[yeah get some]

You are not being selfish at all. I'm thinking if I ever decide to have kids, it will be in my 40s. Why waste your 30s on one woman when you can be gaming other woman when your at your prime sexual market value?

Many women your age will try to shame you into settling down because then you will be one more male that will potentially give them kids and pay for all of their shit (not surprisingly, these are the same women that were flakes and sluts in their 20s).

Women your age are past their prime and realize that they can't got for the best mate anymore. You are coming to that age that your game and sexual value will be at it's best, and be able to travel wherever for the best women the world has to offer.

My dad had me when he was 43 and because he stayed fit and was a hard worker, he was able to be healthy enough to rase me and my siblings (my mom did help, but the main income came from him and the beef ranch he had).

There is nothing wrong with having kids in your 40s. Hell i'm sure many 40 year old spinster bitches would if they could.

[Only One Man]

I think that it's a hell of a lot more selfish to have kids when you aren't ready or willing to take care of them properly. Countless people do "what they're supposed to do" and get married and have kids. Then they come to realize they weren't ready for it or they rushed into it and it's not what they really wanted. Sometimes one or both of them will cheat and/or do something to break up the marriage, thereby putting the kid through a bunch of bullshit they don't deserve. Sometimes one or both of them will put aside their responsibilities as a parent which will also fuck over the innocent child.

If you ask me, that's way more selfish than simply wanting to do whatever the fuck you enjoy doing without making any kind of long term commitment.

[Samseau]

(01-11-2012 11:06 PM)Only One Man Wrote:  

I think that it's a hell of a lot more selfish to have kids when you aren't ready or willing to take care of them properly. Countless people do "what they're supposed to do" and get married and have kids. Then they come to realize they weren't ready for it or they rushed into it and it's not what they really wanted. Sometimes one or both of them will cheat and/or do something to break up the marriage, thereby putting the kid through a bunch of bullshit they don't deserve. Sometimes one or both of them will put aside their responsibilities as a parent which will also fuck over the innocent child.

If you ask me, that's way more selfish than simply wanting to do whatever the fuck you enjoy doing without making any kind of long term commitment.

This is what it comes down to: what is best for the children?

Don't be shamed into doing what's best for WOMEN, do what's right for the KIDS. Forget the women.

[Goldin Boy]

(01-09-2012 09:27 PM)americanInEurope Wrote:  

Most of the dudes on this website are single professionals like me, so lemme get your opinion.

There's been a reoccurring argument with people in my life lately. It's been whether or not I'm selfish for being 29 and not having a family or kids. No one but myself to spend my money on. Being able to go on long trips overseas without a care in the world, no one to look out for but myself, no one to slow me down. It's a enormous amount of freedom that I appreciate so much, that I'd die for, that without it I'd feel suffocated and sad. But i the end will I end up old and alone? Will my family be right in the end, and I'll die a selfish old man with nothing but memories of traveling to far away places visiting other people and their families instead of my own, and memories of fucking hot but shallow girls who will not remember me in 40 years? It's something to think about. In fact I think about it all the time, so much that I moved back to the states out of fear that they might be right.

Even though about 80% of people I see that are married with kids are miserable, it is true that I don't know what I'm talking about as I've never experienced the love that having a child brings, or the fulfillment of having a loving wife to care for. There have been girls in my life that I've loved and have thought about marrying, but the price you pay for marriage and a kid (as most women I've met will not stay in a marriage without kids) is way too high for me. It's pretty much game over for my old life: long trips and selfish weekends in boxers and video games, hair-brain schemes I come up with every year that requires me to invest all my money and not work for 4 months a year, finally start a band like I've been dreaming about, spend a year writing a book/screenplay, etc. Game fucking Over. I don't think I can live with that. And I guess that makes me a selfish asshole lol. At least according to society.

Yes you are selfish. But why is looking out for your self interest so wrong? Why does everyone, family, friends, media, wanna push guys into something that routinely fail 50% of the time?

I've never been married but I've never been shot either. I read about getting shot, seen it happen and know from first-hand stories that it's unpleasant. Never once did I think: "I'll shoot myself but it won't hurt b/c I'm using a different gun then the other guys did.", if you get my analogy.

Re: Dying old and alone: If she divorces you for the pool boy, its the same result but you'll have less money.

[mofo]

Interesting

[Iceinthewater]

never listen to anyone who uses fear to convince you of anything.

