Quote: (05-13-2016 02:19 PM)LeoneVolpe Wrote:
It seems you are operating under a belief that sex is a complete game changer for women. That once a woman has sex with a man she's already helplessly on the road to "falling in love". I have to disagree. Maybe that's how it worked in decades past, but nowadays many women regard sex as nothing more than a mutually pleasurable genital massage. Also, I think it's a bit naive to believe you're the only man she's sleeping with during those early days of courtship. Will a woman feel closer to a man she's slept with than one she has not? Of course. But your example neglects to take into account the very real possibility she's sleeping with more than one man at a time. By your logic, is she falling in love with ALL of these men?
You didn't read carefully what I wrote. I didn't mean only sex but all of her attention, time and feelings. By my logic when a woman is attracted to a guy, spends time with him, is already helplessly on the road to "falling in love" then yes it is a game changer and a complete power shift. She might sleep around before that moment but once this shift takes place in her heart she zooms in on you and other men become irrelevant. This is when she opens up to you for real and become the most vulnerable. This is when you become THE GUY.
Quote: (05-13-2016 02:19 PM)LeoneVolpe Wrote:
Yes, it's true. There is no such thing as the "perfect" woman. However, I'm not in the makeover business. I realize you'll have to put "work" into any woman you're with, but anyone who has had any experience dealing with the opposite sex, or people in general, will know how hard it is to get people to truly change. It may be easy to persuade someone but it's certainly difficult to keep them in that persuasion. Even if a woman seems to go along with your wishes and adopt the appearance/behavioral standards you deem acceptable, in time, your attempts at control will likely breed a covert resentment. This resentment could ultimately rear its ugly head in divorce court.
From what you wrote I get that you view it the wrong way. It's not about persuading or tricking some poor woman who deep inside resents you for it and wants to be free without any restrictions. That's not what's going on. What you clearly don't get is what female nature is. Women are adaptable. That's their nature. They choose a man they want to be with and adapt to him, to his lifestyle, to his tastes, etc. This is why it's absolutely crucial for a man to have clear expectations for her. She needs that direction, that "definition" who she needs to be. Once she has it and understands it she adapts to that but, this is very important, she wants to feel appreciated for it. That's when she's happy and validated. She feels like she belongs to her man. She craves that more than anything. This is what a woman expects from a man.
Have you ever heard a woman saying something like "tell me who I need to be for you to love me?" or "you expect nothing from me". Those are complaints of an unhappy woman who is let loose on her own by her man who is afraid to decide for her cause he think he should let her be "free". She doesn't want such freedom. It only makes her dumb, unfocused, lazy, undesired, indifferent, miserable. She doesn't go along with her man's wishes so she's unhappy. He's not in makeover business so he doesn't like how she acts so he's unhappy too. That's majority of couples.
Quote: (05-13-2016 02:19 PM)LeoneVolpe Wrote:
I agree with you, a man should be a man and lead his woman. But even if he does as he should, there are, of course, no guarantees in life she'll continue following his lead forever. After all, "changing her mind is a woman's prerogative," right? Women are hypergamous and thus always looking for the bigger, better deal. At no point is a man ever "safe" in a relationship and whatever position of power he believes he holds is often temporary not permanent. Once again, this has a parallel with my gambling example. The longer you play, the better chance you'll lose. That's why I've advocated spinning plates over LTRs/marriage. The spinning of plates is more like betting a little bit on many hands than everything you've got on one.
I'll say this.. while it's true that women always want the bigger better deal, they very rarely actually go for it. For a woman to go for a bigger better deal which is not guaranteed at all is the same as you to bet all of your money in casino cause you want to win big. Yes you want to win, would you risk it all? It's same with women. From what I know women seek security and comfort first and foremost. Not just financial but mainly emotional comfort. Of course they dream of better deals as everyone does but do they really go for it? I don't see it. I don't see women changing men, dating up ruthlessly, climbing social status ladders. All I see is women in fear, clinging to a guy they're already comfortable with until he fucks up so fucking much that they can't handle it anymore and they break up. It doesn't matter what they want, everybody wants something, hardly anyone actually risks their comfort to go for something unknown. I don't buy that "she can leave me anytime" but this is only my personal view so I don't want anybody to think I'm preaching some truths here.
Our opinions differ cause I'm guessing we're from different parts of the world