Quote: (04-15-2014 01:55 PM)cardguy Wrote:
I'm 32 and have never had a girlfriend.
Is that weird?
Yes, you're weird.
But who cares.
We're all weird here.
On a serious note, I'll echo the statements a lot of others have said about the possibility of a girlfriend being a pleasurable experience. Even some of the worst relationships I've had provided plenty of great experiences. I certainly don't need a girlfriend to define my life, but when I think back on my life, the phases often stand out regarding who I was dating at the time.
Many of my best experiences were the ones I shared with women I actually cared about, and no matter what, we always had a lot of fun.
Relationships have their own share of headaches, sure. But it's not all bad, especially when you maintain the control in the relationships, and I assure you that's extremely easy for an introvert to do. We actually want our space, so we don't have to fake being aloof - comes naturally.
My relationships have taught me a lot, and I've been in quite a few serious ones. I think all the best sex I've ever had came in relationships, and that's where I learned the most about sex. I've always been my healthiest during my relationships, from not partying as much and the fact that women tend to push you to take care of yourself. I get in less scraps. I get more shit done and am more successful.
Being with the wrong girl can drag you down and really make your life a living hell. But not many things are more stabilizing than a good woman at your side, in my opinion.
There is the problem of it eventually getting boring and running its course. Either learn to adapt and teach yourself to appreciate things for longer (a good skill to have as you age, I'd imagine), or just enjoy it while it lasts and let go when it's time to let go.
If you don't drag it out past its expiration date to the point where it's becoming dysfunctional, you should be able to walk away with some great experiences and knowledge about yourself.
Saying all that, you're lucky in that you don't have to battle the "grass is greener" mentality a lot of us serial monagamists deal with. So hey, if you really are happy, rock on.
I think your particular brand of weirdness is becoming more common among men these days.
I also notice a lot of older bachelors kind of reach that point where they say, fuck it, I've made it this far... So I could see how if you'd gotten to your thirties with nary a girlfriend, you'd just keep rolling with it.
Quote: (04-15-2014 02:06 PM)LeightonBlackstock Wrote:
One of the curses about being 'red-pill' is I feel as though no one is good enough for that position anymore. Every time I walk around with a nice girl I want to ditch her for one of the other ones.
I look back at two of the girls I burnt it off with in Korea and think "Holy fuck, am I gay or something?!". Same thing happened with Taipei, I really should have made one of them my girlfriend looking back.
A poisoned chalice, you could say?
Though to elaborate and contradict myself, previously I was very much: "I must get notches. I must be alpha. I must validate myself". Nowadays I'm more open to the idea of ending my two year 'lack of girlfriend' spell. Recently I've felt like I've got over a big 'hump' and I can run on 'auto-pilot' here and there.
I'm at this stage myself.
You go back and forth. When you're single, you're always thinking, damn, would be nice to have a quality girl on lock-down for a while and chill out. Then when you're in a relationship, you're constantly thinking, damn, I want to hit that - would be nice to play the field for a while again.
And around and around we go...
I will say that I think a steady relationships can be a very centering thing in Southeast Asia.
I notice a lot of guys who move here can't seem to handle all the pussy opportunity without getting greedy and grabbing it all at once. You watch the Asian guys and their roll is much slower. They have a wife or a steady girl and the ocaissional fling. Maybe a mia noi or a gik or two that they also do more long-term relationships with. And because they take it easy, they've constantly got some new girl that has a huge crush on them.
The white guys are so blown away by how different things are in the sexual marketplace that they're running around like a kitten that just snorted a couple rails of catnip, banging anything with two legs and a vag and ruining their reputation at every step.
I think if you were going to do Asia for the long-long-term, it would be wise to do as the Romans do.
This is one place where you can have your cake and eat it too. As long as you can slow your roll a little bit.
Quote: (04-15-2014 02:19 PM)cardguy Wrote:
If a millionaire supermodel wanted to marry me - I would say no.
With all respect, I like a lot of what you've said in this thread, cardguy, but I'll believe this when you're actually turning down proposals from millionaire supermodels.
Quote: (04-15-2014 05:03 PM)Slim Shady Wrote:
Every once in a while, maybe every 6 months or so, I'll look back on my life and see that it has been crazy and out of control - with the binge drinking, blackouts, and sloppy hookups, and I'll think I could and should settle down for a bit with a cute 7 who may be a bit homey but will keep me [mainly the drinking and sex drive] in check.
