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Marriage
#26

Marriage

Quote: (11-13-2018 09:34 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  

If you're 35 years old or older and you don't have genetics that allow you to age phenomenally well then you are getting too old to have kids in your life.

Let's say you get a woman pregnant when you're 34.25 and she gives birth to your first child when you turn 35. Let's further assume that you go for the typical 3 children with a civilized spacing of two years between each.

In five years time you will have a five year old child, a toddler and a newborn. You will be 40, and if you think your (modern) wife will be capable of raising them herself while you alternately work and sit around the house you are mistaken. Early child raising years are considerably more difficult that any paid work I've ever done, and it's all hands on deck 24 hours a day until the children are at least 5+. Remember, you will be 40 by then, and most 40 year olds will tell you that shit begins going downhill fast, particularly when you're working full time and on 4 hours sleep a day due to baby shit.

Five more years pass. You have a ten year old, and eight year old and a six year old. You for those last five years your free time has been spent alternately as a pack horse on family outings, playing one sport with one kid and another sport with his younger brother, throwing the youngest one in the air and catching him, and generally being used as human play equipment. You are 45 by the end of this cycle, and not the 45 you think you're on track to be, because this shit ages you quickly. By now you've put your back out several times because junior 1, 2, 3, or all 3 jumped on you when you were picking up the groceries or some other crap. If you're lucky, though, in the last two years you've managed to get them all to sleep through the night without disruptions.

Five more years pass. You are now 50. You oldest son (God willing) is now into contact sports and you will be expected to be a tackle dummy or a punching bag. Your second child is 13 and going through a laundry list of new hobbies, all of which you are expected to give aid and attention to. Your youngest is 11 and still very active. He/she will require a lot of attention in order not to develop runt syndrome. Did I mention you're fucking 50 at this point? And again, not the imaginary 50 you think you're on track to become, which itself if probably wildly unrealistic.

By the time your possible 3rd son is into those contact sports you will be heading toward 55, old man. By that stage your oldest son will be out of the house and your middle child will be starting to give you those looks as if to say "I know you pay the bills, but are you really the alpha of the household now?"

God forbid your kids follow in your footsteps, you might get to know what it is to be a grandfather just before you get dementia and forget who the fuck they all are.

Women don't get to cheat father time or mother nature, and neither do men. There are rare exceptions. You are not one of them.

Aside, I really see now why the chances of conceiving a female rise with the age of the father. Reasons for everything.

Prefacing your life plans on being that one guy in a hundred that ages like Hercules is like a bitch that prefaces her carousel habit on being the one girl out of a hundred that falls ass backwards into marriage with a witless and wealthy man.

I grew up in a big family (2nd youngest of 5 boys) and I second to what Lenny said there. My old man was 40 by the time 5 of us popped out and over three decades later at 74, he is still fit and active. Reason - he kept fit and healthy and works out. The guy puts me to shame and I'm 41. Looking back at the sacrifices my parents went through to bring us up, I am not sure I would want to have a large family, let alone a kid which would be a life changing experience.

If I don't have a kid in the next 4-5 years, I don't think I will ever have one. TBH, I am happy the way my life is right now - comfortable, single, living in FSU and heading out weekends to socialise and game. I have my health, have my job. I'm content.
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#27

Marriage

Quote: (11-13-2018 10:39 AM)The Golden God Wrote:  

Some sobering posts by Leonard D Neubache...

My dad has always been an active endurance athlete, and had me when he was 26 & my brother at 29.

He is just now getting out of the late stages of his physical prime at age 47 while my brother is graduating high school. He had kids around the arc in a mans life when he is settled into who he is and in his physical prime (given he continued to exercise and take care of himself). Compared to my other friends who had parents in their 50s, my dad was able to run triathlons and outpace all of us in whatever we were doing as kids to raise us to be competitive and strong.

I would prefer to have a kid in the late stages of my physical prime, around 29-33. When they're 13 and active in learning I'll be just turning 40, still in as good of physical shape as I can control.

Trying to hit the brakes at 32 and gaming with the intention of having kids eventually doesn't make any sense to me...

