[captndonk]

There is a girl who works for the same company but in a different section. Through our work we don't have any contact. But she is quite attractive and so I noticed her some months ago. Ten days ago we were both invited to a lunch with the chairman. The lunch was surely a bit stiff, but I initiated a bit of contact with her. Afterwards it happend that we had to take the same way. It ended with some smalltalk for 25 minutes in the stairway. (only us)
I asked her out for lunch in the canteen and she agreed.

Next day: I wrote her an email wheter she was available on friday. She replied 10 minutes later and told me that she preferred Monday.
I replied 25 minutes later and agreed, and asked if she had whatsapp. Then she went silent.

Next day: I thought it was over and I that I misinterpreted her behavior, but then in the afternoon I got an email with her number.
At the end of my workday still in the office I messaged her, and she immediately replied and told me that she was still in the office too and that I should pick her up.

So I did. I thought I was on the right track.

Later that day, it was a friday, I wrote her a message on whatsapp. I asked her why she doesn't have a picture in whatsapp (I can't see one, but I can see the "online" button. maybe she didn't add me to her contacts?). I wanted to initiate some banter via whatsapp and I was sure that she would respond to it anyways so I didn't came up with something more exciting.

But she didn't reply. I was a bit confused and not sure if our lunch would happen. But on monday we had our lunch, and we extended our lunch break to 1 hour. I viewed it as a good sign, and she told me that I should text her and that she was going to work late this day. I also was going to work late and tried to call her (via company phone) before I went home. I wanted to again pick her up. But she didn't pick the phone up. Maybe she was already gone, but she can definitely see that I tried to call her.

Next day (today): We accidentally met in the cafeteria. We both were there with our direct co-workers. She greeted me with a big smile and asked a quick question.

So now I am a bit confused:

+ She spend that 25minutes in the stairway, she could have easily quit

+ lunch was extended, maybe nobody would decline a lunch proposal in the company environment, but there was certainly no need for her the extend the break.

+ she said that I should text her


- no reply on whatsapp
- no reply to my call


So I am unsure about what to do, I think it is her turn now but I also don't want to simply be passive.

My plan so far is to wait and give her a chance to make a move. But what if she doesn't? I want to ask her out, but I am unsure if I should do it in person, or via phone or whatsapp. Doing it in person could be tricky because she doesn't have an office on her own.

[kaotic]

She's probably got a boyfriend.

On top of shitting where you eat (I don't care if she's in a different department), you're leaving a paper trail using company email and phones.

Come on dude.

She's leading you along - cut off all contact with her, keep things luke warm and friendly.

Let her chase you, YOU'RE the prize.

DO NOT CONTACT HER ON COMPANY EMAIL OR PHONES

[Leonard D Neubache]

^This.

OP, you forgot to add the part where a mysterious virus killed off all the other women in the world and this chick is literally the highest prize on the planet.

You are sailing straight into beta orbiter waters, and worse, you're doing it in a way that allows this chick to deflect a major workplace fuckup by tossing you under the bus when convenient.

I want you to imagine her saying these words to her manager. "I know I really screwed up badly, it's just that I've been really distracted because of this guy in (department) that keeps making inappropriate advances on me."

Lose her number. Make no communication that leaves a digital trail. Be nice to her in person but keep your distance. If she asks why you've gone cold then tell her you have a really jealous girlfriend that doesn't like you having female friends. Let her hamster run wild until one of you leaves the job, then move in for the kill.

[Winston Wolfe]

thread-50422.html

thread-42057.html

thread-7484.html

TLDR; don't do it.

[captndonk]

In my section alone are two couples who met in the company. I know that she is single. At the lunch we all introduced ourselves and as others told about their family she said that she is single. She replied to my emails which proofs that it wasn't a oneway harrassment.

But anyway thanks for the links.

[Winston Wolfe]

Yeah, until she and the HR lady hamster their way into it being a oneway harrassment.

No one is saying that couples can't meet each other on the job and it works out and they live happily ever after.

The point is that if these things end badly, and they do more often than not, guess who's going to pay the price.

Hint: it's usually not the person with a vagina.

[Montrose]

I’d be a bit more positive than my esteemed colleagues.

