[federernadal]

Alright, so quick background - I am an Asian guy who moved to the States when I was 17 for my BS in engineering. All went well, have a decent job now and I am 24.

I am tall, good looking, and living in middle America (I dont have an accent or anything, and everyone thinks I am born here). With all the help you guys put out, I dont really have issues approaching, number closing, etc. I in fact do find American women attractive. However, the women here seem to be slutty (by Asian standards anyway) and not "traditional" and the type you marry (maybe I just havent met the one).

One date I went on this white American chick explained to me how she lost her virginity, her "awesome" blackout nights in a sorority in college etc. Pretty disgusting. Now, I dont want to give US a bad rep, but coming from where I come from this doesnt really jive with me and my upbringing - surely this will be an issue over the years should I maintain a LTR.

However, with the divorce rates sky high, I worry about doing this. In fact, as I have a good job and do well, I worry it will cripple me financially.

I dont want to give the idea that I have excess game and get laid with different chicks weekly or anything, but I am able to get into a serious relationship and possibly even get married to a white American here should I decide to.

The big plus of doing so is I will get a green card and not be tied to my employer anymore. The reason I want a green card is so I can make good money while I am young and energetic.

Now, here is the kicker -
I am seriously considering asking my parents (based in South East Asia) to find a great looking South East Asian lady for me so I can marry her. Not going to get into the details of immigration law, but marrying her will also get me a green card almost as quickly as marrying an American.

I was in South East Asia last month visiting and girls there were giggling, chasing me in good fun etc. Girls in America do find me attractive (I think), but dont have that lovable playful vibe that the youth there do (it is awesome).

I havent brought this up to my parents, but I am pretty sure they will support me (as Asians they are constantly hinting me at settling down now that Im 24). I will partly be trusting my parents judgment to find the girl - I am sure they will do fine, but is it "safe" to get married just in a few months notice?

I also want to make it clear if I do get married, I will do my best to stay loyal to the end, and this will effectively be a "point of no return" for me.

My fear is -
I dont have notch counts like some of the guys in this forum with a bevy of beautiful women. Am I missing out on life? Should I still be gaming for the next few years getting laid?

This all started as kind of a long shot in my mind, but more I think about it the better it sounds. Or is this all just crazy?

P.S I feel like I came off really harsh to the American women in this post, and again, this could be due to my lack of experience. Like I said, I am not an "extremely talented" player but do "just fine" with them.

[torridon747]

Only you are going to be able to make that kind of decision for yourself. Don't worry about being hard on American girls as for as traditionalism goes, most everyone pretty much agrees that they're a lost cause in that department. For the record; if you're familiar with the culture that your potential east Asian wife is coming from I think you'd do better marrying one than an American girl - for all the reasons you listed and a half-dozen ones that you didn't.

Sounds to me like you want to sew your wild oats a bit before settling down, that's completely normal. If you want to do that, do that. I'm sure that after a few years you can still find a young east Asian wife. And maybe I'm just being bitter here but after you have dates/flings a bunch off American women it'll probably only re-enforce your decision to marry a girl from back home.

Be careful though, a lot of people have reported that once you bring a girl to the states it's only a few short years before she becomes "Americanized" if your game isn't water-tight. You don't sound like the type of person to do something without preparation, but I encourage you to search the forum and check that out.

[Suits]

Why trust your parents to find you one girl? Why not have them arrange to have you meet several girls so that you have a selection of choices to choose from? This way, if you discover that your parents think you should be with a boring 4 from a good family, you can retreat more easily than if you tasked them with finding you The One.

[lazy]

(12-29-2017 04:33 AM)federernadal Wrote:  

My fear is -
I dont have notch counts like some of the guys in this forum with a bevy of beautiful women. Am I missing out on life? Should I still be gaming for the next few years getting laid?

Will gaming for a few years affect your plans in any way? Will it be harder for your parents to find you a wife at 27? Will you lose your chance of getting a green card?

Banging random girls is fun, but not fun enough to pick that over having a good wife. Of course, you can't take my word for it; if you don't try it out yourself, you'll always wonder. If I were in your shoes, I'd look for a compromise: focus on game now and bang as many girls as you can without it hurting your prospects (a year or two?). Not just in the US but take some trips as well. Then decide if you've had enough and it's time to settle down.

