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Accept her rejecting sex?
05-05-2018, 07:43 AM
So I'm in a new relationship with a girl, which seems promising. Thing is, when the relationship started again (it's a girl I took back - 2 years later), I have had a very strong frame with her for a variety og reasons.
We've had loads og sex and it's been going well so far.
Boiling the problematic down, I want to hear opinions on wether I should accept her rejecting sex. In this stage of the relationship it feels pretty bad. Generally I feel uneasy letting her reject me at this point as giving her power seems like a bad move - so what to do?
Pull back a little when I experience rejection og this kind?
Accept it. Maybe she just doesn't feel like sex right now.
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05-05-2018, 09:28 AM
Hi Soeren
I doubt that "she just doesn't feel like sex right now"
Are you available to her all the time? (as one who gets friendzoned would be).
Does she feel any competition? She would probably want to have sex with you, if she knew you had other opportunities.
You could do this by working more on yourself (go to the gym, dress better etc).
I would not keep her, if she doesn't want to have sex. Because why would you? there are tons of girls out there who would happily have sex.
You should read "rational male" by Rollo Tomassi. It contains great insights on this stuff.
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05-05-2018, 11:03 AM
It's a serious question though. I don't ignore the fact that a relationship is a two-way interaction but with all the stuff I've read from Tomassi, Roosh and other people online and from these forums coupled with my own experience from two years of heavy I accumulated over the past couple of years, I have to say that I've come to respect the question of holding frame tremendously. It is not a question of wether or not it is okay for her to get a break from my dick, it's the fact that I am sensing a drop in sexual availability (even if just slightly). I might be sensitive about the issue but since I do care about the girl it's important. Talking to her about it feels like a VERY poor option.
I might need to add a little bit of context, even though my main idea was to get opinions from people in here on how they generally the effect of sexual rejection on general frame.
We have started to include words of a stronger degree than: I like you - which in hindsight... well! I am afraid this gives her added security and caring less about pleasing me. At the same time we ARE spending quite a lot of time together and she has even been introduced to my son and stuff and has expressed that she wants to meet my family and all. All nice things and I will have to give up a little more frame over the cause of the relation if it gets to LTR status.
Has anyone any contribution on how important it is "that the women spreads her legs" in the relation equation (pardon my French)
Am I too hung up on frame here? Being in control of the relationship? I really feel I could end up in a really bad place (read beta) if I don't stay in control. She did on a number of occasions have reason
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Accept her rejecting sex?
05-05-2018, 12:48 PM
Thank you for the insight PapayaTapper!
I am excercising some dread in my approach to her (maybe not as aggressively as the Heartiste suggestions) and she is reacting by saying that she is unceartain if something is wrong. I could be more manipulative but her behaviour really doesn't warrant it. Maybe I just need to take a breather and balance my behaviour when I'm with her better. I guess I will measure her sexual behaviour to me in the near future and see where it is heading. Nothing beats the rottenness of being rejected in bed. Nothing.
If need be, I'll turn up the dread, I just really don't feel like going borderline psychopathic on her and I think it would scare her off honestly.
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Accept her rejecting sex?
05-06-2018, 04:17 AM
Who ended the relationship the first time round, and why? What were the circumstances?
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05-06-2018, 05:28 AM
You should never* tolerate getting turned down for sex within a relationship. Next time it happens, walk out on her without a word and cut contact for a day. No amount of rational talking about sex or seeing therapists will help this. If it still persists you dump her. Any other frame will lead you to getting denied again and eventually cucked.
*Barring say, influenza or something.
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05-06-2018, 10:32 AM
I think the only barometer that matters on the strength of a bond between men and women is how much the woman wants to have sex with you. That's what passion is. It's the dividing line between a friend and a lover.
That involves creating an unwavering linkage between seeing her and something sexual taking place during the evening, even if it's just diddling her in a parking lot. Orgasms WILL happen come hell or high water no matter what the cover-story is for the evening's activities.
Women can very easily ease into a situation where they treat sex as a routine activity that is provided on-tap just to take the edge off but not be craving it anymore. You have to pace things out and make each get-together unique and memorable enough to prevent that.
I also think it's a good idea if you see her often enough to make actual intercourse less frequent. So you separate sex into two tiers, "fooling around" and the full course meal. Women sort of have a bi-phase sexuality where they need to get off but while they are getting off they suddenly have this wave of desire for cock crash over them, otherwise they feel like they didn't satisfy the complete biological imperative. This is exactly why escalation works. Their rational brain shuts down completely. Their hind-brain takes over and demands cock (and cum) in their pussy. On the "off" days you deny them. It's probably the closest feeling women can have to blue-balls. They will have a hard time complaining about it because technically they had orgasms but they are going to be counting the moments before they can have the full-monty.
So naturally the best way to stage this is to be engaging in some nightlife where the logistics don't allow for much more than your hand down her pants in a dark corner. You get double-duty because you prove to her you're more than just a booty-call which in turn trains her to want a booty-call. There's no option but to work with the grain of a woman's neuroses this way. I think women are happiest when the smoke is coming out of their ears from the grinding of gears of their sexual neuroses. It's what keeps them up all night blowing up your phone with texts.
This is a lot easier to do when there is genuine poor logistics as in my case, like living with a roommate, single parenthood, etc... With two singles living alone it's more challenging to construct plausible deniability.
It would be a hell of a lot easier to find a woman who a genuine nymphomaniac who would be content to netflix and chill 24/7 but that's not easy.
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05-06-2018, 04:28 PM
Obviously you can not demand or rape them, so whining to get sex is so beta boy.
Storming off, going ghost because she rejected you seems beta buthurt as well. Thats giving her too much power.
You have to pretend you don't care, you are not in short supply of pussy, and hers is nothing special anyway.
But don't be throwing a tantrum if she hold back.
If she hold back too much, just find another women who is attracted to you, enjoys sex and doesn't play games with holding it.
And that's a pretty rare women.
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05-06-2018, 05:42 PM
Yeah. The way I left things off on our first merry go round 2 years back when I was just getting heavily red-pilled and aware about intergender dynamics, I totally wasn't ready for her. Even though we were not officially in a relationship, she thought we were and when I sat down with her for the talk she was crying and shit.
She even told me after we had fucked once this time around that she was really sad about our "breakup" a couple of years back - so my vantage point here was extremely strong. A lot of my power back then also rested in the fact that I "dumped" her and this lingers in the back of her mind undoubtedly.
Maybe I'm just being oversensitive here but I feel like I am in unknown waters.
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05-06-2018, 06:58 PM
Dump the bitch and find a new thot.
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05-07-2018, 02:09 AM
Quote: (05-06-2018 04:28 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:
Obviously you can not demand or rape them, so whining to get sex is so beta boy.
Storming off, going ghost because she rejected you seems beta buthurt as well. Thats giving her too much power.
Not if it's backed by real intention to leave her if she doesn't straighten up her act.
Also it's not "storming off". You walk out without a word.
You guys are advocating negotiating sex in one way or another which is a futile endeavour.
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