[RatInTheWoods]

We all know when training your woman in an LTR or even shorter relationships, the main tool we have is the "soft Next" or going ghost for a few days to show her you don't approve of some behavior, and dread game keeps the attraction strong.

Theory goes its a strong move to show you are not invested and can move along at any time. It often works.

Problem I got with the current Russian, is she is calling it out as Beta behavior.

This Russian is hot, and like most Russian women relentlessly shit tests me, hard and full on, all the fucking time. Reason I put up with it is I can handle it, and she gives the best fucking blow job ever.

When she kicks off a bitch session, I just kick her ass out, go radio silent, and post up stunning pictures of me having fun and generally not giving a fuck about her, and not missing her a single bit.
I am in Thailand, so its not hard to get photos of me surrounded by loads of hot women and a party going on in the background.

Now this used to work great. I'd get a few days off, she'd come back with cakes, blowjobs and apologies.
But lately its not working with her. She is reframing the soft next as me "being too much of a pussy" to handle her. Shes saying "you have to run away, rather than face me"

This is great girl game, because its an attempt to force me to engage in her drama and give her the attention and hystronics she craves so badly.

I fucking hate drama, and I fucking hate having her reframing the soft next.

Looking to the Vets in the forum to give me their thoughts and a new approach?

I expect PapaTapa will be along in a minute to sort me out.

[robreke]

No, it's not beta.

obviously she's shit testing you when she's inferring you're a pussy and that you're running away.

Please...

You don't even need to respond to her and to "reframe the soft next" as you say.

If she's confronting you in person, just chuckle and say "yeah I'm running away...THAT's what's happening" and shake your head amused. Agree and amplify. If she persists just repeat that and maybe use a subtle eye roll.

You can also tell her "I don't deal with drama in my life" Then again, if you're seeing her in person, it's not a true next.

With a true soft next, you're ignoring all contact from her for a set period of time. If you're responding back in any way, it is not a soft next. You've un-nexted her.

Just stick to the time frame you had in mind for the next (which means zero contact) then, hopefully her texts will die out or they'll become supplicating. when the soft next period is over, you contact her again, out of the blue like nothing happened. Send her a pic that's an inside joke or "hey, having a stellar weekend" or some such with no reference to her accusations or even acknowledging that you and her have been out of contact for a time.

Black Dragon, think of him what you will, has some decent techniques for soft nexts that are effective.

[arafat scarf]

(04-28-2018 06:46 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  

Now this used to work great. I'd get a few days off, she'd come back with cakes, blowjobs and apologies.
But lately its not working with her. She is reframing the soft next as me "being too much of a pussy" to handle her. Shes saying "you have to run away, rather than face me"

Something's really wrong with either you or her if it's come to a point where she's calling you a pussy.

At any rate, I've had to deal with a lot of situations where girls get upset at my indifference and withdrawal of attention due to their bad behavior. Your case seems similar, and I'd say something like this and keep it light:

Look, you're a passionate girl, and I'm drawn to that and I also prefer to be around you when you're not agitated. When you're agitated then I'd rather be enjoying myself with friends and doing other activities. I understand you get upset about things and want me to fixate on what you're upset about, but I don't feel upset and don't want to get mixed up in the turbulence.

I feel great.

And I'd rather not go from feeling great to not feeling great even if you see me as a pussy.

I'd avoid accusing her of causing drama or being bitchy. That goes nowhere. Just make it about you and insist that you want to feel good in life and with those you spend your time with.

If she won't lay off, you can say that you're not enjoying yourself around her very much at this moment and you're heading out to go play pool with some friends.

[questor70]

Personally, I find it extremely draining and soul-sucking to have to have conversations about what we are, how strong the feelings are on one side or the other, and where we're going. It makes me feel like I'm talking to a salesman, being given a performance evaluation at work, or I'm a lab rat. Relationships should be sharing good times together and not constantly probing and testing and haggling!

