[Kharn]

Girls come and go, but herpes will always stay there with you, and I doubt that's the kind of LTR you would want

[Alpha]

The majority of advice is telling you to leave. I feel that's the correct answer, but you can figure this out on your own without us, I think.

The real question isn't whether you should stay or go, the real question is: Do you want The Herp?

If no, then you should leave. If you don't mind it, then stay. Just know that the chances of it working out with this girl long term are pretty slim.

As far as her getting it from slutty behavior or just being unlucky, ask her what her notch count is and then multiply that number by 3, and you'll get her real notch count.

[Vill@in]

(04-02-2018 07:25 PM)Bushido Wrote:  

(04-02-2018 02:12 PM)Vill@in Wrote:  

STD's don't "come with the territory" if you fuck a lot of women.

They certainly do. Pretty much all the big players I know from this forum have admitted to getting something at some point.

Purely anecdotal. Yes, the chances are higher if you raw dog a lot of whores. But that doesn't mean it's a 100% guarantee you'll catch something. Educate yourself and take precautions. And then if you do catch something, hey, at least you did all that you could not to. Instead of just throwing your hands up in the air and saying "Well, if I fuck a lot of girls I'll catch something sometime anyway. I'm going to rawdog every dirty whore I meet because it's inevitable."

That's just a defeatist attitude to me.

(04-02-2018 07:25 PM)Bushido Wrote:  

I'm not telling OP to lock down this girl, but dumping her for something that a massive slice of the population has (most you won't know because asymptomatic and they don't test for it) is silly and immature.

He's been with her for 2 months.

I don't know about you but it's going to take longer than 2 months for me to really know if this girl is a right fit for me. Hell, two months is still the honeymoon phase where the chemistry is at it's peak. It clouds your judgment. She hasn't even begun to show her true colors yet.

Men seem to often forget that WE are the prize. Not her. Why the fuck would you settle for a girl that has herpes? Don't. You deserve better. You must truly believe that.

[TigerMandingo]

I've decided to break it off.

Appreciate all the input, fellas.

[kaotic]

Tiger it might suck short term, but in the long term you'll look back at this and wonder what on earth were you even thinking about the option of staying with her.

Trust me, you gotta think bigger picture, if you can, monitor yourself and get tested ever so often.

[Investment Bro]

Good choice brother. Thinking big picture here is your best option. Glad you took the reasonable advice and bailed out.

How'd you go about breaking it off, if I might ask?

[Dulceácido]

Considering the likelihood of the next girl that comes along also has it, you're gonna have to decide if you made the right choice, Brotherman. If it was a deadly disease like HIV, then there's no question to break it off, but something as prevalent and inconsequential as herpes... Meh.

[kaotic]

(04-03-2018 01:12 PM)Dulceácido Wrote:  

Considering the likelihood of the next girl that comes along also has it, you're gonna have to decide if you made the right choice, Brotherman. If it was a deadly disease like HIV, then there's no question to break it off, but something as prevalent and inconsequential as herpes... Meh.

Seriously? He knew her FOR 2 MONTHS.

He absolutely made the right choice and I doubt he's looking for a serious LTR at the moment.

If you had to choose between KNOWING a girl has it and the POSSIBILITY of a girl having it, I'm taking the possibility over the 100% confirmed.

Herpes to me isn't "meh" NO STD should be considered "meh".

They should always be treated seriously and not a shrug.

Like I said, I don't care about the stats, it's STILL herpes.

Saying hamster shit like "well brotherman...I HOPE you made the right choice, the next girl is gonna have it anyways", is almost as bad as a girl trying to guilt trip you.

[Dulceácido]

I was merely pointing out a statistical probability.

[TigerMandingo]

dulceacido, I hear you bro. I'm not convinced this was the right move, but it was my gut telling me to so it and I like to follow my instincts on this one . Like I said, this was a great girl. I don't think she was slutting it up. An unfortunate situation, really.

As for how I broke up, I took the pussy way out and am just ghosting on her . I don't have the heart to face her and tell her the truth. I know it's a weak move but I just cant do otherwise.

[Investment Bro]

(04-03-2018 02:27 PM)TigerMandingo Wrote:  

dulceacido, I hear you bro. I'm not convinced this was the right move, but it was my gut telling me to so it and I like to follow my instincts on this one . Like I said, this was a great girl. I don't think she was slutting it up. An unfortunate situation, really.

