Greetings, fellow kids. I'm entering week 9 of my 10-week stay here in beautiful Poznan, Poland and thought I would write up a report about my trip.
Dirty Bullet Point Version
- Nine new bangs in just under nine weeks. Two old bangs. One boyfriend cucked.
- Two of the girls were hot. One was a disaster. The rest were cute, but normal girls... just my speed!
- Most bangs were from Tinder. Also did some day and night game with mixed results.
- One girl accidentally left a piece of her vagina at my apartment.
- Poznan is a cool city that I wish I had more time in.
- Poland has declined some, but it was still good to me this time around.
About Me
I am in my early thirties and this was not my first rodeo with Poland. I have been visiting the country since 2011. I am of decent height and in decent shape, and my best physical feature is probably my hair. Other than that I consider myself average. I would rate myself as a 6.5 depending on how hard I am hitting the gym that month. My game level is okay, but can use a lot of improvement in the area of approaching. While I have slept with a handful of beautiful girls in my time - including a few on this trip - the girls I normally get are also in the 6-7 range; cute, but normal girls. I was in a relationship for many years prior to this that ended painfully, and to be honest still hurts pretty bad... so I sort of went ape shit this trip, and was, let's say, not exactly too discerning. That said, I did have a blast, and feel much better than when I arrived.
Has Poland Declined?
Let's get this out of the way. Yes. Poland has declined from even two or three years ago when I last visited the country. Female egos, feminism, flakiness, body fat percentages, sluttiness, careerism, and tattoos are all inflating at a rate I find hard to believe is even possible, but one thing I have observed about the younger generation of Poles is that if the West is doing something, they will try to do it 2-3x harder. Body-building, steroid use, beards, MMA training (or just wearing the apparel), undercuts, Instagram whoring, tattoos... Jesus Christ, the tattoos... it's like while I was gone every goddamned person in this country decided to get half their body covered in below average pictures of birds and Tequila skulls to match their gay Pitbull West Coast shirts.
And yes, the girls have grown thicker bitch shields. The guys too have become more competitive and aggressive than they used to be. All you have heard is true. The days of Poland, or at least Wielkopolskie passing the Busted Dudes Test are over. I have noticed way more fit, well-dressed guys here than I ever did before, to the point where there were times these past few weeks that I did not feel like I was in Poland but some other Northern European country like Germany, Denmark, or Sweden. The women don't seem to wear high heels or ultra-long hair as much as they used to, which is a shame, as nothing gets the old boner gravity pump firing for me than a pretty girl with silky smooth hair all the way down to her butt cheeks.
That said, let's be clear: Poland is still good. Polish girls are still my favorite, and for me, the time here is worthwhile. It isn't all doom and gloom.
Polish girls are still vastly superior to their American counterparts in both looks and personalities. The average girl here is slimmer, cuter, and more approachable than most girls in the West. And the most important thing for me: they are good company. I had fun with almost all the girls I went out with here, even the ones I didn't bang. And what is the point of spending time with a woman if she isn't fun?
The Girls
Polish girls tend to be slender, pale, with typically blonde or brown hair. The occasional fire crotch can be sighted with slightly more frequency than Bigfoot. They are significantly taller and more Westernized in Poznan than in other Polish cities I have been to, probably due to the city's position two hours from the German border. As for their physiques - this is boob country. Polish girls have the biggest, roundest tits I have ever seen. Couple this with thin waists, wide childbearing hips, and typically nice (but little) asses, and this is a country where you will find yourself spoiled by the feminine form.
I mean absolutely fucking spoiled. I'm dreading leaving this place because I can't imagine going back to girls whose bellies stick out further than their titties do. This was the first country where I banged a girl with F-cups. Then I met another girl with F-cups. Two girls with F-cups in two months. That's unreal. That's like God sending an archangel messenger to tell me to wake the fuck up lad, because life is too short to only bang girls with small to average-sized knockers. The tits here are so much better than what I was used to before, that there were times here when I thought I would turn into a character from a Philip Roth novel and wake up the next morning having transformed into a breast myself. It is no surprise to me the most popular ice cream in Poland is called "Big Milk."
One downside, I did have some negative encounters with a few time-wasters, disasters, and career cunts. So, beware those. They didn't ruin my time here, though, and were far outweighed by the fun girls who made me remember why I love this country.
The City
Poznan is a lovely, mid-sized city on the Warta river. There is a beautiful old town surrounded by a modern city served by plenty of trams and busses which you will never actually use because you can walk everywhere. There is a lake in the city center (Malta), another lake with a fake beach where you can swim (Rusalka), and a number of lakes further out from the city where you can go to also. The parks are the best I have seen in Poland, including the riverside promenade, which is more of a riverside dirt path with some porta potties, but since drinking in public is legal on the riverbanks it's a great place to walk or hang out with people when the weather is nice. I watched some beautiful sunsets here broken by the stark silhouettes of the centuries-old cathedrals. It is not the most beautiful city I have been to in Poland, but it is overall a nice place. I told my parents it's the kind of city I could live in long term, to a chorus of many grumpy noises.
The vibe in Poznan is cool, laid back, and the night life seems to be the best in the country, which to me means all of Europe - nobody parties better than the Poles. There are almost as many bar and night club options as Krakow, despite Krakow being a much larger city. Poznanus are easier going and lack the infamous snobbiness of Cracovians. Restaurant options are good, and you can find everything from traditional Polish to Indian to Vietnamese to Vegan bullshit to authentic spicy Chinese (!!!).
Gaming Girls in Poland
My bangs ranged from one disaster to a few very decent, cute girls, and two girls who I consider to be beautiful. Most had just gotten out of relationships. See more about this in the "bangs" section below. As said before, most of my bangs came from Tinder. Only a few from walking up to girls and starting a conversation. I am not great at cold approaching, and this is a big hole in my game I am trying to work on. But, once there is an introduction, I do pretty well. I view the app as an introduction-making tool and nothing more. I've written a few posts in the Tinder thread about this.
