Hi, guys. I read some of the "older guys" thread in the main forum, but didn't want to interrupt the discussion there with my newbieness, so I thought I'd create separate thread to solicit people's advice on getting started with this pickup stuff for the first time as a fortysomething.

I'm a 41 year old man, who has never married, has had 2 serious relationships, and has had sex with three women in my life. I was a really shy, quiet, timid kid, and thus have never, even to this day, felt like I fit in with mainstream society. It's been my view that, because of my shyness and timidity, even though I wasn't raised in a conservative religious household (my own parents having rebelled,) I gravitated toward the conservative Christianity of my extended family, because I found solace in it. Though my own father listened to Howard Stern, I somehow managed to be a real choirboy, and throughout my teens, was absolutely horrified by the merest thought of premarital sex, along with what I thought of as associated practices like drinking, drug use, partying, etc. That, combined with a tendency toward extreme oneitis that manifested as soon as I started liking girls, did not lead to much success with the ladies. I started distancing myself from the kids I'd been friends with around 10th grade, because they were starting to smoke pot, and graduated from high school with pretty much no friends. In college I became a little more social, though I didn't develop deep friendships. I got a girlfriend in college, and assumed we'd get married, but she broke up with me after graduation, for reasons I had no comprehension of at the time, but which I now understand--I was no longer the impressive upperclassman in her eyes, just a shlub who didn't know what he was doing with his life.

Still, I figured that somewhere out there, there must be some conservative Christian enclave where the rules of secular mainstream society didn't apply, where I could find a cute girl who'd like me because I wanted the Leave it to Beaver lifestyle, and we'd get married and live in our own little world together. I started attending a Bible study, where I met a girl I soon developed oneitis for . That oneitis lasted literally 6 years of my life, my mid-to-late twenties--what should have been my prime years for going out and socializing, meeting and dating different girls, and just having fun! I did manage to get that girl to date me for two separate periods, but it just wasn't happening. Dissatisifed with my corporate job, and thinking that being a provider would get the kind of girl I like interested in me, I decided to revive a childhood dream and become a doctor.

So, I did it. I took the premed classes, did well on the MCAT, and got into a good medical school, which I started at age 30. I thought that, combined with the move to what I saw as a more conservative area of the country, away from the liberal Northeast where I grew up, would be sure to get me the girl. But no dice. I started going to a church with a large, active twentysomething singles group, but continued to develop oneitis, and none of the girls I was interested in ever liked me back. I was still putting women on a pedestal and thinking they were innately virtuous. After about a year of this, while blog-surfing one day, I stumbled upon Heartiste (then Roissy,) and the rest was history.

I read The Game, Mystery's Venusian Arts Handbook, and Magic Bullets. But I never really put any of that stuff into practice. I was still hoping to snag a conservative Christian wife, and see, I still had this view that there were two totally different, mutually exclusive types of people in the world: the nerds like me, and the partiers, and I still had a lot of internal resistance to the idea of someone like me, say, going to a nightclub. However, I did residency in the same city, and continued to branch out socially, and began to realize (something I had never realized before in life) that there were women who were attracted to me. Through my social circle, I met a 30-year-old recent divorcee who was hot to trot, and figuring my principled anti-premarital sex stance wasn't getting me anywhere, threw caution to the wind and finally ditched the V-card, 1 month short of my 35th birthday.

The thing is, ever since I started learning about this "game" stuff, I've been fixated on this idea that I never got to experience a truly young, hot--i.e., under 25--girl. I mean, the aforementioned divorcee had been a competitive swimmer and looked great for 30, but still, she was 30. So I've always told myself I was going to do it; finally get out there and start mass-approaching girls, getting good at it, and kind of have one last hurrah before I'm too old. But here I am at 41. When I took my first permanent, real job out of residency, I told myself I was starting over, moving to a new city. But, moving to a city where I know no one, at almost 40, I became discouraged. I didn't know how to meet people or make friends at this stage of life. I don't know the venues or attractions around here, and don't have anyone to explore them with. So, instead of reinventing myself, I've spent my time here so far, a little over a year, fapping and playing video games. Yeah, you could say "well, what did you think would happen, starting med school at age 30?" But what I thought is that I'd meet my June Cleaver and long since have been Mr. Suburban Dad by now.

Has anyone else made a drastic move where they put themselves out there for the first time at this age? Any advice? Would a boot camp be realistic for me? Heck, at this point I'd pay a one-on-one coach to basically hover over me for hours every week and make me do what needs to be done. I think the greatest thing standing in my way is the black-and-white dichotomy I alluded to above, dividing everyone into either Nerds or Cool Kids. Even though I've had sex, and I know I've gotten interest from other women which I was too obtuse to pick up on at the time, every time I see a hot girl, my mind is immediately overhwelmed by this dynamic of "oh, there goes a Hot Girl. She doesn't like Nerds like me; she only likes Bros. She's a cheerleader/sorority sister/homecoming queen type, and she only likes football player/frat boy/homecoming king types, and the second she lays eyes on me, she'll be able to tell that's not what I am, and will think 'why is this NERD talking to me?'" Even though I know on an intellectual level that's not true. What can a 41 year old guy do to break out of this, given that I'd presumably be a little out of place "sarging" in the clubs?

Best advice because i don't want to read the wall of text.

