[lunchmoney]

I was in the gym this morning catching up with a guy who used to be a wingman to hit the bars/clubs with earlier this year. In catching up, he told me he met a girl off of Bumble, and they hit it off. She just moved into his house and they are serious. I asked how long he has known her, and he said four months.

Maybe it's me, but I could never see myself having a woman (no matter how hot she is) move in to my place that fast.

Has anyone else experienced this?

[Batman_]

I don't think I'd ever want to live with a woman, period.

[No More Mr. Soy Boy]

No, but I will probably. Next year I'm moving to a new city and this chick I know here (which I really get along with and who tries to get me into a relationship) begs me to move in with her in a new apartment. She says she couldn't move in with me there if I got my own place because her dad has spent years working hard in order to buy that big flat for her which will be next to her university where she has 3 more years.

Apparently, it's big and very modern so even though I could never imagine something like this in the past, it will probably happen. It's convenient in the way that it would save me (and her) money for a start until I get something better.

The downside is that it probably requires a commitment for me to be exclusive to her. Chance is that she'll lose attraction because of that but then at least I've saved ourselves some money, had a lot of good sex and good times until I move on.

So that's how I see it.

[No More Mr. Soy Boy]

ERROR. Double post. Sorry.

[germanico]

Im moving in with a woman starting january.

I think she deserves a chance.

Wish me luck.

[quaker13]

LOL at throwing away freedom prematurely to a chick you’re not even married too. If it’s a matter of money find a cheaper place or a part time job but under no circumstances should players be cohabitating. It’s intrusive when there isn’t a child involved. Listen to an OG. A woman will not treat a cohabitive relationship like boyfriend and girlfriend she will give it the same intensity of marriage. Reconsider, all of yous

[Graft]

It's truthfully a different scenario when a luxury one bedroom in NYC costs you 4-5k and anything under 2500 is a walk up studio.

Four months is absurd but I've seen guys do similar because the rent is so damn high.

[wi30]

(12-11-2018 10:42 PM)quaker13 Wrote:  

LOL at throwing away freedom prematurely to a chick you’re not even married too. If it’s a matter of money find a cheaper place or a part time job but under no circumstances should players be cohabitating. It’s intrusive when there isn’t a child involved. Listen to an OG. A woman will not treat a cohabitive relationship like boyfriend and girlfriend she will give it the same intensity of marriage. Reconsider, all of yous

At least you learned this the hard way.

But in a lot of major US cities, you can't pick up a part time job when you are busting your ass 60+ hour per week for $50K a year. Rent is over $1200 a month for a shitty 1 bedroom apartment in the suburbs. Add in student loans, car payments, and credit cards and you can see why most guys let a girl move in with them prematurely. I'm not saying it's guys here doing this, but in general.

[MongolianAbroad]

Moving in with a girl to save money is a weak move.

Having her move in to a place you already have is different. I've never done it, but I'd be open to it, in theory. I like having my own space, though.

[Deepdiver]

Important - If you do move in with her get a small storage unit and move your stuff in there - that way if there are problems a month or two in you do not wind up giving her all your stuff (I have done this a couple times then learned to keep a side storage unit) - a guy I knew knocked up a young broad from the club he was lead host/security in and his wife kicked him out of his 3/4 of a Million dollar house - he kept all his stuff in storage and would change in the unit - go to the Y to work out and shower and shave then go to work... wound up staying at various motels till he found a place. Went from king of his own castle to living out of a storage unit - packed all the boxes in front in case he had to crash there (It was indoors and heated and he used a broke padlock that would drop when he shock the door then locked it with his real lock when he left.

Point is if you live in any home with a woman even one you pay the mortgage on she calls all the shots and the home is never really yours... and if she ever behaves badly raising her voice or worse threatens anything like a DV or restraining order - nip it in the bud and just grab your clothes - say you have a biz or family trip and move - the backup storage unit will be a lifesaver in that case so something to think about. Plus if you make up and do wind up staying with her this Dread Game move will pay for itself in spades knowing you will ghost any time she behaves badly or makes any sort of threat no matter how veiled it might be.

