[Ringo]

(05-20-2018 03:26 AM)Ringo Wrote:  

Tomorrow a have a little date with a Chinese-Italian girl who works at the hostel I stayed at while sorting out my housing. (Side note: never knew there were so many Chinese in Italy. They're everywhere.) I could tell from the moment I met her that she was into me but I just shrugged it off, she's pretty meh. I left the hostel without grabbing her contact information, and she went out of her way to get it from another guy I met there. She messaged me saying she wants me to help her with her Portuguese and she can help me with my Italian. Yeah, right.

Maybe I should friendzone her, it might help to build a social circle - we'll see tomorrow. In any case I could use the extra Italian practice.

If before the date I'd had a whiff of her being a slut, during the date she made sure to really rub my face into it. Mentioned her exes, talked about guys she thought were cute, etc.

About 15min in I'd made up my mind that I wouldn't even try to bang her, and when we got into the subject of improving our language skills, I took a notepad out of my backpack and she looked at me with her head cocked to the side and said: "Oh. You actually want to study?"

She kept derailing the study - she had no interest in it from the start, just wanted to go out with me -, so after a while I just mentally checked out and nodded at the shit she said. One hour into the date I told her it had been nice and I had to go.

[Balkan]

I'm a bit surprised the BJJ connection hasn't opened up a social circle for you.

Some thoughts on how you could socialize albeit I have no experience with Italy:
-Are you going to a language school/exchange? This is an opportunity. You know Portugese and English. Might not be the most desirable people but should open some doors.
-Join a team sports league. Perhaps BJJ was your talent but even if you're only decent at soccer, it could help. I stumbled on pick up games in Mexico City and it opened doors.
-If I remember right, you're into photography. I'm sure there are photography meet ups, events, gallery openings, etc. Language might hinder you here but worth a shot.
-If your schedule permits, enroll in a class at the local university. Even better would be to break into the English-speaking international circles there. This would be difficult but with enough elbow grease should be possible.
-If you have any online business/side-hustle hit up a co-working space. Usually brings in a more international crowd.
-Volunteer somewhere. Options might be limited when lacking conversational Italian but might be something out there. People in this sphere are usually very generous in helping you mingle.
-Hit up that Hostel for more prospects. Guys/girls in similar positions to you would likely stay there for a few days before finding permanent lodging. I'd linger around there more often.
-Fire up tinder/bumble/whatever is popular in Italy. Could be an easy avenue to friendzone some less cute girls and and build up a social circle.

I was recently in a similar boat. Starting from scratch anywhere is tough. Best of luck!

[zatara]

You should definitely just suck it up and pay for both the gym and BJJ if you can I think. Its worth making savings somewhere else to help. BJJ is probably your best social opportunity to break into a group, and it sounds like you enjoy it. And going to the gym is only 30e a month which is nothing, and is just absolutely key for so many reasons to your health/attraction/happiness etc. If you're there long enough it sounds like you might have an opportunity to start coaching too, if you played your cards right? If the local level is that low.

Are there any local pickup football (soccer) leagues you could try to join? They're likely to be free, or very cheap, and provide another potential social link.

Erasmus groups is a great idea if you're young enough. ESN - Erasmus Student Network - generally run events in every big Erasmus city. If you try Googling, and searching on Facebook, for ESN+cityname or similar combos you should be able to find something if it exists there.

Also agree with Balkan that you should get onto Tinder/Bumble. In a lot of socially conservative European regions its a godsend, because it provides a way for you to get chatting to girls outside of the public eye which is very important for them. My experience of Italian nightclubs is they're very, very clique-ish, so I'd be surprised if you did well in them as an outsider - even if you have solid game unfortunately. Online game should be easier.

[Ringo]

@Balkan and zatara:

Thank you for the great ideas!

I wouldn't say BJJ hasn't worked out. I think I just need more time. I've been going to this gym for less than two weeks, and people here seem to take a long time to let you into their circle. I'm confident that they'll open up if I keep showing up. The fact that the level of BJJ here is so low works to my advantage. You're right - it's definitely worth it's monthly rate.

Out of your suggestions:

Other sports: kind of out of the question, I'm terrible at most sports.

Language school/exchange: this is interesting. Looks like there's a weekly meetup in town. I'm definitely going to explore this.

Expats: I'm on a Facebook group and the expat community here is very active in organizing events but it's mostly people in their late 30's to 50's (I'm 26). Not sure if it's worth exploring but I guess a connection is a connection, you never know who someone might introduce you to.

