Hey guys,

Don't post too often but am an avid reader of RVF. This may be better suited for the lifestyle section, so please move it to wherever it is most applicable.

I've been contemplating about posting for a while and upon asking my friends for advice (blue pill) and my friend/mentor (older, lifelong successful bachelor, who is super red pill) I can't seem to find an answer I like or a happy medium; so I come to you gentlemen.

To summarize: I'm 26, have been a playboy my whole life (n= 150+), have traveled a lot, started a few businesses, and lived a life of adventure thus far. But I now find myself to have been in a LTR for the last 1.5 years. I'm aware of how it happened, but I woke up the other day terrified at the thought of how much I've sunken into this comfort lifestyle. This is, by far, the longest relationship I've ever had. The reason for this is that my girlfriend is sweet, caring, feminine, patient, and very attractive. Raised in a great family, no tattoos, doesn't swear.... Basically all of the traits that are sought after from a masculine/red pill guy.

My problem is, I've become increasingly bored.

My close friends (who all are getting married soon) tell me to marry her, have kids, etc. They think I'm crazy for not letting her move into my condo after 1.5 years of dating. They say boredom is par for the course and it's part of "growing up". I really, really don't want to sign up for a life like that...

My business mentor tells me I need to dump her immediately so I can focus on work, learn new skills, and meet other women. If I do this, I will lose the girl I care about and love.

They both seem to have good points...

I read Neil Straus's book "The Truth" which basically talks about how he left "the perfect girl" for a series of drug fueled benders, 3-somes, swinger parties, and running his own harem. It was a good read and basically foreshadowed what I would most likely do if I broke up with my GF. In the end, he regrets doing all of the above and is on a quest to get back to where he started, to his GF. The book really struck a chord and spoke to me.

So here I am, still confused...reaching out to you all.

I know this forum is full of men older and wiser than myself to help shed some light and experience on what I'm going through. Perhaps you are my age and can understand this dilemma as well. Would like your input too.

TL;DR: At age 26 do you stay single and go for more adventure? Or settle down after finding what you deem to be the "perfect girl for you". Or perhaps there is a happy medium that I just can't see.

Thanks guys.

-CC

Relief.

Not the kind of transition I was expecting.

^
I was going to say that OP should stop with the Oestrogen injections until I realised it wasn't that type of transition

EDIT: I am unqualified to answer this question due to my age and lack of LTR experience but I would say that assuming you want to have a relationship with this girl, you have to try and take as many positives from each side and try and form a whole with it. So keep up with the hobbies you had in your single days and find new ones while working on maintaining a solid relationship that will form the foundation of a strong family.

If this is something that deep down, you know you don't want, then you have to end it. You're a successful 26 year old guy who seems to have a good income with a solid mentor who can help you advance in many sectors to boot. It's a great position to be in. You have many years ahead of you to find a great woman to be your wife. No woman is perfect and even if you let this one go, finding another will hardly be impossible.

I think the best thing you can do is to sit down in a peaceful setting and really think about your life and what you want from it. Only you know.

OP,

Have you talked to her about this? Seems you're trying to make life plans, potentially with another person, but she doesn't know the whole story.

My advice (other than talking to her about this) is don't settle down with a girl until you have discussed EVERY point you can think of with her. When you'd like to get married, how many kids, what religion, where you will live, opinions on divorce, gaining weight, money. Where you will vacation, how many times each year, where you will spend holidays. How you will handle a child with health issues or a birth defect. How you will handle when your kids take drugs.

Discuss and agree to everything before you settle down. And make it clear you aren't settling down until you have agreed on everything.

If where you are in your life, you can't have these conversations with her, even after 1.5 years, then you aren't ready and you should move on.

And any friend pressuring you to let her move in is an asshole. The worst thing you could even do is let her move in before you were 100% sure you were going to marry her.

Good luck.

26 is too early IMO. I would seriously discuss this aspect and try to break away on friendly terms. Maybe something like you want to discover yourself and move away for awhile or something. The best and hardest thing to do is to break it off on good terms in the hopes that you can get back together with her at a later time. I mean if it's meant to be, you guys will end up together later on anyways.