I always make a practice showing respect but NEVER tolerate any disrespect from any woman and call them out for any infractions on the spot.

[HankMoody]

I lived with my ex-wife for about a year before we got married. Then when we got divorced she moved out. Honestly, living with someone is hard. We did not cohabitate well. It was a big cause of the divorce -- we just live very differently. I hate clutter; she likes stuff. She eats vegetarian; I like steak. She likes to watch TV; I don't have the attention span for anything except sports.

In my opinion, you have to test the waters here. Do they leave dishes in the sink? Put the toilet paper on the wrong way? Dominate the TV? Drink your Powerades / protein shakes? Are you a minimalist, or do you like your place cozy? Is she messy? Does she snore? Does she turn the lights off before work? Leave her shoes all over the place? Own a pet?

All this sounds like routine relatively shit, but if you're not compatible living partners, it will drive you nuts after awhile. Cohabitation is a very practical challenge.

Perhaps most importantly, if you're going the marriage route, how will she be as a mother to your children?

So, you generally don't want to, in my opinion, commit to cohabitate in a space without knowing what your day to life lifestyle is going to be like.

Especially if it's forever.

And yes, I know, the "RVF chatroom warrior vets" on here going to tell you that they are all total dominant alphas who have wives and mistresses in the kitchen cooking them dinner, cleaning, making the bed, and ironing their shirts while giving them blowjobs before work every morning.

Cool fiction. They've also never lived with an actual woman, let alone someone you are now sharing a space with.

When you live with a female, there are practical challenges. Who is in the bathroom at 6am? She wants pizza but you're on a diet. You want to go to bed at 10:00pm and she wants to watch movies. Why is there no toilet paper? Who sleeps on which side of the bed?

If you're going to live with a woman for the rest of your life, I'd try and get them worked out sooner than later. That's a huge commitment. Why jump right in without knowing what you're in for?

So, that's my opinion. Don't jump into cohabitation, because it can get miserable real fast if you don't like the person you're living with.

[the-dream]

Yes I've done it but there are not really any upsides. It is essentially being married without actually being married.

My advice if you're going to do it is to think of all possible demands or shit tests she could pull and stick firmly to your boundaries. Imagine your ideal life living with her before then don't give her an inch at anything else otherwise she will take a mile.

Examples:

She cooks a great meal and asks me if you can wash the dishes. Sure, why not. It's no hassle to you and she deserves a break. What can possible go wrong? Well, every time after that, she will expect you to do the dishes and if you don't, get all pouty, say how unfair it is and before you know it, you are the maid in your own home.

You're planning on going for a night out with your work mates and she is acting extra sweet and affectionate and asks if you can just have a night in with her instead. She promises to cook your favourite meal, watch a good movie then make love all evening. Sounds wonderful. You couldn't really stand to spend any extra time with your annoying officemates anyway and waking up in the morning with a hangover isn't worth it. What could possible go wrong? Well, every subsequent time that you have plans without her, she'll put on the charm offensive to pull you away from them and if that doesn't work, give the silent treatment or bitch you out and ruin your night.

Is she always telling you stories about the random stupid drama or problems she has with all the people in her life or how terrible they are? Her housemates, her boss, her friends she's having dinner with? No? Well, she probably is but it just sounds so stupid that you tune it out. Well, you are about to become that housemate, boss and dinner buddy rolled into one and be the blame of her random mood swings and instability.

Saying all of that though, I don't think you can really learn how to deal with women unless you live with one for an extended period of time so it is a worthwhile experience. Just stick to your guns even if it seems irrelevant because you won't realise how far you've let your frame slip by doing seemingly harmless, reasonable things until it's too late and you're the little bitch.

[JackinMelbourne]

Done it, no big deal. It's 50/50 convenient and annoying...

You need to wear the pants and control your territory.

[lunchmoney]

I almost did this myself with a girl I was with for nearly two years right after college, but we ended up breaking up. She was slowly moving into my place looking back - leaving clothes over, taking space in the bathroom, etc.