[Noir]

Don't rush it, just take things as they come - you're 24.

Take your time to figure out the nature of women and have a set of observations to fall back on when the relationship does occur and flourish.

It sounds like you're worrying about putting out fires that don't exist yet. You met a girl (not a woman) whose internal value system was fucked up.

Unfortunately, you will meet a lot of girls like this. Their values are materialistic and invested in others' perception of them in the totem pole and lacking direction.

This is common for most males and females < 25. It's the prioritization of pleasure and attempt to be pleasured through instant gratification.

I've said this before and I'll say it again.

Don't actively look. Go about your business and screen potential women, especially as they are quite good at hiding their faults.

Develop a skillset to not get played, to understand women better and fundamentally, to understand yourself better.

This is an increasing problem for us in our twenties. Navigating life with demands on career/women/friendships without fully understanding ourselves and being humble.

If you can't be humble to discover your faults then it's a futile exercise in looking for a partner. Like attracts like.

At least you realized that a lot of girls are damaged so just keep an ear/eye out.

When you meet a girl who resonates on the same frequency (and you both acknowledge this) then you will be good to go.

By no means should you request your parents for assistance though; they will go off based on their own perception and understanding of you, your moral code, what attracts you etc. which will be flawed and insufficient.

Respect yourself enough to make the decision yourself.

[JimBobsCooters]

It reads to me like you mostly want to have fun right now and experience your youth but that you've got the pressure (societal and parental) that you should be settling down and starting a family.

It's up to you to decide which of those two paths are more important, personally I'd be going the fun path because it could conceivably lead to the second path organically itself and resentment can grow from a tiny seed if you don't "sow the wild oats" so to speak. While western society has done a number on the women and their ideology there are still a lot of good women out there to be found.

The other element is how much faith you truly have in your parents, do they share the same view as you on what would make a great wife or do their views differ (even slightly) because this could again have lasting and long term issues for your marriage. I'm a control freak but the idea of not being in control of the single biggest decision you could possibly make in life just scares the crap out of me, if you're happy to give that up then it makes more sense. For me, nothing will impact your finances, freedom, travel, life, children and everything else more than the wife that you end up with.

[the-dream]

If you want a girl from your home country, why don't you just find one yourself? Is there any other way you can get a green card aside from getting married?

I don't know where in South East Asia you are from but in the Philippines I've met a few 60ish year old Filipino guys who moved to the USA when they were about 20 then returned to the Philippines in their 30s, married a local girl who would have been about 20, took her back to America, had children and what seems like a very happy life. They certainly ended up much better off than they would have done if they had married an American girl or just stayed in the Philippines.

Funnily, these guys as I said are about 60 and retired and just chilling and living life in Manila for no real reason whilst their wife (about 40 or 45) is working hard as a nurse or something back in America, and their children are grown up.

What country are you from if you don't mind me asking?

If I were you, I wouldn't put any pressure on yourself to actively seek a girl to marry in a rush because that is just going to lead to bad decisions and you seeing potential girls through rose tinted glasses, who are really not worthy.

But if you must, try and save up a bunch of money, tell your work you want a 6 month sabbatical to revisit your home country and then go back there and explore your options. Certainly don't rely on your parents (or anyone else) to find you a wife half way across the world!

[Dulceácido]

Why do you want to marry at 24???

[federernadal]

Why cant I find a girl there myself? So, despite going thru HS there, I dont really think girls I know there will be much better than an American. You see, my HS was filled with the uber rich of the city (not that I am rich, my dad's company paid the fees as a benefit). These girls are just as empowered as Americans (lot of them went to college in America/Australia/UK etc as well, so they have unfortunately been made aware that "being subservient to a man is not cool"). On top of that they are rich-rich (think monthly vacations to Japan, Europe, etc). They know I am not at that level of richness, and would reject me anyway (also think I will have to pursue them online since I dont live there, so any charm effects are almost completely cancelled out).

My parents' contacts should be able to come up with simple local women and kinda-sorta speak English and are open to moving to America. Suits, that is exactly what my plan would be - have 3-4 women shortlisted by me (thru photos), then fly and meet them, decide on one and then come back in a few months, marry and bring her to the US. I wont just fly in and meet my parents designated woman at the wedding or something.