Erasmus/ESN: I'm definitely looking into this. I'm not a University student but it's right about my age range.

Photography: I do love photography but couldn't find any local groups or events. I have something in mind that I think it's worth exploring though - I'll report back if it pans out.

Dating apps: never in my life did it occur to me that I could use them to friendzone uglier girls. That's the kind of thing I'd chuckle to myself if I read it on a girl's profile!

Could be a good option. The only reason I haven't jump on this yet is I've had bad experiences in Brazil. Don't get me wrong, nothing terrible happened. I actually got laid many times there through Tinder. But most girls seemed off in some way and that left a bitter taste in my mouth. My worry is: I feel like this town is small enough that I can burn bridges or get a reputation easily. But I guess I can tread carefully.

Again, thank you for the suggestions!

[getdownonit]

re:online and your rep:

"In Brasile, tinder isn't a hookup app."

[wellrockthecity]

(05-28-2018 04:25 AM)Ringo Wrote:  

If anyone has good tips on how to break into social circles here in Italy, let me know.

Hey Ringo I am not sure what city you are exactly in, I know you said North, but usually there is a lot of differences between northern and southern Italy.

Social circles might be quite hard to crack due to the fact that people tend to go out with the same people for years. Even extending your social circle to people from closer towns is kind of not typical, at least in my city. People tend to stick to their own and I am from a fairly large place not a 10k small town where everyone knows everyone.

Easiest way would be to go out with an Italian girl and have her introduce you her friends. Very risky as when you dump her people could turn their back to you, after all you'll always be the foreigner.

Your best bet is probably creating a group of friends with people that are not native from that city, but moved there to study/work. Being able to speak Italian is a must as you probably have realised by now.

Italians can be a bit insular and you should have a bit of knowledge about pop Italian culture so you have something to talk about people. I can give you suggestion on some good movies and tv shows. Soccer is a safe bet too as most Italian guys follow at least a bit. You'll most definitely be invited to watch a game on tv with other people at some point, shame Italy its not playing the world cup though.

Also learn a bit about Italian politics. Its never a boring conversation topic and now there is a lot of turmoil about the whole election thing in Italy and we love to talk shit about our government.

[Ringo]

(05-29-2018 09:55 AM)wellrockthecity Wrote:  

(05-28-2018 04:25 AM)Ringo Wrote:  

If anyone has good tips on how to break into social circles here in Italy, let me know.

Hey Ringo I am not sure what city you are exactly in, I know you said North, but usually there is a lot of differences between northern and southern Italy.

Social circles might be quite hard to crack due to the fact that people tend to go out with the same people for years. Even extending your social circle to people from closer towns is kind of not typical, at least in my city. People tend to stick to their own and I am from a fairly large place not a 10k small town where everyone knows everyone.

Easiest way would be to go out with an Italian girl and have her introduce you her friends. Very risky as when you dump her people could turn their back to you, after all you'll always be the foreigner.

Your best bet is probably creating a group of friends with people that are not native from that city, but moved there to study/work. Being able to speak Italian is a must as you probably have realised by now.

Italians can be a bit insular and you should have a bit of knowledge about pop Italian culture so you have something to talk about people. I can give you suggestion on some good movies and tv shows. Soccer is a safe bet too as most Italian guys follow at least a bit. You'll most definitely be invited to watch a game on tv with other people at some point, shame Italy its not playing the world cup though.

Also learn a bit about Italian politics. Its never a boring conversation topic and now there is a lot of turmoil about the whole election thing in Italy and we love to talk shit about our government.

Thank you for your post.

I don't want to disclose the location for privacy reasons, but it's far from being that small and it's definitely a Northern type of culture.

You're right about the transplants. So far those have been the people I've become closest with, although I certainly would say we are close. Luckily this town has a big University so many people come here to study and end up staying. So although they form a new local circle, the outsider mentality remains in some ways.

Soccer: I hadn't watched a game from start to finish in a couple of years, but did so last Saturday for the Champions finale. I can see how this will help during the World Cup (I guess the games will be broadcast publicly regardless of Italy being out).

I would love it if you could post some "must know" Italian songs/singers/bands and movies/series.

[brianmark]

(05-28-2018 04:25 AM)Ringo Wrote:  

Here's where I'm at now:

Location
At this point, I don't feel comfortable disclosing my location, but I definitely intend on writing a datasheet at some point the future. Suffice to say it's a coastal town in the northern half of Italy and it has a big University.