I've been in a few LONG term relationships before I broke out of blue pill and I felt I wasted away my 20's and part of 30's which I regretted. Remember, you can't reverse time and life is not a rehearsal as they say.

I'm 45 now and trying to relive the 20's I missed, the best I can now. Trust me, you don't wanna be in my shoes. If I had to redo it again, I wouldn't even think of marriage until late 30's early 40's after you've experienced a lot and had your fun in your 20's or 30's. My $.02 YMMV

Bored? Come live in China for three years.

My question is why are you bored? Are you getting the itch to go out and score more pussy? If that's the case then yeah you're going to lose her because it's one or the other ( if you're going to try and get with other women while still dating this chick then she will eventually figure it out and you'll lose her this way too along with creating a whole lot of pain). I agree that moving in with her is not a very good idea right now but if you want to be with her, you should be able to date her without living with her. As far as your career etc., I would say that having a nice supportive chick will help you to focus more on work and business than being single and going out all the time hunting for new pussy. You'll get all sorts of advice which will run the full spectrum from settle down and have a family to dump her and go back to going wild until you're an old man but ultimately its your life so I would tell you to follow your gut and choose a path, with the understanding that either path will leave you with doubts about whether you have chosen correctly.

IMO, after a 100+ bangs there is nothing wrong with settling down. Personally, I was content because I'd done just about everything and everybody. But . . . make sure she is the right one. I remember a saying on the old mASF forums called "Go Fuck Ten Other Women" (GFTOW) before settling down with a chick. If you still feel the same way about her, then likely, you're feelings for her are legit.

Quote: (07-10-2017 11:56 AM)doc holliday Wrote:  

My question is why are you bored? Are you getting the itch to go out and score more pussy? If that's the case then yeah you're going to lose her because it's one or the other ( if you're going to try and get with other women while still dating this chick then she will eventually figure it out and you'll lose her this way too along with creating a whole lot of pain). I agree that moving in with her is not a very good idea right now but if you want to be with her, you should be able to date her without living with her. As far as your career etc., I would say that having a nice supportive chick will help you to focus more on work and business than being single and going out all the time hunting for new pussy. You'll get all sorts of advice which will run the full spectrum from settle down and have a family to dump her and go back to going wild until you're an old man but ultimately its your life so I would tell you to follow your gut and choose a path, with the understanding that either path will leave you with doubts about whether you have chosen correctly.

Thank you. I think, deep down, I knew this. One or the other--- grass is always greener, etc.

I know some guys have a wife, then a mistress.... biologically speaking it makes sense but it'd lead to extra stress (sneaking around, covering things up, the thought of hurting her, etc.)

I truly do love her, but I think I went from 0 (player) to 60 (LTR) very quickly. We've spent almost every day together with a few exceptions for the last 1.5 years... I think it may be burnout on my end and feeling backed in a corner.

Wow... Looks like I had to see it typed out on paper to realize I'm just overwhelmed and need some alone time.

Seeing everyone getting married is obviously sparking urges in her and I think I feel it, especially brushing off the living together situation as well.

I really messed up... and violated a lot of red pill wisdom, tom leykis teachings, and relationship management 101.

When she was looking for work, I also got her a part time job at where I work as well...so I see her there too. I meant well, and to help her, but I never thought of how it'd impact me as well... It's suffocating...and my fault for allowing it go that far.

We're a great fit...the only red flag though is she was married before...at age 18...and divorced at 22.

At first it bothered me a lot, then I relaxed a bit when I knew she understood firsthand this illusion of marriage and wouldn't be so keen to get into another one. But I may have misjudged this...

The more I type the more I realize how deep i've gotten in... ouch.

Quote: (07-09-2017 01:07 PM)Cruisen_Chubby Wrote:  

To summarize: I'm 26, have been a playboy my whole life (n= 150+), have traveled a lot, started a few businesses, and lived a life of adventure thus far. But I now find myself to have been in a LTR for the last 1.5 years. I'm aware of how it happened, but I woke up the other day terrified at the thought of how much I've sunken into this comfort lifestyle. This is, by far, the longest relationship I've ever had. The reason for this is that my girlfriend is sweet, caring, feminine, patient, and very attractive. Raised in a great family, no tattoos, doesn't swear.... Basically all of the traits that are sought after from a masculine/red pill guy.