As for how I broke up, I took the pussy way out and am just ghosting on her . I don't have the heart to face her and tell her the truth. I know it's a weak move but I just cant do otherwise.

You listened to the wise advice of other members here to leave her, now do her a favor too. If this is really a sweet and feminine girl who just got unlucky, don't ruin her for someone else. There's some guy out there that will be okay with what she has.

Tell her the truth, straight up. She will get over it faster and she won't be as jaded, or potentially raise jaded, men hating kids. As a community, we have to break the cycle of man hate from women. By being straightforward instead of just ghosting her, you are going to help her recover quicker and be more likely to trust men down the road. Flake behavior like this doesn't build that trust.

You had the balls to make the right decision to break up, now finish the job the way real men do it. Good luck my man, and glad to have someone who has the courage to follow his gut as part of the community here.

It's not easy, and I don't envy your position. However you and her both stand to benefit from you handling it in an upfront and honest way.

[kaotic]

Tiger

Gut>Emotion

ALWAYS

I've learned many times that going with my emotions versus gut burned me.

Investment is right you should be up front with her, and let her down as gently as possible.

[Trent W.]

Is it possible that deep down you had already decided to break it with her and simply asked for opinions in order to rationalize it?

I'm not judging, it's absolutely normal. When we're in a situation that's "not good, not bad" we tend to look for a reason out in order to justify us wanting a way out. My opinion.

[Incubus]

When a man is forced into the position of making all decisions by a passive aggressive female then there is no need to feel bad for whatever decision that was made. Fuck me and good luck isn't input from a partner.

Sit down and discuss this Herpe test results together.....like a couple. What would she offer to do (nothing is typical being she's so pure and submissive) How does she want to protect her partners health?

The dating was 2 months, you might of thought you had a relationship but she wasn't in one she was waiting to see if you'd like to share HPV-2 with her. and being a man off course you'd be delighted to. (yes she got tested willingly because she already knew she had HPV-2 and maybe you also knew and got tested as a precaution)

Female Condom's could be bought. She could of offered to wear one. I had a picture but can't paste it in.
Sounds funny or weird to write but WTF the woman has the problem and shouldn't be forcing her man to "deal with it in all fairness." Set her man's mind at ease..RIGHT? wrong...she'll offer nothing

That's why this 2 month relationship was better of ending because the future with a passive aggressive female wouldn't last. The bonus is you'll never have to find out she lost interest in you after you got her gift because she was a narcissist and only wanted to see if (another) sucker would accept getting her gift. IMO

[Lermontov]

Interesting facts (source : The New England Journal of Medicine, Article : CLINICAL PRACTICE. Genital Herpes. N Engl J Med. 2016 Aug 18;375(7):666-74.) http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMcp1603178

''In the period from 2005 through 2010 in the United States, the seroprevalence of HSV-1 was 53.9% and the seroprevalence of HSV-2 was 15.7% among persons 14 to 49 years of age.''

''In some populations, herpes simplex virus (HSV) type 1 (HSV-1) is a more common cause of initial episodes of genital herpes than HSV type 2 (HSV-2).''

''Asymptomatic shedding of HSV from the genital tract is the most common source of transmission of infection.''

'' In one study, 74% of initial genital herpes infections due to HSV-1 and 63% of initial genital herpes infections due to HSV-2 in women were asymptomatic.''

''Only 10 to 25% of patients with serologically confirmed HSV-2 infection are aware that they have genital herpes.2,10 Among a large sample of American women who were 18 to 30 years of age and who had no history of HSV infection, seroprevalence rates of HSV-1 were 53% and seroprevalence rates of HSV-2 were 12%''

[Dulceácido]

(04-03-2018 04:37 PM)Lermontov Wrote:  

Interesting facts (source : The New England Journal of Medicine, Article : CLINICAL PRACTICE. Genital Herpes. N Engl J Med. 2016 Aug 18;375(7):666-74.) http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMcp1603178

''In the period from 2005 through 2010 in the United States, the seroprevalence of HSV-1 was 53.9% and the seroprevalence of HSV-2 was 15.7% among persons 14 to 49 years of age.''

''In some populations, herpes simplex virus (HSV) type 1 (HSV-1) is a more common cause of initial episodes of genital herpes than HSV type 2 (HSV-2).''

''Asymptomatic shedding of HSV from the genital tract is the most common source of transmission of infection.''

'' In one study, 74% of initial genital herpes infections due to HSV-1 and 63% of initial genital herpes infections due to HSV-2 in women were asymptomatic.''