Friends I know that have done this have generally seen the relationships go South because they underestimated the little things. One friend that comes to mind dated a girl who he didn't know until she moved in smoked weed due to her anxiety (he hates smokers of any kind). One day he said he saw something that resembled a blunt in the bathroom trash can, and confronted her. She told him the reason she did it, and didn't want to tell him "because he would not understand". This was 2 months after they started living together, and about a year after dating.

[JackinMelbourne]

(12-12-2018 04:21 AM)lunchmoney Wrote:  

One friend that comes to mind dated a girl who he didn't know until she moved in smoked weed due to her anxiety (he hates smokers of any kind). One day he said he saw something that resembled a blunt in the bathroom trash can, and confronted her. She told him the reason she did it, and didn't want to tell him "because he would not understand". This was 2 months after they started living together, and about a year after dating.

That's really your friends problem not hers. It wasn't an issue for 1 year until he made an issue out of it. She didn't change as a person, he just found out something that troubled him and he made a decision. Imagine if they didn't live togeather and he never found out...

This was a positive outcome.

[Vladimir Poontang]

I hate the idea of being in bed with another person all night, night after night, with them shifting around, taking up space, and being a nuisance. And having to justify every time you pop out even for two minutes. And having them be there every time you walk through the door. You can't be alone, with your own thoughts, and you can't do your own thing. Horrible.

The best way to live with another person, if you can do this, is to also have your own place nearby.

[Jozi]

I think one should live with a woman before one proposes marriage. You'd want to see if you can tolerate each other on a day to day basis.

(12-12-2018 07:44 AM)Vladimir Poontang Wrote:  

I hate the idea of being in bed with another person all night, night after night, with them shifting around, taking up space, and being a nuisance. And having to justify every time you pop out even for two minutes. And having them be there every time you walk through the door. You can't be alone, with your own thoughts, and you can't do your own thing. Horrible.

The best way to live with another person, if you can do this, is to also have your own place nearby.

Just get a big enough apartment then you won't have to be bothered unless you want to.

[Jozi]

(12-12-2018 04:21 AM)lunchmoney Wrote:  

Friends I know that have done this have generally seen the relationships go South because they underestimated the little things. One friend that comes to mind dated a girl who he didn't know until she moved in smoked weed due to her anxiety (he hates smokers of any kind). One day he said he saw something that resembled a blunt in the bathroom trash can, and confronted her. She told him the reason she did it, and didn't want to tell him "because he would not understand". This was 2 months after they started living together, and about a year after dating.

How is this a negative though? It's good that he found out what she was really about before he wasted more of his life on the girl.

[Vladimir Poontang]

I've heard it said that living together before marriage increases the chance of divorce. I can't think why though.

[the-dream]

(12-12-2018 11:48 AM)Vladimir Poontang Wrote:  

I've heard it said that living together before marriage increases the chance of divorce. I can't think why though.

I imagine it is because people who refuse to live together before marrying have stronger morals regarding marriage and those same morals that stop them from cohabitation before marriage will also stop them from crying divorce at any slight problem.

[Cr33pin]

I lived with a chick I wasn't married to off and on for damn near ten years. It has its pros and cons a long with everything else in life. It's only ideal when you have a girl who is a good gf/roommate. Mine cooked and cleaned and had her own hobbies like reading and arts and crafts that helped balance out us having our own space/time. We also split all the bills/rent 50/50, aint no free rides with Uncle Cr33pin. The sleeping part sucks (for me at least) unless you have a king sized bed. I'm a fairly light sleeper and toss and turn a lot... mixing that with sharing a smaller bed with another human bean sucks. I've been living on my own now for the last 4 or 5 years and as we always do I look at the past with rose tinted glasses and think of how nice it would be to live with a cool chick again.

Just like the dilemma between dating or being single. Which ever way you are doing it you always start to lust for the opposite. The grass is always green mentality in full effect.