Girls
At first I was slightly impressed by the talent here. It's easy to spot cute girls walking around just about anywhere during the day. However, late afternoons and nights have revealed a level of talent that truly impresses me. There's just too many bangable girls. Unlike Brazil, where you get tons of 5's and a handful of 10's, the median here seems skewed towards a 7, to my taste at least. There's less very high level girls, but also less trolls.

The average cute girl is 1,60-170m, slim, nice legs, very nice face and light brown to brown hair.

Guys
As I wrote before, the average guy in Italy is not in good shape. Even fitter guys are fitter only for European standards. I can count on my hands the number of jacked guys I've seen in this town over the last few weeks – and out of those, two were at the gym and one was a foreigner.

Gym/fitness
Working out is relatively expensive here. Plus, it's just a hassle – you have to bring “gym shoes”, get changed, carry a towel around. There are no water fountains at most gyms. I'm sure none of this helps to motivate the average civilian to lift. Gyms here often have courts for basketball, volleyball and other team sports. Many Italians prefer that to lifting weights. Most people are some level of skinny fat and just keep in relatively good shape due to tons of walking.

I'm far from big (1,83m, 83kg), but definitely in very good shape compared to the average guy here - I can see it by how girls react to me in day to day life.

Alcohol
I cannot emphasize enough how big drinking culture is here. People look at me like I'm an alien because I don't drink.

As I've touched on before, it's considered normal to drink even before lunch. Yesterday was a sunny Sunday, and as I was walking to the gym I noticed many people drinking beer on the sidewalk tables of bars and cafés. It was 10:30am.

After 5pm on weekdays, most people go to aperitivo, a pre-dinner ritual involving drinks and snacks, usually on tables by the sidewalk and accompanied by friends or coworkers. Because of that, it's normal to see people stumbling around wasted at 8pm. Still, I personally haven't seen anyone throwing up in public or laying on the curb wasted, a common sight in São Paulo.

Italy in general, and this town in specific, are sidewalk game paradises.

Social circle
I've never been to a place where social circle seems to be more important than Italy.

People go out with friends for drinks or food almost every day. Excluding people who are commuting to or from work, you hardly ever spot someone walking around or sitting at a table by themselves. The only exceptions I see regularly are elderly people, most of whom are drinking or reading, and people taking their dogs for a walk (you can take a dog almost anywhere here).

While this is bad news because it's very hard to approach and infiltrate these groups, I'm optimistic because I know that if I do manage to break into one, most of my work will have been done.

I see girls looking at me but when I try to spark up a conversation I barely get any feedback. I don't think it's an attraction issue, I think it's a social issue of them censoring themselves to not look bad (or slutish?) in some way.

During aperitivo hours, I see tons of tables of just girls, anywhere from 3-10 girls, especially during the weekends, but I've found myself unable to approach.

I've also tried a couple of times to befriend guys. I wouldn't go as far as saying Italian guys are haters, at least not yet, but I always get very dry, matter of fact reactions from them. Maybe I need to befriend them in a different setting and then go out together.

Nightlife
This remains to be explored. Truth be told, ever since I've come to Italy I've barely gamed at all. In Brazil I was doing very well in night game – I'd hardly ever come home without at least one solid prospect for a new bang, if not a SNL.

My research tells me that there aren't many nightclubs here, but there are probably 3-4 options that would be worth a visit. I plan on checking them out next weekend.

Again – it seems like placing my bets on the aperitivo/dinner hours would offer a better bang for buck because (it looks like) most girls are out at that time, but maybe not all go to the club later.

- - -

So, to cap it off, here are my main challenges currently:

- Improve Italian skills and confidence in using it.
When I'm out, I never use English because I want to put myself into the uncomfortable position of having to speak Italian 100% of the time. I know this will help me improve, but it's hard on my mind because it makes me question myself and often avoid social interaction. It's also hard because I can't get deep with the subjects, so chats are usually at the same surface level. I need to embrace the fact that my language skills are not good at the moment and that's okay, and keep working on them. I'm sure over time this will pass and I'll get my confidence back up.

- Breaking into one or more social circles.
Like I said, social circle is king here. I can't see myself succeeding without breaking into at least one group. I've been taking steps towards befriending locals (gym, jiu jitsu, keeping in touch with random people I've met), but so far I'm still stuck at zero. I think Italians are a bit closed off in this aspect, even more so in a smaller town such as this, so I think I just need more time.