I think the interaction is quite encouraging and she likes you. It’s normal that she shouldn’t always reply on the spot. So you may well succeed but you need to make the move because she won’t. You have to take her on an evening date. I’d do it on Whatsapp. There is no legal risk since she’s not under your reporting line.

More worrying is the professional consequences, particularly if your relationship turns sour. It depends on your cultural environment. In French firm it would enhance your prestige within the firm. In a Swiss firm it could get you transferred to another office. In a US firm it could get you fired.

[Remington]

(03-07-2018 03:19 AM)captndonk Wrote:  

In my section alone are two couples who met in the company. I know that she is single. At the lunch we all introduced ourselves and as others told about their family she said that she is single. She replied to my emails which proofs that it wasn't a oneway harrassment.

But anyway thanks for the links.

When I worked for a start up a few years ago, there were people that met at work and ended up dating and getting married.

During a company trip, one of those couples got into a full blown fight. I literally saw a divorce happen in front of my face as one of them was my boss.

My boss was a wreck for months while going through the divorce. He was unproductive, he grew a gigantic and poorly groomed beard, and was overall depressing to be around.

HR finally had enough of his shit and called him into the office to tell him to get his head out of his ass or he was fired.

Be smart. As others have said, don't shit where you eat. There are plenty of work related threads where the same advice has been given.

[kaotic]

(03-07-2018 03:19 AM)captndonk Wrote:  

In my section alone are two couples who met in the company. I know that she is single. At the lunch we all introduced ourselves and as others told about their family she said that she is single. She replied to my emails which proofs that it wasn't a oneway harrassment.

But anyway thanks for the links.

I don't care - Rem makes a good point about the drama involved.

The LAST thing I want to do is deal with a lover/friends with benefit, while I'm at work.

Girls tell guys they're single all the time even when they do have a BF - actions speak louder than words. She may not have a boyfriend but she obviously isn't THAT interested.

I don't care that she replied, but you're doing it on company emails and you called her on a company phone.

Do personal shit on your personal phone and email.


If she was interested she'd be replying to your texts, calling you back, and following up with you.

You're putting this one pussy on a pedestal.

Knock it off and hit up other girls.

[Jetset]

(03-07-2018 03:19 AM)captndonk Wrote:  

She replied to my emails which proofs that it wasn't a oneway harrassment.

[captndonk]

Well, I'll try my best anyway. Not going for something I want because there is the small possibility of it causing trouble is female or beta behavior.
Also I never had any violent or aggressive dispute with a girl and neither me nor anyone I know has ever been charged with sexual harassment charges.

Maybe the US is different from Germany in this area.

[kaotic]

(03-07-2018 02:10 PM)captndonk Wrote:  

Not going for something I want because there is the small possibility of it causing trouble is female or beta behavior.

Watch out guys we got an Alpha Male™ over here !


No it's not female or beta behavior - it's called having your head in the sand.

There's a time and place to go after what you want - doing it at work isn't one of them.

In this day and age of #metoo and sexual harassment - things can go sour real quick.

All with an offhand comment from that girl to her counterparts or HR.


Coupled with your thirst for chasing of this woman - she obviously is just playing nice - if that - at this point.


You keep asking what went wrong - after you tried reaching out multiple times - which is plain for everyone else to see on this thread.

[Remington]

(03-07-2018 02:10 PM)captndonk Wrote:  

Well, I'll try my best anyway. Not going for something I want because there is the small possibility of it causing trouble is female or beta behavior.
Also I never had any violent or aggressive dispute with a girl and neither me nor anyone I know has ever been charged with sexual harassment charges.

Maybe the US is different from Germany in this area.

What's more important? Fucking this girl? Or, your job?

I know which one I would pick.

But, if you want to go full retard and potentially face a sexual harassment lawsuit as well as lose your job, go ahead champ.

[Montrose]

A valuable woman is worth more than a lousy job. It’s easier to find a good job than a good woman.

[Dulceácido]

She's seeing someone...

1st sign.... Can't go out on a Friday night, kicks the date to a LUNCH date on Monday, then ignores you all weekend
2nd sign... Doesn't respond to you when she's on her free time--only when she's working

She has a boyfriend (or girlfriend).

