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Getting started with this stuff for the first time in your forties?
#26

Getting started with this stuff for the first time in your forties?

Fantastic template to follow hank, im in a simular boat as OP.
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#27

Getting started with this stuff for the first time in your forties?

Are we going to hear back from the OP or is this another one...
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#28

Getting started with this stuff for the first time in your forties?

Quote: (10-31-2017 10:29 PM)Spaniard88 Wrote:  

You're too far gone, man, you're the kind of guy that needs a girl to introduce herself to you, ask you on a date, walk you to your apartment, open the door for you, lead you to bed, and take off your clothes as you try to fight her off. Then after she's got you naked, she has to help you overcome your mental and sexual insecurities while reassuring you that it's going to be ok, that it's not going to hurt.

There's really nothing to be done in regards to you, you just don't want it bad enough.
Haha, well, I knew as I was hitting submit that I would get one or more "get over yourself" replies. But while yeah, I wish it were easy, I definitely don't like the idea of the girl taking the lead. If anything, my fantasy is unrealistic in the opposite direction: a girl so naive and sheltered, and with such low self-esteem, that she's blown away by so much as merely being taken to lunch at Applebee's. But I see why you would say I don't want it bad enough. I want to want it bad enough, but somehow there's still a small part of me that doesn't want to take the plunge.

Quote: (10-31-2017 11:33 PM)HankMoody Wrote:  

- Find a style and own it. Be a lawyer who wears nice suits, cufflinks, and shiny shoes. Be a construction worker in work pants, boots, and a hoodie with paint all over it. Be a playboy wearing docksiders, a chrome watch, and bright pastels. It doesn't matter. Just find some kind of style and absolutely fucking own it. Or do what I do, and own a bunch of styles and keep them completely off balance. One day I'm in construction gear, the next day I'm in cufflinks. Either way, find a unique style that isn't just a polo shirt tucked into khakis. Jake from State Farm is not getting laid.
Funny you should mention Jake from State Farm--when I first moved to start medical school, a polo shirt or short-sleeved button-down shirt tucked into khakis, boat shoes, and Bill Gates-style glasses were my uniform. And I thought the girls were going to to gaga for me! Fortunately, I've learned how to improve my style, including wearing clothes that fit, though I've slacked off a bit lately for lack of motivation. I dress in pretty conservative business-style attire, mostly from Brooks Brothers, for work, and haven't updated my after-work wardrobe in a long time because I haven't been socializing.

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- Have hobbies. Mine are writing and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. I also camp, hike, fish, hunt, kayak, offroad, shoot guns, and cook. Chicks love this shit. Take her camping for a weekend, back to your house for a bang, and then cook and amazing breakfast... she'll be begging to reward you with BJs. Disclaimer: this does not include anime, video games, TV marathons, LARP, or attending comic book conventions. Hobbies should be active and cool.
There have been times in my life I have been into active hobbies, including hiking, camping, and fishing, and I also cook. Unfortuately, I've slacked off lately, because I moved to a new city where I know no one and haven't made the effort to meet anyone here. I need to make some friends here.

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- Get a group of solid male friends. Where I've met the best ones: Crossfit, Jiu Jitsu, networking events for real estate professionals like myself, business owner events, events for developers, etc. I hate to sound like a dick, but usually liberals work stupid 9-5 jobs, they identify as 'male feminists', they're married to hambeasts, and they're just fucking flat out boring. If you do interesting things, manly things, and high risk things, you end up with a way better group of male friends. My personal style is straight Sigma - I am involved with a lot of different social circles, but a member of none. I keep a few people very close, and otherwise just interact with many different groups.
Yes, I definitely need this. I never had true friends in high school, college, or in my twenties. I finally made a couple of real male friends toward the end of med school, and have never felt better in life than I did then. It sounds crazy, but I had a more active social life in my mid thirties than I ever did earlier in life. For a few short years there, I didn't even have to try; even if I did nothing, by Friday afternoon, friends would be texting me asking me to go out and do something Friday night. But it all petered out. Friends moved away or got married, I started feeling old, then I moved to this new city where I know no one, and just gave up.

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- Be manly. Know how to change a tire. Never ask her where she wants to go to dinner, tell her where you're both going to dinner, make the reservations, and always be in control. Make every single decision and do not ask for her input. Never emote or bitch about how hard you day was. Never complain or express how sad you feel. You're in complete control at all times. You're a selfish, chauvinist pig, and she loves you for it.
Oh, I believe it. The third, and most recent, girl I had sex with, I met off Seeking Arrangement (and in accordance with the experience of a lot of guys in the SA thread, she wasn't on there for money, she just wanted to date an older, more successful guy.) She actually wound up asking me to be her "dom" and we got into this whole dynamic of her calling me "sir," referring to herself as my "sexual servant," me restraining her, spanking her, the whole 9 yards. She would text me things like "you're the boss" and "I love how in control you are." But, as much fun as that was, it's like I didn't permanently internalize any of it. I moved away, and just went back to being my old self.