For every hour spent on the internet reading about game, 2 hours should be spent in the field interacting with women you find attractive.
Dont not fall into the trap of being a "online game guy" using tinder/pof/okcupid thinking that you're actually making progress.

Also, start lifting.
Eat better.
Upgrade your wardrobe.
Read non-game related books.

Dont get hung up on your lack of variety.
Don't bother chatting/talking/hanging out with women you don't find attractive. It leads nowhere and you'll hurt your progress for it.

You're too far gone, man, you're the kind of guy that needs a girl to introduce herself to you, ask you on a date, walk you to your apartment, open the door for you, lead you to bed, and take off your clothes as you try to fight her off. Then after she's got you naked, she has to help you overcome your mental and sexual insecurities while reassuring you that it's going to be ok, that it's not going to hurt.

There's really nothing to be done in regards to you, you just don't want it bad enough.

Hit up the meet up section. Plenty of guys out there willing to meet up with you , listen to your problems , share theirs , and also give advice on women and how to get laid.

The Information age is over. It’s gone. Everything has already been said over and over and over and beat to death on here.

All you have to do is act. That doesn’t mean you have to spam people on the streets or open sets. It just means you picture the type of man you want to be and go be that person. You’re 40, you’re half way to being dead , that should be more motivation than having some loser charge you for Skype calls and boot camps. Your morality is your wake up call.

Like I said - more meet up section / less manosphere blogs.

Quote: (10-31-2017 10:29 PM)Spaniard88 Wrote:  

You're too far gone, man, you're the kind of guy that needs a girl to introduce herself to you, ask you on a date, walk you to your apartment, open the door for you, lead you to bed, and take off your clothes as you try to fight her off. Then after she's got you naked, she has to help you overcome your mental and sexual insecurities while reassuring you that it's going to be ok, that it's not going to hurt.

There's really nothing to be done in regards to you, you just don't want it bad enough.

^tough love

Good idea for a thread Arcite. We have a lot of similarities and I think this thread can be really helpful. Plenty of guys here can contribute it'll be a great landing thread for older guys that are new comers to the forum.

I shared a lot of your attitudes as a younger man. Although I abandoned christianity in my late teens the influence that it had in my life kept me longing for that great woman and pedastalizing most. I also wasted my twenties on a woman only to find out she had cheated on me from the beginning.

It seems like the main thing you are asking is how to change the conversation in your head.

First: Forget the past. Easier said than done. Those years are gone man. You're never going to get them back. You're never going to bang the hot young twenty year olds that you could have. Fuck it, simple truth. Trust me, that is a thought that any 40 something is having. If you were slammin' hotties all through your twenties there still comes that day when you are wishing you could do it again. That's just getting old my friend. But there's hope. There are more hotties. There are still twenty year old girls that want to bang a doctor. There are foreign countries where you can have your pick of the hottest women that want to meet an American doctor.

Second: Bury that hamster. There is plenty of reference to the hamster inside women's heads. Well we have it too and you have to put that little guy in a shoe box and bury him in the back yard. Break his neck first so you don't hear his lame little "I'm a nerd" squeaking while you're trying to sleep.

Third: Change the conversation in your head. You've got to change the conversation you're having with yourself. No more of this "I'm a nerd" bullshit. You're a fucking doctor for crying out loud. You've accomplished what very few ever will. You don't need a boot camp or a coach. You're the only one that can choose to make this happen ... or are you too far gone after all??

So, how do you accomplish these things?

Kinjitsu gave great advice.

Start the Program: http://www.rooshv.com/the-roosh-program

Try nofap for a bit, or at least slow it down.

Don't try to make this happen overnight. Just like it took 10 years to train yourself to be a doctor it may take many years to train yourself to be a stronger man. Remember it's a journey and life is precious. This is all you will ever have so for god's sake have fun!! You are beginning a journey to becoming stronger and smarter and more fulfilled, woohoo!!

Recap:
1. Forget the past. It's gone.
2. Bury the hamster.
3. Change the conversation.

Because you have started you are already stronger. Keep at it!!

Quote: (10-31-2017 11:23 PM)Mountain Man Wrote:  

Quote: (10-31-2017 10:29 PM)Spaniard88 Wrote:  

You're too far gone, man, you're the kind of guy that needs a girl to introduce herself to you, ask you on a date, walk you to your apartment, open the door for you, lead you to bed, and take off your clothes as you try to fight her off. Then after she's got you naked, she has to help you overcome your mental and sexual insecurities while reassuring you that it's going to be ok, that it's not going to hurt.

There's really nothing to be done in regards to you, you just don't want it bad enough.

^tough love

Figured it might light a fire in his ass just as a means of showing the naysayers they're wrong.

We'll see.

Here is basically all the game advice I have boiled down...

- Get in shape. If you're fat, lose the weight first, then put on muscle. It's better to be too skinny than fat. If you're skinny and don't lift, put on muscle. You want to be in the middle - low body fat with some muscle. Join a gym, do Crossfit, do martial arts, and square away your diet. That is top priority. (Plus you'll feel better, and your confidence will skyrocket. I could do an entire thread on how to lose weight.)

- Find a style and own it. Be a lawyer who wears nice suits, cufflinks, and shiny shoes. Be a construction worker in work pants, boots, and a hoodie with paint all over it. Be a playboy wearing docksiders, a chrome watch, and bright pastels. It doesn't matter. Just find some kind of style and absolutely fucking own it. Or do what I do, and own a bunch of styles and keep them completely off balance. One day I'm in construction gear, the next day I'm in cufflinks. Either way, find a unique style that isn't just a polo shirt tucked into khakis. Jake from State Farm is not getting laid.

