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Poorly-planned first date and what to do next
#1

Poorly-planned first date and what to do next

Just gonna rattle it all off here. Haven't been checking on here much recently but have been applying the collective wisdom not just to my actions/thoughts/etc regarding women but also to my life and personality in general. Massive progress being made.

Tonight I got myself into a new situation and am not sure what's best to do from this point out.

Met a 7 last week and had instant great rapport. Number was actually offered to me before I got around to asking and my brand of text game was employed starting about 24 hours later. Essentially some brief "witty banter" and joking around once or twice per day, a few pics of stuff we connected on when we met, etc.

I travel a lot and a few days ago I was taking a route to and from my destination that went right past where she lives, about 1 hr from me. Asked her where the best places to eat around there are, she asked when I was going through, I told her and she said we should meet for dinner. I said that could work and we'll see what happens.

On the day of I gave her a few hours' notice as to my "ETA for dinner." I then "stopped at a friend's place instead" and she was fine with that, saying we could "do whatever" afterward. I did a quick Yelp search for a good lounge/brewery type joint and asked her if one of the places was good, she hadn't been, so I said meet me in xx mins.

Nice hug when we met up, got a cocktail and some food for her... got a proverbial slap in the face later on when she asked my age (5-10 yrs older) and brought it to my attention that she didn't have a drink because of her age (early college years), slight oversight there to not have previously figured out her age and note to self to always pay attention to that with the younger ones in the future, but my intention was just to hang out so the drinking didn't matter... She sat next to me on a bench as I anticipated and I proceeded with 1.5 hrs of some decent game, light-ish kino throughout resulting in things like looking stuff up on her phone while squished together so we could both see, etc. One of my weak points still is forgetting to bring in enough sexual innuendo but I got a little bit in.

Now the whole problem with this was that there were no logistics for sex. I've had a few similar situations where I just meet up and do whatever for the few limited hours that I have to spare along my travel routes with zero possibility of staying longer, so no hotel, or obviously I wouldn't be writing this. I've been thinking that it's better than the alternative of not hanging out at all.

Once we had left and got back to the cars I decided to go for a brief 15-20 sec kiss -> makeout -> stop and go right back to what I just left off talking about. This got tricky because [1] as I was going in she actually said "you're going to kiss me?" and then [2] it was excellent, her hands on me, etc, and then [3] afterward she was fine but said "we're friends, though... right?" To which I said "Yeah" in the "of course" nonchalant way. Wrap up with 5-10 more mins of the same game and then we depart to respective modes of transportation.

At that point I figured her hamster must be in overdrive as she seemed confused, caught off-guard, or whatever. I started planning some damage control until to my surprise I received "Tonight was fun, thanks. Get home safe [Image: smile.gif]" Texted with her a bit afterward and said "Night" shortly after.

I know that this was stupid, but she leaves for several months at a time and today was one of her last days here. Figured it'd be better to at least do something before she left so I could try to set something proper up when she's back. I'm wondering if her briefly confused vibe is from her inexperience, though I don't know for a fact what her experience level is.

Looking for suggestions on how to handle this going forward. What and when to text while she's gone to help ensure a bang when she's back. Also interested to know what to expect from her now and what I may need to adjust. I can only imagine what her cockblocking bitch friends will have to say about it when she tells them, though luckily I think I'll be able to override them.
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#2

Poorly-planned first date and what to do next

Quote: (09-16-2015 02:37 AM)x4v1er Wrote:  

Once we had left and got back to the cars I decided to go for a brief 15-20 sec kiss -> makeout -> stop and go right back to what I just left off talking about. This got tricky because [1] as I was going in she actually said "you're going to kiss me?" and then [2] it was excellent, her hands on me, etc, and then [3] afterward she was fine but said "we're friends, though... right?" To which I said "Yeah" in the "of course" nonchalant way. Wrap up with 5-10 more mins of the same game and then we depart to respective modes of transportation.