Again, my game is not the best. I do fine, but I am not an approach machine or a master of seduction. Yes, I got shot down. But I never got BTFO and that is one of the reasons I love this place. Poland is a country where you will not be punished harshly if your game is not sharp as a razor. After years with my ex, I feel rusty as fuck and I feel like I am having to learn this stuff all over again. I guess I probably am. But in Poland, hey Joe, that's alright. It's easier here to be a slightly autistic retard than in other places. Couple this with the fact that Poznan has amazing night life, and some of you guys who are better than me at walking up to chicks and asking where the pet shop is should kill it here.
The Venues
The nightlife in Poznan is almost all centered at Stary Rynek or within a ten-minute walk from there. I am not big on club game, and there has been plenty written about those places already, so I will try to give a run down of a few other places I haven't seen much information about on the forum.
Riverside Chill Spots
*Note: these are only open in the warm weather months, from May-September.
KontenerART - a huge, cool outdoor bar and nightclub on the banks of the Warta river, near Chwalizewo st. It is all made from steel shipping containers. There is an upstairs level, a DJ booth and dance floor, and a stage for live music. Plenty of comfy chairs, beanbags, and tables where you can sit. There is a stage for live music although the only time I actually saw a band there it was ska, which as we all know is the soundtrack of pussies drying. They have a salsa night on Mondays I believe. Hot chicks hang out here and the place stays open decently late, until 12-1AM even on weeknights. I only went here as a date spot - and it is great for that. But it looked like there was potential to pull here.
The Hammock Place - this is attached to KontenerART, but is a better date spot in my opinion. Dozens of hammocks all strung up from wooden structures, over a fake beach. There is a beer bar and a Georgian street food restaurant if you get hungry. You can sit in groups or just cuddle with your Polka in a hammock. After dark, no one will bother you if you get freaky. On weeknights you could have a radius of 4-5 hammocks between you and the next couple. I took most of my dates here as a "second venue" after the bounce, and very quickly escalated all of them from sitting side by side in a hammock (no way not to be touching) to going horizontal and making out. The hammocks are nice because with two people the "walls" basically make you invisible to outside observation. Time to suck on some of those previously mentioned gigantic Polish titties!
Barbarka - another fake beach with a bar, slightly down the river and across the bridge. So, this place is on the East side as opposed to the West, where the hammock place is. There are some beach chairs and you can order beer and sit and chat. The place next door sells surprisingly good burgers. Hipster crowd. Not good for make outs or escalation, but because it faces West, it is absolutely the best place I found in Poznan to sit with a girl and watch the sunset. When the weather is nice, there really is nowhere I enjoyed more in this city than the banks of the Warta river.
Riverside Piwnic (*bonus location*) - young Poznanus love to "piwnic" on the riverside, which as you may guessed from your rudimentary knowledge of the Polish language, is a portmanteau of "piwo" (beer) and "picnic." Because it is legal to drink on the riverside, warm weather brings modest crowds of partiers who are either too young, poor, or cool to spend their cash at bars and clubs. I saw scores of hot girls here, coming, going, and drinking. My impression was that this is a strong social circle environment rather than a place to spam approach, so if you have co workers, a student group, or are looking for place to take a cheap date, this could be a good alternative to the main square. I took a girl here with nothing but a blanket and a $2 bottle of wine from Zabka and two hours later we banged.
Night Clubs
Czekolada - the fanciest club on Wroclawska Street. I went here twice, both very late and on the weekends, which other guys have told me was a mistake. The crowd was mostly drunk dudes and a few frumpzilla chicks who were already being tentacled by said drunk dudes. Two things to note: this was probably a timing issue as many guys have said on the forum (and told me IRL) that this place is good if you go on a Thursday. I did not do enough research to say much more about it. Also, as mentioned earlier, I am not naturally a night club type of guy. Although I have pulled SNLs from Polish night clubs in the past, I did not do so in Poznan. So take any info here with a big grain of salt.
Cuba Libre - across the street from Czekolada. I stood in a long line here on a Saturday night with some guy friends and ended up bailing to go down the street. But again, take this info with a huge grain of salt. Several girls have told me this is where they go to "dance to Latin music and go crazy" - IE meet foreigners, especially those who look like they could be named Alejandro. A few older career girls I talked to about this club specifically mentioned they only went here when they were "young and stupid." We know what that means.
Havana - actually enjoyed this place, although by the time we made it there, it was around 3 AM and we were trashed. Almost no targets but I had fun bopping around the dance floor and watching guys' faces when I exchanged smiles with their girlfriends.
Pod Minoga - met some friends here. Dance floor layout looked like it could have potential, as it was far away from the bar and pretty secluded/dark and seedy, but it was around 11PM, and there weren't many people there so no idea if the crowd is good or not.
SQ - stopped in here on a Wednesday night and there were plenty of approachable girls. I was recovering from a bout with a mysterious Polish illness so it was an early night for me, and I was only there about ten minutes, but I plan to go back here before I leave.
Bars
Hola Hola - this is the "cool kids" bar where people go to be seen. Overpriced cocktails and an above-average crowd in terms of looks. I guess it's okay if you're going with a group to have some drinks. The outdoor patio is crowded. I didn't think much of it one way or the other.
Koltowa - Got two makeouts here and one bang. This is a more alternative spot. I came here alone one night early on without knowing anything about it. Got poached by a gay dude who pretended to be a friendly guy. Uh huh. But I was saved by a tall drunk girl who bumped into me and who I asked to show me where the exit was. Made out with her down the street at the tram stop. The other makeout was a group of girls who my friend approached. I picked the tall one thinking to myself that big tree fall hard. In the end she did not. We made out, exchanged FB, and the next day she messaged me telling me she was not a girl for one night and that I should "just quit." K.
