Hello lads, you may remember from my recent thread about my main girl in my harem getting an abortion.
This thread is about the same girl in question and I would like to get this clear: my interest in her was dying down WELL BEFORE we even found out she was pregnant.

Anyways, I would like to know how to break things off with her while causing as little emotional pain to her as possible. She is an amazing girl. Incredibly loyal and loving. Cooks, cleans, does my laundry, wants to spend every waking moment with me, the whole nine yards. She ultimately wants to get married with me and settle down with me for good. I, on the other hand, have other plans in mind. I want to live the playboy lifestyle for at the very least a few more years (I'm 22 years old). I'd like to focus more on building myself as a man, improving my health, building up my finances, and going out and fucking NEW beautiful women.
She has never wronged me. She is the opposite of any type of woman that you would normally think of. So affectionate and caring. Always thinking about me and going to the mall to buy me random gifts even if she doesn't have much money.

It is because of this that I don't want to see her hurt. In a perfect fairytale world, she will find an amazing guy and they will settle down and live happily ever after. And I wish her nothing but pure happiness. But me being in an exclusive relationship with her is not what I want. I am not in that phase of my life yet. There is so much I still want to do. There are many other women that I still want to bed.

One possible suggestion I thought of was going no-contact; "ripping the bandaid off." But I fear that this option will devastate her and not give her any proper closure.
On the other end of the spectrum, I can give her "the talk" and tell her everything upfront. But I fear that this will devastate her as well.
Another idea is to slowly and gradually cut contact with her over time. Slowly start seeing her less and less. Maybe start slowly giving her stuff back that she left at my apartment.

I apologize for the wall of text. I don't have many red-pill friends in my life and the ones that I am friends with are young and inexperienced like myself. I would like to hear some words of wisdom from any of you gentlemen that have been in my position in the past. Any input would be greatly appreciated.

Cheers.

It's just not possible. If the person wants to be with you and you dump them, they will be hurt.[/i]

True, but how can one minimize the pain as much as possible?

Fade away, go colder incrementally over time. Long term plan to minimize hard fast pain.

Its debatable if hard and fast (band aid style) or slow fade is more human and kinder, everyone has their opinion.

If a chick was to do this to you, which method would you prefer... If you were really into her, which would hurt less?

There's no easy way out of this...

Considering how good she has been to you, even going through an abortion for you (I assume, as haven't read your other thread), I could see that going hard and fast would hurt her a lot more. A piece of her innocence would die, possibly putting her on the path of jadedness against men, and from there the cock carousel. Possible exaggeration, but you get the point.

As RatInTheWoods points out, the slowly fading is more human and kinder, but it it takes more time and work.

In the end, there is no right or wrong, do what your conscience feels comfortable with.

Quote: (03-19-2016 11:16 PM)The_e_man Wrote:  

True, but how can one minimize the pain as much as possible?

As others have said, there is no way to do it without causing her emotional pain.

But, the best way to make it damn near easy for her is to just be a beta bitch until she leaves YOU.

I know a lot of members will disagree with me, but frankly, there's nothing a woman hates more than a beta. No matter how much she loves you, if you start acting clingy, needy, desperate, etc, she will lose attraction for you FAST.

If you've ever lost a girl before, perhaps in your pre-game days, just think back to how you were then, and repeat your behavior.

Now, I'm not saying I RECOMMEND this course of action, only that it is effective. It works.

Whether you decide to pursue this strategy is up to you.

Best of luck.

Be a man and end it.

Welcome to the real world.

There's no easy way about it. Cut it off. Explain to her that you're looking for different things and recent events have put that into stark contrast. Emphasize that it's not her personally, but what you both want in life. Tell her it's not fair to her or you to be together with differing visions. *Insert more break up BS here*

I just had this exact same situation.

Probably not the best thing to do - I just became more detached, busy all the time, and made it clear I wasn't putting in much of an effort. Eventually she got fed up and left me. Great girl, too, but she wanted more than I'm able to give.

At 22 you're absolutely making the right decision. I wouldn't even consider marriage until you're in your 30s.

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As others have said, there is no way to do it without causing her emotional pain.

It basically comes down to this. It's not discussed much around here (and for good reason) but when two people are banging it's not uncommon for hurt feelings to be the result on one side or the other. Be forthright in your dealings with people and you won't have to think about "how not to hurt her". I'm not saying you tell a girl "I'm going to pump and dump you" but don't lead her on emotionally. Why would anyone want to do that anyway?

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But, the best way to make it damn near easy for her is to just be a beta bitch until she leaves YOU.

That would work but I wouldn't do it. The "Act as if" thing can have a powerful affect on your psyche and bleed into other areas of your life, for good or ill. Acting beta (even if it is just acting) could become some kind of feedback loop and trip up your game.

I disagree with most of the opinions here.

Be direct and genuine with your word. Pretending to be beta is a waste of energy and time when you can simply end the relationship on your terms.

Developing elaborate schemes because you don't have the courage of your conviction doesn't serve anyone well, particularly yourself.