My problem is, I've become increasingly bored.

[...]

TL;DR: At age 26 do you stay single and go for more adventure? Or settle down after finding what you deem to be the "perfect girl for you". Or perhaps there is a happy medium that I just can't see.

Thanks guys.

-CC

Hi CC! Since we're here to give honest (brutal sometimes) advice, have my opinion in the hope it helps:

-With more than 150 closes, you have had more than your fill of adventures (with girls at least). We often talk about how much guys the girl hooked up with and that after a certain number, she's no good but it does happen to a guy as well (higher number though, but still). Look how empty and broken Roosh is now, you can feel it in all his new podcast/articles

-You complain to be bored with the girl, but did you forget the man is leading? So it's your job to find something new. Starting with some alone time is definitely a great idea (time to meditate calmly maybe). Some other ideas: role play (I'm not talking weird stuff, but creating a background story in a context very different from your life), sex in places you have high risk of getting caught, Doing a new activity together both of you wouldn't have consider, traveling to a new country (maybe backpacking?), etc.

-Accepting there will always be a part of boredom in every relation. The key is to have regular alone time(e.g. a hobby that specifically does not involve her) to "recharge your battery"

-Last but not least "boredom is the mother of all vices". I'm sure you have accomplished tremendous things with girls and business and now your mind is saying "Now what?". I may not have your success but Dalaran and I were speaking about it several days ago. I think your needs are fulfilled and you're trying to reach for the last stage of Maslow pyramid of needs: self actualization (I prefer to call it self accomplishment). It is to find actual meaning in your life, feeling you are making a difference. Girls are meaningless for this step, only you can find an answer. Some ideas: religion, helping people (150+ girls... coach? Why not even a badass coach: not selling always the same method to 30+ students, but one who adapts to people, dig in their souls and help them find their own style of game), fight for a cause (more than just words on a forum. Have you forgotten feminism, weak "men" and islam?), having kids

In a nutshell, take some alone time, think of everything (it will probably take some time to find an answer) and grab your ultimate key of happiness. You're almost there, don't stop for an easy choice!

I hope you will find it and do hope to read here in several months/year how you found it and how happy you are

-Bond, James Bond

If you can't keep yourself entertained, then it's time to marry and form babby.

Quote: (07-10-2017 01:08 PM)Cruisen_Chubby Wrote:  

Quote: (07-10-2017 11:56 AM)doc holliday Wrote:  

My question is why are you bored? Are you getting the itch to go out and score more pussy? If that's the case then yeah you're going to lose her because it's one or the other ( if you're going to try and get with other women while still dating this chick then she will eventually figure it out and you'll lose her this way too along with creating a whole lot of pain). I agree that moving in with her is not a very good idea right now but if you want to be with her, you should be able to date her without living with her. As far as your career etc., I would say that having a nice supportive chick will help you to focus more on work and business than being single and going out all the time hunting for new pussy. You'll get all sorts of advice which will run the full spectrum from settle down and have a family to dump her and go back to going wild until you're an old man but ultimately its your life so I would tell you to follow your gut and choose a path, with the understanding that either path will leave you with doubts about whether you have chosen correctly.

Thank you. I think, deep down, I knew this. One or the other--- grass is always greener, etc.

I know some guys have a wife, then a mistress.... biologically speaking it makes sense but it'd lead to extra stress (sneaking around, covering things up, the thought of hurting her, etc.)

I truly do love her, but I think I went from 0 (player) to 60 (LTR) very quickly. We've spent almost every day together with a few exceptions for the last 1.5 years... I think it may be burnout on my end and feeling backed in a corner.

Wow... Looks like I had to see it typed out on paper to realize I'm just overwhelmed and need some alone time.

Seeing everyone getting married is obviously sparking urges in her and I think I feel it, especially brushing off the living together situation as well.

I really messed up... and violated a lot of red pill wisdom, tom leykis teachings, and relationship management 101.