Pijalnia - standard Polish watering hole. There are two in Poznan, on Wroclawska St. and on the square. They are the same everywhere in Poland although prices are rising. Not a place to pick up IMO. Go here if you want to get trashed or if you are on a date with a slutty girl you don't care about impressing. Questionable beef tartare.
Czupito - a tiny bar on the corner of the square where you can get dozens of shots for very little money. Monday happy hour, I think you can get something like 10 shots for 20zl (about 5.5 USD). Younger crowd.
Za Kulisami - A small, philosophical repository of Polish books and alcohol. Tiny interior with a decent patio. Date spot for sure.
Dragon Bar - my favorite bar in Poznan. Slightly off the square, around the corner from the Pijalnia on the Rynek. Google it as there is no sign over the door, only a giant dragon head inside over the bar. The patio is nice and on weekends you can also sit upstairs. Approached a few girls here who were warm. But this is more of a date spot or a place to have some drinks with friends.
Miasto Bar - Just north of the Square, on Szewska st. Loud and crowded on the weekends, but some weeknights they host decent events.
Lot Chmiela - An expensive craft beer place with a not so great interior and surprisingly nice backyard patio. So - sit out back. I do not like craft beer personally, and think it is hipster bullshit, but since it is the cool thing right now in Poland, this place is popular.
The Bangs
The Disaster - First is the worst. And boy was it ever. My first bang in Poznan, two days after landing. Tinder girl, 21 years old. Brown hair and very cute face in her photos. She came straight to my apartment on the pretense we would go sit by the river and then she'd show me some cool bars. I was horny and ignored the SIF potential to my own peril. The girl who showed up at my apartment with a bottle of vodka and my favorite paprika-flavored potato chips had the same face as her photos, but was... heavier. Maybe 20-30 kgs heavier. Oh well. A freebie is a freebie, and I grew up poor. I confess to you my brothers that I porked that fatty after sharing a bottle of Zoladkowa Gorska with her and watching her nervously smoke ten cigarettes on my balcony while yammering on about how much she wanted to live in London. Yes, I was ashamed watching her big belly flop with each successive thrust. She wanted to go again afterward, and I didn't want to go again, so I told her politely to get going. The drunk idiot didn't take the hint and tried giving me head to make things happen. She puked on my boner. I kicked her out and had to wash my sheets three times so the old Polish guys at the rental office wouldn't execute me. Disaster.
The Innocent One - As the poet Dante teaches us in his "Divine Comedy," before we can ascend to the heights of Heaven, we must first pass through the deepest pits of Hell. I knew as soon as I matched with the Innocent One, a blonde 23 year old college student, that she was one of the good ones. She was pretty, had full body photos, looked thin, and spoke fluent Japanese. Our initial texts did not give off any signals of her being an attention vampire. We agreed to meet at a small pub she liked to go with her college friends. I saw her standing outside in a short skirt, plain white shoes, and a white t-shirt. She gave me a big smile and she was adorable. I couldn't believe the Tinder gods could throw me such a bone after the disaster that was The Disaster. The Innocent One and I had a textbook perfect first date, exploring a bunch of places around Poznan, having just enough to drink, and ending the night with a passionate make out just before she caught her tram home. Second date I got a very shy blowjob. We banged on the third date, and I could tell she was inexperienced. As in, extremely inexperienced. I asked her afterward when the last time she had sex was and she said two years ago. She admitted she was on Tinder because she was sick of being the only one of her friends without a sex life ... anyway, we hung out for the next few weeks until she had to go back to her home town to see her family. Sad to say I ghosted her when better opportunities came along. There were some sad posts on her Instagram that I can't help but think were about me.
The Korean Rainy - This girl did not speak a word of English. We mostly communicated through Google translate, mutual broken English, and hand gestures. She was 20, had black hair down to her ass, a flat tummy and a pretty face. Her friends put her on Tinder to meet a foreign guy, since she didn't like the Polish guys at her university always making "racist remark" about her being Asian. She had an American ex boyfriend who she discovered had a girlfriend or wife back home - I'm not sure to this day what happened in that story - all I know is she wanted revenge. I took her to the river with a cheap bottle of wine and two hours later she was deepthroating me at my apartment. I booty called her a few more times before she went back to Korea.
The Drug Addict Who Almost Got Me Killed, Twice - I would not believe this story if I read it, but it is true. The DAWAGMK,T was 28, tattooed, and a dog mom. Red flags! Avoid! But did I? Of course not. She invited me over to her place at three in the afternoon on a Friday and told me to bring her cigarettes. She was high on something when I got there but wasn't wearing any panties and she let me know it, so I banged. Found out later she had broken up with her boyfriend THAT MORNING. He came over while I was there to give her her meds and yell at her in Polish, and I had to hide in her bedroom closet thinking I was going to shortly meet my maker at the happy end of a switchblade. She hit me up about a month later and I returned, highly skeptical but listening to the wrong head. She was there at her place at the end of a three day bender, with a guy passed out in her bedroom and a drug dealer weighing out sacks of coke on her living room floor, who in her girped-up mentality she decided to tell me had a huge horse cock she had just finished fucking. Apparently the guy didn't like me being there and watching him do his business in her apartment because he actually did pull a knife on me, then on her, and again I found myself thinking I was going to die for about thirty seconds before the large-eared asshole cracked a big grin and said he was kidding. He went to pee with the door open before "leaving to go to work." I did not go for a second bang.
