I've been hanging out with this girl who really likes me and wants to date me. But we still haven't banged and I don't know how long she is gonna make me wait. Yesterday, she says verbally that she needs a couple months before we have sex! I told her straight out I need to have sex if we date. She got sad and I backtracked a lil and told her we could date, thinking that I could wear her down in a month or two. Do u think she is worth going out with? I've never been in a relationship before and I wanted to see what it was like. At least for now, she seems to pass the "How to tell if she's a slut" from return of kings: She rides the trolley, doesn't have tattoos, obedient to dad...etc. But I don't know how many people she's slept with.Her said reason for wanting to wait is that she was recently seeing a guy who only wanted to fuck her when she wanted more.

Also, she asked if I wanted to go exclusive or not. This is something I think we will talk about in the future. On one hand, I wanna say no so I could bang other girls on the side. But I also don't want her banging other guys.Haha.

Quote: (12-21-2013 10:08 AM)Shadowarrior Wrote:  

I've been hanging out with this girl who really likes me and wants to date me. But we still haven't banged and I don't know how long she is gonna make me wait. Yesterday, she says verbally that she needs a couple months before we have sex! I told her straight out I need to have sex if we date. She got sad and I backtracked a lil and told her we could date, thinking that I could wear her down in a month or two. Do u think she is worth going out with? I've never been in a relationship before and I wanted to see what it was like.

You are looking at this all wrong. Her last boyfriend just wanted sex so she will say anything she has to now to the next guy she dates to satisfy her hamster.

You can ignore what a woman says and pay attention to her actions. You had better be trying to escalate on every date- she might think she should date someone who will not be seeking a more physical interaction but she will quickly find herself frustrated and disappointed and disgusted with you if you are not trying to get in her pants. This is true for all women by the way, not just the one in your story.

Caveman her(you are making out on the couch pick her up and carry her to your bed, even if you don't bang her, you should at least be trying to get her naked). You should be doing this by the first or second date. I even say, "Me Tarzan, you Jane" if she asks what I am doing or protests. If she really protests and says "put me down right now, I don't like this" then I would(I think this has happened to me maybe once)

You might not get the bang the first or second date, but at least be escalating more and more each time. So get that one month or 2 month time frame out of your head and just date her and see how it goes.

edit: just saw your second post about how she is already pressuring you to make an exclusive commitment. You haven't even gone out on any dates yet?! I would never ask for an exclusive relationship with a chick I have not had sex with multiple times with.

you could try to flip the script and say "Hey, you just said you weren't ready for a serious relationship yet."

Not likely worth your time. She said her last guy only wanted sex? Of course she gave it to him, she's a girl in 2013. Don't be lancelot, never wait any longer than any other guy she's been with chump move.

She probably has banged a guy in a car hours after meeting him, but you have to wait? She would say "that was a mistake". Well she either needs to make another mistake with you or hit the bricks. She needs to get it right in the next chump, not on you.

Yeah I was actually gonna put that in the first post. But I have been trying to escalate like hell. Two nights ago, she spent the night, and I was aggressive to the point where we were wrestling/doing jujitsu. Still heavy resistance. That was the third time she spent the night. We have "hung out" other times before and yes I was trying to escalate each time.

Friendzoned. Next her.

She is asking for an exclusive relationship, i would not call that a friend zone. As for "should you keep dating this girl when she won't have sex", you are the only one that can answer that, how hot is she?

When you try going down on her or fingering her(this can usually lead to actual sex), she doesn't even let you get that far?

I would suggest you keep cavemanning her. If at any point, it seems like she is getting the upper hand in terms of frame and gets attitude with you, just put her otk and give her a spanking.

"she needs a couple months before we have sex!"
"she was recently seeing a guy who only wanted to fuck her when she wanted more."
"she asked if I wanted to go exclusive"

A possibility of sex if he'll be an emotional tampon for a couple months first = friendzone.

The farthest I have actually gone with her is sucking, grabbing, rubbing and holding her naked tits and butt. No fingering. I have attempted rubbing her clit, but she will barely let me rub her pussy over her pants. I have even tried for just pulling her pants down along with her panties. I have even tried forcing her hand to touch my dick and forcing her face down to my cock.