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- Text messages are for women and children. Stop sending emojis. Stop using grammar, and don't capitalize a goddamn thing. Don't respond to her texts all the time. You're busy, you're out doing things, and you don't need to respond to her selfies with "WOW you look so hot! [Image: smile.gif]" Use texting for logistics, and occasionally send a "cool" "right on" or "good stuff". Let the beta orbiters text back and forth with her all day while she's sleeping in your bed. If you're too busy to respond, she'll text you like 50 more times that day if she's interested. Trust me. A woman who is interested will move mountains to see you.
Yeah, I'm aware of this. I stopped using emojis a long time ago, and never text crap like "WOW you look so hot!" But I hate the no grammar, punctuation, or capitalization stuff. I'll do what I have to do, but I don't like it.

Quote: (11-01-2017 10:05 AM)Bienvenuto Wrote:  

I hear you on the barely legal lust , you can do it, I have had the same issues in terms of regret, off the scale desire, rejected 100times,felt stupid and too old, grief for missing out on that fun in my youth. You can do it.
The disappointing thing about the "barely legal lust" is that I have changed too. I don't feel as much of that raw, animalistic "pull" in the presence of a hot young girl as I used to. I felt it up through my early thirties, but it really started to drop off as I neared 40. So, even if I got with a much younger girl, it won't feel the same for me as it would have at 25. That is an experience I'll never have. No more going 3 rounds in quick succession, then waking her up twice in the middle of the night to bang her, then banging her again one more time before even getting out of bed in the morning.

Quote: (11-01-2017 10:18 AM)HankMoody Wrote:  

- Take folic acid. My hair started to grey at one point. I started taking folic acid, and it actually fixed it. I have no grey hair now.
That is interesting. I'll have to try it. One advantage I have is a full head of hair, no baldness here, but I do have a few greys around the temples.

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- Lift weights. Heavy weights. Strictly doing cardio is for females. Every male should lift weights, and I don't mean biceps. I mean bench press, military press, squats, deadlifts, pullups, rows, etc. If you've never lifted before, start now. Consider hiring a personal trainer to get you started.
Fortunately, I have been lifting weights since age 26. I haven't stopped, though I have slowed down, again because of lack of motivation, and could definitely put more effort into it than I have over the past year. I'm an ectomorph, so as a kid I was the proverbial 90-pound weakling, getting teased about being so skinny. When I went off to college, I weight 135, at almost 6 feet. After I started lifting weights later in my twenties, plus doing some cardio, I got really fit, and probably looked the best I ever did right around 30. Unfortunately, the downside of being an ectomorph when you're older is the tendency toward being "skinny-fat." I can put on weight until I have a spare tire, yet you can still see my ribs. My BMI is still under 25 right now, but again, as my effort has trailed off over the past year or two, I've begun to creep toward "dad bod" and could definitely stand to trim 5-10 pounds off the waistline right now.

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- Your diet has to be squared away as you get older. Personally, I eat paleo. Everything organic and locally sourced (not Whole Foods bullshit "organic", I get my food directly from the source). Tons of vegetables (sometimes juiced with a tiny bit of fruit), meat, fish, chicken, stews, etc. Nothing fried ever, low carb, and no candy, cheesesteaks, hoagies (or whatever the fuck you people call them... subs?), dessert is always just coffee, and I rarely take a cheat day. (When I do it's usually sushi or something semi healthy). Cookies, muffins and candy are for women and children. Men eat meat and vegetables.
Yup, that's part of my problem--not that I gorge myself on cookies and candy, it's nowhere near every day, but those are my weakness and I definitely have too many cheat days.

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- Loneliness is a killer. You absolutely need a group of masculine male friends. Find guys to hang out with, talk politics, smoke cigars with, etc. Older men very often die of loneliness. Cancel cable, cancel Netflix, and do stuff get gets you out of the house with other men.
Yes, I'm definitely feeling the loneliness right now. In fact, I think this may be my #1 problem right now, in that I'm not going to be motivated to pursue women unless I have some real male freindships again.


Quote: (11-01-2017 12:12 PM)Akwesi Wrote:  

My advice to you at this point would be to travel. You don't have to go to nightclubs, I don't think you would do well. But get on a flight. It is easier out there: probably the easiest is Africa, then Southeast Asia, then Latin America, then Eastern Europe. Don't focus on getting a wife for now - make that a 5 year project if you are obsessed with the idea. For now, just travel, and experience what it is like to find girls who are sweet, cute and want to please you.
I was worried the travel thing was going to come up. I actually have never left the contiguous lower 48 states in my life. The first thing that goes through my mind when people suggest travel is: who am I supposed to go with? Do people travel alone? If so, how? I don't even know where to start.

Quote: (11-01-2017 10:20 PM)Mercenary Wrote:  

That's your only real problem.
Stop masturbating and block all porn on all your devices.
Watch what happens to you after only 10 days.