The Old Flame - a girl I used to sleep with when I lived in Poland before hit me up on Facebook saying she was in Poznan on business. She was 26 when we met, so I think 29 or 30 now. Tall, red hair. She used to be thinner but did not look too bad when I saw her again waiting for me outside her hotel. She was there with male colleagues. I confess: I did not go there intending to bang, as we were friends on Facebook and I knew she had a boyfriend who was bigger than me. And for most of the night, things did not appear to be going that way. She introduced me to her colleagues and we all drank in their hotel room, then on the patio, and they told me about how they all hated their boss and feared their company was going under. After a few drinks the Old Flame invites me for a cigarette. She told me she missed me, and when she found out I was back in Poland, she had to see me. I pulled up some old photos of us on my phone and showed her and we both had a laugh. Then she told me the sex was really good and she still thought about it. I said I was there now. We went upstairs to her hotel room and had a quickie while her coworkers were downstairs. They were nice guys and pretended not to know.
The Dream Girl - Another Tinder girl. Blonde, blue eyed, VERY pretty, 24. She looked out of my league from her pictures, and she was. Although she was about a foot shorter than I expected. Yet another Polka who had just finished breaking up with her boyfriend. We had three dates at various beer bars and the hammock place, and I did my best to balance between being a pig and a gentleman which somehow kept her entertained enough to sleep with me on the third date. We hooked up on my couch after I used the whiskey line ("I have a great bottle of Whiskey from Scotland back at my place. Want to have one more with me before you head home?") This girl had the nicest body I have ever seen in my life. Perfectly trim tummy, big round milk duds, heart-shaped ass with tan lines. I could even see her hip bones. We banged three times that night. Then three times the next time she came over. This was the girl who left a piece of her pussy at my apartment. She said she had to go pee and I heard the shower running, then heard her fall down and swear. A minute later she came out and asked me to put a bandaid on her vagina. Apparently she was paranoid about being hairy.
The Ex - This girl was the love of my life. And I admit I still have oneitis for her, despite having been broken up for a while, and having acquired many new notches since she dumped me. She is blonde and 24 years old. Long distance relationships suck, especially when they end with a big question mark and both parties are unsatisfied with the way things end. I advise you not to do them or even try them. Most of my friends told me to cut contact with her and they were probably right. But she booked a flight to come see me, and I could not say no. This was a nostalgic bang but a good one.
F-Cups the First - I met F-Cups #1 at Kultowa. I don't remember what I said to her but it was probably something stupid. She was 24, freshly graduated from medical school, had short brown hair and a pretty face, and she was THICC. But she hid the sweater kittens well, so I was surprised when we got back to my place after the second meeting, and I managed to pop those puppies out of her bra and they nearly crushed my head. She had a bit of a tummy but her tits were so huge I didn't care. We did not bang that night, but she told me she wanted to be bad and therefore had to go, so I knew the next time I saw her we would seal the deal. She came to my place the next day in the late afternoon wearing a black dress and high heels, and we had a Polish tapas board (bread, salami, twarog, and beers) before fucking like rabbits. After I got her off, she told me that she was leaving in two days to go back to her home town for the summer. We made tentative plans for me to come visit her at her parents' house some weekend they were gone that never came to fruition. I would've loved watching those big old taters jiggle for the rest of the summer, but... the universe balances itself out, I guess.
The Vegan - Brown-haired, thin, 28. Average girl but great company. First date lay. She was the nicest vegan I ever met and did not try to convert me. I found myself asking tons of questions about her diet and lifestyle out of sheer curiosity and my surprise at the fact she was so chill about it. The only girl I met here who really seemed to love giving blowjobs.
The Spanish Cum Dumpster, AKA F-Cups #2 - oh, this girl. 29, brown hair, She was so pretty and pleasant to be around, but goddamn, did she check every single box for a cliche Polish sloot. I met her on Polwiejska Street during one of the very few eary evening approaches I did after heavy eye contact from her and got the number. I think I asked her if there was a McDonald's nearby because I wanted a really terrible cheeseburger. We hung out a bunch over the course of three or four weeks and did all sorts of shit, from hiking around a lake, to going to dinner, to just laying around my apartment in post-sex bliss or drinking wine on my balcony. I guess I made her feel comfortable, because she told me all about how she had lived in Spain, spoke fluent Spanish, and had "a few" Spanish ex-boyfriends (read: dozens upon dozens). This was the girl who told me she used to visit Cuba Libre every week when she was "young and stupid." And I believe her. Her tits were huge and she was still in pretty good shape. A boring bang despite her extensive experience. Would not marry.
The Water Nymph - 25, brown hair, dog mom. A stick figure with a great set of cans. It's amazing how nature can balance a slightly beat/average face with a body you want to cover in sperm. Our first and only date was to a lake where we laid on her blanket and drank beer. She told me how she is the mistress of a very handsome married man who doesn't want to commit to her. I'm so sorry to hear that, dear, but please, let me help you feel better... No trouble at all getting this one to my place. I asked directly and she agreed as long as I was "fun." Her dog watched us bang on my couch then tried to stick his face in my balls. Bad doggie. Nie wolno.
Conclusion
These past eight weeks in Poland were exactly what I needed. When I arrived, I was in a dark time in my life. I still am, but it's a little less dark now. I lost a bit of myself in my last relationship and am still picking up the pieces. The city where I was before was not a great one for game or for bouncing back after a bad breakup. But, after my time here, I feel like I am on the right path, though still a work in progress.
There are many problems in my personal life I know will exist wherever I go. I drink too much, I am growing distant with my family, I am not over my ex, my game has more holes than the Iraqi Navy. In many ways, I, too, am a disaster. Maybe some of the Polish girls I have banged and dipped on these past few weeks will write about me when they go to post on their own forums, with nicknames like "The Disappearing Fuckboy," "The One With the Grossly Hairy Toes," or "The Guy Who Hid in My Closet While My Ex Boyfriend Called Me Kurwa."
I don't know. But I do know that, however fleeting happiness may be, I have found some moments of it here. Is Poland Paradise Lost? It probably is. But for me, for a little while, it was also Paradise Regained.
