[flyinghorse]

What is your stance on giving compliments?

I have to admit that a lot of my learning of the game was back in 2005 and 2006 and back then it was mostly neg based and we avoided compliments like the plague. I wonder if this is still the case?

The reason i'm curious is because I'm trying to incorporate a more positive and feel good attitude to life and part of that is giving people around me a positive experience.

The girls I fucked over the years I never complimented unless we were properly dating so I wonder if I could or should have complimented from the start.

I know I as a man like receiving compliments but I don't know if women are the same way with a sexual interest.

[Batman_]

They're fine if they're more carefully made (such commenting on their outfit) rather than generically calling them cute or something. But unless you're showering them with compliments and putting them on a pedestal I don't think there is any good reason not to compliment them if you feel like commenting on something.

[ChefAllDay]

Be very precise and thoughtful with compliments, but very sparingly. Use them as a reward for doing something especially good. They are a tool to make her want to do things to please you. The less often you use honest and sincere compliments, the more weight they will carry and the more likely she will want to repeat the behaviors that gained such valuable attention from you.

[the-dream]

It should be against the forum rules to make a "On..." titled thread and not drop a HankMoody level of thought haha.

[Comte De St. Germain]

Tongue in cheek. Usually in response to them giving a compliment. Or on the rare occasion she does something exactly to specification without being told.

Sample:

Her:"You know you're really cool."

Me: "Glad you have good taste."

Etc. This is just a sample(and a mediocre/overplayed one at best) as it's preferable more to tailor it to inside jokes or something specific to her. But should follow the same general tone.

[LINUX]

Walking up to a woman in Whole Foods while she is eating a bowl of chili and saying with confidence, " Wow, you are fucking beautiful" is one of the most masculine things a man can do.

Walking up to a woman in a bar, spilling your cheap ass beer on yourself, unable to walk straight, and saying "Haaayy, you are pretty." Well, that makes you a fucking chump.

One portrays " This is a real man who doesn't give a fuck" and the other says "Oh great, another drunk douche trying to get laid by complementing me."

[Winston Wolfe]

(06-09-2018 11:01 PM)ChefAllDay Wrote:  

Be very precise and thoughtful with compliments, but very sparingly. Use them as a reward for doing something especially good. They are a tool to make her want to do things to please you. The less often you use honest and sincere compliments, the more weight they will carry and the more likely she will want to repeat the behaviors that gained such valuable attention from you.

This. Positive feedback can be very powerful.

Compliment your girl's body when she comes home from the gym.

Compliment her outfit when she's wearing something you like.

Believe me, if your frame is strong and she's trying to lock you down, she'll take note and do more of anything you compliment her on.

These things are 10 times more effective than negative remarks, like complaining that she's not eating well or not dressing well, for example.

By complimenting her on feminine things, you're giving her a green light to show her femininity and please her man. Deep down, that's all she really wants and needs.

[Comte De St. Germain]

(06-10-2018 12:42 AM)Winston Wolfe Wrote:  

(06-09-2018 11:01 PM)ChefAllDay Wrote:  

Be very precise and thoughtful with compliments, but very sparingly. Use them as a reward for doing something especially good. They are a tool to make her want to do things to please you. The less often you use honest and sincere compliments, the more weight they will carry and the more likely she will want to repeat the behaviors that gained such valuable attention from you.

This. Positive feedback can be very powerful.

Compliment your girl's body when she comes home from the gym.

Compliment her outfit when she's wearing something you like.

Believe me, if your frame is strong and she's trying to lock you down, she'll take note and do more of anything you compliment her on.

These things are 10 times more effective than negative remarks, like complaining that she's not eating well or not dressing well, for example.

By complimenting her on feminine things, you're giving her a green light to show her femininity and please her man. Deep down, that's all she really wants and needs.

And this. Co-signed. I didn't mention this because a lot of guys can't do this right.

[Rocha]

I always compliment, the hair, the dress, the shoes, the nails....all the girly stuff....they love it))

Some years together with a cosmetician played a part on it. I always value girls who take care of themselves.

[ChefAllDay]

(06-09-2018 11:53 PM)the-dream Wrote:  

It should be against the forum rules to make a "On..." titled thread and not drop a HankMoody level of thought haha.

[HankMoody]

I use them sparingly so they don't come off as fake. It difers for pickup and LTRs though.

That said, I never use negs. Your mileage may vary. I find they kill my vibe of keeping things fun and light.

With pickup, what I usually do is ask a lot of open ended questions, and my compliments are along that lines of "That's so cool!" Eg:

"What's the best vacation you ever took?"
"We went to New Zealand and saw penguins two years ago..."
"Oh wow that must have been so awesome! Do you have pictures?"

Once we are banging, I'll throw around some compliments like "You look smoking hot in that dress" or "Babe, know what I love about you? You look hot when we wake up and have no makeup on. I'm a lucky guy."

Basically, I avoid physical complinents during pickup and use them here and there for girls I'm banging.