However, every time I have actively though I should wife up a girl for a bit, I don't even get lays and sloppy sex. I realize that I have subconsciously started treating girls nicer, and maybe that also gives off a needier vibe. So I go back to my hedonistic and debaucherous ways, till a run in with the cops forces me to stay in and stay sober for a while, with only monster cock porn to alleviate my pain, regret, and self loathing.
Then the cycle starts all over again.
Man do I know this cycle. It gets worse as you get older if you don't learn to reign it in. As I keep repeating, one of the best aspects of a good woman is her ability to keep you somewhat grounded. Even when you're fully in charge, there's just something about that feminine energy that keeps you on track.
Not constantly feeling the need to chase new pussy is a big part of it too.
I don't think I'd have done even half the dumb drunken shit I have in my life if it wasn't for the chase getting me out on the town in the first place.
Quote: (04-15-2014 06:05 PM)speakeasy Wrote:
What appeals to me about a relationship is being able to kick back, have sex on the regular and not feel like you have to be on the prowl constantly if you want to get laid. You don't gave to worry about carrying your A-game 24/7. If you didn't talk to that hottie that walked by you don't have to kick yourself, you got a girl to chill with later. Going out all the time and having to mack, filter through flaky numbers, set up dates. etc can wear you out over time. Especially as you get older. And even more so for introverts like us.
Exactly. And that lack of hunger is one of the big things that makes taken men so attractive to women.
Quote: (04-15-2014 06:12 PM)Cunnilinguist Wrote:
Quote: (04-15-2014 06:05 PM)speakeasy Wrote:
What appeals to me about a relationship is being able to kick back, have sex on the regular and not feel like you have to be on the prowl constantly if you want to get laid. Going out all the time and having to mack, filter through flaky numbers, set up dates. etc can wear you out over time. Especially as you get older. And even more so for introverts like us.
That regular sex gets old real quick, though. I get bored with a chick after roughly 2-3 weeks. From then on, it's almost as if I have to force myself to be with her. I dont care what they say about "spicing up your sex life", once youve banged the same girl, oh i dont know, 5-6 times, it just isnt going to get any more exciting after that. Fucking a new girl for the first time is AMAZING. After that, it's downhill.
2 - 3 weeks?! 5-6 times?
Damn, Man, I mean no disrespect, but I feel like you're going about something all wrong. Have you had much longer relationships with women than that? Because I find it gets WAY better before it gets worse.
Yeah, it does get old after a while and you fiend for some strange, but sex with someone you have experience is with a whole other level from those first few times. And don't even get me started on that hard-core makeup sex or banging it out after a bit of time apart...
Nothing like it.
Quote: (04-16-2014 01:51 AM)jariel Wrote:
Quote: (04-15-2014 06:05 PM)speakeasy Wrote:
What appeals to me about a relationship is being able to kick back, have sex on the regular and not feel like you have to be on the prowl constantly if you want to get laid.
Steady sex is not a by-product of being in a steady relationship.
You're more likely to get steady aggravation, shit steady blue balls, than you are to get steady sex from one woman in a monogamous relationship.
This hasn't been my experience at all. I hear guys joking around about this type of thing that are married, but I've never noticed a girlfriend get burnt out on sex and start holding out. I've never been married, but I've had a few 2 -3 year relationships and plenty other shorter ones. I spent most of twenties in long-term relationships.
I find the female's hunger for sex only gets more insatiable as I get more bored after about 6 months, start wanting them less, and start thinking about being single again. It could be just the introversion though - the longer we stay together, the more I pull away, and the more crazy they are about me. Maybe if I ever roll the dice with marriage I'll learn the truth.
Quote: (04-16-2014 03:01 AM)Days of Broken Arrows Wrote:
Some of it has to do with my divorce but more of it has to do with losing the idea of "magic" in female interactions (i.e. romance) because of being able to break things down scientifically.
Quote: (04-16-2014 03:01 AM)Days of Broken Arrows Wrote:
I have no idea what the solution to this is. You can't get naive again. Maybe a change of environment?
These two statements rang so true for me.
You miss that feeling sometimes. I will say that I have gotten it back before after being disillusioned for a long time. It takes a certain type of girl to bring that out of me, and longer periods of time seem to pass before I run into it again, but it still comes out sometimes.
One thing I've noticed about myself is I've gotten extremely selfish with my interactions with women. Maybe because that's what works or maybe because I know it'll be someone new a couple nights or weeks later, that it's all temporary.
But the feeling of actually caring for a woman is something you miss after not having it for a long time. You can get it back, but it really takes setting something down. Our own form of baggage, I guess?