Dirty Bullet Point Version
- Nine new bangs in just under nine weeks. Two old bangs. One boyfriend cucked.
- Two of the girls were hot. One was a disaster. The rest were cute, but normal girls... just my speed!
- Most bangs were from Tinder. Also did some day and night game with mixed results.
- One girl accidentally left a piece of her vagina at my apartment.
- Poznan is a cool city that I wish I had more time in.
- Poland has declined some, but it was still good to me this time around.
About Me
I am in my early thirties and this was not my first rodeo with Poland. I have been visiting the country since 2011. I am of decent height and in decent shape, and my best physical feature is probably my hair. Other than that I consider myself average. I would rate myself as a 6.5 depending on how hard I am hitting the gym that month. My game level is okay, but can use a lot of improvement in the area of approaching. While I have slept with a handful of beautiful girls in my time - including a few on this trip - the girls I normally get are also in the 6-7 range; cute, but normal girls. I was in a relationship for many years prior to this that ended painfully, and to be honest still hurts pretty bad... so I sort of went ape shit this trip, and was, let's say, not exactly too discerning. That said, I did have a blast, and feel much better than when I arrived.
Has Poland Declined?
Let's get this out of the way. Yes. Poland has declined from even two or three years ago when I last visited the country. Female egos, feminism, flakiness, body fat percentages, sluttiness, careerism, and tattoos are all inflating at a rate I find hard to believe is even possible, but one thing I have observed about the younger generation of Poles is that if the West is doing something, they will try to do it 2-3x harder. Body-building, steroid use, beards, MMA training (or just wearing the apparel), undercuts, Instagram whoring, tattoos... Jesus Christ, the tattoos... it's like while I was gone every goddamned person in this country decided to get half their body covered in below average pictures of birds and Tequila skulls to match their gay Pitbull West Coast shirts.
And yes, the girls have grown thicker bitch shields. The guys too have become more competitive and aggressive than they used to be. All you have heard is true. The days of Poland, or at least Wielkopolskie passing the Busted Dudes Test are over. I have noticed way more fit, well-dressed guys here than I ever did before, to the point where there were times these past few weeks that I did not feel like I was in Poland but some other Northern European country like Germany, Denmark, or Sweden. The women don't seem to wear high heels or ultra-long hair as much as they used to, which is a shame, as nothing gets the old boner gravity pump firing for me than a pretty girl with silky smooth hair all the way down to her butt cheeks.
That said, let's be clear: Poland is still good. Polish girls are still my favorite, and for me, the time here is worthwhile. It isn't all doom and gloom.
Polish girls are still vastly superior to their American counterparts in both looks and personalities. The average girl here is slimmer, cuter, and more approachable than most girls in the West. And the most important thing for me: they are good company. I had fun with almost all the girls I went out with here, even the ones I didn't bang. And what is the point of spending time with a woman if she isn't fun?
The Girls
Polish girls tend to be slender, pale, with typically blonde or brown hair. The occasional fire crotch can be sighted with slightly more frequency than Bigfoot. They are significantly taller and more Westernized in Poznan than in other Polish cities I have been to, probably due to the city's position two hours from the German border. As for their physiques - this is boob country. Polish girls have the biggest, roundest tits I have ever seen. Couple this with thin waists, wide childbearing hips, and typically nice (but little) asses, and this is a country where you will find yourself spoiled by the feminine form.
I mean absolutely fucking spoiled. I'm dreading leaving this place because I can't imagine going back to girls whose bellies stick out further than their titties do. This was the first country where I banged a girl with F-cups. Then I met another girl with F-cups. Two girls with F-cups in two months. That's unreal. That's like God sending an archangel messenger to tell me to wake the fuck up lad, because life is too short to only bang girls with small to average-sized knockers. The tits here are so much better than what I was used to before, that there were times here when I thought I would turn into a character from a Philip Roth novel and wake up the next morning having transformed into a breast myself. It is no surprise to me the most popular ice cream in Poland is called "Big Milk."
One downside, I did have some negative encounters with a few time-wasters, disasters, and career cunts. So, beware those. They didn't ruin my time here, though, and were far outweighed by the fun girls who made me remember why I love this country.
The City
Poznan is a lovely, mid-sized city on the Warta river. There is a beautiful old town surrounded by a modern city served by plenty of trams and busses which you will never actually use because you can walk everywhere. There is a lake in the city center (Malta), another lake with a fake beach where you can swim (Rusalka), and a number of lakes further out from the city where you can go to also. The parks are the best I have seen in Poland, including the riverside promenade, which is more of a riverside dirt path with some porta potties, but since drinking in public is legal on the riverbanks it's a great place to walk or hang out with people when the weather is nice. I watched some beautiful sunsets here broken by the stark silhouettes of the centuries-old cathedrals. It is not the most beautiful city I have been to in Poland, but it is overall a nice place. I told my parents it's the kind of city I could live in long term, to a chorus of many grumpy noises.
The vibe in Poznan is cool, laid back, and the night life seems to be the best in the country, which to me means all of Europe - nobody parties better than the Poles. There are almost as many bar and night club options as Krakow, despite Krakow being a much larger city. Poznanus are easier going and lack the infamous snobbiness of Cracovians. Restaurant options are good, and you can find everything from traditional Polish to Indian to Vietnamese to Vegan bullshit to authentic spicy Chinese (!!!).
Gaming Girls in Poland
My bangs ranged from one disaster to a few very decent, cute girls, and two girls who I consider to be beautiful. Most had just gotten out of relationships. See more about this in the "bangs" section below. As said before, most of my bangs came from Tinder. Only a few from walking up to girls and starting a conversation. I am not great at cold approaching, and this is a big hole in my game I am trying to work on. But, once there is an introduction, I do pretty well. I view the app as an introduction-making tool and nothing more. I've written a few posts in the Tinder thread about this.