To truly get good at game, your time has passed. You can improve, but you're not going to live some player life style without paying the price on not being able to have kids the way you should, if that's what you really want.

So you think I should continue in the game ?
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#28

Marriage

Quote: (11-13-2018 09:34 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  

If you're 35 years old or older and you don't have genetics that allow you to age phenomenally well then you are getting too old to have kids in your life.

Let's say you get a woman pregnant when you're 34.25 and she gives birth to your first child when you turn 35. Let's further assume that you go for the typical 3 children with a civilized spacing of two years between each.

In five years time you will have a five year old child, a toddler and a newborn. You will be 40, and if you think your (modern) wife will be capable of raising them herself while you alternately work and sit around the house you are mistaken. Early child raising years are considerably more difficult that any paid work I've ever done, and it's all hands on deck 24 hours a day until the children are at least 5+. Remember, you will be 40 by then, and most 40 year olds will tell you that shit begins going downhill fast, particularly when you're working full time and on 4 hours sleep a day due to baby shit.

Five more years pass. You have a ten year old, and eight year old and a six year old. You for those last five years your free time has been spent alternately as a pack horse on family outings, playing one sport with one kid and another sport with his younger brother, throwing the youngest one in the air and catching him, and generally being used as human play equipment. You are 45 by the end of this cycle, and not the 45 you think you're on track to be, because this shit ages you quickly. By now you've put your back out several times because junior 1, 2, 3, or all 3 jumped on you when you were picking up the groceries or some other crap. If you're lucky, though, in the last two years you've managed to get them all to sleep through the night without disruptions.

Five more years pass. You are now 50. You oldest son (God willing) is now into contact sports and you will be expected to be a tackle dummy or a punching bag. Your second child is 13 and going through a laundry list of new hobbies, all of which you are expected to give aid and attention to. Your youngest is 11 and still very active. He/she will require a lot of attention in order not to develop runt syndrome. Did I mention you're fucking 50 at this point? And again, not the imaginary 50 you think you're on track to become, which itself if probably wildly unrealistic.

By the time your possible 3rd son is into those contact sports you will be heading toward 55, old man. By that stage your oldest son will be out of the house and your middle child will be starting to give you those looks as if to say "I know you pay the bills, but are you really the alpha of the household now?"

God forbid your kids follow in your footsteps, you might get to know what it is to be a grandfather just before you get dementia and forget who the fuck they all are.

Women don't get to cheat father time or mother nature, and neither do men. There are rare exceptions. You are not one of them.

Aside, I really see now why the chances of conceiving a female rise with the age of the father. Reasons for everything.

Prefacing your life plans on being that one guy in a hundred that ages like Hercules is like a bitch that prefaces her carousel habit on being the one girl out of a hundred that falls ass backwards into marriage with a witless and wealthy man.

Damn this scared the fuck out of me. I'm 30 and single, hoping to settle down in 2-3 years and pop out some kids by 33-34.. but I'm in prime physical shape and plan to keep it that way. Hope it doesn't turn out badly for me.
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#29

Marriage

While all of your response are highly appreciated, I wasn't asking about the kids .Simply because my father had my younger bother is age 44 yo and I have not seen it affecting my brother childhood, adulthood at all.

I was feeling down because with the improvements I did , I am getting more attention from less 25 girls . I was thinking "Oh man, you have been passing those opportunities .Who knows would be able to get them again ?"

Just Disclaimer
Game has been good to me. I am enjoying the journey and I am seeing the results . It is just thinking about the future.
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#30

Marriage

Quote: (11-13-2018 01:17 PM)Anchor Man Wrote:  

While all of your response are highly appreciated, I wasn't asking about the kids .Simply because my father had my younger bother is age 44 yo and I have not seen it affecting my brother childhood, adulthood at all.

I was feeling down because with the improvements I did , I am getting more attention from less 25 girls . I was thinking "Oh man, you have been passing those opportunities .Who knows would be able to get them again ?"

Just Disclaimer
Game has been good to me. I am enjoying the journey and I am seeing the results . It is just thinking about the future.