''Only 10 to 25% of patients with serologically confirmed HSV-2 infection are aware that they have genital herpes.2,10 Among a large sample of American women who were 18 to 30 years of age and who had no history of HSV infection, seroprevalence rates of HSV-1 were 53% and seroprevalence rates of HSV-2 were 12%''

This is simply what I was saying all along. You're gonna dump a "good girl" and out of the next 4 you meet, almost 3 of them will have the exact same infection--and they probably won't be "good girls" because most girls are not.

I'm just using statistics and mathematics to explain a contrary opinion to emotional arguments that hold no weight in the face of scientific reality.

[kaotic]

So Dulce, right after you went through a semi rough break up with an ex, you're going to stick with first girl you've been with since, whose been a "good" girl for 2 months (committed) and has confirmed herpes.

I mean after all, you're going to get herpes anyways, so you might as well get it from the girl you're with right now.

It's just totally scientific and logical, meh.

Got it.

[TigerMandingo]

(04-03-2018 03:56 PM)Trent W. Wrote:  

Is it possible that deep down you had already decided to break it with her and simply asked for opinions in order to rationalize it?

Nope, not at all. I was enjoying the relationship and we were talking about moving in etc. Things went fast, what can I say. We had great chemistry and I never got a sixth sense about her (that she was lying or being manipulative). I'm not as cynical about women as some other guys on this forum. If a girl is good to me, I reciprocate. It's just that this one episode left a bad taste in my mouth, and I don't think I can just say "fuck it, it's just the herp, life goes on". Respect to the guys who can let it go and be supportive.

[Dulceácido]

(04-03-2018 05:31 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

So Dulce, right after you went through a semi rough break up with an ex, you're going to stick with first girl you've been with since, whose been a "good" girl for 2 months (committed) and has confirmed herpes.

I mean after all, you're going to get herpes anyways, so you might as well get it from the girl you're with right now.

It's just totally scientific and logical, meh.

Got it.

Kaotic, Bro... I just have the background of a biologist and a medical professional.

I don't rate people on "good" or "bad" based on the medical deficiencies they have. I don't think of people being "bad diabetics" or "evil cancer victims," I'm just stating facts.

We're talking about an infection that infects around 70% of the world's population.
I'm a huge fan of your posts in the Player's Lounge, and I have to say, from a completely statistical, solely scientific, vantage point, you're probably at the top percentile of likely having it yourself or currently banging someone that has it, yet you've been fortunate enough to not contract, in spite of the fact you've been exposed to it repeatedly. Relax.

[kaotic]

Dulce the reason I'm circling back to this is because of JUDGEMENT, not stats or science.

I was spelling it out:

out of relationship>first girl since breakup>herpes> stick with her

I'm pointing out the judgement call about this - a man who knows a girl for 2 months and she has something serious doesn't mean he should risk the rest of his life of dating because she has herpes.

This goes into a scenario of, he eventually catches it from this girl, and let's say they break up down the road? How much of a barrier is that to other girls he pursues in the future?

That's my point, there's PLENTY of girls in the world, odds are she's pretty cool and rad, but one of many girls out there who can make him happy.

A simple explanation is a gun to your head: You bang a girl who has herpes OR you bang a girl who statistically may have herpes.

I know it's not as black and white, I get that.


Dulce I'm not tripping or trying to disrespect your logic on this, I totally get it bro, but I'm trying to add a higher level here beyond the stats.

I've got no ill will towards you bro, I'm just trying to rationalize this very blunty - and I might come off as very cynical sometimes.

[Dulceácido]

Likewise, Friend. No ill-will whatsoever from here.

I do see what you're saying. I think where we disagree is that there are not "Plenty of girls in the world" that do not have this. The empirical data shows that it's less than 30% that don't have it.

And forgive my insistence for numbers and figures, but indulge me for just a moment, and I'll concede to you that, for you, it is an unacceptable risk and therefore you, with no malice, give that advice to others whom you care about.