Also, compliments have to come off as authentic. "You have the most beautiful eyes" "Your smile is amazing"... that kind of stuff is generic. "That dress looks incredible on you" or "The new haircut makes you even more beautiful" goes so much farther.

[Donfitz007]

Im poetic with my compliments but they take a deep level of confidence.

Basically, the point of a compliment isn't to get a girl to like you, its to stir up emotions and make her feel great about HER choice

for example.

"You must be about to walk the red carpet with hair like that"-Look cool calm and collected but also slightly impressed

"That dress makes your hair and eyes pop out.....dang total package huh"-In a confident comedic way, think like Wil from fresh prince

THIS WORKS PERFECTLY WITH BLACK GIRLS

"That dress makes your skin completely glow, you're like hot lava" Look astonished yet cool, don't she will smile and sometimes even make a scene.

"I Don't know who you are but you just gotta be famous...Only stars and models look like you" more towards the ick up line but i had great results

If you don't want to go that route then simply compliment things that you know they took their time on. like makeup, hair, shoes, nails, glitter lotion, etc etc....Just make them feel special, put on a smile, and enjoy the moment


with all that said, my problem personally is what to say AFTER the compliment. My openers and compliments are typically always great, but having a follow-up question is a big sticking point of mines

[DimeBait]

I compliment pretty girls on how smart they are and I compliment smart girls on how sexy their intelligence is.
It’s ok to compliment, just stay away from the shit they hear day in and day out.
I was out with a chick yesterday and counted no less than 5 times how many people (mostly women) told her how beautiful she was. Both men and women stared at her constantly, I treated her like she was just one of the homies and she seemed to appreciate it much more.

[Fortis]

I think telling a girl she's cute and just being direct can be very effective if you don't come across as nervous or weak.

[sterlingarcher]

A golden tip I picked up is always skip to a neutral topic right after the compliment.

They can then bask in it, without an awkward accept/deflect moment.

They glow up.

Obviously it has to be from a place of strength, sincere and only occasional, but it works for me.

[ShuaiGe]

Remember, the goal of giving a compliment is it's intended effect. Tune what you say to your target. Fill the void in her heart to fill the void in between her legs

The two primary factors that will influence how a woman receives your compliment are:
A) How hot she is (how often she receives praise), and
B) Her level of self esteem and self image

So for:

5's a compliment can be quite helpful. She likely only hears compliments from friends and will feel great if you can deliver one which passes as sincere. Be careful though, she knows she's not a 9 and may reject your advance if she senses you're feeding her bullshit to get her into bed. The best way to do this is to compliment the parts of her she already feels secure about because she'll believe you're sincere. If she accepts compliments that are outside of reason then she's so hungry for it that she's a 4 or below and you shouldn't game her, or she has serious self esteem issues.

6's compliments will be useful to boost her ego and get her feeling good. All compliments are welcome physical and otherwise. She's probably a girl you can make your girlfriend and feel closer with because her self esteem is intact but isn't constantly shit testing you. Also she's a good looking girl but not spoiled to the point where your compliments start to lose effect. this is probably the closest to the dynamic of feeling that it's how things should be. Personally I enjoy giving compliments because I see so many good traits in the women I meet. Flirting with 6's feels good because it feels free and sincere.

7's and 8's compliments really lose their power. Even if we're just talking about a 7 out of 10 woman that's still a woman virtually 100% of men "would" . Girls this hot and above frequently get compliments and often have orbiters ready to patch up any self esteem issues she might have. Seldom give this girl any physical compliment, withhold your praise because of because if it slips out of your mouth it will likely have the opposite of the intended effect and lump you in along with all the other guys. Compliments about talents and accomplishments are fair game. Save it for after sex because then the dynamic of your relationship had already changed.

9's do not compliment ever unless she asks how you think she looks directly. She has no self esteem issues, she sees heads turning all day men and women alike. This kind of woman is probably a bad choice for a long term relationship. Instead you should talk about yourself pridefully with an air of confidence because you're the most interesting guy and a guy worthy of a woman like her. You don't really need to talk about her dress. If you must give a compliment, give one about an accomplishment she got or something she achieved.

10's check yourself, she's wearing makeup man, no such thing as a 10

[beachbum]

I compliment a girl if she does something that I think is worthy of a compliment.

Like cooking a great meal.

Or publishing a novel.

Or fitting my whole dick in her mouth.

[ChefAllDay]

(06-11-2018 08:16 AM)ShuaiGe Wrote:  

7's and 8's compliments really lose their power. Even if we're just talking about a 7 out of 10 woman that's still a woman virtually 100% of men "would" . Girls this hot and above frequently get compliments and often have orbiters ready to patch up any self esteem issues she might have. Seldom give this girl any physical compliment, withhold your praise because of because if it slips out of your mouth it will likely have the opposite of the intended effect and lump you in along with all the other guys. Compliments about talents and accomplishments are fair game. Save it for after sex because then the dynamic of your relationship had already changed.

