Details
Quick background:
We're both in our early twenties.
She's a senior in university, no job, and lives with family.
I'm out of school and independent, making an extremely good living for my age and can provide a high quality lifestyle. I'm her type (tall, physically fit, etc.), and I'm known as relatively exotic in this country.
We enjoy each other quite a lot, and have spent over 1,000 hours with one another in the past 2 months. Basically lived with each other for 3/4 that time. She took care of me by cooking, cleaning, doing my laundry, giving me massages, etc.
Everything is great...other than the fact that she's a compulsive liar and has horrible communication skills. She even admitted to her compulsive lying recently, and one of her recent lies has caused a major strain in any relationship that is left between us, and I'm unclear of how to proceed. I think it's over, but who knows, there may be recovery to this. I just hate the idea of having all that time wasted with her, but I can't see a future with someone who can't be honest as I think honesty is the core of any relationship.
The story:
Let's call her Sally.
Met Sally on Tinder, and on our first date I brought another girl with me (told her in advance, we were just going out as a group to get drinks and have fun). The other girl got drunk and jealous and threw a temper tantrum in front of everyone while we were out because she saw me dancing with Sally. Sally was upset by this and told me she was just gonna leave to avoid the drama, and I told her okay and sent her off. She didn't respond to me when I messaged her later, but a few days after that I hit her up again and managed to get the bang that night. No harm done except that now she thinks I'm a player, but still continued to see me despite knowing this.
We continue to hang out for weeks, and I live with her and her family for a month or so while getting my living situation sorted (living in a new country). Hung out with her and her family a few times, and even her grandma.
The whole time, I was 100% honest with Sally. I went out to see other girls, and she knew it. She chose to stick around. She confronted me about it once and told me she didn't like it and I told her that until we seal the deal and are in a committed relationship, I'm a single man and will do what I want. She said she understands and it's not my fault because she knew it since the day we met. But after she let me know she had feelings for me, I toned it down and stopped doing that because she showed me her intentions of wanting a relationship.
As soon as I stopped, she started. She started hiding her phone and texting other guys, waking up early in the morning when we were sleeping together to go to another room and respond to messages and I'd wake up and find her there, and even used me as a driver for a booty call and lied to me about where she was going (which I found out later). Complete disrespect. And she lied to me about all of it the whole time with made up stories.
A few days ago (this is like 2 months in now) we had a long conversation about honesty and trust. We came to a mutual agreement, or so I thought, that'd we be honest with one another. Two days later (last night) she went traveling to another nearby country. She told me about the trip a couple of weeks ago saying that it was a school trip and that she's going with her professors and other students. I called bullshit immediately in my mind. I told her to show me her itinerary (said I want it so I know where she is in case of emergencies). She ignored the question twice, and then I finally called her out on her dishonesty and reminded her of the conversation we had just two days prior.
As a result of this lie she told me, I gave her an ultimatum. I told her if I don't get the entire trip itinerary by the end of the night, she should consider the last time we hung out to be the last time we will have ever see each other.
She was shook when she read it. She immediately became extremely apologetic, and came out about the fact that she'd been lying to me all along about who she was texting, the booty call I drove her to, etc. (in spite of my full honesty with her) and that she hates herself for it, but that she has to go on this trip to "figure something out about her mind". LOL. More like get some new dick. Anyways.
I told her I was very disappointed in her because just two days prior we had that long conversation about honesty and here she is lying to me already. I trusted her fully and her family even welcomed me into their home. I told her I'm done and will be going to her family to explain to them what happened in case she tries to lie to them and shame me.
She said I'm the only person she's ever introduced to her family. She says she's scared to lose me the most and begs to give her just one more chance, and that she will tell me everything she's lied about and that there will be no more lies ever.
I sent her one last ultimatum: "This is very easy to test. I'm about to catch you in your final lie. Prove it. If you're scared to lose me, leave him and come back to me now. You ask for one more chance, that is your final chance.". She hasn't read it yet (she's not online, her phone is probably put away as she travels about this new city with this guy she went on a trip with).
Questions
Did I make the right call here giving this final ultimatum? I doubt she'll actually return before the trip ends because she's broke and can't buy a ticket back, but if I don't actually pull through with my ultimatum I'll lose a lot more frame because she'll think she can walk over me and get away with it.
Is this a situation worth healing? Should I even consider taking her back? I admit that I am the one that started seeing other people, but the thing is I was seeing other people since the first day I met her, and she knew it. I was 10000% honest about it. She made the conscious choice to continue seeing me. So I don't think I did anything wrong here.
She not only returned the favor after condemning me for my actions (making her a hypocrite), she also LIED about it the whole time. There's a big difference. Complete and utter dishonesty and disrespect, and broke all my trust for her.
Please advise, I'm not thinking straight.