My dad had me at 40 and my childhood was not adversely affected by it one bit, if anything it made it better because our family had more resources. Dudes can act like women sometimes regarding the biological clock debate. They start inserting factors that help their argument all the while failing to properly address both sides of the subject at hand.
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#31

Marriage

Quote: (11-13-2018 01:10 PM)Anchor Man Wrote:  

Quote: (11-13-2018 10:39 AM)The Golden God Wrote:  

Some sobering posts by Leonard D Neubache...

My dad has always been an active endurance athlete, and had me when he was 26 & my brother at 29.

He is just now getting out of the late stages of his physical prime at age 47 while my brother is graduating high school. He had kids around the arc in a mans life when he is settled into who he is and in his physical prime (given he continued to exercise and take care of himself). Compared to my other friends who had parents in their 50s, my dad was able to run triathlons and outpace all of us in whatever we were doing as kids to raise us to be competitive and strong.

I would prefer to have a kid in the late stages of my physical prime, around 29-33. When they're 13 and active in learning I'll be just turning 40, still in as good of physical shape as I can control.

Trying to hit the brakes at 32 and gaming with the intention of having kids eventually doesn't make any sense to me...

To truly get good at game, your time has passed. You can improve, but you're not going to live some player life style without paying the price on not being able to have kids the way you should, if that's what you really want.

So you think I should continue in the game ?

I saw you clarify on what you were saying where you mentioned you aren't concerned with having kids right now.

If you're a 40 year old guy with good looks, an athletic body, money in the bank and an interesting lifestyle, you're still going to be able to get girls.

I think you should continue, yes. Being game conscious and aware is going to help you no matter what. But, I believe you should look at here on out in a way that's going to serve the goals you have.

I'm a bit confused still on what your question is here... but it is definitely possible to pull an age gap of something like 35 and 24 off if you have the game for it.

Why do you see marriage as the end goal, did you just start feeling this way recently?
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#32

Marriage

Quote: (11-13-2018 01:48 PM)quaker13 Wrote:  

Quote: (11-13-2018 01:17 PM)Anchor Man Wrote:  

While all of your response are highly appreciated, I wasn't asking about the kids .Simply because my father had my younger bother is age 44 yo and I have not seen it affecting my brother childhood, adulthood at all.

I was feeling down because with the improvements I did , I am getting more attention from less 25 girls . I was thinking "Oh man, you have been passing those opportunities .Who knows would be able to get them again ?"

Just Disclaimer
Game has been good to me. I am enjoying the journey and I am seeing the results . It is just thinking about the future.

My dad had me at 40 and my childhood was not adversely affected by it one bit, if anything it made it better because our family had more resources. Dudes can act like women sometimes regarding the biological clock debate. They start inserting factors that help their argument all the while failing to properly address both sides of the subject at hand.

I won't argue on the ability to parent of older parents... but parental age effects are very real and do contribute to endocrine disorders such as low prenatal testosterone, major issues like autism and mental illness among other things.
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#33

Marriage

Quote: (11-13-2018 02:47 PM)The Golden God Wrote:  

Quote: (11-13-2018 01:48 PM)quaker13 Wrote:  

Quote: (11-13-2018 01:17 PM)Anchor Man Wrote:  

While all of your response are highly appreciated, I wasn't asking about the kids .Simply because my father had my younger bother is age 44 yo and I have not seen it affecting my brother childhood, adulthood at all.

I was feeling down because with the improvements I did , I am getting more attention from less 25 girls . I was thinking "Oh man, you have been passing those opportunities .Who knows would be able to get them again ?"

Just Disclaimer
Game has been good to me. I am enjoying the journey and I am seeing the results . It is just thinking about the future.

My dad had me at 40 and my childhood was not adversely affected by it one bit, if anything it made it better because our family had more resources. Dudes can act like women sometimes regarding the biological clock debate. They start inserting factors that help their argument all the while failing to properly address both sides of the subject at hand.

I won't argue on the ability to parent of older parents... but parental age effects are very real and do contribute to endocrine disorders such as low prenatal testosterone, major issues like autism and mental illness among other things.