9's do not compliment ever unless she asks how you think she looks directly. She has no self esteem issues, she sees heads turning all day men and women alike. This kind of woman is probably a bad choice for a long term relationship. Instead you should talk about yourself pridefully with an air of confidence because you're the most interesting guy and a guy worthy of a woman like her. You don't really need to talk about her dress. If you must give a compliment, give one about an accomplishment she got or something she achieved.

10's check yourself, she's wearing makeup man, no such thing as a 10

I don't totally agree with this, in the 7-9 range you just can't compliment based on looks.

If she says something witty, you could compliment her wit, or quickness.

If she was polite to a server you could complement her kindness. It also reinforces the behaviors you like to see in her.

Those sorts of things will probably get you further than complimenting a 5 on her nice shoes, purse or skirt, hair or whatever.

^^^ Very true, compliments about talents and accomplishments are fair game, absolutely when it suits your end game.

[jetli123]

Only give a compliment if you truly whole heartedly mean it, humans are like lie detectors, they can sense bullshit from 5 miles away.

[Redcloud]

Worth mentioning on this topic is how to receive compliments from a girl.

The chump reply to a girl complimenting you is to immediately compliment her back.

The better way to do it, is to simply say "thank you" and then move forward with interaction. It shows confidence.

[ChefAllDay]

(06-13-2018 01:30 AM)Redcloud Wrote:  

Worth mentioning on this topic is how to receive compliments from a girl.

The chump reply to a girl complimenting you is to immediately compliment her back.

The better way to do it, is to simply say "thank you" and then move forward with interaction. It shows confidence.

I may add something to a "Thank you" to encourage good behavior. "Thank you, that's very gracious", or "Thanks, much appreciated".

Just something yo let her know she did something good and it pleased you.

[BadgerHut]

I too had a long-standing aversion to compliments, forged in the same Mystery/Style era of game development. In effect, this reflected a scarcity mentality in my mind (same as not spending money on girls, an MO I ditched very early) and reinforced a subtle sense in my own mind that I wasn't good/strong enough to deliver positive energy to women without looking like a chump or a suckup. I was always consumed with, "I'd like to tell her something I like about her, but she'll think I'm a weak supplicating beta begging for approval." Interestingly, I've heard a lot of women communicate that when a guy they like compliments something about them, it really ups their emotional investment in the guy (which makes sense because it reinforces their sense that that guy gives them good feelings).

Like the OP, I've found that going with a more genuinely warm and positive vibe has helped my results in life and with girls, so I've become a lot less averse about telling a woman something I find interesting about her or that she looks really good a certain way.

I think the real key as others have noted is that compliments long ago became like buying drinks, ineffective quid-pro-quo flirting mechanisms that set up guys in really low-value supplication frames. And just like buying drinks, there's nothing wrong with it if you aren't chasing her approval which is what is usually happening. You have to have the frame and state control to deliver a compliment with a zero-fucks-given vibe so she knows you're simply expressing your opinion or taste and you're man enough to do so without worrying about consequences (or expecting her to like you).

I agree with people saying you should give compliments about non-physical things, but offbeat compliments can be easily taken as digs by less-confident girls. All the more reason to put on a sincere attitude.

[Professor Dumbledore]

I always compliment my woman about her temperament. Never about her physique.

"You have such a way of handling things"
"You're an impressive woman in every aspects"

[Hypno]

I try to limit compliments to attitudes or use in reward situations because I limit myself to 7+ and they have less impact (as ShuaiGe explains above) and can often backfire by putting you in the frame of being needy.

An example would be "You seem very adventurous, I like that."

In Cialdini's book Influence, he has an entire chapter on something he calls the consistency principle. Basically, if you get her to own a statement like she's adventurous, she'll create her own "peer" (self?) pressure to act consistently. What do you mean you don't want to go to the swingers party with me, I though you said you were adventurous? I'm exaggerating a bit for effect, but you get the idea.

Linux had an example above in Whole Foods. While that is a great line, it works because you are demonstrating your boldness, not because its a compliment. The same action would work equally well or even better if you said "You need to come have a drink with me tonight."

If you want to make it a compliment, you could say "Wow, you look like someone who could teach me some things in the kitchen and knows how to stay healthy. You seem like the type of woman I have been looking for (someone who eats healthy and has this as a core value)."

My point is complimenting her appearance makes you seem like you are supplicating to her beauty, and puts you beneath her. If instead you reference a quality that she must have to make your cut, it makes you seem discriminating. You are subtly communicating, you might be on my level, lets go on a date so i can determine if you are on my level. Since beauty is obvious-you can tell instantly if she meets your beauty standards - this doesn't work with beauty. You have to reference a quality like fitness, health, adventurous, etc. that you can compliment and seek to investigate. You also separate yourself from other men by referencing requirements other than beauty for which she must qualify. You subtly flip the script. Counterintuitively, imposing non-beauty standards becomes increasingly important as you go from 7s to 8s to 9s.

[beachbum]

It makes sense not to compliment a beautiful woman on her physical attributes, considering she’s done nothing to be beautiful besides being born and not getting fat.