- Read everything you can on game. All Roosh's books, The Game, Rational Male. Buy them up off Tinder and read them. Some of it will work for you, some of it won't. My game is literally Hank Moody game - sometimes a total degenerate, sometimes very deep, sometimes very lawyerly, sometimes a recognized writer, and sometimes getting into fist fights. Your game and personality is probably very different than mine, depending on your personality.

- Have hobbies. Mine are writing and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. I also camp, hike, fish, hunt, kayak, offroad, shoot guns, and cook. Chicks love this shit. Take her camping for a weekend, back to your house for a bang, and then cook and amazing breakfast... she'll be begging to reward you with BJs. Disclaimer: this does not include anime, video games, TV marathons, LARP, or attending comic book conventions. Hobbies should be active and cool.

- Know the difference of how to get easy bangs, and how to get into LTRs. Again, I could write a thread on this. Separate girls you want to bang and girls you want to date. If you want to get into an LTR, you're going to have to learn how to date without coming off like a supplicating beta who is just her meal ticket.

- Stop living for women. The most important part of my day? Making money. Making it to Jiu Jitsu class. Getting in that workout. Riding my bike. Going to that networking event and handing out cards. Cooking a healthy dinner. Responding to her stupid texts? Not so much.

- Get a group of solid male friends. Where I've met the best ones: Crossfit, Jiu Jitsu, networking events for real estate professionals like myself, business owner events, events for developers, etc. I hate to sound like a dick, but usually liberals work stupid 9-5 jobs, they identify as 'male feminists', they're married to hambeasts, and they're just fucking flat out boring. If you do interesting things, manly things, and high risk things, you end up with a way better group of male friends. My personal style is straight Sigma - I am involved with a lot of different social circles, but a member of none. I keep a few people very close, and otherwise just interact with many different groups.

- Square away your cash situation. Lowers your stress, and you can just be like "Babe, it's too cold here. Let's go to Mexico next week and stay at an all inclusive. I need a tan." Or just be a total fucking degenerate and own it. "Babe, I need $5 for gas, otherwise I can't see you." For some reason, the in between just never works. I don't know why.

- Be manly. Know how to change a tire. Never ask her where she wants to go to dinner, tell her where you're both going to dinner, make the reservations, and always be in control. Make every single decision and do not ask for her input. Never emote or bitch about how hard you day was. Never complain or express how sad you feel. You're in complete control at all times. You're a selfish, chauvinist pig, and she loves you for it.

- Text messages are for women and children. Stop sending emojis. Stop using grammar, and don't capitalize a goddamn thing. Don't respond to her texts all the time. You're busy, you're out doing things, and you don't need to respond to her selfies with "WOW you look so hot! " Use texting for logistics, and occasionally send a "cool" "right on" or "good stuff". Let the beta orbiters text back and forth with her all day while she's sleeping in your bed. If you're too busy to respond, she'll text you like 50 more times that day if she's interested. Trust me. A woman who is interested will move mountains to see you.

- Do not put the pussy on the pedestal. Buying her flowers? Expensive dinners? Trying to turn her into your wife after one date? Asking what she wants, and trying to meet her every need? She'll be at my place after blowing me while I'm in my game room playing Playstation. Sorry. Women like dickheads, or at least men who aren't needy. I love it when a girl is like "Hank, this guy just bought me the best dinner, but he was a little weird. He wants me to meet his parents next week, and we just met. Anyway, I'm leaving now. Can I come over? You should totally take me there !"

- Watch YouTube videos on how to have conversations. I recommend "How to have a conversation like a man" by Nick Sparks. Most of this shit is basic. Make eye contact. Do not touch your face, laugh at your own jokes, look down, or show any signs of nervousness. Take up as much space as you can - spread out. Put your arm up on a chair. Ask questions, and don't be afraid to let there be an awkward pause in the conversation. Don't talk too much about yourself, or try and one up everything she says. ("Oh, you went to Egypt? Well, I went on an African safari and it was so freaking cool. I shot this elephant and blah blah blah). Instead, "Oh yeah? That sounds cool. What was it like? Did you do this thing or that thing? How was the food? Is it safe to eat? Were you scared?" I rarely let girls know I'm a lawyer on the first date unless they ask for it comes up naturally. Otherwise, I seem like an unconfident douche who has to brag about their job.

- Online dating is a good place to start, but eventually you'll want to transition into cold pickups and social circle game. I definitely recommend starting with online dating, and keeping the channel open at all times, but cold approaches and social circle dating are much more efficient. Online dating is a bunch of betas fighting over desperate 6s. At some point, you'll simply move beyond it as a main source of women. But to start, it's a good situation.

Basically, do all that stuff and you'll be swimming in women in no time.

Quote: (10-31-2017 10:29 PM)Spaniard88 Wrote:  

Figured it might light a fire in his ass just as a means of showing the naysayers they're wrong.

We'll see.

Hopefully. It would be a shame to read this post and then never hear from OP again. Alternatively it would be amazing to read how this man learns and grows and becomes a stronger, healthier, happier and more fulfilled man that doesn't let women determine his worth.

As always, time will tell.