A friend who has been through this before, although in a different country, recommended that I should try to find a place where Erasmus students hang out and befriend them. It's a good idea and I'll look into it.

- - -

Overall I'm feeling quite confident and happy here even though I have no real life friends or any bangable prospects. I think it's a matter of keep putting the work in and eventually things will pan out.

It's been a month since I've banged a girl for the last time and I'm about to start climbing up the walls but I'm using this time as a mental break and not sweating it too much because I know it will be worth it in the long run.

If anyone has good tips on how to break into social circles here in Italy, let me know.

I lived and worked in northern Italy. Italy is one of my favorite countries for the people, food, art, history, and scenery. Unfortunately it is one of the worst places to get laid. Very bad. I had many Italian friends through work. Most of the Italian guys weren't getting laid. Few had girlfriends. Italy is a great country to experience, but i can't think of a worse place to get laid easily.

[wellrockthecity]

(05-30-2018 03:23 AM)Ringo Wrote:  

(05-29-2018 09:55 AM)wellrockthecity Wrote:  

(05-28-2018 04:25 AM)Ringo Wrote:  

If anyone has good tips on how to break into social circles here in Italy, let me know.

Hey Ringo I am not sure what city you are exactly in, I know you said North, but usually there is a lot of differences between northern and southern Italy.

Social circles might be quite hard to crack due to the fact that people tend to go out with the same people for years. Even extending your social circle to people from closer towns is kind of not typical, at least in my city. People tend to stick to their own and I am from a fairly large place not a 10k small town where everyone knows everyone.

Easiest way would be to go out with an Italian girl and have her introduce you her friends. Very risky as when you dump her people could turn their back to you, after all you'll always be the foreigner.

Your best bet is probably creating a group of friends with people that are not native from that city, but moved there to study/work. Being able to speak Italian is a must as you probably have realised by now.

Italians can be a bit insular and you should have a bit of knowledge about pop Italian culture so you have something to talk about people. I can give you suggestion on some good movies and tv shows. Soccer is a safe bet too as most Italian guys follow at least a bit. You'll most definitely be invited to watch a game on tv with other people at some point, shame Italy its not playing the world cup though.

Also learn a bit about Italian politics. Its never a boring conversation topic and now there is a lot of turmoil about the whole election thing in Italy and we love to talk shit about our government.

Thank you for your post.

I don't want to disclose the location for privacy reasons, but it's far from being that small and it's definitely a Northern type of culture.

You're right about the transplants. So far those have been the people I've become closest with, although I certainly would say we are close. Luckily this town has a big University so many people come here to study and end up staying. So although they form a new local circle, the outsider mentality remains in some ways.

Soccer: I hadn't watched a game from start to finish in a couple of years, but did so last Saturday for the Champions finale. I can see how this will help during the World Cup (I guess the games will be broadcast publicly regardless of Italy being out).

I would love it if you could post some "must know" Italian songs/singers/bands and movies/series.

Gomorra is probably the most famous Italian tv series (there is a movie as well) ever. Its about Mafia, I am sure 99% of people you will talk to have watched it, 4th season is coming soon. Romanzo Criminale and Suburra are two other good ones.

Good comedians are Checco Zalone and Maurizio Crozza. This will help you grasp the Italian humor too.

Regarding music I am a bit out of touch with the scene as I prefer to listen to international but I know Italian rap is very big right now.
Check out the songs that competed in festival di Sanremo, is a very popular Italian music contest. Way more popular than Eurovision in Italy.

I would subscribe to a big gym too that runs classes, usually people like to socialise there instead of training (very similar to South America from what I noticed). If there is a big university getting into the erasmus circle could be a goldmine depending on your age.
I am too old for that shit now but when I was 20 I got many laids from going to their parties, mainly with Spanish girls.

I would not expect to go to discos/bar etc and get laid regularly in Italy to be honest unless you are in a big place and/or interacting with transplants. Too much everyone knows everyone mentality and lot of judgment passed around.

[getdownonit]

This song won San Remo last year, I love the video. This year's winner is lame.

[Ringo]

It's been over a month since I've been living here.

This is not an uplifting post, but since I've decided to make this a diary of the trip, I think I should share this.

At this point I've accidentally gone monk mode.

Been in a dry spell for over a month. No real prospects. I just go to the gym, train martial arts and work on personal projects on the computer.