[Amour Fou]

(01-12-2012 04:14 AM)Iceinthewater Wrote:  

never listen to anyone who uses fear to convince you of anything.

Damn, I just took note of that on my diary.

[Aliblahba]

(01-12-2012 12:10 AM)Samseau Wrote:  

(01-11-2012 11:06 PM)Only One Man Wrote:  

I think that it's a hell of a lot more selfish to have kids when you aren't ready or willing to take care of them properly. Countless people do "what they're supposed to do" and get married and have kids. Then they come to realize they weren't ready for it or they rushed into it and it's not what they really wanted. Sometimes one or both of them will cheat and/or do something to break up the marriage, thereby putting the kid through a bunch of bullshit they don't deserve. Sometimes one or both of them will put aside their responsibilities as a parent which will also fuck over the innocent child.

If you ask me, that's way more selfish than simply wanting to do whatever the fuck you enjoy doing without making any kind of long term commitment.

This is what it comes down to: what is best for the children?

Don't be shamed into doing what's best for WOMEN, do what's right for the KIDS. Forget the women.

Married guys like to use family as an excuse for their lack of honor and integrity. They will fuck you over in the workforce before anyone else because "I was looking out for my family". Im sure when they get home the story of how they got the raise or promotion is different from the nefarious truth. Although, behind every spineless coward is a conniving bitch agging them on. Such is the world gents.

[worldwidetraveler]

I let society make me feel like I should be married. Well, I did get married and was fucking miserable. It didn't last long and I got out after a couple of years.

For the most part, I always did what I wanted but pressure can hit us all. Luckily, I got my head out of my ass and got out of that marriage.

Never again. I just don't see any reason. Not even if you want to have kids.

All that bullshit about growing old alone. There will be plenty of women to meet regardless of what age you are.

All the bullshit about someone taking care of you when your sick. Just imagine you bought that line and lived with someone for 30 years, got sick and she left. Happens a lot! I would rather have some coin and hire professionals to take care of me. At least I will get some sponge baths from a younger chick. ha

I am older than you and I just don't see what marriage brings to the table anymore. It could ruin you financially when you are about to retire.

Not worth it, imo.

I should have some project finished this year that will allow me to bounce around the world at a moments notice. It took me some time to get here but that would be all lost if I was married and had kids.

There is just too much to see and learn in this world to let marriage anchor me down to one shitty town.

[americanInEurope]

(01-10-2012 03:07 PM)satanova77 Wrote:  

Bro I am in 8th year of marriage and been with my wife for 11 years total. Have a stud 5 year old son who will be epidemy of alpha (I am raising him that way). I actually told him to spank his mom if she doesnt do her job right(cleaning and cooking and taking care of him which she couldnt do right a single day to save her life but society enables her to get away with it). So needless to say he reports to me everyday that mom is not doing her job when I am at the office.

So now that you have this background

1. You are not selfish.
2. Do not get married under any circumstances.
3. Having a kid is great but you dont need to get married to have one.
4. I dont believe in love anymore but if you do, you can fulfill that need by a long term relationship.
5. Your life is good and its so good that you are doubting the happiness and picking apart goodness. Dont do it. Keep it the way it is.
6. Once you fall into the trap of marriage its all downhill with the imposed responsiblities by society. Its the ultimate entry DRUG into conformism and it sucks to fight it. It takes a lot more energy and resolve to be alpha being married in today's society and you dont want that fight unless you absolutely desire it.

Damn bro that's real talk right there. +1

[Smitty]

(01-10-2012 07:29 AM)Aliblahba Wrote:  

Brush it off and continue marching to your beat.

americanineurope, dude, this ^^ is all you need to know. Press on, my man.

[blurb]

(01-12-2012 04:53 AM)Aliblahba Wrote:  

Married guys like to use family as an excuse for their lack of honor and integrity. They will fuck you over in the workforce before anyone else because "I was looking out for my family". Im sure when they get home the story of how they got the raise or promotion is different from the nefarious truth. Although, behind every spineless coward is a conniving bitch agging them on. Such is the world gents.

A married man with children will do anything for money.