Quote: (10-31-2017 11:33 PM)HankMoody Wrote:  

Here is basically all the game advice I have boiled down...

- Get in shape. If you're fat, lose the weight first, then put on muscle. It's better to be too skinny than fat. If you're skinny and don't lift, put on muscle. You want to be in the middle - low body fat with some muscle. Join a gym, do Crossfit, do martial arts, and square away your diet. That is top priority. (Plus you'll feel better, and your confidence will skyrocket. I could do an entire thread on how to lose weight.)

- Find a style and own it. Be a lawyer who wears nice suits, cufflinks, and shiny shoes. Be a construction worker in work pants, boots, and a hoodie with paint all over it. Be a playboy wearing docksiders, a chrome watch, and bright pastels. It doesn't matter. Just find some kind of style and absolutely fucking own it. Or do what I do, and own a bunch of styles and keep them completely off balance. One day I'm in construction gear, the next day I'm in cufflinks. Either way, find a unique style that isn't just a polo shirt tucked into khakis. Jake from State Farm is not getting laid.

- Read everything you can on game. All Roosh's books, The Game, Rational Male. Buy them up off Tinder and read them. Some of it will work for you, some of it won't. My game is literally Hank Moody game - sometimes a total degenerate, sometimes very deep, sometimes very lawyerly, sometimes a recognized writer, and sometimes getting into fist fights. Your game and personality is probably very different than mine, depending on your personality.

- Have hobbies. Mine are writing and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. I also camp, hike, fish, hunt, kayak, offroad, shoot guns, and cook. Chicks love this shit. Take her camping for a weekend, back to your house for a bang, and then cook and amazing breakfast... she'll be begging to reward you with BJs. Disclaimer: this does not include anime, video games, TV marathons, LARP, or attending comic book conventions. Hobbies should be active and cool.

- Know the difference of how to get easy bangs, and how to get into LTRs. Again, I could write a thread on this. Separate girls you want to bang and girls you want to date. If you want to get into an LTR, you're going to have to learn how to date without coming off like a supplicating beta who is just her meal ticket.

- Stop living for women. The most important part of my day? Making money. Making it to Jiu Jitsu class. Getting in that workout. Riding my bike. Going to that networking event and handing out cards. Cooking a healthy dinner. Responding to her stupid texts? Not so much.

- Get a group of solid male friends. Where I've met the best ones: Crossfit, Jiu Jitsu, networking events for real estate professionals like myself, business owner events, events for developers, etc. I hate to sound like a dick, but usually liberals work stupid 9-5 jobs, they identify as 'male feminists', they're married to hambeasts, and they're just fucking flat out boring. If you do interesting things, manly things, and high risk things, you end up with a way better group of male friends. My personal style is straight Sigma - I am involved with a lot of different social circles, but a member of none. I keep a few people very close, and otherwise just interact with many different groups.

- Square away your cash situation. Lowers your stress, and you can just be like "Babe, it's too cold here. Let's go to Mexico next week and stay at an all inclusive. I need a tan." Or just be a total fucking degenerate and own it. "Babe, I need $5 for gas, otherwise I can't see you." For some reason, the in between just never works. I don't know why.

- Be manly. Know how to change a tire. Never ask her where she wants to go to dinner, tell her where you're both going to dinner, make the reservations, and always be in control. Make every single decision and do not ask for her input. Never emote or bitch about how hard you day was. Never complain or express how sad you feel. You're in complete control at all times. You're a selfish, chauvinist pig, and she loves you for it.

- Text messages are for women and children. Stop sending emojis. Stop using grammar, and don't capitalize a goddamn thing. Don't respond to her texts all the time. You're busy, you're out doing things, and you don't need to respond to her selfies with "WOW you look so hot! " Use texting for logistics, and occasionally send a "cool" "right on" or "good stuff". Let the beta orbiters text back and forth with her all day while she's sleeping in your bed. If you're too busy to respond, she'll text you like 50 more times that day if she's interested. Trust me. A woman who is interested will move mountains to see you.

- Do not put the pussy on the pedestal. Buying her flowers? Expensive dinners? Trying to turn her into your wife after one date? Asking what she wants, and trying to meet her every need? She'll be at my place after blowing me while I'm in my game room playing Playstation. Sorry. Women like dickheads, or at least men who aren't needy. I love it when a girl is like "Hank, this guy just bought me the best dinner, but he was a little weird. He wants me to meet his parents next week, and we just met. Anyway, I'm leaving now. Can I come over? You should totally take me there !"

- Watch YouTube videos on how to have conversations. I recommend "How to have a conversation like a man" by Nick Sparks. Most of this shit is basic. Make eye contact. Do not touch your face, laugh at your own jokes, look down, or show any signs of nervousness. Take up as much space as you can - spread out. Put your arm up on a chair. Ask questions, and don't be afraid to let there be an awkward pause in the conversation. Don't talk too much about yourself, or try and one up everything she says. ("Oh, you went to Egypt? Well, I went on an African safari and it was so freaking cool. I shot this elephant and blah blah blah). Instead, "Oh yeah? That sounds cool. What was it like? Did you do this thing or that thing? How was the food? Is it safe to eat? Were you scared?" I rarely let girls know I'm a lawyer on the first date unless they ask for it comes up naturally. Otherwise, I seem like an unconfident douche who has to brag about their job.