C'mon, Dude.

**Not to mention, it's not advantageous for a hot chick to announce to every one that she's dating (or that she's a lesbian), so she introduced herself as single.

[LeBeau]

Threads like these are a great example of why I feel bad for all our veteran and higher repped members trying to help newbies.

So many new members are just posting useless threads, without using the search function, looking for validation.

There's no point in asking for advice if you're going to downplay or ignore all the advice given.

Furthermore, so many guys posting these types of questions never remain with the forum in the years ahead, or offer any value/data sheets.

I've posted on my share of newbie threads, and would still be wiling to help out a lot of guys. However, if you get a hint of any of the above behaviours, just save your time and sanity and let them learn their lesson.

[captndonk]

I wanted advice about how to achieve my goal not wheter I should go for it. Although I thank you for all your replies. If you decide you don't want to take the tiny** risk of getting into trouble I am total fine with your decision. But I decide different.

** Driving with a bicyle through a city is probabily way more dangerous.

[kaotic]

Actually it just shows us HOW thirsty you really are for this chick who isn't interested in you.

Everyone sees the signs riding the bicycle through town, you're the only one who doesn't see the signs or ignores them.


Newbies pay attention.

[Sombro]

(03-08-2018 12:52 AM)LeBeau Wrote:  

Threads like these are a great example of why I feel bad for all our veteran and higher repped members trying to help newbies.

So many new members are just posting useless threads, without using the search function, looking for validation.

There's no point in asking for advice if you're going to downplay or ignore all the advice given.

Furthermore, so many guys posting these types of questions never remain with the forum in the years ahead, or offer any value/data sheets.

I've posted on my share of newbie threads, and would still be wiling to help out a lot of guys. However, if you get a hint of any of the above behaviours, just save your time and sanity and let them learn their lesson.

I try to be optimistic and be the mentor I never had but sometime you just gotta be blunt…
   

[Sombro]

Quote:

There's no point in asking for advice if you're going to downplay or ignore all the advice given.

I would clarify this as: You are free to not take my advice, but don't come crying back to me when said advice is ignored and you thus suffer poor outcomes.

This was always a 99% chick issue. Sad that dudes are getting this way.

[Winston Wolfe]

Even disregarding the fact that this is a work situation, it's pretty obvious to neutral readers that this girl isn't into you and you're viewing the situation through rose colored glasses. You will need to lose those glasses before you can see that too.

Remember to come back to this thread in a few days / weeks / months or however long it takes to come to the realization that this isn't going to work. Then re-read what you wrote.

In fact, this is a good practice whether you write on the forum or in a private journal. The stuff I wrote down about particular girls in the past makes me cringe when I read it now. It's a good way to get to know yourself and to see where you went wrong.

The advice given in this thread by kaotic and other members is meant to help you. It's not the advice you want to hear so you disregard it. But that doesn't make it bad advice, it's just advice you willingly close your eyes to at this moment.

[Leonard D Neubache]

"I want to advice on how to bang this particular crackwhore."

"Don't bang crackwhores, dude. Just don't."

"Excuse me, Mr Judgemental, but I asked how, not if."

[king bast]

You seem to have made up your mind anyway, so just know that it's not all doom and gloom.

I met my wife at work, and prior to meeting her had fucked 3 other shielas from the same workplace. There were another half dozen who would have been down for it, but my progress through the list got halted before I got to cross them off.

No risk, no reward.

[N°6]

A hypergamous relationship at work is like Merlin’s pact with Morgana le Fey.

[PapayaTapper]

OP is in Germany which means workplace romances are not nearly as problematic from a policy / legal standpoint as US, Canada, etc. They still are not nearly as frowned upon in Europe

That said, indications as kaotic and Dulceacido point out, are girl has a boyfriend. Hence the lack of response after work and weekends.

Stop wasting your time with lunch dates (fuck...really?). That's for orbiters and gay friends.

Want to know for sure?...Invite her for drinks as near your place as possible. Have two drinks then take her to your place for the 3rd. Even better is if you can get her straight to your place for dinner