Some of this is going to go on "hypotheticals," but I'll leave all to their player skills to determine.
You meet 100 women. Safe to say 40 have a significant other?. Now we're down to 60. Safe to say 13% are lesbians?. Now we're down to 47, but not really, because, technically, some of those assumptions could have collided and we had both a person in a relationship and a lesbian, so I just stuck with the original premise. Some of those girls are not going to be open to a relationship... Who knows? Psychologically damaged, going through a bad break-up, crazy mental issues, let's give that a conservative 10%?. Now we're at 37, conservatively. Even if you are player and pimp supreme, about 30% of the remaining girls are not going to be interested because you're too short, too fat, too ugly, got bad breath, not smart, didn't make her laugh, drive a shit car, got no money, you dress like shit, you've bad hygiene, you don't work out, your politics are shyte, you can't impress a girl, you got too drunk, she got too drunk, her friends didn't like you, your friends didn't like her--now she's upset, her ex boyfriend texted her 5 minutes ago now she can't stop obsessing.... etc. etc. etc...

Soooo, we're down to 7... You've wasted your time with 100--we're down to 7. The cream of the crop!


5 of them have herpes.

[Lermontov]

The situation described by the OP is actually a very common clinical problem.

For those who can't download the article that I mentioned, it presents the following clinical vignette before reviewing genital HSV infections:

''A 25-year-old woman visits her physician and reports three brief episodes of small, tender, labial ulcerations over the past year. The physical examination is unremarkable. Type-specific herpes simplex virus (HSV) serologic tests are positive for HSV type 1 (HSV-1) and type 2 (HSV-2). The patient is distressed to learn that she has genital herpes, particularly since she has been contemplating pregnancy. Her husband of 2 years reports no history of HSV infection; subsequent testing reveals that he is seropositive for HSV-1 and seronegative for HSV-2. How would you advise this couple?

...
...

''Conclusions and Recommendations
The woman in the vignette probably has genital herpes, as indicated by her history and positive HSV-2 serologic status. The duration and source of her HSV-2 infection cannot be determined, although her seronegative husband can be excluded as the source. She has noticed symptoms only within the past year; however, she could have been infected at any time since she became sexually active, since initial infection may be subclinical.

The frequency of recurrence of genital herpes is more consistent with HSV-2 than with HSV-1, but both are potential pathogens in this patient. Distinguishing between them would require further testing with the use of PCR or culture of lesions during an outbreak. The patient should receive counseling regarding the natural history of genital herpes, the risks of transmission, and the treatment options. All patients with a diagnosis of genital herpes should be offered comprehensive screening for other sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV.

To minimize the risk of transmission to her HSV-2–seronegative husband, this patient should be offered daily suppressive antiviral therapy. This therapy reduces the frequency of HSV-2 reactivation (symptomatic and asymptomatic) and reduces the risk of transmission by almost 50%. Her husband should use condoms, which will provide additional protection. The couple should avoid sexual contact while she has a symptomatic lesion. They should be informed that risk reduction provided by these interventions is not absolute, and transmission could still occur. If they decide to attempt conception, the patient should discuss her history of genital herpes with her obstetrician at the prenatal visit.''


Unlike the woman in the vignette, OP's girlfriend never had a recurrence. Maybe she has had a subclinical one and didn't notice. She might have a recurrence someday or just never have one. If she has one, takes medication and has protected sex (condom) with OP while the recurrence goes away, the odds of contracting HSV2 remain low. Notice in the clinical vignette how the husband has never contracted HSV2 in the two year relationship.

That being said, the rate of recurrences *usually* diminishes greatly as the years go on since the initial infection.

I personally wouldn't end a relationship because of my partner's HSV2 serologic status.

[kaotic]

@Dulce

That's fair, sound math, I get it.

But to me fresh out of a relationship, it's still better odds than 100% confirmed herpes.

[MongolianAbroad]

(04-03-2018 02:27 PM)TigerMandingo Wrote:  

dulceacido, I hear you bro. I'm not convinced this was the right move, but it was my gut telling me to so it and I like to follow my instincts on this one . Like I said, this was a great girl. I don't think she was slutting it up. An unfortunate situation, really.

That's like the gay coworker that tells you about his gay friend that only had sex once and got AIDS from that one night.

Is it possible? Yes, it's possible.

Does it happen often? Well, it happens far less often than the other way people get STD's, through having a large amount of sexual partners and engaging in sexual practices that increase the risk of transmission for STD's.

Realistically, the most likely scenario for getting an STD is being promiscuous.

But yeah, we don't know.

[PondScum]

This thread is superb. Like, literally my fave herpes thread ever.

And investment bro is right, OP.
Ghosting someone who's done nothing wrong is trout or teenage behaviour, unworthy of a grown man.

I'm not calling you a pussy, that was your judgement: don't let it be true.

Be righteous.