[Mess O.]

I feel that my last couple of dates, I've steered it toward that kind of deal. What still nags at me the most is how it just doesn't seem to matter, like, if I'm not the coolest guy she's ever met, I'll simply be written off after an hour, as her sheer abundance of options is simply too expansive. But you're right - the hunting grounds, as well as mindset is still a major part of the issue.

[WTTL]

(06-15-2018 11:27 AM)robreke Wrote:  

In the initial stages of dating, you basically are like a maestro conducting an orchestra: every little thing, every detail of the orchestra has to be played and "conducted" pretty much perfectly. One mistake and one of the sections starts playing badly and the whole symphony can fall apart.

Unless you're a complete natural, which some guys here certainly are, or her attraction level is already 8.5 on a 10 scale or higher, you have very little room for slip up. The girl is "trying you out" to "see how it goes" on the first date.

In our mind, we already know we want to bang her and probably, if she's hot enough, we'd be down to have some kind of a relationship, before the first date, just based on our attraction.

Not women.

One little slip, one show of over-aggressiveness ( which shows you're a horn-dog who, she thinks, doesn't get laid enough) or 'neediness' or a off-hand comment to the Uber driver or an off-hand comment about some passerby on the street, or whatever, that doesn't measure up to her standards, is sometimes met by 'no second date'

I've pretty much got to the point where I say what I want on dates and it usually works. I think that's because I've been on so many dates, I know what girls find attractive and don't and so, it comes more naturally.

On the other hand, i've had second or third dates where, after the first date, the girl was quite into me and texting me about what my favorite music was because she wanted to make me a playlist, or she was texting me trying to start a converstion before the date (obvious signs of attraction). Then, on the next date, I may escalate too hard, or something else. I was ghosted.

I'd be thinking later to myself, 'wait, that uber driver said something weird so I said something back, or when I commented about that? or when she said that, I now realize that was a very subtle shit test. I think my response "failed" it' Then, I'd wonder ' is that or those reasons the reasons she ghosted?'

I'd think to myself 'no way, no one is that fucking petty' Well, yes, they ARE that fucking petty.

The more I'd think about it the more I'd realize that 'yep, she ghosted me for that of all damn things. Even though we went on a few dates, spent all that time together, she'd rather ghost and start all over.' Unbelievable but true.

Sometimes, it's over aggression and sexualizing, sometimes, it's a 'weird' text after the date, etc...

In the initial stages of dating attractive women, men truly are performing clowns that must 'pass her tests'

I'm not saying be a dancing monkey and worry too much about what she thinks. I advocate Speculator's advice above: just enjoy yourself and don't worry about the random, meaningless statements of girls. Just realize, you'll be ghosted sometimes over petty things

This is why I'm thankful for the easier girls out there. The easier ones always seem to come from online/apps

I've come to see first dates the same way. When you are batting out of your league (ex: a 6 dating a 7) + in an area not conducive to game (like LA), the odds seemingly become drastically against your favor even with solid game.

The amount of times I've been ghosted after a first date after doing 90%+ of things "correctly" and the girl having a relatively decent time is mind-blowingly high. Yet, I could still make these mistakes and close the deal with a slightly less attractive girl (a 6).

The issue is also that each date is different and each mistake is usually different so it's very difficult to be seamless as there's often something that comes out left field. I can relate to the OP as well as many of the responses in this thread. All we can do is keep moving forward, learn what we can while also maintaining some detachment.

[Mess O.]

Admirable 1st post.

[Design Engineer]

OP, just be glad she didn't text you saying she felt sexually assaulted or sexually harassed. Consider it this way, you didn't get what you want, but it was meant to be that way.

You dodged a bullet, fk that nonsensical emotional freak of a woman.

Just my opinion, disconnect yourself for a few days, focus on you, and refresh.

[Davido]

OP just to share my experience with you to prove it’s really not about her SMV nor your mistakes.
I met a girl (5/10) in a live concert in the evening and ran advanced game on her, and eventually took her to a park in the night where we kissed passionately for over 40 minutes but she wouldn’t let me smash and wouldn’t let me take her to my place or her place. The next day she sent me the message below
“I have been thinking about sending this text to you all day but I hesitated because us meeting last night didn’t feel real. It felt like a dream..like something in my imagination. Anyway even though I will probably never see or hear from you again I want to wish you all the best in life. I hope that you will be happy with whatever you do and wherever you go. Keep being the charming and social guy that you seem to be! And thank you for making me feel special for a moment. Yours sincerely C.””

I needed a code from the service provider to read her long SMS. This has happened to me 6 times. Some ended in just heavy make out due to the fast daygame structure I pulled on them, whilst the ones that ended in sex ghosted me except 1 that was dickmatised.
OP your case was just an anti slut defense, and you need to learn how to diffuse that or better still find a standard SMS you need to send first to them before they do after such physical escalation.
I was in the club when a guy kissed a girl passionately and finger fucked her on the dancing floor, the girl became so shy that she disappeared from the dancing floor.
Just learn how to diffuse a transformer on fire by taking care of her anti slut defense and give her some plausible deniability. Example...oh my goodness did you hypnotize me, I don’t usually do this but you caught me unaware. Promise to be a good girl next time

If you are able to make them laugh and disable their logical sense, then you will never experience LMR or anti slut defense.

Also try to be a bit persistent without forcing the girl, but show her how horny you are in the heat of the moment...your level of horniness sometimes determine her level of horniness..it’s hard to explain this in writing, but I am writing from personal experience.
A girl I was walking home with after dancing and kissing her in the club, kept saying sorry you are not going home with me. When we got to secluded path, I held her kissed her and started breathing heavily in her ear whilst holding her hand and telling her in a whispering and bedroom voice to follow me quickly to a big tree and it was around -12 degrees Celsius. She became horny because I was showing my sexual energy and likeness for her body, we smashed behind the tree with my hands freezing. That girl became my constant rotation for 3yrs.
So OP once it’s on, it’s on...just get her more aroused and try to mark the register then and there with her full consent... they may never be a tomorrow, so whilst making out with her, start thinking ahead how and where to close the deal even if it’s just a BJ.