I've tried going to a few nightlife spots here, especially with live music, but a couple of times the places just cancelled the performance without any warning. Most patrons go in early, dine and wait for the live act or the dancefloor to open up, only to discover it's been cancelled. At that point, the joint has already profited from their dinner. It's a little trick that apparently is not uncommon around here (maybe in Italy as whole?).

I think the biggest point, however, is that I've been realizing that most people I meet here are boring as shit.

I'm not a glass half empty guy. I'm always curious, always learning. I'm hardly ever bored. But almost everyone that I've met here is pretty square and one dimensional. Even people who have travelled around or have shared interests.

I've been trying to make friends for weeks, but the other day some people invited me to hang out and I couldn't muster the will to go - they're just so dull. Went to watch the Brazilian football team play on Sunday with an acquaintance - same thing. For some reason, most conversations here don't flow. I feel like I need to pull information out like a dentist pulling teeth.

Now that I think about it, I don't really see people having a great time. They just hang out in groups. But I don't really see huge laughs or authentic smiles that often.

While this may seem depressing, I'm definitely not depressed, I'm enjoying my time quite a bit. If I'm not at home or at the gym, I'm at the beach. It's the first time in 6 years that I'm not studying and/or working full time, so it's a nice break to think about the direction my life is going.

I realize that a big part of how I'm seeing things is purely my perception and not necessarily reality. Even though I'm still upbeat and would I'd like have some cool updates to share, mostly my desire to socialize has been turning more and more into "meh, not worth it".

[wellrockthecity]

sorry to hear that you are not having the best time in Italy, have you considered checking another city out?
Florence has a good nightlife and you could kill it with American tourists there as its full of them...

Also I would suggest moving towards south, people are going to be more open and warmer (less English spoken though). I would highly recommend Naples is a unique in its own city and you will see very fly girls, great style and take care of themselves etc.

[Merengues]

(06-19-2018 03:53 AM)Ringo Wrote:  

I think the biggest point, however, is that I've been realizing that most people I meet here are boring as shit.

I'm not a glass half empty guy. I'm always curious, always learning. I'm hardly ever bored. But almost everyone that I've met here is pretty square and one dimensional. Even people who have travelled around or have shared interests.

I've been trying to make friends for weeks, but the other day some people invited me to hang out and I couldn't muster the will to go - they're just so dull. Went to watch the Brazilian football team play on Sunday with an acquaintance - same thing. For some reason, most conversations here don't flow. I feel like I need to pull information out like a dentist pulling teeth.

Now that I think about it, I don't really see people having a great time. They just hang out in groups. But I don't really see huge laughs or authentic smiles that often.

What you might be experiencing as a Brazilian (as one of the most sociable and fun cultures) is what my Latin American friends call 'vibra europea'. After hanging out with a vast majority of Europeans they would think of us as dull, dry, boring and sometimes even pretentious people. We are simply not as fun to be around and too complicated. I would actually agree as 'joie de vivre' of Latinos is incomparable even with Southern Europeans.

[Ringo]

(06-19-2018 11:28 AM)wellrockthecity Wrote:  

sorry to hear that you are not having the best time in Italy, have you considered checking another city out?
Florence has a good nightlife and you could kill it with American tourists there as its full of them...

Also I would suggest moving towards south, people are going to be more open and warmer (less English spoken though). I would highly recommend Naples is a unique in its own city and you will see very fly girls, great style and take care of themselves etc.

At this point I can't move because I'm applying for my citizenship here. I have to stay until it's done - which should be in a couple of months.

I just want to point out that even though I'm not having the best time I'm far from being unhappy. I like to think I'm pretty stoic, so I'm just taking all of this as an opportunity to focus on things I couldn't focus on for the past few years. Regardless of what happens in the next few weeks, I'll be a happy guy.

To tell you the truth, the thing that's been bothering the most is the fact that most days it's like 30°C and my flatmate has the worst b.o. you can imagine.

I've researched Naples before and would love to visit for a few days, it looks like a fascinating place!

(06-19-2018 01:57 PM)Merengues Wrote:  

What you might be experiencing as a Brazilian (as one of the most sociable and fun cultures) is what my Latin American friends call 'vibra europea'. After hanging out with a vast majority of Europeans they would think of us as dull, dry, boring and sometimes even pretentious people. We are simply not as fun to be around and too complicated. I would actually agree as 'joie de vivre' of Latinos is incomparable even with Southern Europeans.