Yup, I am familiar with the culture of that country, obviously not kept up with all the recent developments (I only visit like once a year) but I speak the language and should work fine with the girl if I decide to tie the knot with. Is having girls like this become Americanized a common problem? I am thinking a girl like this would literally be my symbiote for at least a year (she would have no job/driving/friends, etc). Dont get me wrong - I would in fact *want* her to become Americanized in terms of confidence, style, language etc, but dont want her to become Americanized in terms of femininity - like going to bars and getting drunk and being proud of makeouts and telling her man to "deal with it!". How do you have a best of both worlds?

One of you mentioned I sound like someone who always prepares - you are spot on! In fact, I would go far enough to say I am one of those "overpreparing" types. However, I feel nowadays so many people look at this marriage question with such deep thought that "decision paralysis" kicks in. You can never plan for all eventualities, and a leap of faith has to be taken at a certain point even for a decision as big as this. I just am questioning this path I am thinking of....is the leap of faith a bit too far?

To those of you who "had their fun" with the wild oats before settling down, do you look back at this "wild period" and think of it as something you are glad you did? Or looking back it was more of a hassle (crazy ex, money lost, etc) and youd rather have settled down earlier and just avoided all that? I read Mike Tyson's biography and while his level of debauchery was absolutely off the charts, he does say looking back it wasnt worth it at all.

The other option is to just daygame here in the US in hopes of finding "a good one". I am honestly of the opinion girls who go to bars in the US are just all run of the mill - unfortunately society here only "allows" you to approach in this type of "designated" area - bars and clubs. Hell, approaching a girl elsewhere sometimes in itself freaks the girl out ("What.The.Fuck??? I dont know you! Get away!"). In South East Asia it is almost common to have a big grin on your face as you order your meal, and the 20 yr old smiles back before a quick flirty banter is exchanged (usually wont even lead to a number exchange unless you push for it- flirting is that common of an occurrence).

[federernadal]

I guess my follow up post was a bit long - let me condense it into what I wanna ask -

1) Is having girls like this become Americanized a common problem? How do you have a best of both worlds?

2)You can never plan for all eventualities, and a leap of faith has to be taken at a certain point even for a decision as big as this. I just am questioning this path I am thinking of....is the leap of faith a bit too far?

3) To those of you who "had their fun" with the wild oats before settling down, do you look back at this "wild period" and think of it as something you are glad you did?

[Suits]

OP, do you currently have the ability to gain sex with women that satisfy your needs?

[federernadal]

Physical needs yes. But non physical needs like emotional comfort, solace in feeling safe with being intimate with her, I'd say no. Having sex with girls here I occasionally fear she will have next morning regret and want money etc.

[federernadal]

Are you saying if I have the ability to freely game I should not take this plunge?

[droughtmeat]

I think it's too early to get married. I'm 29 and the biggest change in my personality came at 26. Give yourself time.
If you get married now, realize that the rest of the life will become very predictable. Yea, your parents will be happy, but will you really be happy?

[federernadal]

I just am having decision paralysis like crazy. I see light both ways. Is there any trick to eliminate decision paralysis in such a situation with high stakes?

[federernadal]

Wanted to bump this to hear if anyone has more input on this?

[Razor Beast]

Don't be looking to get married until you know you want kids and want to be a family man. It sounds like you're looking for a girlfriend. Unless you're getting cream of the crop with hookups I can't imagine it being all that fulfilling. So, in the mean time either get yourself to a position where you can hook up with the hottest girls or find a girlfriend who can fulfill your needs.

[bgbusiness]

Hey, I am also in your age range. Similar story, but came to America before I turned 10.
Thus, I can resonate with your situation, but I am probably way more Americanize than you.

If you go through this journey of "game" and start approaching random chicks in the street and bang some of them, your reality will be crushed and you will become more "red pilled".

When this happens, your paradigm shifts. You might just want to go fuck 10~20 girls and not settle down.
Your philosophies will change even if you didn't want them to change. Things will happen to your neural pathways. You will be mindfucked, sometimes "more" confused. Then things start clicking, then get more confused, this cycle will repeat hundreds of times for couple years. That is your brain de-plugging from all the fucking Asian social conditioning that you had.