When she was looking for work, I also got her a part time job at where I work as well...so I see her there too. I meant well, and to help her, but I never thought of how it'd impact me as well... It's suffocating...and my fault for allowing it go that far.

We're a great fit...the only red flag though is she was married before...at age 18...and divorced at 22.

At first it bothered me a lot, then I relaxed a bit when I knew she understood firsthand this illusion of marriage and wouldn't be so keen to get into another one. But I may have misjudged this...

The more I type the more I realize how deep i've gotten in... ouch.

Look man, there's nothing wrong in falling for a chick, caring about her, doing nice things for her and spending time with her. It's normal, it's natural and there's nothing blue pill at all about it as far as I'm concerned. Where a lot of guys go wrong is making the woman their whole life and believing that her well being and needs are more important than your own. A lot of guys will do things for women, make women the center of their life and get very little in return. They get conditioned by society that this is how its supposed to be and if they expect to receive anything in return from the woman its selfish, chauvinist, misogynist. You don't seem to be doing that here, she seems to be doing as much if not more for you so you're fine, relax.

Yeah, the marriage at 18 and the divorce 4 years later is a red flag for sure. What were the circumstances of that situation? She was awfully young by modern day standards to go through that. Nevertheless, you're not marrying her anytime soon so for now I wouldn't sweat it. If you're going to stay with her, just take it one day at a time, enjoy your time with her and don't think too far ahead. Like I said, you can date her without rushing to the next step like too many guys want to do (another blue pill mistake).

Ultimately though, you have to figure out what you want to do. You're a man and part of the red pill, being a masculine man, is being able to figure out what you want from life and to then go and get it. But as far as feeling bad about hanging with one chick and feeling good with her, that doesn't make any sense so stop questioning that so much. Like I said, you ain't married to her so you can always escape if you need to or want to depending on if things change with her over time.

Being bored isn't related to being in a great LTR.

You are bored at life, you need to take on new challenges, take risks, mix up your routine. Travel, learn new things, set hard to achieve worthy goals.

The right LTR makes life the opposite of boring, and I think you are blaming her for being soft yourself, and not doing the above.

She doesn't hold you back from your life's mission. Its an excuse.

O.P., it sounds like you think way too highly of this girl. The fact that she is divorced is a huge red flag. I think the odds of a relationship with a divorced woman going sour in the long-run are high. Also you should not even dream of settling down at age 26. Besides given that you are a young guy who is well traveled and making lots of cash there is no reason why you can't marry (assuming you ever want to get married) a sweet innocent 18 year old virgin from a Belarussian village when you are 35, or even 45!!

Also if you are bored travel even more and get some more hobbies. Maybe take up some new sports or learn some new languages or learn skills like woodworking. If you feel you want to contribute more to society you could volunteer a little bit at an orphanage or some other charity work like that.

Quote: (07-09-2017 01:07 PM)Cruisen_Chubby Wrote:  

Hey guys,

Don't post too often but am an avid reader of RVF. This may be better suited for the lifestyle section, so please move it to wherever it is most applicable.

I've been contemplating about posting for a while and upon asking my friends for advice (blue pill) and my friend/mentor (older, lifelong successful bachelor, who is super red pill) I can't seem to find an answer I like or a happy medium; so I come to you gentlemen.

To summarize: I'm 26, have been a playboy my whole life (n= 150+), have traveled a lot, started a few businesses, and lived a life of adventure thus far. But I now find myself to have been in a LTR for the last 1.5 years. I'm aware of how it happened, but I woke up the other day terrified at the thought of how much I've sunken into this comfort lifestyle. This is, by far, the longest relationship I've ever had. The reason for this is that my girlfriend is sweet, caring, feminine, patient, and very attractive. Raised in a great family, no tattoos, doesn't swear.... Basically all of the traits that are sought after from a masculine/red pill guy.

My problem is, I've become increasingly bored.

My close friends (who all are getting married soon) tell me to marry her, have kids, etc. They think I'm crazy for not letting her move into my condo after 1.5 years of dating. They say boredom is par for the course and it's part of "growing up". I really, really don't want to sign up for a life like that...

My business mentor tells me I need to dump her immediately so I can focus on work, learn new skills, and meet other women. If I do this, I will lose the girl I care about and love.

