Ok, I'm not 100% sure of this is a game question, or an "I'm not super clear on this whole being a human thing" question.

If a woman is having a bad day, (She isn't taking it out on me) or stressing shit how far should I go to console her or what exactly is the method here? I want to be kind without appearing like I'm fawning over her...

Quote: (08-20-2016 04:11 PM)Gentleman Josiah Crown Wrote:  

Ok, I'm not 100% sure of this is a game question, or an "I'm not super clear on this whole being a human thing" question.

If a woman is having a bad day, (She isn't taking it out on me) or stressing shit how far should I go to console her or what exactly is the method here? I want to be kind without appearing like I'm fawning over her...

The stuff I've read is that women want sympathy and men tend to offer solutions ( "Get a new battery instead of trying to revive the old one in your car.")

Just do reflective listening that shows you understand what's happening with her emotionally.

Women talk three times -- Three Times!!-- as much as men do, you can bet that's not all astrophysics, it's mostly social inclusion and reassurance stuff.

Thanks man. I'm giving it a go now lol

With new girls: "that sucks." (gently change conversation topic and distract her) - negative feelings dry up the clam

With girls you like and have been dating long-term: ask her a few questions, let her get it out. Then, gently change the topic and change her mood.

Quote: (08-20-2016 07:10 PM)polar Wrote:  

With new girls: "that sucks." (gently change conversation topic and distract her) - negative feelings dry up the clam

With girls you like and have been dating long-term: ask her a few questions, let her get it out. Then, gently change the topic and change her mood.

^ Best answer so far.

If she's directing her bad day at you maintain stability and don't react emotionally. Be funny. If that doesn't work, walk away.

Learn phrases like "what can we do to cheer you up?"

It's the shorthand way of saying "I want you to feel better but fuck me dead if I could stand listening to you whine about your 1st world problems for the next hour so what's a more time-economical solution."

In many ways women are assholes. They want to be comforted but the fact of the matter is that this is what betas and other women are for. Do you want to be demoted to beta orbiter? Don't worry. It wont happen all at once. The sex will simply be shittier and less frequent over time until she senses your frustration and either tries to get pregnant, cheats on you or dumps you out of the blue.

Married guys like me have a slightly different tack to play, but that's a whole other thing I wont get into here.

Do not play Dr Phil. Take her out. Get her drunk. Fuck her hard enough that she forgets the world exists for a while.

Quote: (08-20-2016 08:30 PM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  

Learn phrases like "what can we do to cheer you up?"

It's the shorthand way of saying "I want you to feel better but fuck me dead if I could stand listening to you whine about your 1st world problems for the next hour so what's a more time-economical solution."

In many ways women are assholes. They want to be comforted but the fact of the matter is that this is what betas and other women are for. Do you want to be demoted to beta orbiter? Don't worry. It wont happen all at once. The sex will simply be shittier and less frequent over time until she senses your frustration and either tries to get pregnant, cheats on you or dumps you out of the blue.

Married guys like me have a slightly different tack to play, but that's a whole other thing I wont get into here.

Do not play Dr Phil. Take her out. Get her drunk. Fuck her hard enough that she forgets the world exists for a while.

Great solution but it can backfire: Each time she'll come with bad day talk she'll get drunked & fucked.

Don Draper Game Recognize

I know its irrelevant but the thread title started a song playing in my head, now I can't get it out

Good answers so far. Keep in mind that while many times women just feel a need to talk about their problems and "let things out" without really accomplishing anything, on a few occasions they do legitimately want your help. I know, it might make you keel over in shock that the average SWPL "empowered" western woman has to reduce herself to asking a man for assistance, but it does happen sometimes!

Don't miss mistake one for the other and miss those opportunities to be assertive when she goes direct and says "I just don't know what to do in this situation. Could you help me?" If she blows off your (likely well-thought-out and reasonable solutions) and starts trying to play the old game of "Yes, but..." THEN you can sigh and chuckle and proceed to brush her off.

But that's only for girls we've been seeing for a while and know how to reciprocate. We don't repair the alternators of randos or girls we've only been out with a few times (well, not for less than the standard hourly rate, anyway.) They'll have to solve their own problems until they're more invested.