Quick background:
We're both in our early twenties.
She's a senior in university, no job, and lives with family.
I'm out of school and independent, making an extremely good living for my age and can provide a high quality lifestyle. I'm her type (tall, physically fit, etc.), and I'm known as relatively exotic in this country.
We enjoy each other quite a lot, and have spent over 1,000 hours with one another in the past 2 months. Basically lived with each other for 3/4 that time. She took care of me by cooking, cleaning, doing my laundry, giving me massages, etc.
Everything is great...other than the fact that she's a compulsive liar and has horrible communication skills. She even admitted to her compulsive lying recently, and one of her recent lies has caused a major strain in any relationship that is left between us, and I'm unclear of how to proceed. I think it's over, but who knows, there may be recovery to this. I just hate the idea of having all that time wasted with her, but I can't see a future with someone who can't be honest as I think honesty is the core of any relationship.
The story:
Let's call her Sally.
Met Sally on Tinder, and on our first date I brought another girl with me (told her in advance, we were just going out as a group to get drinks and have fun). The other girl got drunk and jealous and threw a temper tantrum in front of everyone while we were out because she saw me dancing with Sally. Sally was upset by this and told me she was just gonna leave to avoid the drama, and I told her okay and sent her off. She didn't respond to me when I messaged her later, but a few days after that I hit her up again and managed to get the bang that night. No harm done except that now she thinks I'm a player, but still continued to see me despite knowing this.
We continue to hang out for weeks, and I live with her and her family for a month or so while getting my living situation sorted (living in a new country). Hung out with her and her family a few times, and even her grandma.
The whole time, I was 100% honest with Sally. I went out to see other girls, and she knew it. She chose to stick around. She confronted me about it once and told me she didn't like it and I told her that until we seal the deal and are in a committed relationship, I'm a single man and will do what I want. She said she understands and it's not my fault because she knew it since the day we met. But after she let me know she had feelings for me, I toned it down and stopped doing that because she showed me her intentions of wanting a relationship.
As soon as I stopped, she started. She started hiding her phone and texting other guys, waking up early in the morning when we were sleeping together to go to another room and respond to messages and I'd wake up and find her there, and even used me as a driver for a booty call and lied to me about where she was going (which I found out later). Complete disrespect. And she lied to me about all of it the whole time with made up stories.
A few days ago (this is like 2 months in now) we had a long conversation about honesty and trust. We came to a mutual agreement, or so I thought, that'd we be honest with one another. Two days later (last night) she went traveling to another nearby country. She told me about the trip a couple of weeks ago saying that it was a school trip and that she's going with her professors and other students. I called bullshit immediately in my mind. I told her to show me her itinerary (said I want it so I know where she is in case of emergencies). She ignored the question twice, and then I finally called her out on her dishonesty and reminded her of the conversation we had just two days prior.
As a result of this lie she told me, I gave her an ultimatum. I told her if I don't get the entire trip itinerary by the end of the night, she should consider the last time we hung out to be the last time we will have ever see each other.
She was shook when she read it. She immediately became extremely apologetic, and came out about the fact that she'd been lying to me all along about who she was texting, the booty call I drove her to, etc. (in spite of my full honesty with her) and that she hates herself for it, but that she has to go on this trip to "figure something out about her mind". LOL. More like get some new dick. Anyways.
I told her I was very disappointed in her because just two days prior we had that long conversation about honesty and here she is lying to me already. I trusted her fully and her family even welcomed me into their home. I told her I'm done and will be going to her family to explain to them what happened in case she tries to lie to them and shame me.
She said I'm the only person she's ever introduced to her family. She says she's scared to lose me the most and begs to give her just one more chance, and that she will tell me everything she's lied about and that there will be no more lies ever.
I sent her one last ultimatum: "This is very easy to test. I'm about to catch you in your final lie. Prove it. If you're scared to lose me, leave him and come back to me now. You ask for one more chance, that is your final chance.". She hasn't read it yet (she's not online, her phone is probably put away as she travels about this new city with this guy she went on a trip with).
Questions
Did I make the right call here giving this final ultimatum? I doubt she'll actually return before the trip ends because she's broke and can't buy a ticket back, but if I don't actually pull through with my ultimatum I'll lose a lot more frame because she'll think she can walk over me and get away with it.
Is this a situation worth healing? Should I even consider taking her back? I admit that I am the one that started seeing other people, but the thing is I was seeing other people since the first day I met her, and she knew it. I was 10000% honest about it. She made the conscious choice to continue seeing me. So I don't think I did anything wrong here.
She not only returned the favor after condemning me for my actions (making her a hypocrite), she also LIED about it the whole time. There's a big difference. Complete and utter dishonesty and disrespect, and broke all my trust for her.
Please advise, I'm not thinking straight.