Both people in the relationship should only be there because they want to be there. It's not exactly marriage with kids. It's at-will employment, so to speak. At any moment either party can pull the plug. I've come to see this as more liberating than terrifying. When women start complaining about some facet of the relationship, words like "I wish you would X" or "What are we?" or "Where are we going?" I think the best approach is to just call her bluff. Rather than just going silent, you could say something like "if you're not happy with how it is now then maybe we shouldn't be together". The important thing is that it be a my way or the highway proposition. She'll be pissed off by that, but you have to say stuff like "Why would I want to keep you in a situation where you're unhappy?" You're exerting leverage while coming across as if you care about her feelings to the point of letting her go. If she wants you enough to compromise her unattainable ideal, she will take the heat off. If she doesn't, she walks, which will have just saved you a lot of future drama.

[JackinMelbourne]

No. It works and she's trying to get in your head and break you down. Keep doing it. In fact step it up to real dread game level... by legit getting rid of her!

Edit: or are we misreading something and maybe its a bit of a firm spanking that she's really after? ...but you keep running away like a pussy instead of giving it to her...

I used to use the silent treatment (you're not "ghosting") quite a bit in a previous LTR and it turned out that more emotion with a firm hand was what this particular chick really wanted and enjoyed lol. Your Russian chick might be wanting a bit of that and a bit more emotional investment. And by that, I mean, she wants to feel a whole bunch of different emotions, not necessarily want you to be "emotional" but to trigger more emotions in her.

It's like dogs. Even when they're getting punished for acting up, it's what they really want. Attention/investment/time. That's why they're acting up because they will receive that attention and emotional investment. The type of emotion doesn't really matter.

In her case, maybe she wants more of those powerful emotions to feed her desires.

[RatInTheWoods]

Thanks guys for some great wisdom here.

To clarify we don't cohabitate and I do go full ghost, 5-7 days stone silence. She normally starts by blowing up the phone, then her tone changes from angry to sad to scared etc over the week, and then its all cakes a blowjobs.

After its all blow over she then starts with the "why do you do that shit" talk and "a real man would ignore me or yell at me" etc etc.

Obviously that's what she wants the high drama, a spanking, a yelling fight, throwing shit around, storming out, tears drama and all that shit.

But I say fuck that, I am not the histrionics kind of guy, I like a stable peaceful fun life. So when she kicks off, I just fuck her out of my life for a week, until she gets with the program.

(04-28-2018 09:57 PM)JackinMelbourne Wrote:  

That's why they're acting up because they will receive that attention and emotional investment. The type of emotion doesn't really matter.

She isn't the one for me, and I know that, just sticking around for the blowjobs for as long as I can, and trying to train her not to be a drama loving bitch.

But I know if I next her its the same old shit with the new one.

[Mufasa]

no.
its called playing the game

[Remington]

This reminded me of something my pop did to my mom during Thanksgiving:

(11-25-2017 02:22 PM)Remington Wrote:  

My Dad is a boss.

He, my mother, and I were all driving to a restaurant to get a couple drinks. My mother was venting in the back seat complaining about how shitty her sister has been over the past few days.

While she was venting to my dad and I, my Dad turned on the CD player and turned up the Skynyrd.

My mother immediately stopped and yelled "Rem Sr, did you just turn on the radio so you could ignore me venting?"

My dad didn't say a word and just kept driving. After about a minute, he turned "Simple Man" down a couple notches and said, "of course not honey, what were you saying?"

She then responded with "nothing, I'm done."

Got to hand it to the man, it works. Since that happened, I've had a couple women try to argue with me while I was watching TV.

All I did was not avert my eyes from the TV, turn the volume up to a considerable level, and kept my mouth shut. They all had a mini melt down until I turned the volume down a couple notches and said something snarky such as "trying to watch the game." I didn't look at them once during the whole thing and the situation was diffused.

Of course they were still a little mad but they stopped trying to push my buttons.

[PapayaTapper]

Hot Russian...welcome to the bigs of shit tests.