I don't think the disorders you speak of occur at a high enough rate to cause concern but even if that were the case he can start saving his sperm via sperm bank. problem solved
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#34

Marriage

The age of the woman also plays a part. Is a couple with a 40 year old male who is financially established and a 27 year old woman younger or older than two 36 year olds having their first kid.

Ultimately, the woman is the primary care taker, if she is young and stay at home, to me that is the path for us older guys.

As long as you can get your kids through to adulthood before actually getting old (65) I think you can be fine. Granted you need a younger wife and some cash, or to live somewhere that isn't a rat race.

“Where the danger is, so grows the saving element.” ~ German poet Hoelderlin
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#35

Marriage

Leonard is trying to show you the real picture of what its like. Its not a movie, and dads, by way of being men, don't voice their pain to their kids. But its there, believe me.

My dad had me when he was 21. All my friends dads were the same age, except one. His dad was a journalist and had him when he was 40ish. The difference was staggering, but that was a different age.

I had my son at 35 and I agree with Leonard that its not the picture of how I imagined it. I regret not having kids sooner, and in my life 29 would have been the best time. Money, looks, etc have not improved to significant factor to make a big difference. I would have made it work. I am more tired than I imagined I would be. Working a 60 hour week, trying to train, spend meals at home is hard for most men my age with no kids. With a kid, its an intricate dance like no other.

Marriage without kids is fucking pointless. So the marriage question should always point to kids.
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#36

Marriage

Agree 100% that marriage is for children, otherwise why bother. I never understood it.

My father & mother were mid/late 30s when he had me, I was the 5th child. He had energy for the time that counted, which was when I was coming up and moving out.

Those of us who are a little older, really do not have much of a choice. No man is going to let their ambitions for a family be stopped by their age. The main factor is the woman, as Leonard mentions above 'modern woman'. Woman has to stay at home, equation changes.

At the end of the day the major impact of a father is who he is, his involvement, more so than his age. An older father may have time to spend with kids, while a younger father is still trying to climb the corporate ladder. Anyway, to say a father is 'unnaturally old' is denying biology, there is no 'age' for a father. It is only what we are accustomed to, and we are not in the 1950s anymore - unfortunately.

I am sure its hard. But just like the women, some complain more than others about how hard it is. Some people manage to have a nice time of this thing called life. I have brothers who have kids and they have never told me "oh its so hard you won't be able to handle it", and they each have 4. Ultimately, I will be better off marrying a younger woman who stays at home now than a same age slut career woman in my 20s.

In fairness I would have preferred marrying younger, but depending on where you live, its not a sure bet, if you want a quality woman

“Where the danger is, so grows the saving element.” ~ German poet Hoelderlin
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#37

Marriage

Quote: (11-13-2018 04:14 PM)Laner Wrote:  

Leonard is trying to show you the real picture of what its like. Its not a movie, and dads, by way of being men, don't voice their pain to their kids. But its there, believe me.

My dad had me when he was 21. All my friends dads were the same age, except one. His dad was a journalist and had him when he was 40ish. The difference was staggering, but that was a different age.

I had my son at 35 and I agree with Leonard that its not the picture of how I imagined it. I regret not having kids sooner, and in my life 29 would have been the best time. Money, looks, etc have not improved to significant factor to make a big difference. I would have made it work. I am more tired than I imagined I would be. Working a 60 hour week, trying to train, spend meals at home is hard for most men my age with no kids. With a kid, its an intricate dance like no other.

Marriage without kids is fucking pointless. So the marriage question should always point to kids.

I agree, marriage without kids and a prenupt is asinine.
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#38

Marriage

The following is not an argument in favor of having children late in life, but I think a more balanced perspective is warranted.

Laner and Leonard - you've both raised excellent points but you're speaking from the perspective of raising kids in North America. OP, judging from the way he writes, is probably in a different part of the world and from a different culture. Why does this matter?

It matters because in North America, family ties, both immediate and extended, are generally weaker than elsewhere. Grandparents also live further away and are often not that involved in helping raise grandkids. This is in contrast to many other cultures such as East/South Asian ones where it's very common for parents to rely on grandparents to be heavily involved in the early years of raising children, which makes it considerably easier. Labor in these parts of the world is also dirt cheap, and it's not uncommon even for middle class folk to have multiple helpers, which makes things easier still with kids.