For me it changed as some of my ex-gf have done shady shit behind my back and all I wanted was a gf. That was 4 years ago when I first started game. You get red pilled every time if your "unicorn" does something behind your back or you make a girl cheat with you.

I wil come back to this thread, but I would say that you got shit-ton of time to work on yourself man.
Go fuck 10~20 girls to see what kinda of girl you want, figure out who you are, and build your value so fucking high.

Man age like wine, woman age like milk. You can get married in 30s or even 40s when your SMV is maxed out.
That would bring higher ROI to cash out and you will make less mistake in picking your partner.

Read more on this forum, improve your inner game, read some books like 48 Laws of Power or Rational Male.
Like I am still discovering who I am every single day, learning more about psychology of man & woman.
This rabbit hole is super deep man...

DM for more questions. If anything I am going to come back and try to answer your questions.
Reading your questions and the way you think really reminds of myself 4~5 years ago...

My short advice: At least wait till 30. Get your money up. SMV up. Fuck some girls to get experience. Choose wisely.

[H1N1]

I quite recently fell victim to this kind of overwrought concern for problems that are, in fact, largely confined to the domain of the psychological. It was mercifully short-lived, but I understand just how consuming this kind of thinking can be when you fall into it. What I would say is that it has little bearing on reality. Life simply carries on from one day to the next, and you can be more or less immersed in it. The more immersed in it you are, the less these kinds of long term mental wranglings generally concern you. At 24 (or perhaps even 44), no 30 year plans should be enough to distract you from the immediate intoxication of eminently fuckable young pussy.

We tend to convince ourselves that these high ideas have tremendous significance and that they are the reason, rather than our naivety, lack of proficiency, or simple, immediate heartache at some real disappointment, for our suffering in a particular domain. Reality is rather more mundane, and richer for it, than our psychological machinations would have us believe if we let them.

I have made the same, grandiose pronouncements about the futility of the romantic ideal if AWALT, the death of that noble dream, and the concerns over what paltry joys might lighten the shade of that otherwise inexorable gloom. The reality though is that life simply carries on regardless, and one makes the little day to day investments that one knows will simply improve results in the end if one simply doesn't do anything too stupid. You read, watch the world around you, deepen friendships, expand your social cirlce, work out, talk to strangers, go and do interesting things, make your money, etc etc. Just pay your dues with whatever is around you, accept the frustrations that certain kinds of deprivation can bring, and try to develop the patience and acceptance that in the long run will bring you greater pleasure and happiness. In the mean time, you simply learn the small, rather unexciting lessons that wisen you.

There is happiness and interest to be found in many areas of life - work, hobbies, friends, strangers, knowledge acquired, food - there are many things to be relished, almost always at your fingertips, in domains that do not need to overlap, but sometimes can. There are enough things in the course of a day to provide mental, emotional and physical sustenance - a conversation with a good friend, a great meal, an interesting book or article, an engaging and recurring thought, a piece of work well done, something in the here and now with real prospects of future pay off. One mustn't let all these real happinesses and pleasures turn to ash in the mouth simply because one is lacking in one particular domain (usually women). If you put in the work in whatever domain is available to you in the here and now, then a time will come when domains previously denied to you will open up, and you can enjoy it for what it has to offer; perhaps not as soon as you'd like, or for as long as you'd like - who knows - but your chance will come. In the mean time there is nothing else to do but make the most of what really is available to you, draw the maximum enjoyment of that, and avoid altering your position negatively in ways that will cause long term suffering and disappointment - ie. no mail order brides.

[MongolianAbroad]

(03-17-2018 07:02 AM)H1N1 Wrote:  

There is happiness and interest to be found in many areas of life - work, hobbies, friends, strangers, knowledge acquired, food - there are many things to be relished, almost always at your fingertips, in domains that do not need to overlap, but sometimes can. There are enough things in the course of a day to provide mental, emotional and physical sustenance - a conversation with a good friend, a great meal, an interesting book or article, an engaging and recurring thought, a piece of work well done, something in the here and now with real prospects of future pay off. One mustn't let all these real happinesses and pleasures turn to ash in the mouth simply because one is lacking in one particular domain (usually women). If you put in the work in whatever domain is available to you in the here and now, then a time will come when domains previously denied to you will open up, and you can enjoy it for what it has to offer; perhaps not as soon as you'd like, or for as long as you'd like - who knows - but your chance will come. In the mean time there is nothing else to do but make the most of what really is available to you, draw the maximum enjoyment of that, and avoid altering your position negatively in ways that will cause long term suffering and disappointment - ie. no mail order brides.