That's a great way to put it. I think you hit the nail on the head with the joie de vivre. In Brazil, people are knee deep in all kinds of shit and still find a reason to have fun; here you might buy someone a present and they'll barely crack you a smile. In any case this is valuable education for life.

[Balkan]

(06-19-2018 03:53 AM)Ringo Wrote:  

It's been over a month since I've been living here.

This is not an uplifting post, but since I've decided to make this a diary of the trip, I think I should share this.

At this point I've accidentally gone monk mode.

Been in a dry spell for over a month. No real prospects. I just go to the gym, train martial arts and work on personal projects on the computer.

Appreciate the candidness. I'd imagine solo travel to certain countries is often like this. Sounds like you're in a small city. That music cancellation is strange. Locals should know better than to fall for that.

Did you follow up on the language exchange? Even if the culture is exclusive and somewhat monotonous, I bet the university aged kids are still having fun. I'd continue scoping that scene out..

[bucky]

(06-19-2018 03:53 AM)Ringo Wrote:  

It's been over a month since I've been living here.

This is not an uplifting post, but since I've decided to make this a diary of the trip, I think I should share this.

At this point I've accidentally gone monk mode.

Been in a dry spell for over a month. No real prospects. I just go to the gym, train martial arts and work on personal projects on the computer.

I've tried going to a few nightlife spots here, especially with live music, but a couple of times the places just cancelled the performance without any warning. Most patrons go in early, dine and wait for the live act or the dancefloor to open up, only to discover it's been cancelled. At that point, the joint has already profited from their dinner. It's a little trick that apparently is not uncommon around here (maybe in Italy as whole?).

I think the biggest point, however, is that I've been realizing that most people I meet here are boring as shit.

I'm not a glass half empty guy. I'm always curious, always learning. I'm hardly ever bored. But almost everyone that I've met here is pretty square and one dimensional. Even people who have travelled around or have shared interests.

I've been trying to make friends for weeks, but the other day some people invited me to hang out and I couldn't muster the will to go - they're just so dull. Went to watch the Brazilian football team play on Sunday with an acquaintance - same thing. For some reason, most conversations here don't flow. I feel like I need to pull information out like a dentist pulling teeth.

Now that I think about it, I don't really see people having a great time. They just hang out in groups. But I don't really see huge laughs or authentic smiles that often.

While this may seem depressing, I'm definitely not depressed, I'm enjoying my time quite a bit. If I'm not at home or at the gym, I'm at the beach. It's the first time in 6 years that I'm not studying and/or working full time, so it's a nice break to think about the direction my life is going.

I realize that a big part of how I'm seeing things is purely my perception and not necessarily reality. Even though I'm still upbeat and would I'd like have some cool updates to share, mostly my desire to socialize has been turning more and more into "meh, not worth it".

Hey man, this has been an interesting thread to read for me because five or six years ago I had a ton of $$$ saved up and I was planning on doing something very similar. Not applying for citizenship, but going back to Italy for a few months to see what might happen. I got married to my Central American girlfriend instead.

Anyway, I'm a bit of an outlier here, don't drink, don't like nightclubs or really going out at night at all, so my plan was to do some volunteer work and network that way, and go to some yoga classes. I had a feeling that would work because I've had Italian girlfriends before and never considered it especially difficult to meet girls there, unlike most game devotees. My Italian is pretty advanced though, and until a few years ago I was pretty blue pill and really had no knowledge of game. Maybe Italy is one of those places where game can work against you, who knows.

Good luck at any rate. I have a good life now but I envy you a bit because I miss Italy a lot sometimes.

[bucky]

(06-19-2018 11:28 AM)wellrockthecity Wrote:  

sorry to hear that you are not having the best time in Italy, have you considered checking another city out?
Florence has a good nightlife and you could kill it with American tourists there as its full of them...

Also I would suggest moving towards south, people are going to be more open and warmer (less English spoken though). I would highly recommend Naples is a unique in its own city and you will see very fly girls, great style and take care of themselves etc.

I lived in Italy for years but only went south of Rome once, spent a few weeks wandering Campagna, Calabria, Basilicata, and Puglia. As much as I love the north, got to admit that the south was magical. Savage and beautiful, and pretty third world in a lot of ways. I loved it. Naples was the best, although I hear it's gone downhill badly in the last few years (dirty, dangerous, etc.). On the other hand, I wonder how bad it could really be. I was there about 20 years ago.

