[Mizo1234]

Let’s say she had a bad day or she complains about coworkers or an ex-boyfriend.

Would you let her vent once or twice ? Or just change the subject the first time she starts complaining.
I just don’t know the line between being charming and being too nice .
Thoughts please ?

[Donfitz007]

In my experience NEVER. I think the first couple times you let a girl vent she's giving you the audition to be her emotional tampon. I've personally been friend zoned many times because of this. Thigns would go perfectly, then boom friendzoned after the first or second time she vented


Now I wish I had the links, but there's an amazing thread on here saying you shouldn't be a girls emotional tampon but instead be her paradise. If she's sad don't let her talk her problems out, don't try to solve her problems. Instead, take her out to have fun. If she sees you as a fun guy to be around then she's going to want to be around you more. Now she's addicted to you, now you have the power.

That plus a little sexual tension can turn any bad situation good.

I haven't tried it yet as I'm working on my self-improvement but the thread seems to be filled with guys who had great success with it.

[kaotic]

(05-22-2018 03:36 PM)Mizo1234 Wrote:  

Let’s say she had a bad day or she complains about coworkers or an ex-boyfriend.

Would you let her vent once or twice ? Or just change the subject the first time she starts complaining.
I just don’t know the line between being charming and being too nice .
Thoughts please ?

Bro why are you dealing with girls at work like this?

We've been over this with you before, stop shitting where you eat and making things complicated.

Don't listen to chicks who vent, move on, or change the subject, or cut it short.

If a chick is talking shit on coworkers, tell her you don't wanna hear gossip.

Work isn't for bitching and moaning unless it personally affects you.

[Comte De St. Germain]

Don't know why this couldn't have just been posted in the forum lounge.

[Mizo1234]

@kaotic
Sorry if I wasn’t so clear . I meant she complains about her coworkers or complains in general . I didn’t mean she is at work with me .

[nola]

Tune her out, also she should have girlfriends for that. But if she is doing it to you just go on about what you're doing with the occasional (yeah) (umhm) to validate you're listening. Girls don't want solutions when they do this so there is no point to active listen like you would when speaking to a man.

I have a needy girl in Ukraine now that's been yammering on about me being in Moldova for work so long. She lost her job a week after I left for my work trip. I literally just listen to her vent over the phone for 10 or 15 minutes every 4 or 5 days then tell her I have a work call or meeting I need to get to. In person I eject myself through a fake emergency call. I'll go outside, pretend I'm on the phone and have a cigarette then come back in and completely change the subject. Usually works. If it doesn't I have a reliable wing man I can text to call me with a fake issue and throw him on speaker phone demanding I meet him to take care of some business shit that's urgent but it rarely comes to that.

Some girls are more needy than others. If the girl is not worth the hassle just next her. I just nexted a girl that would blow my phone up all day with needy text and constant venting mostly about me not responding to text. While she was a great fuck and attractive I really don't have time for that shit.

[Mizo1234]

Thanks , Nola
Actually, she just did it one time , it was more about how her meeting with her boss went along with some complains . I was just wondering should I have shut her up immediately? Or let some occasional complaints slide every now and then .
I think I will use your approach

[Jetset]

She's looking at you to see what you'll enable. Try masculinizing it to set a boundary on whether or not it's worth talking about.

Listen patiently without participating, then try something like this:

"Wait, how does this involve you?"

"So what's the actual problem?"

"Yeah, I think you told me about this last week. Sounds tough. Did something new happen?"

If her answer is not satisfactory, just go "huh, OK" and start a new subject, or if she can't stop, go do other stuff.

EXAMPLE:

"Lisa at work is being such a bitch, she [did something incompetent] and then she said [a bunch of shit that was directed at somebody else]."

"Sounds like an idiot. Who is Lisa, again?"

"She's the other team's project manager."

"So how does this involve you?"

"It doesn't, but it just makes me so mad how she treats them! I work with a monster!"

"Huh, OK." *nod sagely* "Don't forget we're going to the lake next weekend." *playful spank* *begin grinding coffee beans*

[nola]

(05-23-2018 10:39 AM)Mizo1234 Wrote:  

Thanks , Nola
Actually, she just did it one time , it was more about how her meeting with her boss went along with some complains . I was just wondering should I have shut her up immediately? Or let some occasional complaints slide every now and then .
I think I will use your approach

Think Pavlov's Dog...

If you reward a behavior she has that annoys you then expect it to happen more often. If you don't give her whatever she is looking for (usually attention) then eventually it'll cease to continue.

If she is retarded in communication and fails to notice then just say. (Are you asking for my advice or what?) Yes: okay: then do this .... No: okay: then why are you telling me this.? (say it in a soft calm respectful tone). - (tact)

Don't ever affirm negative behaviors. If you give her quarter expect over time you'll be given less and less quarter for your own negative behaviors.