- Online dating is a good place to start, but eventually you'll want to transition into cold pickups and social circle game. I definitely recommend starting with online dating, and keeping the channel open at all times, but cold approaches and social circle dating are much more efficient. Online dating is a bunch of betas fighting over desperate 6s. At some point, you'll simply move beyond it as a main source of women. But to start, it's a good situation.

Basically, do all that stuff and you'll be swimming in women in no time.

Pure gold!
Well articulated and tailor-made post!

Quote: (10-31-2017 11:33 PM)HankMoody Wrote:  

Here is basically all the game advice I have boiled down...

- Get in shape. If you're fat, lose the weight first, then put on muscle. It's better to be too skinny than fat. If you're skinny and don't lift, put on muscle. You want to be in the middle - low body fat with some muscle. Join a gym, do Crossfit, do martial arts, and square away your diet. That is top priority. (Plus you'll feel better, and your confidence will skyrocket. I could do an entire thread on how to lose weight.)

- Find a style and own it. Be a lawyer who wears nice suits, cufflinks, and shiny shoes. Be a construction worker in work pants, boots, and a hoodie with paint all over it. Be a playboy wearing docksiders, a chrome watch, and bright pastels. It doesn't matter. Just find some kind of style and absolutely fucking own it. Or do what I do, and own a bunch of styles and keep them completely off balance. One day I'm in construction gear, the next day I'm in cufflinks. Either way, find a unique style that isn't just a polo shirt tucked into khakis. Jake from State Farm is not getting laid.

- Read everything you can on game. All Roosh's books, The Game, Rational Male. Buy them up off Tinder and read them. Some of it will work for you, some of it won't. My game is literally Hank Moody game - sometimes a total degenerate, sometimes very deep, sometimes very lawyerly, sometimes a recognized writer, and sometimes getting into fist fights. Your game and personality is probably very different than mine, depending on your personality.

- Have hobbies. Mine are writing and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. I also camp, hike, fish, hunt, kayak, offroad, shoot guns, and cook. Chicks love this shit. Take her camping for a weekend, back to your house for a bang, and then cook and amazing breakfast... she'll be begging to reward you with BJs. Disclaimer: this does not include anime, video games, TV marathons, LARP, or attending comic book conventions. Hobbies should be active and cool.

- Know the difference of how to get easy bangs, and how to get into LTRs. Again, I could write a thread on this. Separate girls you want to bang and girls you want to date. If you want to get into an LTR, you're going to have to learn how to date without coming off like a supplicating beta who is just her meal ticket.

- Stop living for women. The most important part of my day? Making money. Making it to Jiu Jitsu class. Getting in that workout. Riding my bike. Going to that networking event and handing out cards. Cooking a healthy dinner. Responding to her stupid texts? Not so much.

- Get a group of solid male friends. Where I've met the best ones: Crossfit, Jiu Jitsu, networking events for real estate professionals like myself, business owner events, events for developers, etc. I hate to sound like a dick, but usually liberals work stupid 9-5 jobs, they identify as 'male feminists', they're married to hambeasts, and they're just fucking flat out boring. If you do interesting things, manly things, and high risk things, you end up with a way better group of male friends. My personal style is straight Sigma - I am involved with a lot of different social circles, but a member of none. I keep a few people very close, and otherwise just interact with many different groups.

- Square away your cash situation. Lowers your stress, and you can just be like "Babe, it's too cold here. Let's go to Mexico next week and stay at an all inclusive. I need a tan." Or just be a total fucking degenerate and own it. "Babe, I need $5 for gas, otherwise I can't see you." For some reason, the in between just never works. I don't know why.

- Be manly. Know how to change a tire. Never ask her where she wants to go to dinner, tell her where you're both going to dinner, make the reservations, and always be in control. Make every single decision and do not ask for her input. Never emote or bitch about how hard you day was. Never complain or express how sad you feel. You're in complete control at all times. You're a selfish, chauvinist pig, and she loves you for it.

- Text messages are for women and children. Stop sending emojis. Stop using grammar, and don't capitalize a goddamn thing. Don't respond to her texts all the time. You're busy, you're out doing things, and you don't need to respond to her selfies with "WOW you look so hot! " Use texting for logistics, and occasionally send a "cool" "right on" or "good stuff". Let the beta orbiters text back and forth with her all day while she's sleeping in your bed. If you're too busy to respond, she'll text you like 50 more times that day if she's interested. Trust me. A woman who is interested will move mountains to see you.

- Do not put the pussy on the pedestal. Buying her flowers? Expensive dinners? Trying to turn her into your wife after one date? Asking what she wants, and trying to meet her every need? She'll be at my place after blowing me while I'm in my game room playing Playstation. Sorry. Women like dickheads, or at least men who aren't needy. I love it when a girl is like "Hank, this guy just bought me the best dinner, but he was a little weird. He wants me to meet his parents next week, and we just met. Anyway, I'm leaving now. Can I come over? You should totally take me there !"

- Watch YouTube videos on how to have conversations. I recommend "How to have a conversation like a man" by Nick Sparks. Most of this shit is basic. Make eye contact. Do not touch your face, laugh at your own jokes, look down, or show any signs of nervousness. Take up as much space as you can

- spread out. Put your arm up on a chair. Ask questions, and don't be afraid
to let there be an awkward pause in the conversation. Don't talk too much about yourself, or try and one up everything she says. ("Oh, you went to Egypt? Well, I went on an African safari and it was so freaking cool. I shot this elephant and blah blah blah). Instead, "Oh yeah? That sounds cool. What was it like? Did you do this thing or that thing? How was the food? Is it safe to eat? Were you scared?" I rarely let girls know I'm a lawyer on the first date unless they ask for it comes up naturally. Otherwise, I seem like an unconfident douche who has to brag about their job.