OP also mentioned that he's an overachiever, so even if he's not residing in a low COL area, he might be able to afford enough help + daycare.

Anecdotally, two of my cousins had a much older father, and if anything, it worked out great for them as growing up they had the best of everything. He was a well established guy and was able to give them everything to set them up for a good life.

So it depends on the particular situation of the OP. Even here in LA/NYC, I see plenty of first marriages where both man and wife are in their 30s, with first kids comin around the late 30s mark, and subsequent kids when the man is in his 40s. Usually in the cases I've seen, both were high earners and could afford additional help.

It's definitely a serious question to ponder, and yes there are downsides to waiting too long and these have been correctly covered by Leonard. I'm just trying to point out that it doesn't necessarily have to be as bleak as the picture he's painted...

Pussy ain't for pussies...
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#39

Marriage

It's a bit of a popular fantasy on this forum, geriatric man, after life of hedonistic gaming marries 18 year old virgin, has kids and lived happily ever after with bride 50 years younger.

Sounds good on paper, but a better life is to be had with a woman who can look to you as her man, not grandfather or ATM machine.

Also being closer ager to your kids and wife makes for a more natural, authentic and enjoyable experience.

Do you really need to chase your dick for 40 years before you "settle down"? Will you even be able to? Sounds like the male version of hamster and carousel we all accuse women of riding.
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#40

Marriage

Quote: (11-13-2018 04:14 PM)Laner Wrote:  

Leonard is trying to show you the real picture of what its like. Its not a movie, and dads, by way of being men, don't voice their pain to their kids. But its there, believe me.

My dad had me when he was 21. All my friends dads were the same age, except one. His dad was a journalist and had him when he was 40ish. The difference was staggering, but that was a different age.

I had my son at 35 and I agree with Leonard that its not the picture of how I imagined it. I regret not having kids sooner, and in my life 29 would have been the best time. Money, looks, etc have not improved to significant factor to make a big difference. I would have made it work. I am more tired than I imagined I would be. Working a 60 hour week, trying to train, spend meals at home is hard for most men my age with no kids. With a kid, its an intricate dance like no other.

Marriage without kids is fucking pointless. So the marriage question should always point to kids.

I never said I don't want children what I said raising children at older age is not concern for me . Or at least was not the main point of the thread
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#41

Marriage

Don't know what you guys are going off about.

My wife's parents haven't even met yet.

"Money over bitches, nigga stick to the script." - Jay-Z
They gonna love me for my ambition.
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#42

Marriage

Quote: (11-13-2018 05:03 PM)jselysianeagle Wrote:  

The following is not an argument in favor of having children late in life, but I think a more balanced perspective is warranted.

Laner and Leonard - you've both raised excellent points but you're speaking from the perspective of raising kids in North America. OP, judging from the way he writes, is probably in a different part of the world and from a different culture. Why does this matter?

It matters because in North America, family ties, both immediate and extended, are generally weaker than elsewhere. Grandparents also live further away and are often not that involved in helping raise grandkids. This is in contrast to many other cultures such as East/South Asian ones where it's very common for parents to rely on grandparents to be heavily involved in the early years of raising children, which makes it considerably easier. Labor in these parts of the world is also dirt cheap, and it's not uncommon even for middle class folk to have multiple helpers, which makes things easier still with kids.

OP also mentioned that he's an overachiever, so even if he's not residing in a low COL area, he might be able to afford enough help + daycare.

Anecdotally, two of my cousins had a much older father, and if anything, it worked out great for them as growing up they had the best of everything. He was a well established guy and was able to give them everything to set them up for a good life.

So it depends on the particular situation of the OP. Even here in LA/NYC, I see plenty of first marriages where both man and wife are in their 30s, with first kids comin around the late 30s mark, and subsequent kids when the man is in his 40s. Usually in the cases I've seen, both were high earners and could afford additional help.

It's definitely a serious question to ponder, and yes there are downsides to waiting too long and these have been correctly covered by Leonard. I'm just trying to point out that it doesn't necessarily have to be as bleak as the picture he's painted...