They both seem to have good points...

I read Neil Straus's book "The Truth" which basically talks about how he left "the perfect girl" for a series of drug fueled benders, 3-somes, swinger parties, and running his own harem. It was a good read and basically foreshadowed what I would most likely do if I broke up with my GF. In the end, he regrets doing all of the above and is on a quest to get back to where he started, to his GF. The book really struck a chord and spoke to me.

So here I am, still confused...reaching out to you all.

I know this forum is full of men older and wiser than myself to help shed some light and experience on what I'm going through. Perhaps you are my age and can understand this dilemma as well. Would like your input too.

TL;DR: At age 26 do you stay single and go for more adventure? Or settle down after finding what you deem to be the "perfect girl for you". Or perhaps there is a happy medium that I just can't see.

Thanks guys.

-CC

Quote: (07-10-2017 01:08 PM)Cruisen_Chubby Wrote:  

Quote: (07-10-2017 11:56 AM)doc holliday Wrote:  

My question is why are you bored? Are you getting the itch to go out and score more pussy? If that's the case then yeah you're going to lose her because it's one or the other ( if you're going to try and get with other women while still dating this chick then she will eventually figure it out and you'll lose her this way too along with creating a whole lot of pain). I agree that moving in with her is not a very good idea right now but if you want to be with her, you should be able to date her without living with her. As far as your career etc., I would say that having a nice supportive chick will help you to focus more on work and business than being single and going out all the time hunting for new pussy. You'll get all sorts of advice which will run the full spectrum from settle down and have a family to dump her and go back to going wild until you're an old man but ultimately its your life so I would tell you to follow your gut and choose a path, with the understanding that either path will leave you with doubts about whether you have chosen correctly.

Thank you. I think, deep down, I knew this. One or the other--- grass is always greener, etc.

I know some guys have a wife, then a mistress.... biologically speaking it makes sense but it'd lead to extra stress (sneaking around, covering things up, the thought of hurting her, etc.)

I truly do love her, but I think I went from 0 (player) to 60 (LTR) very quickly. We've spent almost every day together with a few exceptions for the last 1.5 years... I think it may be burnout on my end and feeling backed in a corner.

Wow... Looks like I had to see it typed out on paper to realize I'm just overwhelmed and need some alone time.

Seeing everyone getting married is obviously sparking urges in her and I think I feel it, especially brushing off the living together situation as well.

I really messed up... and violated a lot of red pill wisdom, tom leykis teachings, and relationship management 101.

When she was looking for work, I also got her a part time job at where I work as well...so I see her there too. I meant well, and to help her, but I never thought of how it'd impact me as well... It's suffocating...and my fault for allowing it go that far.

We're a great fit...the only red flag though is she was married before...at age 18...and divorced at 22.

At first it bothered me a lot, then I relaxed a bit when I knew she understood firsthand this illusion of marriage and wouldn't be so keen to get into another one. But I may have misjudged this...

The more I type the more I realize how deep i've gotten in... ouch.

Can we get more of what is commonly called the whole story. You said your friends think you are crazy for not letting here move in. What have been the discussions about this with her? Is she is telling you "my friends think I am crazy for staying with you when you wont let me move in" and you posted "my friends think..." Its hard to find male friends that tell a guy he is crazy for not letting a chick move in. If these friends are chicks... = her friends and her words.

In order to make decisions in life things have to be identified exactly as they are. It's hard, and it's a lifelong process for an honest (to themselves) person. I will give you a personal example. I am 5'11" and 235 lbs. For a really long time I have weighed something near this. The other day I took a video of myself for evaluation of a particular excercise and realized that I am fat and badly out of shape. I could not have fixed the problem if I continued to think I wasnt fat. It hurt for a minute but I said ok I am fat, has to be fixed. Exaggerations and little twists of the truth can result in you being a cuck in life despite your self-declared notch count. I'm not saying I doubt you, but as a silly example I personally regard all tom leikus listeners as commuters with really pitiful lives. If you are self employed then why quote the king of bored cuck boys who go to jobs they hate and home to women who laugh out loud with mockery when the man gets in the house and spits back a leykus line in a futile attempt to cry out for some control over their lives. Again I am not saying that is the exact case with you; I am saying when you write in evasive language it leaves the reader open to all kinds of speculation.