[zatara]

Are you able to leave your city on weekend breaks Ringo? Or would that interfere with the visa process? If you're able to, it might be worth your while hitting up some non Italian cities for a long weekend every so often just for a) an emotional break and b) to get laid. I know you're on a budget but most European cities have quite cheap budget airline flights. You could probably head to somewhere like Budapest or Lisbon that has a lot of tourist nightlife (ie, easy girls), lots of stuff to do during the day, and low prices, fairly easily & cheaply.. Or if you just want easy bangs head to one of the trashier beach party spots - Magaluf, Kavos etc.

If you did one trip like that a month or every 6 weeks you could get the partying out of your system, then focus more on self development while at home in Italy without going too mad with boredom in-between. Plus its a good chance to see more of Europe while you're here.

[randomA]

Ringo, I would like to bet that you're probably in one of these, or nearby: Genoa, Venice or Trieste.
Somehow, I can understand Italy is tough nut to crack but all the good luck to you and really admiring your effort !
Look forward to read more from you.

[Gent001]

I cant say much about Italy.. but in the western side of europe men are inclined to stick to their social circle which they had since high school.

Your best bet is to use couchsurfing and meet people with other backgrounds than Italian. You can even try the option "hangout" in the couchsurfing app. Chances are you will find a few Italians with another mindset who are open to new things.

[SpursFan741]

I don't see any reason why you should move from Brazil to Southern Europe or Western Europe beside Financial reasons or safety reasons. Why should you want to change a lively, social culture with a lot of great beaches for shitty Europe?

Like mentioned here : People here in S-Europe or W-Europe are not keen to meet new people. People stick with their social circle from High school and won't invite you into them. It's get depressing after a while + the girls aren't that great in these parts of Europe. I'd personally already gave up on most countries in S-Europe and W-Europe. I will give Barcelona or Madrid a last shot ( Because of the weather + close location to my home country + good food + lots of tourists) for a few months before I make my final decision where I will reside.

Rolling solo at nightclubs + joining social events like football games could help to improve your social situation IMO.

[Ringo]

(06-20-2018 04:24 PM)Balkan Wrote:  

Did you follow up on the language exchange? Even if the culture is exclusive and somewhat monotonous, I bet the university aged kids are still having fun. I'd continue scoping that scene out..

Unfortunately there's only one meetup a week but it's at the same time as my martial arts practice, so I haven't been there yet. I've checked their Facebook events and it doesn't look like my crowd but I should definitely go and check it out if training gets cancelled one day (I love training and never miss class).

(06-22-2018 09:59 AM)zatara Wrote:  

Are you able to leave your city on weekend breaks Ringo? Or would that interfere with the visa process?

During this initial leg of the citizenship process I couldn't because I had to be on stand by in case the residence office needed to contact me, and since my house could be inspected Monday through Saturday it wasn't worth it to go on a trip just for a day or two.

Good news is I've been visited by the residence "inspector" (vigile, in Italian) this week. I'd been waiting for the visit for about 40 days, so that's great. They can come again at any time until next week, when the final deadline for my residence is up, so after that I should be recognized as a resident (which is a must to get my citizenship application through) and I should be clear to travel!

I have a trip planned for a music festival in late July in Germany, but I'm thinking I'll probably take a few days to go somewhere in the Balkans before then as well.

(06-27-2018 12:55 AM)Gent001 Wrote:  

Your best bet is to use couchsurfing and meet people with other backgrounds than Italian. You can even try the option "hangout" in the couchsurfing app. Chances are you will find a few Italians with another mindset who are open to new things.

Thanks for the suggestion. I've been pretty inactive in CS over the past few years but have downloaded their app and looked at hangouts. Since the language exchange thing is at a bad time, I think this could be a good way to socialize.

(06-27-2018 07:50 AM)SpursFan741 Wrote:  

I don't see any reason why you should move from Brazil to Southern Europe or Western Europe beside Financial reasons or safety reasons. Why should you want to change a lively, social culture with a lot of great beaches for shitty Europe?

Like mentioned here : People here in S-Europe or W-Europe are not keen to meet new people. People stick with their social circle from High school and won't invite you into them. It's get depressing after a while + the girls aren't that great in these parts of Europe. I'd personally already gave up on most countries in S-Europe and W-Europe. I will give Barcelona or Madrid a last shot ( Because of the weather + close location to my home country + good food + lots of tourists) for a few months before I make my final decision where I will reside.