Pain is a reality of life. It is her responsibility to work through it, not yours.

If you care about a woman, you should end it in a respectful and direct manner so you can part ways with a clean break.

I believe in dealing with difficult decisions head on.

Be a man and own your decision.

Bang lists 4 pretty good strats:

1) Cold cut-off
2) Fake fight
3) "Return" of ex-girlfriend
4) It's not you, it's me

Don't think it's possible to cut ties without hurting her. But, I'm not sure that you have to. If she is as great as you say, I would keep her around but also pursue the playboy lifestyle you want to pursue.

Further reading on this concept:
http://www.blackdragonblog.com/2012/09/0...ally-work/

I've had to do this and we were living together at the time. She sounds like a good person so my advice would be:

1) Be honest with her. There's no reason not to. Let her know you care for and enjoy her, but you want to be with other women too. It has nothing to do with her. It really has everything to do with you.

2) Be there for her. Be there for the crying, the questions, the blaming. This process could take several sessions. The purpose of this is so she can get all her feelings out, the questions answered, and to just work through it. She will be grateful to you later for this and it will help her move on.

She will move on, she will find another guy she falls in love with, she will probably get married and have kids, etc.

My breaking up with my LTR was the best thing that could've happened to her. She's now happily married. It didn't seem that way at the time for her though.

Right now is the time she will suffer most, but she will get over it. You're suffering will be more delayed, (months or years from now), when you romanticize the past and question if you did the right thing.

Quote: (03-20-2016 12:48 PM)Onto Wrote:  

Right now is the time she will suffer most, but she will get over it. You're suffering will be more delayed, (months or years from now), when you romanticize the past and question if you did the right thing.

This is the most important thing. Make sure YOU don't forget why you dumped her in the first place. Believe me, a few months after you break up with her, when you're in a dry spell, or when you're tired of dealing with a bunch of feminized bitchy women, you'll question yourself: "Was that the right decision?" Don't let that line of thinking take hold, or you'll second-guess yourself for weeks or months.

I have an idea that is pretty out there but it might just work.

Tell her the truth.

Ha, it might sound like lame, feminist shaming advice, but having a talk where you tell her that you're 22 and you don't want to settle down yet isn't that terrible. She'll argue against it, but if you stay firm on it there's nothing she can do or say but accept it and move on.

However, I just realised something. Are you worried about this because you still like her? Do you want to maybe see her again in the future? If so, maybe you're not ready to end it with her, you said she is a great girl. You could also have that talk with her and tell her that you should see each other less often, if so.

Quote: (03-20-2016 06:03 PM)RedPillUK Wrote:  

I have an idea that is pretty out there but it might just work.

Tell her the truth.

Ha, it might sound like lame, feminist shaming advice, but having a talk where you tell her that you're 22 and you don't want to settle down yet isn't that terrible. She'll argue against it, but if you stay firm on it there's nothing she can do or say but accept it and move on.

However, I just realised something. Are you worried about this because you still like her? Do you want to maybe see her again in the future? If so, maybe you're not ready to end it with her, you said she is a great girl. You could also have that talk with her and tell her that you should see each other less often, if so.

He's acting like a man and taking responsibility. He already said he was getting tired of her before the pregnancy. He just went through a very difficult and emotional ordeal, and he's ready to put the past behind him. I respect the hell out of his commitment to treating this girl well. She hasn't wronged him. In fact, she's done a great deal to help him. Having the consideration for her well-being raises my respect for him a great deal.

e man, whatever you choose, you also have to keep in mind that you need to do what's right for YOU first. That other thread, there were a lot of people who told you to do what was right for everyone else. Because of some moral qualms they had with a choice YOU had to make. If it's important to you, do whatever you can to minimize the damage. The EASIEST thing to do is to simply dump her and move on, "ripping off a band-aid". In fact, in most cases, this is exactly what I recommend. But in your case, given how great this girl has been to you, I can sympathize with your desire to let her down as easy as possible. If it's worth it to you, try acting like a beta bitch for a couple weeks. See if you can keep it up. She will be gone within a month.

At the end of the day, it's up to you, but remember that the more pain a "good girl" goes through, the faster she turns into the cum-dumpsters you usually run across.

Whatever you choose to do, just make sure she gets the closure she needs. Don't just leave her without explanation, ESPECIALLY after she just got an abortion.

"Its not you its me"

Quote: (03-20-2016 06:16 PM)Aristotle Wrote:  

The EASIEST thing to do is to simply dump her and move on, "ripping off a band-aid". In fact, in most cases, this is exactly what I recommend. But in your case, given how great this girl has been to you, I can sympathize with your desire to let her down as easy as possible. If it's worth it to you, try acting like a beta bitch for a couple weeks. See if you can keep it up. She will be gone within a month.

Ideally yes, rip off the band aid.

Acting beta bitch has never been in my blood, never will be. Plus it might backfire with her.

I'd suggest sitting her down and being straight up. She'll thank you for it later, whether it's months or years down the road.

I ended things with a woman I had the strongest emotional connection with in my last LTR.