- Online dating is a good place to start, but eventually you'll want to transition into cold pickups and social circle game. I definitely recommend starting with online dating, and keeping the channel open at all times, but cold approaches and social circle dating are much more efficient. Online dating is a bunch of betas fighting over desperate 6s. At some point, you'll simply move beyond it as a main source of women. But to start, it's a good situation.

Basically, do all that stuff and you'll be swimming in women in no time.

I like your style (no homo)...

This is good for anyone regardless of what age they start at. If I could I'd rep you for that post. I'm saving a link to it to keep me in check if need be from time to time.

I am close to the same age as you Op and because of the men here on the Forum and the Forum itself, thanks Roosh, I have been getting the best quality poosy in my life. I've got a long way to go and I am enjoying the ride. Take the advice here and implement it. You won't be disappointed. Besides, what do you have to lose?

I'm 42, also a newbie on here.
Our pasts are different but what I can say is..
Your development will be assymetric. Some shit you will conquer fast. Some will stay with you for a long time.
Who cares?
So long as you are heading in the right direction.
A danger is you will settle for partial success rather than long term stellar results.
I hear you on the barely legal lust , you can do it, I have had the same issues in terms of regret, off the scale desire, rejected 100times,felt stupid and too old, grief for missing out on that fun in my youth. You can do it.
I was serially rejected and shy as a twenty something. Current girl friend a gem of a (smoking hot) 26year old. Before her plenty of 23 year olds 21 year olds, some 18year olds.

...
You Can Do It.

(“Any approach to problems works so long as you ACTUALLY DO IT“ Carlos Xuma)

FYI, I'm 36, I guess that's close to 40, but I feel like I'm 25. I still bang girls in their 20s on the regular. Waitresses, strippers, teachers, girls with stupid corporate jobs that I don't care to learn more about... you name it.

Some random advice for older guys...

- Take folic acid. My hair started to grey at one point. I started taking folic acid, and it actually fixed it. I have no grey hair now.

- Also take vitamin D, a multi-vitamin, fish oil, and ZMA. Helps with your testosterone.

- If you want to get real crazy, consider testosterone replacement treatment. Some of my friends in their 50s who do this look like they're 30. Get your testosterone checked. High levels of T make a huge difference in every facet of your life.

- Lift weights. Heavy weights. Strictly doing cardio is for females. Every male should lift weights, and I don't mean biceps. I mean bench press, military press, squats, deadlifts, pullups, rows, etc. If you've never lifted before, start now. Consider hiring a personal trainer to get you started.

- Your style and your fitness dictate whether you look "old." If you're a bit pudgy, rocking dad jeans, an old polo shirt with stains on it and sneakers, you look old but not in a good way. Fitted jeans, in good shape, blazer, shined dress shoes, you look "sophisticated." Style makes a lot of difference. Most people can't tell if I'm 30 or 36.

- Your diet has to be squared away as you get older. Personally, I eat paleo. Everything organic and locally sourced (not Whole Foods bullshit "organic", I get my food directly from the source). Tons of vegetables (sometimes juiced with a tiny bit of fruit), meat, fish, chicken, stews, etc. Nothing fried ever, low carb, and no candy, cheesesteaks, hoagies (or whatever the fuck you people call them... subs?), dessert is always just coffee, and I rarely take a cheat day. (When I do it's usually sushi or something semi healthy). Cookies, muffins and candy are for women and children. Men eat meat and vegetables.

- If you have an office job, get a standing desk. Sitting all day is horrible for you, and as you get older, your back will start to hurt from it. A standing desk fixes all those problems. You can get one for like $60 off Amazon and just put it on your regular desk. You can even be ghetto and just throw a box or something on top of your desk if you don't have to entertain clients in your office. Case in point, do not sit all fucking day unless you want your back to hurt all the time.

- Treat with a chiropractor. I used to be scared of chiropractic until I tried it. It's amazing. Takes away all my back pain, helps with my breathing, I sleep better, and kick more ass in the gym. (At the same time, I am very skeptical of modern medicine, which treats symptoms rather than problems).

- Intermittent fasting. My diet is basically this: coffee for breakfast. Around 1 or 2 I'll make a salad with kale, tomato, sardines (wild caught), avocado or guacamole, mushroom, dressed lightly with olive oil and apple cider vinegar. I eat dinner around 6, which is usually a piece of meat, fish, or chicken with a side of vegetables. Rinse, repeat. I eat more protein (like a shake) and carbs (potatoes or rice) on days when I lift. If your life revolves around eating tasty sweet food, you're either a female or a child.

- Loneliness is a killer. You absolutely need a group of masculine male friends. Find guys to hang out with, talk politics, smoke cigars with, etc. Older men very often die of loneliness. Cancel cable, cancel Netflix, and do stuff get gets you out of the house with other men.