Rolling solo at nightclubs + joining social events like football games could help to improve your social situation IMO.

As I explained in the OP, although I was looking forward to the experience of living in Europe for a while, my main goal moving to Italy was actually to get my Italian citizenship recognized and, through it, obtain an European passport.

The passport comes in handy if I decide to live and work anywhere in Europe, which I can't do as a Brazilian (can only stay within Schengen for 3 months). Also, being an European citizen I have much better visa options if I decide to emigrate to many other countries, like the U.S., where my family lives.

[TruePro]

People seem to don't understand one simple issue: Italian mentality is really close, and it has no comparison in Europe.
The average Italian from a 3 millions inhabitants has the same way of thinking of someone from an Iraqi village about sex and get laid.
Italians are closed minded, that's the reason there isn't a true clubbing or "go out and have fun" mentality.
If you want to understand better Italian society and what concern women, don't compare Italy to an European country, but to a Middle Eastern one.

[wellrockthecity]

(07-24-2018 10:13 PM)TruePro Wrote:  

People seem to don't understand one simple issue: Italian mentality is really close, and it has no comparison in Europe.
The average Italian from a 3 millions inhabitants has the same way of thinking of someone from an Iraqi village about sex and get laid.
Italians are closed minded, that's the reason there isn't a true clubbing or "go out and have fun" mentality.
If you want to understand better Italian society and what concern women, don't compare Italy to an European country, but to a Middle Eastern one.

No go out and have fun?
Italians actually love to party, go to discos in any big destination (Ibiza, London, Miami etc.) and the most represented nationalities are always Italian and Spanish.
Without leaving Italy if you visit any decent size city you will find a big clubbing scene, Rome Firenze Napoli Riccione just to name a few always have dope parties going on.

That being said at least in my city the rule was always that when you are going out you are banging girls that you know already. ONS were (and still are) really rare. Not saying they don't happen, but its not like north European countries were its completely normal. And when they do happen are usually with a girl that is a friend of yours or you have met before.

As I said before Italy is an amazing places for so many things and if you have a bit of money you can have a quality of life unparalleled in most of the world.
To do what most of the guys in this forum wants to do, e.g. staying short term ad get laid with as many girls as possible with no string attached? Not worth it in my opinion in particular if you are a foreigner and your skin is the not the right color..

[Ringo]

Update:

My process is done and my citizenship has been recognized in early July. It took about 50 days from the submission of my application until receiving a letter that said that my birth certificate had been transcribed in the local records (legally, this is when you are recognized as Italian). The Citizenship office was very efficient; the only reason it took "so long" was because my residency application took 40 days to be green lit.

I was out of Italy for a couple of weeks travelling and just returned, so I couldn't follow through with requesting my documents (ID, passport, etc), which I'll do now. I estimate that I'll be all set by late September and can leave Italy then.

Travelling for the past few weeks with friends was a much needed mental refreshment. Honestly, I'd forgotten what it's like to go out, game girls and have fun with buddies. Despite a little game rust, I banged a hot new Swiss French chick and ended my dry spell.

Before travelling, I was under the impression that I needed to put more effort in and that my location is hard. Looking at things now, I know for a fact that I'm the problem. More specifically, my mind and inner game are the issues.

At this point, for whatever reason, I simply don't have fun going out solo and it shows. Rust aside, my game is sharper than ever, but when I'm not having fun when going out I get very insecure, barely approach and my vibe is off. This was clear when I went out with my friends abroad. I'm not at a point where my game is on 24/7 (hopefully I'll get there in the future), so right now the motivation from having fun with friends is essential to me. One friend that I met in this trip I'm sure would do well here - he's extremely social and literally talks to anyone that gives him a second. That's just not my style though.

I still think the talent in this city is very good, but again, unless you're putting in the effort, you won't see any results. Unlike other places I've been to, nothing here will fall on your lap and nobody here will start a conversation with you or try to befriend you out of their own will - you have to get after it. Leaving this town and seeing my friends again, I realized how much this place slowly crippled me mentally.

I'm now in the process of updating my CV and researching my next step. The goal would be to move out of Italy in late Sep/early Oct and head to another European country to get a job for 6-12 months. Depending on the feedback I receive to my applications, I'm also considering a one month backpacking trip somewhere in Eastern Europe or maybe Russia. I don't want to push my funds too much though, so I'll wait and see what happens.