I saw this thread a few weeks ago, but now is probably a more appropriate time to post my story.
I am in the middle of a divorce with my wife who maybe infertile.
A little about my background -
I am already getting into my late 40s. I was a late bloomer, working on my graduate work and career well into my mid 30s until I discovered game. Took me another couple of years to get up to speed. Only really from 36-42 was I getting laid regularly. I did fine, got all sorts of experiences and was ready to settle down. Dated a few quality girls, won't elaborate, but didn't work out.
Prior to my wife I was dating a 26 y/o. I wanted to move the relationship forward, but these days 26 y/o are just not mature enough to make that move. She got cold feet, I got frustrated and dumped her. Then I met my wife. She is gorgeous, and has a cool personality. She looked really young but I found out she's 36. Initially I was hesitant, but she was eager to settle down, and because of the experience with the 26 y/o, I figure why not go for someone mature.
Things went well and 9 months later we were engaged. Knowing her age I figure we should get checkout in case we need fertility treatment. Sooner the better. After the check up we found out her egg reserve was very low so she doesn't even qualify for most IVF clinics.
My head started spinning and thoughts were swimming all inside my head. After not bring up the wedding for a while she got upset and probed me about it. I brought up the baby concern. I did not know she went to see a Chinese doctor already who gave her some expensive meds and told her in a few months she'll have no problem.
Obviously I have strong feelings for her by now being that I proposed to her. I could not bear the thought of abandoning someone at this stage when it's something beyond her control. But I also had said I cannot be married without children. After going though a lot of internal struggles I relented and we got married.
The few months after wedding things were great. Sex was great, but no baby of course. Unfortunately my sperm count, although adequate, wasn't great, and the Chinese doc wanted me to take meds too. I took it for 2 months and all I got was a headache.
Long story short, several months into the marriage I was having buyers remorse. "What have I done? what if I can't have children with this girl". Once in a while I would slip and say something regarding her egg reserve and how she should be careful, not drinking etc. She was very sensitive to my comments, and would totally breakdown or we would get into fights.
Of course she goes through her female mood swings. If it wan't for this underlying stress I would have handled it better, but this pressure and the thought of giving up a future of having children just possessed me. I admit I often over reacted to her misbehavior leading to many heated arguments, rivers of tears on her part, threats of divorce.
I was spending hours online reading up on IVF. I read too much and I started seeing information on the possible adverse outcomes of IVF babies. Although it is so widely used now, 1/15 babies in Denmark are IVF babies, apparently the long term health of these babies are still unknown. There is a increase of certain cancer, ADHD, depression, and possible hypertension and diabetes. I started freaking out. Although she doesn't qualify for conventional IVF, there are some docs that would still take her. It will take a lot more cycles with no guarantee of success. But by this time I was already paranoid and I would not commit to doing IVF. She had stopped taking her chinese meds since she did not see any results. And with me not moving forward with IVF, I could see her spirit started withering away.
One evening, after another tearful fight she told me she is slowly dying in this relationship. She knows I don't want to be married unless I have kids.
Through out this ordeal I can see her mood getting darker. She is always tired. From reading about other women who has fertility struggle, she was actually doing remarkably well. At times she was still cheerful and playful.
Anyways, this first year of marriage was filled with stress punctuated by fights, misspoken hurtful words on my part, endless tear on her part, and a few fun vacations
So this past week after another fight I told her I cannot take it anymore. Forgot to mention she actually had threaten divorce last year leading both us to go to several sessions of marriage counseling. Well, now we are going into the divorce paper work phase. She is not asking for anything, so we won't need a lawyer.
She is really a great girl. It is a very, very unfortunate situation. Looking back I really wanted to just take her on a long long exotic vacation and forget all this.
I really hope I do not regret this decision. But this back and forth, stress, fights and tears, and sleepless nights just cannot go on anymore.