Why would you reply to her "we're friends, though... right?" in an affirmative manner? In other words, if was her reproductive fitness test, you shown compliance to her having things her way. This doesn't make them shiver. Probably you were scared to refuse to comply (because probably you had no other girls lined up and afraid to lose her). Perhaps this would work better:

- We're friends, though... right?
- I can be friends with my dog but with girls? Not really.

What would that establish? It would tell her that she doesn't dictate the frame as she probably does with guys her age. You are apparently older than her and you've crumbled down to a girl 5 years or more younger. Come on, let's be honest, that's not a good play.

It would be foolish to wait out for months and obsess over a girl whom you just barely kissed once. If she contacts you back upon her return, game on. For now, forget about her. Almost certainly she'll get banged in her new location (her saying "you're going to kiss me?" suggests a girl who's versed well in leading a man"). You've got a sliver of a chance but you haven't tried to grasp it. Now you're grasping at the straws.

You should've escalated as far as possible. Live and learn. Perhaps you still have a chance, as you've suggested she's in town for a couple more days. Contact her NOW and push for the lay. No dinner or coffee date. Invite her straight to your place. If you can't, book a room in a hotel and meet her nearby. Tell her you left X at a hotel and walk in with her and escalate or if she's unresponsive go back to a bar, get her tipsy, and go back to your room. If you can't do that either, you've got a car so use your car as your hotel. If your car is too small, drive to a nearby park to appreciate birds singing and swaying trees at dark whilst you're...

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#3

Poorly-planned first date and what to do next

Sex on the first date doesn't always have to be your goal. I know a lot of guys push for that here but sometimes the logistics will never be in your favor and/or you will learn to gauge how the date is progressing enough to know when not to push too far.

Vice-Captain - #TeamWaitAndSee
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#4

Poorly-planned first date and what to do next

Quote: (09-16-2015 02:37 AM)x4v1er Wrote:  

Met a 7 last week and had instant great rapport. Number was actually offered to me before I got around to asking and my brand of text game was employed starting about 24 hours later. Essentially some brief "witty banter" and joking around once or twice per day, a few pics of stuff we connected on when we met, etc.

Fair enough you connected here, typically I'd keep texts to a minimum for just planning and logistics.

Quote:Quote:

I travel a lot and a few days ago I was taking a route to and from my destination that went right past where she lives, about 1 hr from me. Asked her where the best places to eat around there are, she asked when I was going through, I told her and she said we should meet for dinner. I said that could work and we'll see what happens.

Why dinner ? Why not just a drink and keep things casual ? I would've asked what's a rad divebar or a great place to drink OR i would've googled where she lived and found out what were rated some great bars or places to hangout.

Quote:Quote:

On the day of I gave her a few hours' notice as to my "ETA for dinner." I then "stopped at a friend's place instead" and she was fine with that, saying we could "do whatever" afterward. I did a quick Yelp search for a good lounge/brewery type joint and asked her if one of the places was good, she hadn't been, so I said meet me in xx mins.

I stand corrected you did do your research, good job.

Quote:Quote:

Nice hug when we met up, got a cocktail and some food for her... got a proverbial slap in the face later on when she asked my age (5-10 yrs older) and brought it to my attention that she didn't have a drink because of her age (early college years), slight oversight there to not have previously figured out her age and note to self to always pay attention to that with the younger ones in the future, but my intention was just to hang out so the drinking didn't matter... She sat next to me on a bench as I anticipated and I proceeded with 1.5 hrs of some decent game, light-ish kino throughout resulting in things like looking stuff up on her phone while squished together so we could both see, etc. One of my weak points still is forgetting to bring in enough sexual innuendo but I got a little bit in.

Dude ALWAYS do recon work ! Make sure of her age, know a few things about her that she likes to do and that you'd like to do also. At least you learned your lesson.

She asked your age:
-Make her guess
-Give her some outrageous age, young or old.
-Tease her about asking

1.5 hours of "game" ? Why that long ? Why didn't you venue change or be a rebel and sneak some booze in a starbucks cup and walk around ? There are alot of options here.