Again, my game is not the best. I do fine, but I am not an approach machine or a master of seduction. Yes, I got shot down. But I never got BTFO and that is one of the reasons I love this place. Poland is a country where you will not be punished harshly if your game is not sharp as a razor. After years with my ex, I feel rusty as fuck and I feel like I am having to learn this stuff all over again. I guess I probably am. But in Poland, hey Joe, that's alright. It's easier here to be a slightly autistic retard than in other places. Couple this with the fact that Poznan has amazing night life, and some of you guys who are better than me at walking up to chicks and asking where the pet shop is should kill it here.
The Venues
The nightlife in Poznan is almost all centered at Stary Rynek or within a ten-minute walk from there. I am not big on club game, and there has been plenty written about those places already, so I will try to give a run down of a few other places I haven't seen much information about on the forum.
Riverside Chill Spots
*Note: these are only open in the warm weather months, from May-September.
KontenerART - a huge, cool outdoor bar and nightclub on the banks of the Warta river, near Chwalizewo st. It is all made from steel shipping containers. There is an upstairs level, a DJ booth and dance floor, and a stage for live music. Plenty of comfy chairs, beanbags, and tables where you can sit. There is a stage for live music although the only time I actually saw a band there it was ska, which as we all know is the soundtrack of pussies drying. They have a salsa night on Mondays I believe. Hot chicks hang out here and the place stays open decently late, until 12-1AM even on weeknights. I only went here as a date spot - and it is great for that. But it looked like there was potential to pull here.
The Hammock Place - this is attached to KontenerART, but is a better date spot in my opinion. Dozens of hammocks all strung up from wooden structures, over a fake beach. There is a beer bar and a Georgian street food restaurant if you get hungry. You can sit in groups or just cuddle with your Polka in a hammock. After dark, no one will bother you if you get freaky. On weeknights you could have a radius of 4-5 hammocks between you and the next couple. I took most of my dates here as a "second venue" after the bounce, and very quickly escalated all of them from sitting side by side in a hammock (no way not to be touching) to going horizontal and making out. The hammocks are nice because with two people the "walls" basically make you invisible to outside observation. Time to suck on some of those previously mentioned gigantic Polish titties!
Barbarka - another fake beach with a bar, slightly down the river and across the bridge. So, this place is on the East side as opposed to the West, where the hammock place is. There are some beach chairs and you can order beer and sit and chat. The place next door sells surprisingly good burgers. Hipster crowd. Not good for make outs or escalation, but because it faces West, it is absolutely the best place I found in Poznan to sit with a girl and watch the sunset. When the weather is nice, there really is nowhere I enjoyed more in this city than the banks of the Warta river.
Riverside Piwnic (*bonus location*) - young Poznanus love to "piwnic" on the riverside, which as you may guessed from your rudimentary knowledge of the Polish language, is a portmanteau of "piwo" (beer) and "picnic." Because it is legal to drink on the riverside, warm weather brings modest crowds of partiers who are either too young, poor, or cool to spend their cash at bars and clubs. I saw scores of hot girls here, coming, going, and drinking. My impression was that this is a strong social circle environment rather than a place to spam approach, so if you have co workers, a student group, or are looking for place to take a cheap date, this could be a good alternative to the main square. I took a girl here with nothing but a blanket and a $2 bottle of wine from Zabka and two hours later we banged.
Night Clubs
Czekolada - the fanciest club on Wroclawska Street. I went here twice, both very late and on the weekends, which other guys have told me was a mistake. The crowd was mostly drunk dudes and a few frumpzilla chicks who were already being tentacled by said drunk dudes. Two things to note: this was probably a timing issue as many guys have said on the forum (and told me IRL) that this place is good if you go on a Thursday. I did not do enough research to say much more about it. Also, as mentioned earlier, I am not naturally a night club type of guy. Although I have pulled SNLs from Polish night clubs in the past, I did not do so in Poznan. So take any info here with a big grain of salt.
Cuba Libre - across the street from Czekolada. I stood in a long line here on a Saturday night with some guy friends and ended up bailing to go down the street. But again, take this info with a huge grain of salt. Several girls have told me this is where they go to "dance to Latin music and go crazy" - IE meet foreigners, especially those who look like they could be named Alejandro. A few older career girls I talked to about this club specifically mentioned they only went here when they were "young and stupid." We know what that means.
Havana - actually enjoyed this place, although by the time we made it there, it was around 3 AM and we were trashed. Almost no targets but I had fun bopping around the dance floor and watching guys' faces when I exchanged smiles with their girlfriends.
Pod Minoga - met some friends here. Dance floor layout looked like it could have potential, as it was far away from the bar and pretty secluded/dark and seedy, but it was around 11PM, and there weren't many people there so no idea if the crowd is good or not.
SQ - stopped in here on a Wednesday night and there were plenty of approachable girls. I was recovering from a bout with a mysterious Polish illness so it was an early night for me, and I was only there about ten minutes, but I plan to go back here before I leave.
Bars
Hola Hola - this is the "cool kids" bar where people go to be seen. Overpriced cocktails and an above-average crowd in terms of looks. I guess it's okay if you're going with a group to have some drinks. The outdoor patio is crowded. I didn't think much of it one way or the other.
Koltowa - Got two makeouts here and one bang. This is a more alternative spot. I came here alone one night early on without knowing anything about it. Got poached by a gay dude who pretended to be a friendly guy. Uh huh. But I was saved by a tall drunk girl who bumped into me and who I asked to show me where the exit was. Made out with her down the street at the tram stop. The other makeout was a group of girls who my friend approached. I picked the tall one thinking to myself that big tree fall hard. In the end she did not. We made out, exchanged FB, and the next day she messaged me telling me she was not a girl for one night and that I should "just quit." K.