Now that little innocent line I put in red. In my observation of myself and others over the years this description of a girl which always starts with sweet is the biggest red flag of all red flags, and its coming from you not the girl. I posted about it somewhere else, but basically those adjective girls either are or can turn to the opposite adjectives. Why did her marriage end? Find out. And, Sir, you ARE in an LTR. What the fuck do you think seeing a girl every day for 1.5 years is?

I'm dropping the ever so useless "only you can decide..." line. Useless but true.

Pick one:
I want my life to be like_____ with ____.
I want my life to be like _____ without_____.
Or some alternative___.

Your story is really cool. Self-employed, 100 notches by 21, red pill at 21, 150+ today at 26, experiences with travel etc. You were the author of those stories, now don't hand that pen to someone else. Whether you stay or go, keep the pen in your hand and keep writing your own story. You will do a better job than we will.

PS - You didn't tell us her AGE.

Hey mate, sounds like a similar situation to me.

2.5 years in, getting bored and annoyed with myself about the way my time is spent.

OTR mentioned something crucial - what's her age.

Honestly, you need to make a weighted decision on the pros and cons based off what you want.

It doesn't sound like you know what you want, it sounds like you don't know what you want.

The more time you spend with average beta couples whose endgame is marriage and kids, the more it will occupy your mind.

This will either bring you towards it or push you away from it.

I have some questions.

What do you want from your life?

Where do you see it in 5 years (31) from now?

How long could you milk this relationship and do what you want for?

Do you see yourself moving away (geographically) from where you are now?

Are you inspired by anything else and have a gamble in you that you're willing to take?

Do you live together?

How often do you think about breaking it off?

Are you happy? Truly happy?

Are you romanticizing your player life?

Are you reliving the past instead of looking to the future?

Have you taken some time off from the relationship (business travel/family travel/gone solo for a month or so) to see what daily life is for you without her?

If so, did you enjoy it?

Guys,

Thanks a lot to those who have posted. Some of my favorite posters in here, actually. OTR, here is the "whole picture".

I took a few days off to be alone and realized a few things... I don't think it's her--- it's definitely me. Like a frog in a pot I didn't see the signs that things were taking a turn for the worse as it all happened slowly, over the course of 1.5 years-- if that analogy fits. For example:

-I Stopped lifting and dieting as hard as I used to
-Very limited time "with the guys" (at least masculine ones) as they are either getting married or moving away. I haven't replaced those friends with new ones.
-I don't get very much alone time to reflect on things or study.
-Stopped traveling solo and have been bringing my gf with me almost everywhere I go as it just seems like what I should do.
-All I do is work...S/E sounds cool, but it's hard work. 99% of my energy has been going towards growing my businesses but beyond that, I have no real hobbies or outlets anymore.
-After doing a life audit, I've noticed my drinking has gotten out of hand.
-Porn was an outlet for a bit, but I stopped a month or so ago.
-I realize I do love my GF, but there is a tug towards other women...a rather strong pull actually. I cut out the porn to see if that would help, but it hasn't.

I realize this thread goes deeper than "should I have a gf or not", as it was originally intended to. I thought that not wanting to have sex with her (like I used to) or not wanting to bring her on fun vacations or outings was, in a way, her fault... I'm thinking it has more to do with me...as it's not just my passion for her, but as posters have mentioned, its my passion for life. I've become bored... anhedonic... I don't look forward to much and despite being extremely lucky, gifted, hard working,(insert adjective), etc... I still feel sort of "meh" about everything.

To the poster who said get into coaching guys on how to pick up girls... Honestly I wouldn't wish it on anyone, not my case at least. Most of the guys I know, including myself, who need to have N>100 usually have deep seeded issues. Mine was an overbearing mother who relied on me too much as a child.. now I have commitment issues because any time a woman gets close to me, I push her away because it starts to feel heavy on me (like things did when I was younger). Finding (and seducing) new women is a way to show yourself that you have a choice in your relationships, unlike the ones foisted upon you at a younger age. It feels empowering but once you're done you're looking for that hit again...a true hamster on a wheel. That's some psych 101 for the day. Regardless, I wouldn't wish the male version of the 1,000 cock stare (1,000 cunt stare?) on anyone. Roosh sounds tuckered out as well... Be careful what you wish for.