The LAST thing I want to do is look shit up on a phone when I'm on a date. You're supposed to connect with her, not both connect with a phone.

Quote:Quote:

Now the whole problem with this was that there were no logistics for sex. I've had a few similar situations where I just meet up and do whatever for the few limited hours that I have to spare along my travel routes with zero possibility of staying longer, so no hotel, or obviously I wouldn't be writing this. I've been thinking that it's better than the alternative of not hanging out at all.

This is where sexual innuendo would have set things up, like crazy places to have sex, her car, your car, a bathroom, in a park etc.

To be honest yeah it's cool you met her but at the same time you paid for dinner and drinks and didn't even get a bang out of it.

Quote:Quote:

Once we had left and got back to the cars I decided to go for a brief 15-20 sec kiss -> makeout -> stop and go right back to what I just left off talking about. This got tricky because [1] as I was going in she actually said "you're going to kiss me?" and then [2] it was excellent, her hands on me, etc, and then [3] afterward she was fine but said "we're friends, though... right?" To which I said "Yeah" in the "of course" nonchalant way. Wrap up with 5-10 more mins of the same game and then we depart to respective modes of transportation.

If sexual innuendo had dropped earlier and you had escalated earlier you might of had a chance to do a car bang.

When she asked "your going to kiss me" ?
-"You damn right I am"
-Laugh and kiss her.
-"No, you're going kiss me" -gring-

When she asked "we're friends though right?"
-Laugh and kiss her
-"Nope, doesn't seem that way" -grin-
-Laugh and ignore her.
-"I haven't decided what you are yet" -grin-

Quote:Quote:

At that point I figured her hamster must be in overdrive as she seemed confused, caught off-guard, or whatever. I started planning some damage control until to my surprise I received "Tonight was fun, thanks. Get home safe [Image: smile.gif]" Texted with her a bit afterward and said "Night" shortly after.

DON'T ever do this, reply the next morning if you want, but not right after, shows neediness and thirst.

Quote:Quote:

I know that this was stupid, but she leaves for several months at a time and today was one of her last days here. Figured it'd be better to at least do something before she left so I could try to set something proper up when she's back. I'm wondering if her briefly confused vibe is from her inexperience, though I don't know for a fact what her experience level is.

Honestly, if she's gone that long, you probably won't hear from her unless you do maintenance texting, a few months is a long time. Honestly, I'd be over her and gaming other girls, then follow up with her later.

She sounds inexperienced and maybe a bit socially awkward, which isn't a bad thing.

Quote:Quote:

Looking for suggestions on how to handle this going forward. What and when to text while she's gone to help ensure a bang when she's back. Also interested to know what to expect from her now and what I may need to adjust. I can only imagine what her cockblocking bitch friends will have to say about it when she tells them, though luckily I think I'll be able to override them.

She's gone for months, who knows what are other dudes will game her or what dick she'll hop on.

The most you can do is hit her up from time to time to touch base and see how things are going.

Honestly, she's on freeze, go game other girl for now.[/quote]
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#5

Poorly-planned first date and what to do next

Thanks for the wisdom guys.


Quote: (09-16-2015 12:10 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

typically I'd keep texts to a minimum for just planning and logistics.

In this case I think the bit of minimal texting did help me, but in general I know this is discouraged. Although looking back, she was so enthusiastic about meeting up when I was in the area that it's most likely accurate to say sticking to planning/logistic texts would have gotten the same result. One of many things I'm working on changing.


Quote: (09-16-2015 12:10 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

Dude ALWAYS do recon work ! Make sure of her age, know a few things about her that she likes to do and that you'd like to do also. At least you learned your lesson.