Of course the woman wasn't as of great quality as yours, but non the less, it was a difficult decision.

We sat in our car and talked, she cried, I held her, gave her a kiss on the head. In the end I drove away, very upset.

A few months later I'm doing good, and she's got a new BF after a month of being broken up.

Don't think for a second you're going to ruin her world and break her heart because you're dumping her, she'll find another man fast.



I suggest being as nice as you can but firm about your decisions, she doesn't need to know all your motives, keep it as simple as possible and keep the conversation as short as possible in person.

Your time is valuable, don't waste it trying to act like a beta bitch in a relationship that's DOA.

She's going to be hurt, but it's not the worst thing in the world that can happen.

Quote: (03-20-2016 09:33 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

Acting beta bitch has never been in my blood, never will be. Plus it might backfire with her.

I don't think we have the same definition of "beta bitch" if you think there's a scenario where the woman wouldn't be turned off.

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A few months later I'm doing good, and she's got a new BF after a month of being broken up.

Don't think for a second you're going to ruin her world and break her heart because you're dumping her, she'll find another man fast.

I just want to point out that, just because she found another man, doesn't mean she's happy or better off. In fact, she could very well be miserable and crying every night thinking about you when he's not around. Frankly, if you're a QUALITY MAN, this is the most likely scenario. There's a reason the "Alpha Widow" stereotype exists, because it's real.

I'm not trying to discredit what you've pointed out, only suggesting an alternate way of looking at this scenario.

At the end of the day, both ideas have their pros and cons. I don't think anyone here is going to judge you regardless of which option you choose. Both of them will get you the same end result---the girl will be out of your life. The main difference is the collateral damage and the time it takes to execute.

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Your time is valuable, don't waste it trying to act like a beta bitch in a relationship that's DOA.

She's going to be hurt, but it's not the worst thing in the world that can happen.

Just to be clear, I agree with the above. I only want to offer a different perspective.

Just tell her you don't believe in marriage and that she deserves a guy that does.

Also I'm curious what reason made you lose interest in her. I have the feeling she was probably too clingy if what you say is true about her wanting to be with you every waking moment. Personally that would make me want to get out of there quick.

You've got to sit her down and tell her that you still care about her, and for that reason wanted to talk things through with her.

Then tell her that despite everything else, life is pushing you toward a different direction where you need to be single in order to further experience the growth that you heart is pushing you towards. Tell her you are young and if you don't act on this strong desire you will never feel totally confident in yourself. Tell her that a change like this can't be undergone while you are in a relationship because you need to be independent to know that all of your choices at this point of your life, were indeed, your own choices. Tell her that it has nothing to do with seeing other people, but just with experiencing a period in life where you can look back on the past year or two and understand that you accomplished everything that you accomplished independently, and without any emotional (or other) support. Tell her this is something that all guys need to do to be confident in their abilities to be men.

You really should do the above. I was in a similar situation as you many years ago, but I just decided to turn a cold shoulder and slowly grow cold to the girl. It caused her a lot of heartache (she even dropped letters off at my house), and to this day letting that happen (rather than properly speaking with her about it) is a big regret and pressing weight on my chest.

Increasingly I am convinced that girls are far less affected by this stuff than we are. I was seeing a girl recently, who was angling for something more serious, but when I ended it she was banging someone else inside 48 hours. As a man, as a (hopefully) less emotional creature, I think it is a far bigger investment to allow yourself to feel something for a girl than vice versa. Girls have a strong emotional feeling about the colour of their hairband, I think it is a mistake to attach too much credibility to the depth of feeling most will experience when faced with fleeting disappointment. Don't be too taken in by expressions of emotion. There is a reason that all the great romantic poetry has been written by men.

Quote: (03-20-2016 06:12 AM)Mentavious Wrote:  

Be a man and end it.

Welcome to the real world.

Like removing a band-aid. Rip it off fast, all at once.

Quote: (03-21-2016 06:34 PM)H1N1 Wrote:  

Increasingly I am convinced that girls are far less affected by this stuff than we are. I was seeing a girl recently, who was angling for something more serious, but when I ended it she was banging someone else inside 48 hours. As a man, as a (hopefully) less emotional creature, I think it is a far bigger investment to allow yourself to feel something for a girl than vice versa. Girls have a strong emotional feeling about the colour of their hairband, I think it is a mistake to attach too much credibility to the depth of feeling most will experience when faced with fleeting disappointment. Don't be too taken in by expressions of emotion. There is a reason that all the great romantic poetry has been written by men.

Said girl wasn't pregnant with your child and didn't have an abortion I'll bet.

If you've never gotten a girl pregnant, you have no idea what kind of hormones or attachment she will experience towards the father if she's already in love with him to begin with. It's unreal.

Now, there ARE heartless sociopaths out there, and a lot of them are women. But that's certainly not the case here, based on what e man has described.

Personally, I don't think it's wrong to have a heart when the woman in question is a "good" woman. Just because 95% of Western women are complete shit, doesn't mean all of them are. And treating every girl like she's worthless is a sure-fire way to make her that way.