^ These are a few of the factors here that could be why i'm questioning things. My life doesnt (and never really has had) any balance. After a few days alone (and yes, seeing a therapist) I've come to a few conclusions and/or possibilities for the way I feel... it's about to get weird/heavy... Here goes:

1) I may be depressed due to lack of hobbies/direction/passion in life. It's work work work and all about my businesses... as if I don't exist other than to serve my work. Loss of self is a sign of depression.

2) Possible Low-T. I don't feel like going to the gym anymore as it used to be for sports/impressing chicks with a nice physique (stupid, but true). Between having a girlfriend, being beat down from work, and not caring anymore... well thats a cocktail for low ambition. I also ran a few cycles back in college with less than stellar PCT... another reason that leads to me to think Low T.

3) I stopped porn a while back...could this be one of the low points?

4) Maybe it is her. She's hot, in great shape, and 24 years old (I didn't mention that in the OP). Normally, in this stage in the game I would have dumped her and looked for something new, but I have gotten attached and love her. We don't really fight and she ticks all of the boxes that most red pill guys look for. She is a bit needy and likes to spend A LOT of time with me, which could in turn be putting excess stress on me.

She knows something isn't right. The other day she asked me "if everything was ok between us"... I assured her yes but I know there's some personal issues I have going on.

Apologies for the verbal (written, I guess) diarrhea here. These are a few of the ideas I have come up with so I wanted to write them out. OTR, here is the "whole picture". I've laid down some of the relevant pieces I can think of --- I just can't put everything together.

originally I thought it was an issue of being a player vs a LTR; but I think I have some issues that I need to work on before I should consider either of the above.


NOIR -- Thanks for the input. Glad to see i'm not alone. Your post inspired me.

This week I'll be leaving on a 2 week trip... alone. Booked the whole thing yesterday. I'll be going to a tradeshow, then off to NYC to visit a childhood buddy of mine (who is still a bachelor) and then off to other parts of the country. This should provide ample alone time and spice things up with a little adventure. How I feel about her when I return (if I missed her or not) will pretty much tell me everything I need to know.

About the divorce: She married young, the guy was in the army. Apparently he had PTSD and was a real asshole. Cheated on her a few times and even admitted to it. The divorce was a few years ago and they had been separated for a few years before that.

Be straight with me here fellas:

Pros:
8.5 looks
Great body
Great personality
Great family
very patient
Cooks/cleans
very few friends (1 gay and the others are women, mostly family members)
Not well traveled, unless with me

Cons:
-Divorced
-Proclaimed N count of 4
-Got attached pretty easy (needy)
-I banged her on date #2

Shoot me straight fellas... I know I have a lot of work to do on myself... and need an objective evaluation on the feasibility of this LTR as well.

I can take harsh criticism if warranted...and No i'm not becoming cruisen_chubby_jenner.

(Duplicate Post)

Cons:
-Divorced
-Proclaimed N count of 4
-Got attached pretty easy (needy)
-I banged her on date #2

That is way too many red flags. Isn't it 100% obvious the girl is not marriage material? How much more obvious can it be? The fact that she married a douche-bag is her fault. She should have married a faithful beta who worshipped her but that probably did not give her gina "the tingles" so she married a douchebag (tell me was the guy at least handsome?) and got burned. Tough shit bitch.

This is aside from the fact she is 24 (you should be marrying that are 18 or 19) or that you are too young for marriage.

You are 26, so you don't need to make a "marry her" decision for 10 years yet. If you love her and she is awesome, stick with her.

You are correct in zeroing in on the problem being you, a lack of drive, motivation etc. A quarter life crisis?

Excellent choice to hit the road, see some buddies and re-evaluate life when you get back.

Interested to see how this pans out....

You're stuck in a rut with a girl you love who's slowly strangling the life out of you.

This is not a unique situation. Love (or attachment or a feeling of safety) lasts no longer than the foundation on which it was forged.