If she's just bitching about standard work/life stress in the way that women do sitting around their living room with you, I sometimes suddenly get up and run back and forth comically, waving my hands around like a histrionic saying "AH AH AH AH omigawd ohmigawd ohmigawd!" We have a good laugh and she usually eases up on it afterwards.

I just say "sounds like you could use some stress relief... come over here and let big daddy fix it" and escalate and climax after a few hours of vigorous sexual stress relief.

Idea is for her to complain about something useful like rope burn and having to walk funny the next few days... like pavlovs puppies she will begin associating random bitching and moaning with walking funny... problems solved.

Women don't want you to "work things out" or "fix the problem." They just want an audience.

Quote: (08-21-2016 05:29 AM)blck Wrote:  

Don Draper Game Recognize

I'm dating now a girl who pulls this shit all the time - acts like a brat and the only thing that settles her down is to fuck her.

Thing is, I don't want to fuck all the time. And it's tiring that the only way to resolve her brattiness is to fuck her. And how do I handle when I don't feel like fucking?

Fucking as a method of conflict resolution is time-consuming. It takes 30 minutes or so and if you want to do something with the girl after it's another 20-30 minutes for her to get ready again.

LOL If it only takes 30 minutes you are not doing it long or hard enough.

Women don't have bad days. They freak out specifically on good days due to their own emotional state to shit test you and use it for bargaining chips later. You must be calm and your mood must be positive. Another words, let her into your frame not the other way by "consoling" her.

This takes tact in an LTR. You are trying to make her feel good and safe, not confirming her fears and agreeing with her. Basically I'm outlining the same thing that Deepdiver said in his earlier post.

In one way, it's the perfect oportunity to establish your frame but that's for guys who have the balls and mental fortitude to take that chance. This is actually one of the key components of a good LTR. I mean, even if you fuck up other things, this concept can keep your value high and never let her falter too far.

Quote: (08-21-2016 03:54 PM)Cobra Wrote:  

Women don't have bad days. They freak out specifically on good days due to their own emotional state to shit test you and use it for bargaining chips later. You must be calm and your mood must be positive. Another words, let her into your frame not the other way by "consoling" her.

Ideally, she shouldn't even be griping to you (meaning a guy she's in a relationship with) about daily bullshit that often which you can do nothing about. That's what her friends are for! Go complain to them on your girls night out!

In a sense, if she's kvetching to you all the time instead of them, it means she values you and your time less than she does them. Or she doesn't really have many close female friends that she feels comfortable with, which is another bad sign.

Quote: (08-21-2016 03:18 PM)monster Wrote:  

I'm dating now a girl who pulls this shit all the time - acts like a brat and the only thing that settles her down is to fuck her.

...

Fucking as a method of conflict resolution is time-consuming. It takes 30 minutes or so and if you want to do something with the girl after it's another 20-30 minutes for her to get ready again.

Regardless of time consumption it's simply a PITA and unless you are willing to deal with BS just to get some V you'd be better off ending it.

You Had a Bad Day

It doesn't need to be time consuming. You can make her feel listened to in just a few sentences.

Her: I'm having a shitty day today
You: Sorry to hear that. What do you usually do when you're having a shitty day?
Her: I like to curl up on the couch and watch trashy TV
You: Good plan. Hope you feel better soon!

Keep in mind having a shitty day can sometimes be code word for menstrual pain. It can get bad for them.

I took an ex-gf to the hospital once. She was in pain and when it got to the point she couldn't see right, she started getting anxious.

The doctor said it was from menstrual pain. That the body shuts down its own vision when the pain gets intense enough. I've never experienced that sort of pain where I couldn't see any more.

Sometimes there is a realer explanation for things than "she's just causing drama".

Women want to be listened to and reassured that all will be ok. As IKE stated, active listening which summarizes what she has expressed will convey this. After you have done this, make short and firm statements of reassurance, such as

"It will be fine"
"Everything will work out"
"All will be ok"

Quote: (08-21-2016 03:15 PM)LeeEnfield303 Wrote:  

Women don't want you to "work things out" or "fix the problem." They just want an audience.

There is nothing more to it than this.