[Pilgrim37]

(01-10-2012 02:45 PM)Timoteo Wrote:  

The accusation of being selfish is in itself selfish. Ayn Rand touched on this in "The Virtue of Selfishness," in that in almost every action, there is self-interest. Your parents are being selfish in wanting you to marry and settle down because they want grandchildren. Women want you to settle down because if you're young and successful, they want access to what you can give them (house, babies, etc.). And if the relationship fails, she walks away with the bulk of what you have. Other men that have taken the plunge look at you and are envious - they can never again have that life, so they want to drag you into their misery. All of these various people have their own motives and self-interest in wanting to see you married. People will employ the fatalistic "you'll be old and alone at the end of your life" argument to scare you into fulfilling THEIR needs, and not your own. Only you can decide what makes you happy. Not everyone is cut out for family life. I think it's more selfish to enter into a lifestyle that will make YOU miserable, and as a consequence make OTHERS miserable also.

Honestly, when you're in your 40s or so, you can still do the family thing if you choose. Of course, women will tell you THAT'S selfish, because "when your kid/kids are such and such age, you'll be such and such age and too old to do blah, blah, blah." You can worry about that when and if you choose. Live your life as YOU see fit bro. Who's gonna help you with all those regrets when you're older?

"Honestly, when you're in your 40s or so, you can still do the family thing if you choose"

I'm sorry but life isn't that simple....if you choose? ...It takes two to Tango I think,and by that stage he might have passed on some nice girls for the sake of "freedom".

If you meet someone whether it's now or somewhere down the line and they do it for you ,it would be stupid to avoid progressing with it, to co habit ,marriage,kids ,the whole shebang,just cause you feel you'd be missing out .

If it happens and you're smart enough to recognise it when it does I would say Go for It.

Nobody knows how things'll work out in their life,but better to have loved and lost than not at all...

Because not at all would be pretty sad,and there's a lot of guys walking on lonely street,cause they were holding out for that "something" or "perfect situation" which never happened to them.

[TheAntiWhiteKnight138]

(01-12-2012 07:39 PM)Pilgrim37 Wrote:  

"Honestly, when you're in your 40s or so, you can still do the family thing if you choose"

I'm sorry but life isn't that simple....if you choose? ...It takes two to Tango I think,and by that stage he might have passed on some nice girls for the sake of "freedom".

If you meet someone whether it's now or somewhere down the line and they do it for you ,it would be stupid to avoid progressing with it, to co habit ,marriage,kids ,the whole shebang,just cause you feel you'd be missing out .

If it happens and you're smart enough to recognise it when it does I would say Go for It.

Nobody knows how things'll work out in their life,but better to have loved and lost than not at all...

Because not at all would be pretty sad,and there's a lot of guys walking on lonely street,cause they were holding out for that "something" or "perfect situation" which never happened to them.

Respectfully disagree, I think you're missing the point of this thread. I'm sure 90% of men who get hitched feel like they met "the one" you speak of. Interview them 10 yrs down the line and see if that perspective has changed at all (that is, if they're honest)

[Only One Man]

(01-12-2012 07:39 PM)Pilgrim37 Wrote:  

(01-10-2012 02:45 PM)Timoteo Wrote:  

The accusation of being selfish is in itself selfish. Ayn Rand touched on this in "The Virtue of Selfishness," in that in almost every action, there is self-interest. Your parents are being selfish in wanting you to marry and settle down because they want grandchildren. Women want you to settle down because if you're young and successful, they want access to what you can give them (house, babies, etc.). And if the relationship fails, she walks away with the bulk of what you have. Other men that have taken the plunge look at you and are envious - they can never again have that life, so they want to drag you into their misery. All of these various people have their own motives and self-interest in wanting to see you married. People will employ the fatalistic "you'll be old and alone at the end of your life" argument to scare you into fulfilling THEIR needs, and not your own. Only you can decide what makes you happy. Not everyone is cut out for family life. I think it's more selfish to enter into a lifestyle that will make YOU miserable, and as a consequence make OTHERS miserable also.

Honestly, when you're in your 40s or so, you can still do the family thing if you choose. Of course, women will tell you THAT'S selfish, because "when your kid/kids are such and such age, you'll be such and such age and too old to do blah, blah, blah." You can worry about that when and if you choose. Live your life as YOU see fit bro. Who's gonna help you with all those regrets when you're older?

"Honestly, when you're in your 40s or so, you can still do the family thing if you choose"

I'm sorry but life isn't that simple....if you choose? ...It takes two to Tango I think,and by that stage he might have passed on some nice girls for the sake of "freedom".