Pijalnia - standard Polish watering hole. There are two in Poznan, on Wroclawska St. and on the square. They are the same everywhere in Poland although prices are rising. Not a place to pick up IMO. Go here if you want to get trashed or if you are on a date with a slutty girl you don't care about impressing. Questionable beef tartare.
Czupito - a tiny bar on the corner of the square where you can get dozens of shots for very little money. Monday happy hour, I think you can get something like 10 shots for 20zl (about 5.5 USD). Younger crowd.
Za Kulisami - A small, philosophical repository of Polish books and alcohol. Tiny interior with a decent patio. Date spot for sure.
Dragon Bar - my favorite bar in Poznan. Slightly off the square, around the corner from the Pijalnia on the Rynek. Google it as there is no sign over the door, only a giant dragon head inside over the bar. The patio is nice and on weekends you can also sit upstairs. Approached a few girls here who were warm. But this is more of a date spot or a place to have some drinks with friends.
Miasto Bar - Just north of the Square, on Szewska st. Loud and crowded on the weekends, but some weeknights they host decent events.
Lot Chmiela - An expensive craft beer place with a not so great interior and surprisingly nice backyard patio. So - sit out back. I do not like craft beer personally, and think it is hipster bullshit, but since it is the cool thing right now in Poland, this place is popular.
The Bangs
The Disaster - First is the worst. And boy was it ever. My first bang in Poznan, two days after landing. Tinder girl, 21 years old. Brown hair and very cute face in her photos. She came straight to my apartment on the pretense we would go sit by the river and then she'd show me some cool bars. I was horny and ignored the SIF potential to my own peril. The girl who showed up at my apartment with a bottle of vodka and my favorite paprika-flavored potato chips had the same face as her photos, but was... heavier. Maybe 20-30 kgs heavier. Oh well. A freebie is a freebie, and I grew up poor. I confess to you my brothers that I porked that fatty after sharing a bottle of Zoladkowa Gorska with her and watching her nervously smoke ten cigarettes on my balcony while yammering on about how much she wanted to live in London. Yes, I was ashamed watching her big belly flop with each successive thrust. She wanted to go again afterward, and I didn't want to go again, so I told her politely to get going. The drunk idiot didn't take the hint and tried giving me head to make things happen. She puked on my boner. I kicked her out and had to wash my sheets three times so the old Polish guys at the rental office wouldn't execute me. Disaster.
The Innocent One - As the poet Dante teaches us in his "Divine Comedy," before we can ascend to the heights of Heaven, we must first pass through the deepest pits of Hell. I knew as soon as I matched with the Innocent One, a blonde 23 year old college student, that she was one of the good ones. She was pretty, had full body photos, looked thin, and spoke fluent Japanese. Our initial texts did not give off any signals of her being an attention vampire. We agreed to meet at a small pub she liked to go with her college friends. I saw her standing outside in a short skirt, plain white shoes, and a white t-shirt. She gave me a big smile and she was adorable. I couldn't believe the Tinder gods could throw me such a bone after the disaster that was The Disaster. The Innocent One and I had a textbook perfect first date, exploring a bunch of places around Poznan, having just enough to drink, and ending the night with a passionate make out just before she caught her tram home. Second date I got a very shy blowjob. We banged on the third date, and I could tell she was inexperienced. As in, extremely inexperienced. I asked her afterward when the last time she had sex was and she said two years ago. She admitted she was on Tinder because she was sick of being the only one of her friends without a sex life ... anyway, we hung out for the next few weeks until she had to go back to her home town to see her family. Sad to say I ghosted her when better opportunities came along. There were some sad posts on her Instagram that I can't help but think were about me.
The Korean Rainy - This girl did not speak a word of English. We mostly communicated through Google translate, mutual broken English, and hand gestures. She was 20, had black hair down to her ass, a flat tummy and a pretty face. Her friends put her on Tinder to meet a foreign guy, since she didn't like the Polish guys at her university always making "racist remark" about her being Asian. She had an American ex boyfriend who she discovered had a girlfriend or wife back home - I'm not sure to this day what happened in that story - all I know is she wanted revenge. I took her to the river with a cheap bottle of wine and two hours later she was deepthroating me at my apartment. I booty called her a few more times before she went back to Korea.
The Drug Addict Who Almost Got Me Killed, Twice - I would not believe this story if I read it, but it is true. The DAWAGMK,T was 28, tattooed, and a dog mom. Red flags! Avoid! But did I? Of course not. She invited me over to her place at three in the afternoon on a Friday and told me to bring her cigarettes. She was high on something when I got there but wasn't wearing any panties and she let me know it, so I banged. Found out later she had broken up with her boyfriend THAT MORNING. He came over while I was there to give her her meds and yell at her in Polish, and I had to hide in her bedroom closet thinking I was going to shortly meet my maker at the happy end of a switchblade. She hit me up about a month later and I returned, highly skeptical but listening to the wrong head. She was there at her place at the end of a three day bender, with a guy passed out in her bedroom and a drug dealer weighing out sacks of coke on her living room floor, who in her girped-up mentality she decided to tell me had a huge horse cock she had just finished fucking. Apparently the guy didn't like me being there and watching him do his business in her apartment because he actually did pull a knife on me, then on her, and again I found myself thinking I was going to die for about thirty seconds before the large-eared asshole cracked a big grin and said he was kidding. He went to pee with the door open before "leaving to go to work." I did not go for a second bang.