I don't buy the friendzone idea, you are only in the friendzone if you put yourself there. It doesn't sound like shadow is doing that. I would call this "blue balling".

Rather than forcing her face onto your cock, maybe just whip it out after you have been wrestling around and doing judo for awhile and you are fully aroused and put it near her face when the two of you are on your bed.

Hopefully you are really hot for this chick and you can say shit like "think how good it will feel when I put this rock hard cock up in your pussy" (not sure where I got that line from, but it has worked for me in the past when fighting last minute resistance).

There are numerous threads on last minute resistance on this forum, I would suggest looking into those.

edit, the other thing I might try in your position if the cavemanning doesn't work: just flat out say "You seem to think withholding sex is a great way to have a healthy relationship, but honestly, withholding sex is actually a great way to guarantee an UNHEALTHY relationship." Don't be angry or emotional when you say this, just say it matter of factly, because you are speaking the truth(but it may be a little too much logic for a woman's hamster) Then turn your back and fall asleep.

Quote: (12-21-2013 12:42 PM)master_thespian Wrote:  

I don't buy the friendzone idea, you are only in the friendzone if you put yourself there. It doesn't sound like shadow is doing that. I would call this "blue balling".

Given these latest details, I have to agree. This is even more sadistic than the friendzone, if he ends up never getting off.

Like football, If you haven't made forward progress by the 3rd date and the end zone is nowhere near in sight, it's time to punt. Dating her at that point would be like going for the 4th down on your side of the field…Risky and not worth it.

Relationships are 1000% not worth it if you are constantly begging for sex, and you know she will be dangling it like a carrot over your head.

Quote: (12-21-2013 10:45 AM)ryanf Wrote:  

Not likely worth your time. She said her last guy only wanted sex? Of course she gave it to him, she's a girl in 2013. Don't be lancelot, never wait any longer than any other guy she's been with chump move.

She probably has banged a guy in a car hours after meeting him, but you have to wait? She would say "that was a mistake". Well she either needs to make another mistake with you or hit the bricks. She needs to get it right in the next chump, not on you.

Don't knock Lancelot - he was banging the queen behind King Arthur's back.

Quote: (12-21-2013 10:31 AM)Shadowarrior Wrote:  

Also, she asked if I wanted to go exclusive or not. This is something I think we will talk about in the future. On one hand, I wanna say no so I could bang other girls on the side. But I also don't want her banging other guys.Haha.

Tactical answer: she's either prudish or looking for an emotional tampon (she's admitted that you are basically a pawn in her getting over her ex, she has to freeze out the next guy so that she can feel she's rebalanced the universe). She's asked for exclusivity way too early, both in time and in before you've had sex (at most, the talk should happen simultaneously with the first bang, if not long after it). Way more trouble than it's worth, you'll want to just stop dating her probably.

Strategic answer: feed her hamster, tell her that's fine we can take all the time you need, and keep escalating each date. Meanwhile, date other chicks so you don't get a oneitis going on.

I used to be really tense about getting in the girl's pants in a small number of dates. Then I started concentrating on spinning plates, and that concern totally evaporated - I could play the long game with each girl with a real "whatever" mindset, since I had another date in at most 48 hours. I didn't have enough time to date the ones who weren't progressing, so they got culled from my schedule, and my improved attitude got me further with the rest of them.

No, but don't tell her it's because of sex. Tell her you "don't feel connected enough" or something that will insinuate that you're not intimate enough. Mix it with some caveman game and you'll be banging her within a week.

When a girl is sexual with you, reward it.

When she is not, avoid her or make her feel boring (not bored!) and unfeminine.

As someone who had to constantly do as you're doing to get laid, I highly suggest you move on or create a rotation. It is not worth seeing only her and having to deal with the hamster on an almost day to day basis. Move on for the best.

Quote: (12-23-2013 07:48 AM)funkyzeit Wrote:  

No, but don't tell her it's because of sex. Tell her you "don't feel connected enough" or something that will insinuate that you're not intimate enough. Mix it with some caveman game and you'll be banging her within a week.

When a girl is sexual with you, reward it.

