Here is the first text exchange with a girl I met at a party (slightly paraphrased)

Me: Let's get together this week, how's your tuesday?
Her: Tuesday is my only free night this week. Would you be game to meet downtown for a bite to eat?

Obviously I want to meet her downtown, but I don't want to be on the hook for dinner. Any ideas how to deflect this?

Suggest a different venue?

Are you trying to avoid the financial commitment to paying, or the time commitment?

Quote: (04-21-2013 10:47 PM)FourToTheFloor Wrote:  

Are you trying to avoid the financial commitment to paying, or the time commitment?

Yeah, what is the reason for avoidance?

Are you afraid she is just juicing you for a meal and will just bounce?

Or what?

Why not just get dinner?

Suggest a bar with nice apps or tapas or something, order drinks and decide what fun stuff to try.

You do eat dinner, right?

Quote: (04-21-2013 10:50 PM)thegmanifesto Wrote:  

Quote: (04-21-2013 10:47 PM)FourToTheFloor Wrote:  

Are you trying to avoid the financial commitment to paying, or the time commitment?

Yeah, what is the reason for avoidance?

Are you afraid she is just juicing you for a meal and will just bounce?

Or what?

I don't know the girl well enough to guess at her reasons for suggesting dinner. She left the party before I had much of a chance to escalate, so I don't want to invest too much (time or money).

I'll likely just suggest meeting later and having a drink.

Suggest a bar that has good appetizers.

way cheaper than table service dinner and you can get drinks in her

Quote: (04-21-2013 10:57 PM)Hobnob Wrote:  

Quote: (04-21-2013 10:50 PM)thegmanifesto Wrote:  

Quote: (04-21-2013 10:47 PM)FourToTheFloor Wrote:  

Are you trying to avoid the financial commitment to paying, or the time commitment?

Yeah, what is the reason for avoidance?

Are you afraid she is just juicing you for a meal and will just bounce?

Or what?

I don't know the girl well enough to guess at her reasons for suggesting dinner. She left the party before I had much of a chance to escalate, so I don't want to invest too much (time or money).

I'll likely just suggest meeting later and having a drink.

What else were you going to do during dinner time?

I mean, you do eat dinner right?

Quote:Quote:

I don't know the girl well enough to guess at her reasons for suggesting dinner.

Ok.

So dinner is not the issue.

It is that you haven't Gamed her enough.

Pick up the phone and call her.

Stop with the gay texting.

Problem solved.

I would definitely not do the table service dinner like the others have suggested but I don't see any problem with getting appetizers or hitting up a place where you order at the counter (under $20 for the both of you). If you can work the logistics to where you head back to your place for drinks after it ends up being a wash (drinks at bar $ = cheap food $ + drinks at your place)

This is an excellent topic. In addition to the financial commitment, I find table service dinner dates to be stiff and formal. Just in terms of body position, I think its far more advantageous to be sitting next to (bar) than across from (dinner) your date. Having to deal with the server is also distracting. In terms of paying, I feel like if I am hitting on the girl and asking her out, then I should pay. It is striking though how few and/or haphazard the offers to chip in are. What I really feel like saying is, "We can go out for drinks and I'll pay, or we can go out to dinner and split the bill, up to you." It's probably also part personality defect on my part but, I don't really enjoy being in restaurants. Even if I'm going out to dinner with my family, I don't have the feeling like I want to lounge around at the table. When I'm done eating I want to leave.

On a side note, what is with all these chumps taking whack chicks out for 4 and 500 dollar dinners on the first date. I always like to probe my date a little on how her previous experiences have been, and I am hearing story after story of accomplished successful men, albeit socially awkward, taking out 5's and 6's to opulent meals on the first date for no reason. This has also been confirmed by a couple of mediocre chicks I go to school with. This chick at school, who actually has a decent personality, went on about how "just drinks" makes it seem like the girl isn't worth dinner. No shit she isn't worth dinner, it's the first date, I haven't met her yet. (Online dating)

Anyway, to answer your question, the best way I have found to avoid dinner is to say you have an engagement (class until...meeting until...)and wont be able to meet until 830-9, or a time late enough where it's too late for dinner. Guess that won't work for you Europeans.

Quote: (04-21-2013 11:10 PM)thegmanifesto Wrote:  

Ok.

So dinner is not the issue.

It is that you haven't Gamed her enough.

Pick up the phone and call her.

Stop with the gay texting.

Problem solved.

I agree, I have not gamed her near enough. I do eat dinner, but I don't like dinner dates. LowerCaseG explains my feelings pretty well. They are too formal for a first date and the body positioning is always awkward.

Phoning her is something I haven't considered and will.

Basically this comes down to the fact I didn't feel I gamed her enough, threw out a text just in case, and got a response requesting dinner. It didn't seem to add up. Maybe I gamed her better than I thought. Or, maybe she's a dinner whore.

Just take her to dinner and don't forget to bring flowers so she knows that you're a gentleman.

since when grab a bite to eat must mean dinner? tell her you go shopping afternoon so she can join you. then grab a kebab or something similar.

Dinner? Depends on the girl and how well I know her, but NEVER drop anything even CLOSE to fancy unless you know her decently (already hooking up).

-A key here is to do the appetizer/micro/tapas date. Go to one bar/place and possibly get the drinks or a bottle of wine to split (or appetizer). Then at the next place grab the appetizer and hopefully there's an activity to play like darts or pool or trivia (again, depends on the girl-etc.) Then on the last one grab a desert somewhere. You can grab all these at the bar or get a booth-DON'T get a table for obvious kino-logistical reasons (you talked about the physical awkwardness/impossibility).