Eventually she'll jump on the next guys dick that is giving her no quarter at that moment. Not because you're a bad lay, but you've been conquered in her eyes. Thus on to the next guy until he is conquered.

This is a universal truth for both sexes.

Also this is the plight of agreeable people. Eventually you'll become her doormat if you don't set your expectations of her and the most direct way to do this and through your responses or lack there of. Girls are not stupid and the shit test will continue for the entire lifespan of the relationship.

I used to train soldiers in my military career. Being a former trainee myself I know how this works with people. Every guy I trained started out very insecure around me because I could discharge them from the school. They looked for my approval and they did not get an affirmation or good job from me until they met the highest standards of the specific training. Thus guys worked harder to get that. I still remember the feelings I got when I got when my instructors affirmed me. It was an amazing feeling. I worked even harder to exceed their expectations.

Both men and women work the exact same way no matter what the situation is.

[Mizo1234]

Thanks again Nola,
But here another dilemma for me .
Doesn’t it the charming behavior involve listening to ppl and make them feel good about themselves?
Or should I just forget about being charming ?
I am not arguing . I am just trying to understand. Because i am extremist , I might go completely asshole and jerk if I couldn’t find the balance

[Baphomet]

(05-23-2018 01:26 PM)Mizo1234 Wrote:  

Thanks again Nola,
But here another dilemma for me .
Doesn’t it the charming behavior involve listening to ppl and make them feel good about themselves?
Or should I just forget about being charming ?
I am not arguing . I am just trying to understand. Because i am extremist , I might go completely asshole and jerk if I couldn’t find the balance

Only if your goal is to become her favorite emotional tampon.

Being her emotional absorbent is not a part of a solid frame. You can hear her problems without getting wrapped up in what GIRLS do together, which is EMOTE all over their personal dramas.

Jetset gave a good example of how you can let her know you heard her, empathized with her, then MOVE ON.

[Jetset]

(05-23-2018 01:26 PM)Mizo1234 Wrote:  

Thanks again Nola,
But here another dilemma for me .
Doesn’t it the charming behavior involve listening to ppl and make them feel good about themselves?
Or should I just forget about being charming ?
I am not arguing . I am just trying to understand. Because i am extremist , I might go completely asshole and jerk if I couldn’t find the balance

You don't want to be an asshole over chicks doing chick shit. Maintaining frame/"amused mastery" is charming.

Filter what you even engage over: if it doesn't really involve her in some way or have some news attached to it, she's just neurotically ruminating and on some level will even appreciate being reminded of it and dragged back to fun.

If it does, listen patiently, don't give her advice that she can blame on you later, and keep it moving.

If it doesn't work and she just keeps rambling on with a total disregard for your signals, you can certainly be tougher about that but I've found it's far more effective to just leave. 80% of the time, she knows she's already said her piece and thinks that you're staying because you enjoy it - because that's women do - and won't even be mad that you're walking away.

[nola]

(05-23-2018 01:26 PM)Mizo1234 Wrote:  

Thanks again Nola,
But here another dilemma for me .
Doesn’t it the charming behavior involve listening to ppl and make them feel good about themselves?
Or should I just forget about being charming ?
I am not arguing . I am just trying to understand. Because i am extremist , I might go completely asshole and jerk if I couldn’t find the balance

Listening sure, you should always listen to people. But taking responsibility for their feelings no, absolutely not, no fucking way. Why would you be responsible for another humans emotions.?

You're not responsible for how other people feel as long as your side of the street is clean. Unless you did something intentionally to hurt that person.

If you did then you should take responsibility for it, move on and learn from it. If you're an asshole for no reason it means you acted like a female and let your emotions get the best of you.

As far as listening is concerned observe and do your best to deduce what their saying. If someone is talking (at) you in a emotionally fueled manner you tactfully tell them that you're all ears and calmly relax yourself in a non defensive posture. (don't say shit like relax, calm down ect... or else you'll be throwing fuel into their fire which will eventually reach your house)

Once they're done speaking ask them what they want from you. If they cannot convey their needs you say may I make a suggestion based on what I heard you say.? if yes then make your suggestion... if no then say well let me know what I can do and carry on with whatever you were doing before.

Despite what current society wants to tell you acting on emotions is deadly. As a man you should always remain calm and tempers are meant to be expressed in private. If you're an emotional man go find an outlet or hobby that allows you to a way to get rid of that shit thinking.

Posturing yourself in a leadership role in a sport, hobby, scholarly activity or career pursuit will help you learn ways to control your emotions.