Man, no matter how hard to I try to write proper English, I always fail lol.
Spot on.
Honestly I can't relate to any of the problems you are guys talking about here because raising children where I am from is easier for the points he mentioned .
However, I live in US. Graduated with my master degree from one of top 10 US universities with zero debt . I make six digit and there is room for more. Future wife has to be okay with relocating , if we need, for better life.
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#43

Marriage

Quote: (11-13-2018 05:26 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  

It's a bit of a popular fantasy on this forum, geriatric man, after life of hedonistic gaming marries 18 year old virgin, has kids and lived happily ever after with bride 50 years younger.

Sounds good on paper, but a better life is to be had with a woman who can look to you as her man, not grandfather or ATM machine.

Also being closer ager to your kids and wife makes for a more natural, authentic and enjoyable experience.

Do you really need to chase your dick for 40 years before you "settle down"? Will you even be able to? Sounds like the male version of hamster and carousel we all accuse women of riding.

I think most people, in this forum, are really trying to help . But I think at the same time , they came to each thread with some labels and assumptions.
Where did I say I want to marry 18 yo while I am 50 yo ?
Where did I say I want to chase pussies till I became 40 yo ?
I said I started late which means I have not chased pussies that much at all. I want to continue chase for a little bit then settle down.
I was curious about 10 years of age difference .
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#44

Marriage

I know guys who married at 21 and are still going strong 14 years+, and I've had co-workers who re-married in their mid to late 40s and had a child with their 2nd wife. I don't honestly think I know a man who married for the first time after 40.
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#45

Marriage

Quote: (11-13-2018 02:43 PM)The Golden God Wrote:  

Quote: (11-13-2018 01:10 PM)Anchor Man Wrote:  

Quote: (11-13-2018 10:39 AM)The Golden God Wrote:  

Some sobering posts by Leonard D Neubache...

My dad has always been an active endurance athlete, and had me when he was 26 & my brother at 29.

He is just now getting out of the late stages of his physical prime at age 47 while my brother is graduating high school. He had kids around the arc in a mans life when he is settled into who he is and in his physical prime (given he continued to exercise and take care of himself). Compared to my other friends who had parents in their 50s, my dad was able to run triathlons and outpace all of us in whatever we were doing as kids to raise us to be competitive and strong.

I would prefer to have a kid in the late stages of my physical prime, around 29-33. When they're 13 and active in learning I'll be just turning 40, still in as good of physical shape as I can control.

Trying to hit the brakes at 32 and gaming with the intention of having kids eventually doesn't make any sense to me...

To truly get good at game, your time has passed. You can improve, but you're not going to live some player life style without paying the price on not being able to have kids the way you should, if that's what you really want.

So you think I should continue in the game ?

I saw you clarify on what you were saying where you mentioned you aren't concerned with having kids right now.

If you're a 40 year old guy with good looks, an athletic body, money in the bank and an interesting lifestyle, you're still going to be able to get girls.

I think you should continue, yes. Being game conscious and aware is going to help you no matter what. But, I believe you should look at here on out in a way that's going to serve the goals you have.

I'm a bit confused still on what your question is here... but it is definitely possible to pull an age gap of something like 35 and 24 off if you have the game for it.

Why do you see marriage as the end goal, did you just start feeling this way recently?
Because I believe in marriage ,kids and family .
I started thinking recently about marriage because I am getting attention from 23-27 yo women who want relations but I am turning them down to continue the chase. So I was thinking :" Damn, would I be able to get this quality as I age . Maybe when I want to settle I regret Turing those down .

My question was simple: Can 35 yo male marry a decent looking 25 yo in NA ?
or how acceptable is 10 years of age gap ?
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#46

Marriage

@Leonard I disagree with the way you view age and children being ashamed of having older dads.

If you "maximize" your 20s and 30s and continue to stay in shape, keep your mind fresh etc., you'll be cooler than most other dads, even at age 55, despite being older. In addition, your kid will respect you more for having lived your dreams and being able to speak from experience, as opposed to having "sacrificed" to have a child.