The Old Flame - a girl I used to sleep with when I lived in Poland before hit me up on Facebook saying she was in Poznan on business. She was 26 when we met, so I think 29 or 30 now. Tall, red hair. She used to be thinner but did not look too bad when I saw her again waiting for me outside her hotel. She was there with male colleagues. I confess: I did not go there intending to bang, as we were friends on Facebook and I knew she had a boyfriend who was bigger than me. And for most of the night, things did not appear to be going that way. She introduced me to her colleagues and we all drank in their hotel room, then on the patio, and they told me about how they all hated their boss and feared their company was going under. After a few drinks the Old Flame invites me for a cigarette. She told me she missed me, and when she found out I was back in Poland, she had to see me. I pulled up some old photos of us on my phone and showed her and we both had a laugh. Then she told me the sex was really good and she still thought about it. I said I was there now. We went upstairs to her hotel room and had a quickie while her coworkers were downstairs. They were nice guys and pretended not to know.
The Dream Girl - Another Tinder girl. Blonde, blue eyed, VERY pretty, 24. She looked out of my league from her pictures, and she was. Although she was about a foot shorter than I expected. Yet another Polka who had just finished breaking up with her boyfriend. We had three dates at various beer bars and the hammock place, and I did my best to balance between being a pig and a gentleman which somehow kept her entertained enough to sleep with me on the third date. We hooked up on my couch after I used the whiskey line ("I have a great bottle of Whiskey from Scotland back at my place. Want to have one more with me before you head home?") This girl had the nicest body I have ever seen in my life. Perfectly trim tummy, big round milk duds, heart-shaped ass with tan lines. I could even see her hip bones. We banged three times that night. Then three times the next time she came over. This was the girl who left a piece of her pussy at my apartment. She said she had to go pee and I heard the shower running, then heard her fall down and swear. A minute later she came out and asked me to put a bandaid on her vagina. Apparently she was paranoid about being hairy.
The Ex - This girl was the love of my life. And I admit I still have oneitis for her, despite having been broken up for a while, and having acquired many new notches since she dumped me. She is blonde and 24 years old. Long distance relationships suck, especially when they end with a big question mark and both parties are unsatisfied with the way things end. I advise you not to do them or even try them. Most of my friends told me to cut contact with her and they were probably right. But she booked a flight to come see me, and I could not say no. This was a nostalgic bang but a good one.
F-Cups the First - I met F-Cups #1 at Kultowa. I don't remember what I said to her but it was probably something stupid. She was 24, freshly graduated from medical school, had short brown hair and a pretty face, and she was THICC. But she hid the sweater kittens well, so I was surprised when we got back to my place after the second meeting, and I managed to pop those puppies out of her bra and they nearly crushed my head. She had a bit of a tummy but her tits were so huge I didn't care. We did not bang that night, but she told me she wanted to be bad and therefore had to go, so I knew the next time I saw her we would seal the deal. She came to my place the next day in the late afternoon wearing a black dress and high heels, and we had a Polish tapas board (bread, salami, twarog, and beers) before fucking like rabbits. After I got her off, she told me that she was leaving in two days to go back to her home town for the summer. We made tentative plans for me to come visit her at her parents' house some weekend they were gone that never came to fruition. I would've loved watching those big old taters jiggle for the rest of the summer, but... the universe balances itself out, I guess.
The Vegan - Brown-haired, thin, 28. Average girl but great company. First date lay. She was the nicest vegan I ever met and did not try to convert me. I found myself asking tons of questions about her diet and lifestyle out of sheer curiosity and my surprise at the fact she was so chill about it. The only girl I met here who really seemed to love giving blowjobs.
The Spanish Cum Dumpster, AKA F-Cups #2 - oh, this girl. 29, brown hair, She was so pretty and pleasant to be around, but goddamn, did she check every single box for a cliche Polish sloot. I met her on Polwiejska Street during one of the very few eary evening approaches I did after heavy eye contact from her and got the number. I think I asked her if there was a McDonald's nearby because I wanted a really terrible cheeseburger. We hung out a bunch over the course of three or four weeks and did all sorts of shit, from hiking around a lake, to going to dinner, to just laying around my apartment in post-sex bliss or drinking wine on my balcony. I guess I made her feel comfortable, because she told me all about how she had lived in Spain, spoke fluent Spanish, and had "a few" Spanish ex-boyfriends (read: dozens upon dozens). This was the girl who told me she used to visit Cuba Libre every week when she was "young and stupid." And I believe her. Her tits were huge and she was still in pretty good shape. A boring bang despite her extensive experience. Would not marry.
The Water Nymph - 25, brown hair, dog mom. A stick figure with a great set of cans. It's amazing how nature can balance a slightly beat/average face with a body you want to cover in sperm. Our first and only date was to a lake where we laid on her blanket and drank beer. She told me how she is the mistress of a very handsome married man who doesn't want to commit to her. I'm so sorry to hear that, dear, but please, let me help you feel better... No trouble at all getting this one to my place. I asked directly and she agreed as long as I was "fun." Her dog watched us bang on my couch then tried to stick his face in my balls. Bad doggie. Nie wolno.
Conclusion
These past eight weeks in Poland were exactly what I needed. When I arrived, I was in a dark time in my life. I still am, but it's a little less dark now. I lost a bit of myself in my last relationship and am still picking up the pieces. The city where I was before was not a great one for game or for bouncing back after a bad breakup. But, after my time here, I feel like I am on the right path, though still a work in progress.
There are many problems in my personal life I know will exist wherever I go. I drink too much, I am growing distant with my family, I am not over my ex, my game has more holes than the Iraqi Navy. In many ways, I, too, am a disaster. Maybe some of the Polish girls I have banged and dipped on these past few weeks will write about me when they go to post on their own forums, with nicknames like "The Disappearing Fuckboy," "The One With the Grossly Hairy Toes," or "The Guy Who Hid in My Closet While My Ex Boyfriend Called Me Kurwa."
I don't know. But I do know that, however fleeting happiness may be, I have found some moments of it here. Is Poland Paradise Lost? It probably is. But for me, for a little while, it was also Paradise Regained.
"If you're gonna raise a ruckus, one word of advice: if you're gonna do wrong, buddy, do wrong right."