I also say the previous because I don't have my own place yet, otherwise you should always attempt to take them back there.

-It also goes to REALLY help though to get places on lock, or get to know the servers/bouncers/bartenders that work there. Having a good server that knows you, or that you're getting your mack on can really help you. They'll leave you alone or give you free things possibly (Example, I just had a date last week at a nice little Sushi place. They have wine bottles 50 percent off on the day I went and I was with a girl who was under 21, he didn't ID us and even ended up giving us a free bottle of saki for my dates "birthday." Hahaha. Instant social/good proof, and a good time. I obviously tipped well, and always have that avenue to go back to in the future. Get your restaurants/bars/places on LOCK if you can. I just give the guy or whoever a message/heads up in the afternoon to see if they're working that night and get the green light before hand).

It is kind of funny how guys think that:

Eating with a girl = Fancy white table cloth sit down dinner that costs $150-200 per head.

Quote: (04-22-2013 01:10 PM)thegmanifesto Wrote:  

It is kind of funny how guys think that:

Eating with a girl = Fancy white table cloth sit down dinner that costs $150-200 per head.

It's more of a limitation of the location. There aren't many good places for casual eats. We have many great places for sit down meals, but few for tapas/appetizers/drinks. The ones we do have are spaced pretty far apart and the public transit is pretty bad.

All that said, I've come to agree with what you're saying. I do need to eat, I just need to be a little creative with my location choice.

Quote: (04-22-2013 03:35 PM)Hobnob Wrote:  

Quote: (04-22-2013 01:10 PM)thegmanifesto Wrote:  

It is kind of funny how guys think that:

Eating with a girl = Fancy white table cloth sit down dinner that costs $150-200 per head.

It's more of a limitation of the location. There aren't many good places for casual eats. We have many great places for sit down meals, but few for tapas/appetizers/drinks. The ones we do have are spaced pretty far apart and the public transit is pretty bad.

All that said, I've come to agree with what you're saying. I do need to eat, I just need to be a little creative with my location choice.

Yeah, Canada sucks for that

Quote: (04-21-2013 10:22 PM)Hobnob Wrote:  

Her: Would you be game to meet downtown for a bite to eat?

Me: Dinner can be lame or awkward. I know a hipster bar with cool drinks.

If I don't know her well then I don't do dinner on the first time... She could turn out to be the most annoying chick then you are stuck there the whole time.

Often in short approaches I say "listen we can go for a coffee and after 10 minutes we will know if we like each other and want to hang out longer." You can say this in a light tone.

In your case I would just say that you are busy that night but can meet her for a drink at a local bar a bit later.

Quote: (04-22-2013 03:35 PM)Hobnob Wrote:  

Quote: (04-22-2013 01:10 PM)thegmanifesto Wrote:  

It is kind of funny how guys think that:

Eating with a girl = Fancy white table cloth sit down dinner that costs $150-200 per head.

It's more of a limitation of the location. There aren't many good places for casual eats. We have many great places for sit down meals, but few for tapas/appetizers/drinks. The ones we do have are spaced pretty far apart and the public transit is pretty bad.

All that said, I've come to agree with what you're saying. I do need to eat, I just need to be a little creative with my location choice.

Sound like a biz opportunity.

We just uncovered your future.

Don't forget about me when you own 3 dope tapas bars in the center of your town/city and you have girls coming out your ears.

I expect a pro-bono cocktail. Vodka, Soda. Lime.

Vodka from the top shelf.

Easy.

"I have plans around that time already. Lets just grab a drink around 9/10."

If she says no, move on. Offer no excuses. You have to play your game within your budget/comfort zone.

If she's into you, she'll offer another night to reschedule.

Quote: (04-22-2013 06:30 PM)thegmanifesto Wrote:  

Sound like a biz opportunity.

We just uncovered your future.

Don't forget about me when you own 3 dope tapas bars in the center of your town/city and you have girls coming out your ears.

I expect a pro-bono cocktail. Vodka, Soda. Lime.

Vodka from the top shelf.

I'm way ahead of you! I'm business planning and hunting investors to open a brew pub in town. Not quite the same thing, but still filling a hole. If you're ever in Winnipeg I'll have a vodka soda ready for you. That's my drink too.

Quote: (04-21-2013 10:22 PM)Hobnob Wrote:  

I don't want to be on the hook for dinner. Any ideas how to deflect this?

Suppose you wanted to meet another forum member to exchange ideas. Would you do dinner? Probably not! Dinner is a long and inflexible commitment. It is simply inappropriate for a first, casual meeting. It is just a pain in the ass to dress appropriately for a restaurant and coordinate my diet. We can't bounce to other places or do other things. It is not about money, it is about suitability.

Suggesting dinner is unimaginative, presumptuous, and demanding, even if she pays for it.

Quote: (04-23-2013 04:49 PM)Divorco Wrote:  

Quote: (04-21-2013 10:22 PM)Hobnob Wrote:  

I don't want to be on the hook for dinner. Any ideas how to deflect this?

Suppose you wanted to meet another forum member to exchange ideas. Would you do dinner? Probably not! Dinner is a long and inflexible commitment. It is simply inappropriate for a first, casual meeting. It is just a pain in the ass to dress appropriately for a restaurant and coordinate my diet. We can't bounce to other places or do other things. It is not about money, it is about suitability.

Suggesting dinner is unimaginative, presumptuous, and demanding, even if she pays for it.

Let me explain something to you guys:

Dinner, does not have to equal = Fancy white table cloth sit down dinner that costs $150-200 per head.

Tapas could be a good date dinner, or maybe some cocktail lounges that also serve dishes.