Quote: (03-28-2016 09:52 AM)H1N1 Wrote:
I think tone and intention say far more than any set of words by themselves. There's a big difference between a reasonable observation and a deliberate attempt to show you up or make you feel insecure.
Girls are always going to find other guys attractive, they are always going to enjoy attention from handsome men that other girls desire. If you date pretty girls and go out in public with them and their friends, guys are going to hit on them and they, being human, are going to feel flattered. If this sort of stuff gets to you then you will always struggle to get unfettered enjoyment of one of life's great pleasures. If a girl is disrespectful, just as if a guy is disrespectful, then you should cut them out of your life. But if they are just having fun and don't mean anything by it, and certainly don't mean to disrespect you, then there's no reason to over-analyse it. We all make errors of judgment sometimes, without malice, and it seems like often here every one of these gets ascribed to some kind of sinister Machiavellian streak that all women are dying to expose at all times.
I have no idea AtD whether it was a harmless misjudgment or a deliberate and provocative assault on your self-worth, I'd have had to have been there.
Very often here women are painted as these highly cunning, duplicitous, and fundamentally unpleasant creatures who have to be outsmarted and put in their place at all times. It just doesn't sound like much fun, and, like the rest of us, girls want to enjoy themselves. If you can't be playful, charming, amusing, frivolous and simply enjoy someone's company because you're always trying to 'win', then what's the point? You might as well pay a professional and get on with something more constructive in the time you've freed up from fretting. All to often it seems like a lot of guys here suffer all kinds of slings and arrows just for the sake of getting their leg over. If the sex is the only part your enjoying in the process, just buy it and get on with your life.
As for how to respond, if you have to do any more than raise an eyebrow at her to elicit an apology or some kind of cute and playful reaction, then I'd guess that some malicious disrespect was intended.
^^^^ This 100%. Over reaction to what might be a simple playful moment is detrimental to one's own enjoyment. I for one do enjoy the company of women that I spend time with beyond just the bang, well... because I only spend time with women I enjoy being around (see "Happy Gene" link in my signature)
That said I also agree that "intent" is
everything The analogy I like to use is if someone literally "steps on my toes" my reaction is purely guided by their
intent with the physical pain being equal:
1. Purely an accident?...well shit happens to all of us and I'd just settle for a quick "I'm sorry" and let it go
2. Unintentional but due to carelessness?...I'll take the apology but will issue a verbal admonition about being more aware/ careful.
3. If someone steps on my toes
intentionally?... then they are most likely to get a raging 6'3" 230 lb Cuban blitz beat down before they knew what fucking hit them...or I know that I threw it.
In the scenario OP presented I inferred there was more than a casual playfulness on display here. The openness (a again as described by OP) and manner of the offence to me is
symptomatic of a lack of respect.
Lack of respect in an LTR is like a cancer that will grow if left "untreated" quickly and decisively. It's a biggie to me
Those that know me in person know that I'm a pretty easy going, laid back even tolerant guy. But I've seen what happens if you let this type of ST go on. The ancillary issue is
resentment that needs to be resolved before it festers...and this type of shit test will plant that seed in me. I would not doing either of us a favor by laughing it off.
But again, that's just me based on what I gleaned from the original post
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Does She Have The "Happy Gene" ?
-Inversion Therapy
-Let's lead by example
"Leap, and the net will appear".
John Burroughs
"
The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure."
Joseph Campbell