- Learn how to cook. I can't stress this enough. Many of my friends were naturally lean in their 20s and early 30s, and now they're fat tubs of lard. One of my close friends in his 50s is literally dying from sleep apnea because he's gotten so fat that his neck is collapsing on his throat. Read "The 4 Hour Chef" by Tim Ferriss and you'll be a pretty competent low carb chef. Try and cook as often as possible because you know what you're eating. When you eat out, there is all kinds of stuff in the food you don't know about. You can get away with eating crap in your 20s and 30s, but at some point most of us can't. I sniff a cheesesteak and gain a pound.

- Younger girls are attracted to older guys. Don't be afraid to approach. Just don't be creepy about it. Don't brag about your money, career, car, etc. Just listen and let them drone on about something stupid and vapid. Ask questions, don't talk too much about yourself, make eye contact, etc. I've seen stylish older guys blow opportunities they could have had by bragging too much about themselves the whole time. This turns off younger girls who haven't hit the wall yet, many of whom are content blowing bartenders and tattoo artists. Personally, I rarely date girls over the age of 26 (it's actually a running joke around the office - all the young girls who Hank dates).

Many of my friends are in their 40s and 50s, and pull women like you wouldn't believe. They destroy guys in their 20s and 30s at the bar. However, their style is on point, fitness is on point, and game is on point.

You can get into game at any age, really. I'm pulling more women at 36 then I ever have before in my life. Current plate is a bartender at a high end strip club.

Listen to LINUX and HankMoody. I'm 42 and I've been here off and on for a couple of years, this development takes a lot of hard work and time. Do your best to enjoy the process along the way, don't just fixate on the end goal (something I'm often guilty of). And don't be afraid to post in the Older Guys threads, it used to bother me as a newbie but we all have contributions we can share -- that "stupid question" or failed approach you share could help someone else.

I was in an LTR since age 20, married her, and then got divorced. Before we met, I had two other lays. At 31, I found myself single, heavily overweight, zero experience with women, and with very few masculine friends. ("Hi Hank! Do you want to come over and watch Netflix with us tonight? We have pumpkin beer! Isn't Mad Men a great show?") On the upside, I owned a house and my law practice and other business ventures were profitable. But it turns out that being single and having a few bucks doesn't equate to getting women. I was desperate to meet that "one special girl" but didn't know how.

After moping around for a bit, I started to learn game at 32. I read every book on game I could, every YouTube video, you name it. All Roosh's books, Neil Strauss, Richard LaRuina, etc. This forum, all the websites, etc. I began practicing game via online dating, using OkCupid in particular. I also began to get real into active hobbies like MMA, hiking, hunting, camping, cigars, offroading, just basic fun shit.

Hitting the gym became mandatory. I built one in my house with a kicking bag, power rack, etc. (though I do recommend going to a gym just because you'll meet people there. Crossfit, BJJ, something that isn't just weight lifting is more ideal for socialization, though.)

After about a year or so, at 33, I found myself with a huge social circle, and moved mostly onto social circle game / cold approaches. My group of friends ranges from real estate developers, professional fighters, pilots, lawyers, doctors, to waitresses, strippers, and bartenders. At 36, I find myself in good shape, surrounded by an awesome, diverse social social, tons of women, and generally living an interesting life.

The other night, my one friend tried to pick up this girl. I ended up taking her home. A few days later, he got real drunk and was like "Hank... I'm better looking than you. I'm taller. I make as much money as you do. But I just do not have game like that. I don't know how you do it."

Truth be told, a lot of studying, hard work, practice, trial and error.

OP: you can make this happen if you really want, no doubt about it. The only question is whether or not you are willing to let your balls hang out, or if this is just some jeremiad to maintain a feeling of agency while you keep on feeling sorry for yourself. I know that sounds harsh. This can be a harsh place, but the shit you read here works. It really does.

I started game around your age. It's transformed my life. I used to have the same loser thoughts you do: I don't deserve a hot girl, I will never have a hot girl. Yes, those are loser thoughts, and wrong. You can absolutely bang hot, young girls.

My advice to you at this point would be to travel. You don't have to go to nightclubs, I don't think you would do well. But get on a flight. It is easier out there: probably the easiest is Africa, then Southeast Asia, then Latin America, then Eastern Europe. Don't focus on getting a wife for now - make that a 5 year project if you are obsessed with the idea. For now, just travel, and experience what it is like to find girls who are sweet, cute and want to please you.

Assume the sale when you are with a girl and she shows any kind of interest. Take it for granted that this girl needs to be fucked by you, and don't beat around the bush or wait until the next date. Look, I'm not young, rich, famous, or handsome, but I've bedded almost a 100 attractive girls in the last 4 years. Just be in the right place and don't be a pussy, and you can go far. But be a man: walk like a man, talk like a man, and don't take girls seriously. Don't be scared. They are emotional beings who don't respond well to logic, just spout nonsense and make them laugh. Then touch them enough to get them a bit horny. It's not rocket science. Just be your own shampoo commercial and tell yourself your worth it.

Quote: (10-31-2017 08:47 PM)Arcite Wrote:  

I've spent my time here so far, a little over a year, fapping and playing video games.

That's your only real problem.
Stop masturbating and block all porn on all your devices.
Watch what happens to you after only 10 days.

Use this thread for help:


thread-12879-page-140.html

Quote: (10-31-2017 08:47 PM)Arcite Wrote:  

So, instead of reinventing myself, I've spent my time here so far, a little over a year, fapping and playing video games.