Just look at these two dad examples for a 15 year old son:
A - 46 years old, stable job, English is his 1st language, healthy - but has a bit of a gut, was in 2 LTRs before getting married, somewhat submissive in his marriage - but a good guy overall (this to me is an average good dad to have)

B - 55 years old, stable job, speaks 5 language and has a very broad cultural experience having lived in many countries around the world, played sports professionally for a while (not well enough to make big bucks), not only still healthy enough to tackle but teach secrets to improving technique, doesn't have a gut because he still follows a strict health regimen which includes training regularly and not drinking alcohol, went through different intense stages of self-development and knows all about self-doubt etc.

To me, dad B runs circles around younger dads and younger men in general.
Dad A can't teach his son as much, because he simply doesn't even know himself yet.
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#47

Marriage

^ Overwhelming majority of guys aged 55 are not going to be anything remotely close to this mythical man that your describing here. The 46 yr old in your example would be 49 when his son becomes an adult with a whole lot of life left to live and will be able to thoroughly enjoy his adult children and eventual grandkids while pursuing lifestyle things that he put on hold for his family. Leonard is 110% correct in what he has written, it is no joke raising small children when you're 30, let alone trying to do it in your 40s. Anyone who discounts this has clearly never raised children. One thing I see with the majority of dudes that have kids when they're older is that they will usually end up having just one kid since they're too old to have anymore, which to me is a total fucking joke. The one kid gets to grow up without any siblings and is stuck all by himself after his parents die. He also gets the privilege of taking care of his aging parents all by himself when he gets into his late 20s. Older people having kids, men and women both, is a complete disaster and is one of the reasons Western civilization is destroying itself. The male hamster is just as strong and stupid as the female one.
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#48

Marriage

Quote: (11-13-2018 05:55 PM)Anchor Man Wrote:  

My question was simple: Can 35 yo male marry a decent looking 25 yo in NA ?
or how acceptable is 10 years of age gap ?

35yo male with 25 yo female
This would be a large age gap in North America. To me, it would be a stretch. Especially to marry, because girls who get married at 25 usually marry their guy from University who they've dated for 5 years.
Cash or career doesn't really land a girl at 25, you have to be part of the scene and display social proof / cool factor.

40 yo male to 30 yo female is a more achievable gap in NA. At 30 the women start looking hard, but then they're on the slide.

“Where the danger is, so grows the saving element.” ~ German poet Hoelderlin
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#49

Marriage

To the OP, a 10 year age gap is not a hard thing to overcome, even in North America. I would say its far easier in your mid to late 30's to date a 25yo than it is to date a woman your own age. The discussion has moved on from that question, and for now the thread seems to be out of your hands.

More anecdotal stories:

A lot of my wife's friends from her culture have married much older men. They are in their mid 30's too, while their husbands are mid 40's. Most of these men are in great shape, have some money, are still relatively cool and fun. But not a single one is up for a night out at the pub, or God forbid some strippers and debauchery. I left a birthday party on Friday at 8pm and invited a couple dads out for some beers next door to where the party was. They looked at me like I was made of Red Bull. They were all going home and would be in bed before 10pm.

10 years is going to make a helluva difference on energy levels. Compared to most dads in their 40's I am superman. Other dads my age are doing much better, and a lot are still prime age and doing all sorts of cool shit. But impressing a toddler with kickflips is much easier than having to drill with your teenager or run game on your horny teenage daughters friends so they will fear, love and respect you.

I want more kids, and will have them. No one here is saying not to have kids in your 40's. We are only saying that's its fucking tiring and to be real about it.
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#50

Marriage

I intend to have kids in my early-mid 40s (I’m 39), but hopefully be done with 2 kids by the time I turn 45.

My dad was 44 when he had me. It didn’t really hurt my childhood but I had a sister and other kids with whom I could play in my neighborhood.

One argument I can think of against waiting too long (other than energy levels), is you’ll wish you had more time when you’re close to dying because your kids might not yet be married or have their own kids.

I’m sure I will come across the problems that come with having kids in my 40s, but what can I do other than take good care of myself? Having a girl 15 years younger than myself should also help, not only with energy levels but also reducing birth risks.
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