it helps you to get into her pants, why not?

Quote:Quote:

And plus, I never use the word sorry for anything I do.

This should be used in a sarcastic manner.

Quote: (09-20-2010 10:31 PM)speakeasy Wrote:  

I think one thing that's telling is that you never hear women complaining about being flaked on. I don't think I can even conjure up a memory of a woman I know saying, "we had a first date set up, then he just totally flaked so he can spent time with his friends!" That scenario sounds not only implausible, it sounds laughable. A dude is going to flake on a chic so he can hang around a bunch of cocks? Yet the reverse happens all the time. Only time guys flake on girls is if she's a clingy, needy girl he's been banging for awhile and he needs space. That's about it.

Reality is, women are more important to men, then men are to women. If men and women assigned equal importance to each other, we wouldn't be talking about this issue.

Women get flaked on too, they just don't talk about it too much. Flaking on a woman gets her panties in a twist. They start come up with theories why the guy flaked. They sometimes even blurt out the answer, "instead of meeting me for lunch he'll probably make dinner at his place after work and try to have sex with me". They read in too much of what something means, when they try to figure it out everyone(all their gf's) gets involved and they have to just figure it out to tell all their friends or for themselves.

I used to have a couple of buddies in vegas that had nothing to do so they would test every theory that would surface inside their head. One guy always flaked on the second date so on date three he was pretty much guaranteed to get laid. Another guy walked around supermarkets getting women's phone numbers then deleting their number. Once he got good at numbers he started going on dates.( Numbers game).