First things first: unless you're trying to make a joke, discussing decreasing testosterone levels, or making a post in the "no fap" thread, this here probably falls underneath the category of "Unnecessary Information."

Carry on.

Quote: (10-31-2017 08:47 PM)Arcite Wrote:  

I've spent my time here so far, a little over a year, fapping and playing video games.

OP, in addition to the other great advice you've received here, you might benefit from learning some productivity techniques. Get organized. Use your calendar, build a decent task management system. Look up "GTD" and how to break out your priorities.

There's nothing wrong with playing video games. There's something wrong with playing video games for six hours when you should be in the gym, or being in the gym for two hours when you should be approaching. Your entire life will slip by if you feed low-key addictions this way.

I like video games, too. Mostly strategy games, which can take many hours. I have 90 minutes blocked out every work-night for 'Study / Personal Time'. Once I've done whatever professional development I've chosen for myself during the week - and in my industry, I need to take that seriously - that time is free for Crusader Kings 2 or whatever. 90 minutes is a pretty big block for most things. Put limits on things and move it along.

Quote: (11-01-2017 10:55 AM)HankMoody Wrote:  

At 31, I found myself single, heavily overweight, zero experience with women, and with very few masculine friends. ("Hi Hank! Do you want to come over and watch Netflix with us tonight? We have pumpkin beer! Isn't Mad Men a great show?")

Whoa. Hey, hey, hey.

Hey.

Watch yourself.

Great thread, very useful experience and advice in one place.

Wow Hank nailed a great summary and action plan there for you. Put your on spin and flavor on what he said.

OP I feel for you man, you missed out on chasing all that sweet young pussy when you were young and had access to it.
Nothings going to change that, so don't lament too much on it.

But do let motivate you into forward momentum

Now the good news is that you will get plenty of pussy, and you can learn game and be the man, you still have time and can get plenty of action.
Many dudes come to game late after a long married and unhappy life, taking the red pill, waking up and seeing dating psychology is a shock and revelation.

Try to relax, enjoy the ride and be patient with yourself on the journey.

We will be here to help you out, have a few beers and bitch slap you too if needed.

Welcome aboard.

I do not believe any other such post as this OP question (of which there are MANY similar) has ever been answered with a wallop as intense and jam packed with wisdom as this one and HM's series of answers.

There is so much info here if one were to take on this intense challenge to change ones life for the better and actually dedicate to do it - that person will literally not recognize themselves in a few years.

While this is certainly HM's special blend of healthy fats, it is also one of the best compact summaries of RVF masculinity in action you will find written here.

Good luck in your journey.

Dear OP

I started from a similar position as yours and I was 40 after a long and bitter marriage ended.

I am sharing the changes I made and the results I have seen in past couple of years mainly applying the rich knowledge this forum has.

The first is definitely to start a workout program like starting strength or stronglifts. The additional benefit of strong compound lifts will boost a mans testosterone and after even a week you will start to feel upbeat and confident. Try it..

I would also add 30-40 mins of HIIT on the alternate days to lifting and some short bursts on days you lift. If you clean your diet and add intermittent fasting to it, your bodyfat will improve steadily and muscle strength/size will increase though at a slower rate. The beauty of this is works even after 40.

Having a low body fat(mid teens possibly) combined with a decent muscle and a will make you look and feel young again.It also helps with a mans performance and confidence in bed.

Fashion/Wardrobe

Please take your time to watch Ashley Weston's channel and few others on mens fashion and try to create a basic wardrobe first.Stop wearing any clothing that doesn't fit and or complement your body/skin tone.
If you can fix these two areas of fitness and fashion you will see a difference in how women respond to you.

All that you need to do next is learn and practice game and be a man.

Trust me this works.

Cheers

There is some good advice above once you have taken the red pill, but I don't think you have swallowed it yet.

You should read Hooligan Harry's gold digger experiment thread, some of the marriage fiasco threads, and then the SA threads. Spend a little time on SA and you'll realize the are all sluts, AWALT, etc.

Only then will the practical advice above take root. You are not ready for it for whatever reason.

Most guys who have problems in game either don't have inner confidence, outer style, fail to believe game works, or don't have game. If you read Neil Strass' book he was a loser in so many ways, short, balding, ugly, and trassformed himself. It was a very long journey for him because of where he started, but he was able to do it because he saw that game worked.

But unlike you, no one had to convince him to want it.

You could read or even practice allthe best advice in the world but until you want it it will be wasted.

I have not read his books but Rollo Tomassi writes about the psychology behind red pill. If you haven't read his books that might be the place for you next. Hank Moody above provides an excellent outline of what to do when you are ready. When you are ready, you have a huge leg up because you won't have to fix your life, economics, inner game, etc. as much as most guys.

Hank Moody'd advise takes a long time to implement (advise about constantly lifting/exercising, always watching your diet, forming new social circles) and may as well be a second job.

OP, there is an easier way to actually change your life and increase self-esteem. Just visit the travel section of this forum and see what other 40+ guys have done when they went overseas to improve their dating lives. You will see that almost all older guys from this forum end up doing very well in SEA and to a lesser extent in SA/EE.

So, Hank's advice is okay for the long-term and can take several years to implement but for the short term buy a ticket to Philippines, Indonesia, or any other place in SEA where you are viewed as exotic and start online gaming (pipelining). Once you land on the ground if you play your cards right you may even have a girl ready to meet you at the airport