When she is not, avoid her or make her feel boring (not bored!) and unfeminine.

Yes, the more evasive you are about the breakup reasoning, the more her hamster will run with mystery. Mystery is an aphrodisiac. Otherwise she has a pouty story for her coffee klatch, "he dumped me because I wouldn't have sex with him, he's such a pig!!" You want her at least wondering if it wasn't something else.

Quote: (12-23-2013 07:48 AM)funkyzeit Wrote:  

No, but don't tell her it's because of sex. Tell her you "don't feel connected enough" or something that will insinuate that you're not intimate enough. Mix it with some caveman game and you'll be banging her within a week.

When a girl is sexual with you, reward it.

When she is not, avoid her or make her feel boring (not bored!) and unfeminine.

So, strategically speaking, do i do this over the phone? I was thinking of going on a date, try to bang her. If she doesn't put out, then, when she leaves, tell her, "I don't think we should go out. I just don't feel intimate with you."

Turn it around on her.

"I've thought about it and I've come to the conclusion that you must not be very sexual or there's something else going on with you that doesn't really relate to me. I thought we had a good initial connection but I don't think you're really as good of a match for me as I thought. I'll see you around."

Then disappear. If things are going to change, you've got to make it clear without telling her it's because she won't have sex. She'll read between the lines yet have no real way to judge you for it.

Quote: (12-23-2013 04:25 PM)Shadowarrior Wrote:  

Quote: (12-23-2013 07:48 AM)funkyzeit Wrote:  

No, but don't tell her it's because of sex. Tell her you "don't feel connected enough" or something that will insinuate that you're not intimate enough. Mix it with some caveman game and you'll be banging her within a week.

When a girl is sexual with you, reward it.

When she is not, avoid her or make her feel boring (not bored!) and unfeminine.

So, strategically speaking, do i do this over the phone? I was thinking of going on a date, try to bang her. If she doesn't put out, then, when she leaves, tell her, "I don't think we should go out. I just don't feel intimate with you."

I wouldn't do this type of things over the phone. Going to date, having a nice time and if she still behaves the same way telling her without butthurt that "you don't feel the chemistry" and leaving after that will be a nuclear strike to her ego and will get you some serious man points. Tell her you have some other things to do (make it look like you are going to see someone else, but don't tell who) and politely say goodbye. She may try to seductively tell you to stay and "talk". This is a shit test, she won't have sex with you, she just want to see how firm you are in your decisions, don't stay. Leave with a confident smile. She'll call you days later and will either call you to her place or expect you to call her to your place. Seal the deal.

If she want's to grab a coffee, refuse politely or redirect her to your place for "a couple of drinks instead, before I go out". Then bang her.

If she doesn't call then delete her number, she's a cocktease and is just looking for orbiters.

rape her

If you had a rotation of attractive girls, or several different girls begging for your time, begging for sex; would you still become exclusive with this girl?

Three Date Rule

This one is easy

1) agree and be exclusive
2) agree and cheat on her
3) agree to relationship, but not to exclusivity.
4) disagree and go find other plates to spin
5) ignore what she says and focus on what she does

In any event recognize that she is ALREADY using sex as a bargaining chip. And that you have already caved. You're operating from position of weakness.

The player way is to take your foot off the gas and go find other women. When you're dealing with another cute girl, you'll see the flaws in your current target.

Sure you'll still see the primary from time to time, but you're now aware of her capacity to manipulate you.

Women have a lot of power, but most of it is what you give to her freely.

I personally don't advocate that you put any pressure on a chick. Don't argue, don't talk it through, or talk about it. Let the gravity of the situation sink in.

She could be with you and all that you offer, but only if she comes willingly.

Objectively as a man, you have the power to change a woman's life and allow her to achieve her highest calling. When you think about it, you give her life meaning and all you get is sex.

She wants it all, and is not interested in pleasing you.

WIA

Well, I did the deed and broke up with her. I did it over text messages which i wasn't planning to do, but I could tell she was beginning to disrespect me in little ways. I guess this was my first relationship. Not really satisfying, but I've learned from my mistake. I partly blame my friend for encouraging me to get into a relationship with her in the first place.