Use this thread for help:


thread-12879-page-140.html
I doubt it's my only real problem, but OK, I will try it for 10 days and let you know how it goes.

Quote: (11-04-2017 05:50 AM)Hypno Wrote:  

There is some good advice above once you have taken the red pill, but I don't think you have swallowed it yet.

You should read Hooligan Harry's gold digger experiment thread, some of the marriage fiasco threads, and then the SA threads. Spend a little time on SA and you'll realize the are all sluts, AWALT, etc.

Only then will the practical advice above take root. You are not ready for it for whatever reason.

Most guys who have problems in game either don't have inner confidence, outer style, fail to believe game works, or don't have game. If you read Neil Strass' book he was a loser in so many ways, short, balding, ugly, and trassformed himself. It was a very long journey for him because of where he started, but he was able to do it because he saw that game worked.

But unlike you, no one had to convince him to want it.

You could read or even practice allthe best advice in the world but until you want it it will be wasted.

I have not read his books but Rollo Tomassi writes about the psychology behind red pill. If you haven't read his books that might be the place for you next. Hank Moody above provides an excellent outline of what to do when you are ready. When you are ready, you have a huge leg up because you won't have to fix your life, economics, inner game, etc. as much as most guys.
I can see why you would say I'm not ready for it. What I would say is that I am aware, on a factual, level, that AWALT, but there is still part of me that doesn't want that to be true. It's like, I fully acknowledge that that perfect, innocent, virginal unicorn doesn't exist and I'm never going to find her, but I still wish I could wake up tomorrow morning and find a magic wand which I can wave and alter the fundamental nature of reality, turning women into those unicorns and getting me one. I'm telling myself "look, the red pill is true," but there's still some small part of me saying "yes, I know it is--but it shouldn't be; women should be innately virtuous and attracted to Nice Guy beta providers. That's the way the universe should be, and I'd rather die on this hill than give in to the fact that it's not." I suppose you might say that's a distinction without a difference, though; either I'm ready or I'm not.
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#29

Getting started with this stuff for the first time in your forties?

Great to see the OP come back in and comment.
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#30

Getting started with this stuff for the first time in your forties?

Travel on your own is fine, at times you can end up very lonely but most of the time you are surrounded by fellow tourists/ Travellers who want to socialise as much as possible including couples who are often desperate to get a break from each others company.
You can join activities, organized tours in your destination as a way of mixing with people and at night experience that you are well regarded in the eyes of the hot local dates you have lined up.
That helps with believing what is possible for you.
It sounds daunting but it really isn't and the new destinations will open up your world view / horizons/ imagination..
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#31

Getting started with this stuff for the first time in your forties?

Quote: (11-05-2017 10:48 PM)Arcite Wrote:  

I was worried the travel thing was going to come up. I actually have never left the contiguous lower 48 states in my life. The first thing that goes through my mind when people suggest travel is: who am I supposed to go with? Do people travel alone? If so, how? I don't even know where to start.

Solo travel is the best for many reasons. For one thing you get to set your own itinerary - you don't have to account for anyone when it comes to where to go, how long to spend there, or even when to eat or go to bed.

It's much easier to meet people when you're solo and you almost certainly will. You shouldn't feel aged out of hostels - as long as you're respectful no one will have a problem with you being there and people well older than you stay in places like this.

You'll learn a lot about yourself and how you maintain patience in unexpected or potentially stressful situations.

You shouldn't let (perceived) language barriers stop you from going where you want to go. It can be frustrating but you can almost always express what you want with gestures or if worse comes to worst carry a little reporter style notebook with you and draw pictures. Learn how to say "please", "thank you", "good morning", "good evening", "which way to the can" etc. in the language of wherever you're going and this along with a smile will get you pretty far.

If you're feeling hesitant to go, the best thing you can do is to make a detailed plan for your itinerary so you'll have some direction and won't feel overwhelmed about decision making. You can deviate from your plan whenever you want but it will be a start. Research the fuck out of your destination. Read Lonely Planet forums, check out Rick Steves books/public television shows, go to the travel section of your bookstore - I've used Barefoot, Moon, and Cicerone Press guides. Figure out the type of travel you want to do (European cities, mountain hiking, archaeological tours, scuba diving, sex with young Asian females) and find the resource that caters to that type. Read several guides, don't just buy them based on internet reviews - the quality within one company may vary a lot depending on the location and author.

If you have the means to travel internationally you're doing yourself a disservice if you don't do it.

I've done quite a bit of solo travel in Europe and Central/South America so PM me if you have any questions.
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#32

Getting started with this stuff for the first time in your forties?

I didn't start getting cute, younger girls until I was 35, like strippers. By 39 I was dating hot college girls with superfit bodies, varsity athletes. By 42 I was banging models. Age is not the issue. Getting in shape, dressing right, being an interesting person with stories to tell and being confident in who you are will get you to wherever you want to go.

You don't need to fly to SEA and it doesn't take years to get into shape. It took me 6 months.
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