She asked your age:
-Make her guess
-Give her some outrageous age, young or old.
-Tease her about asking

Yeah I really fucked that up haha. Prior to this week I had only read maybe 75% of Day Bang and I just started Bang and got to the parts on texting and age. I've also been fucking up GALNUC a lot and thus caused myself the trip-up with ages. I should have been prepared for that question anyway though as I knew she was freshly into college. I'd typically use the "agree and amplify" (give an outrageous young/old age as you suggested) as that's a completely normal part of my overall personality and works well for me in most situations.

I'd be interested in some examples of how to tease a girl for asking your age in situations like this where there's a 5-10 year difference so I can increase my options.


Quote: (09-16-2015 12:10 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

1.5 hours of "game" ? Why that long ? Why didn't you venue change or be a rebel and sneak some booze in a starbucks cup and walk around ? There are alot of options here.

Yeah. I probably should have decreased this to only an hour or so, as we had great chemistry going, we could have "gone for a walk" and ended up at her SUV with banging as the goal. Could have left with a fresh drink and given it to her as soon as we walked out. Didn't even cross my mind at the time. Huge lesson learned there.


Quote: (09-16-2015 12:10 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

This is where sexual innuendo would have set things up, like crazy places to have sex, her car, your car, a bathroom, in a park etc.

To be honest yeah it's cool you met her but at the same time you paid for dinner and drinks and didn't even get a bang out of it.

I probably did 25% of the sexual innuendo that I should have. It was lacking for sure.

I bought one drink for myself -- I'm thinking next time I'm in a similar situation I'll get two more after a bit, then suggest leaving for "a walk" and give one to her.


Quote: (09-16-2015 12:10 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

If sexual innuendo had dropped earlier and you had escalated earlier you might of had a chance to do a car bang.

Unfortunately I believe that's 100% accurate. Looking back I think it was mine to lose, and I lost it. Toward the end when we were talking about leaving, got to her car for a while, etc, she was occasionally bringing up the time and how she'd "have to leave in 15 mins" or whatever, yet when that 15 would pass she'd whimsically add 15 more... probably because she wanted to get slammed. I swear the decades of beta brainwashing makes it a default response to just ignore details like that when it's happening rather than the natural response of immediately seeing opportunity and thinking SHE WANTS TO FUCK. So much work to do still.


Quote: (09-16-2015 12:10 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

When she asked "your going to kiss me" ?
-"You damn right I am"
-Laugh and kiss her.
-"No, you're going kiss me" -gring-

When she asked "we're friends though right?"
-Laugh and kiss her
-"Nope, doesn't seem that way" -grin-
-Laugh and ignore her.
-"I haven't decided what you are yet" -grin-

Another tough lesson learned.


Quote: (09-16-2015 12:10 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

DON'T ever do this, reply the next morning if you want, but not right after, shows neediness and thirst.

Wish I had read Bang in the first place. Now I understand the system and will be using it.


Quote: (09-16-2015 12:10 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

Honestly, if she's gone that long, you probably won't hear from her unless you do maintenance texting, a few months is a long time. Honestly, I'd be over her and gaming other girls, then follow up with her later.
Quote: (09-16-2015 12:10 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

The most you can do is hit her up from time to time to touch base and see how things are going.

Interested in more details on how guys do successful "maintenance texting" for stuff like this. What I'm looking at is just something randomly every 3-4 weeks almost like a restart text I guess. Maybe there's some benefit in getting the name back toward the top of her list of texts for a subconscious reminder each time she goes in and sees it.

I think I fucked myself from the very beginning because I had the mindset that sex was unlikely with such poor logistics, almost no planning, etc. Fuck that. We absolutely could've banged, hell she most likely WANTED to. This was another necessary wake-up call on a long journey.

I don't remember if it was Roosh or a member who said not to complicate things and make it difficult for a girl to have sex with you. It sounds so simple, but keeping something simple AND doing it well is not often easy at all, as they say, because then everyone would be doing it.