Calling out your "management" of her behaviors as beta is typical hot EE girl game. Gotta give her credit. She knows where the soft tissue is right? Youre the man, shes the woman. She probably hits you with "I like a man that..." or "A real man does ..."Jabbing at your masculinity is genius on her part. she I kinda chuckled

Good news is she knows to do that because she recognizes your roles.

Overall it sounds like your doing fine. Youve got the right perspective knowing she's not life / wife material.

But it kind of sounds like she's becoming inoculated to the fear of really losing you...she just needs to wait you out.

Is that possible?

Just a couple other questions

How is she during the "good" periods? Is she ever truly sweet and nice or is her good state neutral with sex that goes to histrionic?

Speaking of periods Id also see if theres a correlation. Ive noticed EE girls can have severe PMS mood swings

[RatInTheWoods]

Yeah when shes good, shes very very good, but I don't know if the squeeze is worth the juice.

I guess she is just amping up to either get something more solid or drive me to fuck her off. EE instinct girl game maybe.

Its high level girl game to try and shut down the most effective training method that she hates.

Wonder if any other dude has experienced that.

[griffinmill]

(05-01-2018 05:18 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  

Yeah when shes good, shes very very good, but I don't know if the squeeze is worth the juice.

I guess she is just amping up to either get something more solid or drive me to fuck her off. EE instinct girl game maybe.

Its high level girl game to try and shut down the most effective training method that she hates.

Wonder if any other dude has experienced that.

I dated a Russian last year and finally decided the squeeze was not worth the juice. I could not relax around her as I was being relentlessly shit-tested. I suspect she was also a borderline case. There are many girls out there who won't try to provoke arguments with you simply because they love to fight. Sex was great though, and it kept me coming back for more.

[PapayaTapper]

(05-01-2018 05:18 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  

Yeah when shes good, shes very very good, but I don't know if the squeeze is worth the juice.

I guess she is just amping up to either get something more solid or drive me to fuck her off. EE instinct girl game maybe.

Its high level girl game to try and shut down the most effective training method that she hates.

Wonder if any other dude has experienced that.

Is she generally happy when left to her own devices or does she require constant distraction else she get pouty?

How old is she?

Edit:

Of course she's going to try and shut it down...cause it works. The potential problem I see is there's no real "dread" in your dread game if she knows she just has to wait it out.

You likely need to introduce other elements of dread:

From Heartiste

Quote:

Make a blatant but plausibly deniable move on one of her friends when she’s not around. The news will get back to her. Milk it.

Call her from a very busy place so that she can hear women’s voices laughing and shrieking in the background. Don’t tell her where you are when she asks. Just say you’ll see her soon.

Mention how skilled your Russian ex was at giving head. Bring it up again a few days later, pretending not to remember the first time you mentioned it. Bonus: Russians are very good at giving head, so this will have the ring of truth.

Be seen by your girlfriend flirting with other women in a social venue. Extra points if the women are attractive. Double extra points if you flirt without looking back at your girlfriend once to check her reaction.

Cook her a romantic candlelight dinner at home. Make it a memorable experience, complete with jazz, chocolate, and rose petals. Then, do not talk with her for four days afterwards.

Ignore her calls for a week. When you eventually answer and she reads you the riot act, act as if nothing was wrong and accuse her of sabotaging a perfectly good relationship, “just like all the other women in this stupid city. I thought you were different”. Hang up on her angrily.

When her best friend tells you how cute you and your girlfriend look together, shrug, put your hand to the back of your neck as if to scratch an itch there, look down slightly and with a mildly annoyed expression blandly sigh “Yeeeeah…”. Triple bonus points if your girlfriend is standing right there.

When she attempts the jealousy maneuver by flirting with another guy, act unfazed. Give her pickup tips.

Gaze longingly into her eyes, say how hot she looks, then immediately glance sidelong at the bosom of any strange woman in the vicinity.

Have a threesome. Spend an inordinate amount of time admiring the labia of the other woman. Be sure to moan louder with her. WARNING: If you cum on the other woman you will have to spend weeks consoling your girlfriend.