[RoadTo100]

Pre-Game I moved in w/ my ex-LTR after 1 year together (we were changing cities together, so it was "logical"). What would have been a 2-year LTR ended up as a 3-year one due to the extreme inertia that living together causes. It's a huge pain in the ass to breakup when you are living together.

Honestly though, living together gave me such a deep insight into women and how they operate that it was invaluable in that regard. Before this LTR, my (incredibly naive) mental model was that a woman would basically think how I would. Boy was that wrong! So while I wouldn't necessarily say it's worth it to live with a woman for this, for guys with less experience with women I can guarantee they will learn a lot about the nature of women.

(12-12-2018 01:51 AM)the-dream Wrote:  

It is essentially being married without actually being married.

I agree 100% with the-dream here.

Would I do it again? Not unless I am considering marrying the girl.

[Caduceus]

(12-12-2018 12:08 AM)Deepdiver Wrote:  

Important - If you do move in with her get a small storage unit and move your stuff in there - that way if there are problems a month or two in you do not wind up giving her all your stuff (I have done this a couple times then learned to keep a side storage unit) - a guy I knew knocked up a young broad from the club he was lead host/security in and his wife kicked him out of his 3/4 of a Million dollar house - he kept all his stuff in storage and would change in the unit - go to the Y to work out and shower and shave then go to work... wound up staying at various motels till he found a place. Went from king of his own castle to living out of a storage unit - packed all the boxes in front in case he had to crash there (It was indoors and heated and he used a broke padlock that would drop when he shock the door then locked it with his real lock when he left.

[heavy]

With economic surplus and no scarcity, it seems to make sense to live alone until you're progressing toward a long-term life together (for me that means marriage).

I can understand wanting to live together to save money.

The idea of moving in with a woman to save money seems crazy.

Thus, it seems crazy to move in with a woman sans life-long commitment (marriage).

My wife divorced me in my 20s despite life-long commitment.

It was fucked up, and I don't blame her entirely for responding to her situation that way.

So I don't have a good answer. I think it depends on the millions of unique variables of the person and relationship.

...better off scrolling up to Cr33pin's post

[quaker13]

You do NOT need to ever live with a woman before marriage to determine if you all can cohabitate. This a dumb idea forced memed and propagandized by women who either don't want to pay rent or wanna pay severely discounted rent. This assumes you all live in the same city or no more than 2 hours apart. A man who is serious about marriage, especially a reformed player, should have the skills to determine what living with his perspective wife is like after 2 years of being in a relationship with her. You're a fucking blind man if you can't observe things that you would later grow to hate or are just down-right non-negotiable. In two years you will frequently be staying over particularly on the weekends and holidays. You will do this multiple times throughout the 2 years. There is no need to actual throw away your freedom and freedoms to get tell tale signs of a bad living partner. I wanna scream when guys promote this notion. Don't get me started on the money saving aspect of this either, because if you don't make it abundantly clear you are splitting everything down the middle you are about to be taken for a ride. BTW, she will also grow resentful if you do wanna establish a 50/50 split.

You guys under estimate the freedom you have living independently or with roommates. As it's been said by the Dream and Vladimir there are virtually no upsides including the often lauded money saving factor. DO NOT EVER DO THIS. My best friend moved in with his college girlfriend his junior year and to this day reminds me of the fact that he missed out on 2 good years of his life dealing with a relationship that ultimately went nowhere. DO NOT EVER DO THIS. Men on this forum are supposed to have women as accessories or additions to their quality of life, we don't need this bitches. You wanna get married, fine. Nothing wrong that at all, but you will look back at the time you spent prematurely moving in with your girlfriend, no matter how feminine unselfish and sweet she is, and wanna punch yourself right in the nose. DO NOT EVER DO THIS. I moved in my wife a month before our wedding. A month!!!. I even regretted doing that lol. LOL@ moving in with a woman year or more before marriage. What kinda beta maneuvering is this? Listen to a 40 year old OG with a halfway decent lay count of quality women and save yourself the frustration.