A huge piece missing from my (and certainly almost all guys') interactions with women prior to finding a community like this is one of the building blocks of Return Driven Strategy: "disciplined performance measurement and valuation." No wonder I never made improvements to my interactions until recently... I never took two seconds to reflect on what had happened, learned from it, looked for ways to change and optimize for next time, taken away lessons from others to implement myself... It's insane how eye-opening and life-changing this shit is.
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#6

Poorly-planned first date and what to do next

Quote: (09-16-2015 11:46 AM)Gmac Wrote:  

Sex on the first date doesn't always have to be your goal. I know a lot of guys push for that here but sometimes the logistics will never be in your favor and/or you will learn to gauge how the date is progressing enough to know when not to push too far.

I agree but one of my many problems is the ingrained default mindset of "she doesn't want to bang right away, she wants to get to know me and build attraction, then she'll initiate sexual escalation when she's comfortable..." So rather than expecting sex most of the time and occasionally not, I'm starting backward and working on fixing that. It's proving to be a formidable task.
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#7

Poorly-planned first date and what to do next

Quote: (09-30-2015 04:46 PM)x4v1er Wrote:  

Quote: (09-16-2015 11:46 AM)Gmac Wrote:  

Sex on the first date doesn't always have to be your goal. I know a lot of guys push for that here but sometimes the logistics will never be in your favor and/or you will learn to gauge how the date is progressing enough to know when not to push too far.

I agree but one of my many problems is the ingrained default mindset of "she doesn't want to bang right away, she wants to get to know me and build attraction, then she'll initiate sexual escalation when she's comfortable..." So rather than expecting sex most of the time and occasionally not, I'm starting backward and working on fixing that. It's proving to be a formidable task.

Fear of "over escalating" is one of the hardest things to learn to overcome. We're taught that we should treat women as "precious flowers" who must be softly soothed (romantically seduced) into having sex else we scare them like frightened deer. The truth is that it's a far worse sin (in her eyes) to fail to escalate when she's wanting you to.

You're on the right track though...good for you

_______________________________________
- Does She Have The "Happy Gene" ?
-Inversion Therapy
-Let's lead by example


"Leap, and the net will appear". John Burroughs

"The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure."
Joseph Campbell
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#8

Poorly-planned first date and what to do next

Quote:Quote:

Now the whole problem with this was that there were no logistics for sex.

There you go.
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#9

Poorly-planned first date and what to do next

If you don't have the logistics for the bang...don't go on the date.

It really is that simple.
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#10

Poorly-planned first date and what to do next

There's a similar thread you may want to check out. I posted the following (edited) and think it's appropriate for this thread as well. Hope it helps

thread-50705...pid1120621


Quote: (09-28-2015 11:58 AM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  

Quote: (09-28-2015 04:37 AM)heman29 Wrote:  

ok, just to summarize my mistakes:

1 I should have not made out for so long if we're not gonna have sex, and I must be the one to end the kiss/makout. I forgot about this one in this case.

If youve never had sex with a particular girl you should not make out with her at all until you are going to have sex. You are diminishing your "mystery" by doing so. Unless your goal is to just make out that is

Your chance of success would have been better if you'd gotten her into her apt before you started making out...(see 1 above). Making out should be the mid-point of a continuous process with the bang being the end. Unless you can / want to bang her in the car

Girls brains, especially younger, are addicted to excitement / intrigue ("tingles") much like a drug addict is addicted to their substance of choice. They exchange their "magical" vagina for those tingles.

If you give too much too early she OD's and then effect wears off (she gets bored). When it comes to you and getting pussy if she gets bored, ie sees you as just another ordinary chode trying to get her goodies without giving her what she wants (excitement / tingles), she may as well have OD'ed for real because you're dead to her and her pussy. Or put another way: Her boredom = no pussy

In summary

Your goal should be to control the flow of "tingles" so that they peak right at the exact moment your logistics do.

_______________________________________
- Does She Have The "Happy Gene" ?
-Inversion Therapy
-Let's lead by example


"Leap, and the net will appear". John Burroughs

"The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure."
Joseph Campbell
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