If you meet someone whether it's now or somewhere down the line and they do it for you ,it would be stupid to avoid progressing with it, to co habit ,marriage,kids ,the whole shebang,just cause you feel you'd be missing out .

If it happens and you're smart enough to recognise it when it does I would say Go for It.

Nobody knows how things'll work out in their life,but better to have loved and lost than not at all...

Because not at all would be pretty sad,and there's a lot of guys walking on lonely street,cause they were holding out for that "something" or "perfect situation" which never happened to them.

I would say instead that "It's better to have never loved than to have loved and lost half your shit and a big chunk of your future income for twenty years".

[Timoteo]

(01-12-2012 07:39 PM)Pilgrim37 Wrote:  

(01-10-2012 02:45 PM)Timoteo Wrote:  

The accusation of being selfish is in itself selfish. Ayn Rand touched on this in "The Virtue of Selfishness," in that in almost every action, there is self-interest. Your parents are being selfish in wanting you to marry and settle down because they want grandchildren. Women want you to settle down because if you're young and successful, they want access to what you can give them (house, babies, etc.). And if the relationship fails, she walks away with the bulk of what you have. Other men that have taken the plunge look at you and are envious - they can never again have that life, so they want to drag you into their misery. All of these various people have their own motives and self-interest in wanting to see you married. People will employ the fatalistic "you'll be old and alone at the end of your life" argument to scare you into fulfilling THEIR needs, and not your own. Only you can decide what makes you happy. Not everyone is cut out for family life. I think it's more selfish to enter into a lifestyle that will make YOU miserable, and as a consequence make OTHERS miserable also.

Honestly, when you're in your 40s or so, you can still do the family thing if you choose. Of course, women will tell you THAT'S selfish, because "when your kid/kids are such and such age, you'll be such and such age and too old to do blah, blah, blah." You can worry about that when and if you choose. Live your life as YOU see fit bro. Who's gonna help you with all those regrets when you're older?

"Honestly, when you're in your 40s or so, you can still do the family thing if you choose"

I'm sorry but life isn't that simple....if you choose? ...It takes two to Tango I think,and by that stage he might have passed on some nice girls for the sake of "freedom".

If you meet someone whether it's now or somewhere down the line and they do it for you ,it would be stupid to avoid progressing with it, to co habit ,marriage,kids ,the whole shebang,just cause you feel you'd be missing out .

If it happens and you're smart enough to recognise it when it does I would say Go for It.

Nobody knows how things'll work out in their life,but better to have loved and lost than not at all...

Because not at all would be pretty sad,and there's a lot of guys walking on lonely street,cause they were holding out for that "something" or "perfect situation" which never happened to them.

I see what you're saying, but you're crafting your response on obvious points. It ALWAYS takes two to tango, regardless of when you decide to enter into marriage. The problem is many men enter into it when they really aren't cut out for it. It isn't about "perfect" situations. I made no such reference in my post. It's about marrying because you truly WANT to, not because of pressure from others, or because you feel you're somehow SUPPOSED to. I don't think having pangs of regret later means you didn't make the right decision earlier. And a man CAN find love and marriage in his 40s. A 30 year old woman wouldn't necessarily find him old, and she's still of childbearing age. Or you could leave the country to find a young wife, from a culture where older men/younger women isn't considered extreme like it is in American culture. It might be "easier" to find a wife when you're younger, but that doesn't make it the right choice for you. Sure, you may have passed on some women along the way that would have been good partners, but if YOU aren't ready, you'll make that good woman miserable and she'll divorce you. There's the believe that a man that never settles down with one woman is somehow unfulfilled, or is leading a lonely, empty life. I don't agree with that.

[americanInEurope]

What if you've found the perfect girl but you still have the urge to go out and fuck other girls? They say that when you found the right girl that all of a sudden the urge to wanna fuck other girls gets tossed aside but that's bullshit. It must be a constant struggle with married guys to fight the urge to wanna fuck some young hot piece that's showing them some affection, even when they've got a good woman at home. It must be a primal male thing to always want to fuck girls. My thing is I have what I've always wanted in a girl right now, but I still want more. She's not perfect but more importantly she's trying. For me. And she's hot. She's young enough. Her parents love me. My parents love her. Who knows when I'll get something this close to perfection again. So should I let that go for the sake of being free and being able to fuck other chicks? This urge to wanna fuck other chicks just won't go away.