Your age is not relevant.
Her age is not relevant
The length of the LTR is not relevant.
Her x/10 score is not relevant.
Her notch count is not relevant.
Her divorce status is not relevant.
Her family is not relevant.
Her friends are not relevant.

An anchor is an anchor is an anchor. It doesn't matter how pretty she is or what her family is like or any of that other noise.

Try to imagine being with a woman who could start doing some of the lifting in your business life, or who at least took the role of a secretary, or who at very least made you think "thank goodness I've got this woman on Team Cruisen".

But all I'm hearing personally is "my anchor is gorgeous, well heeled, cooks, cleans, is faithful, loves me and cares about me, and I'm not sure I'll ever find another anchor as pleasant as this anchor."

Honestly, she sounds like one of those upper-class soccer moms who buys a Merc SUV, pops out a couple of kids, develops a drinking problem and spends the rest of her days slowly learning to hate the breadwinner she assumes is fucking his secretary.

If this woman has no life outside of your presence. If she has no individual drive to succeed. If she has no passions that can get her out from under your fucking feet then time will slowly pervert the love you have and turn it into a bitter resentment.

Because it sounds to me that all she has in her life is you. That's ok for a dog. For a human being it's a mental illness, albeit one that starts off lovely and ends up in the worst kind of emotional carnage.

I've been in an LTR for more than 3 years and I've decided to marry her and I've also knocked her up recently after we had a hot bout of baby fever...

But I've never been bored.

She brings a lot of joy and awesomeness into my life. We are constantly going off on mini-adventures and having good times. We are different people than when we started seeing each other but it's fun to watch each other grow and help each other in our life's journeys. I want to marry her not because I love her (I think love is a really dumb reason to marry someone) but because I genuinely like to hang out with her and talk with her and do stuff with her. She brings joy into my life.

I'm not saying it's easy or smooth sailing, you still have to game a woman if you are in an LTR with her, and that sometimes takes effort and can be tiring, but overall I look forward to seeing my woman at the end of a long, tiring day.

But I felt sad reading your post. I would not marry someone I'm bored with. That just sounds like a horrible thing to resign your life to. A life of returning home to... boredom.

Don't marry someone just because you love them. Love is the worst possible reason I can think of for a man to marry a woman. There must be something else of value to convince you to marry a woman. Marriage should be a calculated plus into your life (I admit there is always the risk of it blowing up, but is that not the risk in all things?).

If she is going to bring you tons of money, tons of kids, tons of home-baked cookies, or something else that you value and you want out of a marriage, then consider marrying her. But if you only want to marry her because of peer-pressure and this 'love' nonsense, then you will be doing both yourself and her a disfavour.

Never make a decision to marry based on 'love'. That's not to say you should not love. Love and cherish your woman. But if you choose to marry her, it should be based on cold calculated logic. The most loving thing you could do for both of you might well just be to break things apart before you end up making a stupid decision that resigns both of you to a life of drudgeful misery in each other's company.

Sounds like you just need a break.

She sounds like a decent girl minus the divorce but these things happen.

Take a break and re-evaluate in a neutral environment and be mindful of the 'withdrawal' syndrome bias you may have.

Answer the questions I posted (for yourself, don't need to post here) today. Answer them on your break. Answer them when you come back from your break.

Determine what sticks and what doesn't.

Great thread.

How is the sexlife with that woman?

Thomas the rhymer dropped some tough truth.

I'll admit I have hope for love in my future marriage (want kids) but there are so many transactional items in relationships that we ignore. Asides from the Hollywood love feelings thing, how else will your life be better from committing to one woman? For a woman, if she plays it right, she never has to worry about money, where she will live, eat, etc for the rest of her life. All because she is cute/pretty and let's you blow stress off on her face, in her asshole, etc. and let's one of your swimmers impregnate her. Then you're locked in.

Take a break and if you miss her that would be a good sign.

But if you ar doubting now, I think it will only get worse.

I think any time we start to have some serious doubts, it rarely fixes itself like in the movies and you have happily ever after. And this is coming from a closet romantic comedy fan who still has a little hope for some authentic love.