I like your posts, H1N1, but this paragraph advocates the kind of dangerous passivity someone's mother might advise them to engage in. It comes from a good place, but it's completely off the mark, good things don't come to those who wait, the guys that engage in passivity get to choose from the leftovers, that's what they get. Advice such as:

"your chance will come"

and

"make the most of what is readily available to you"

Is very far off the mark. For a woman, this could be good advice, as if she improves her looks/character enough, she'll have enough suitors above her market value that taking a passive approach can pay off.

But any man that follows this advice and takes a passive approach towards one of the most important decisions in a man's life, who they will marry, is constraining the options available to them severely, and will very likely to end up with leftovers, that's to say, with an American wife full of red flags, and very possibly a few years afterwards, a divorce, along with the inability to enjoy their children...children who will very likely hate them after a certain point.

And that's for the good looking guys with some social skills.

A fair percentage of the guys that come on this forum are actually not "Chads," in forum-speak, and for those guys, taking this passive approach will result in a nightmare scenario of unfulfilled wants/desires. Coding an app or writing a book or designing a bridge or reorganizing a company to increase efficiency are all well and good, but a man needs a physical outlet in the form of a beautiful woman devoted to him in order to be able to focus 100% on the work-related things that improve the society as a whole.

If a man doesn't have that healthy outlet, it can be impossible to focus on a craft, so to speak. It can be done, but over the years, this deprivation takes a mental toll.

Now, this does depend on the man. If he's the type that only needs release once every few days or once a week or less, then that man can deflect those desires with distractions, so I can see where this post can meet some guys' needs, but if he's the type that needs release more frequently, then that needs to be dealt with, to do otherwise is to deny the core of our animal nature...a sad state of affairs.

I can't recommend your solution to any but the most low T guys who don't have the drive to make the changes necessary to achieve what they want in life, via direct, targeted action, be it through upending their lives and moving abroad, or improving themselves to the point they become a top guy in the West that's in some kind of niche that allows them access to enough targets (college, for example) to create a realistic possibility of success.

[MongolianAbroad]

(03-17-2018 07:02 AM)H1N1 Wrote:  

I have made the same, grandiose pronouncements about the futility of the romantic ideal if AWALT, the death of that noble dream, and the concerns over what paltry joys might lighten the shade of that otherwise inexorable gloom. The reality though is that life simply carries on regardless, and one makes the little day to day investments that one knows will simply improve results in the end if one simply doesn't do anything too stupid. You read, watch the world around you, deepen friendships, expand your social cirlce, work out, talk to strangers, go and do interesting things, make your money, etc etc. Just pay your dues with whatever is around you, accept the frustrations that certain kinds of deprivation can bring, and try to develop the patience and acceptance that in the long run will bring you greater pleasure and happiness. In the mean time, you simply learn the small, rather unexciting lessons that wisen you.

"Just pay your dues with whatever is around you, accept the frustrations that certain kinds of deprivation can bring, and try to develop the patience and acceptance that in the long run will bring you greater pleasure and happiness."

Noooooooo. Hell to the Nooooooooo!

So much soy in this post, H1N1! What's going on, man?

[H1N1]

(03-17-2018 09:59 AM)Spaniard88 Wrote:  

(03-17-2018 07:02 AM)H1N1 Wrote:  

There is happiness and interest to be found in many areas of life - work, hobbies, friends, strangers, knowledge acquired, food - there are many things to be relished, almost always at your fingertips, in domains that do not need to overlap, but sometimes can. There are enough things in the course of a day to provide mental, emotional and physical sustenance - a conversation with a good friend, a great meal, an interesting book or article, an engaging and recurring thought, a piece of work well done, something in the here and now with real prospects of future pay off. One mustn't let all these real happinesses and pleasures turn to ash in the mouth simply because one is lacking in one particular domain (usually women). If you put in the work in whatever domain is available to you in the here and now, then a time will come when domains previously denied to you will open up, and you can enjoy it for what it has to offer; perhaps not as soon as you'd like, or for as long as you'd like - who knows - but your chance will come. In the mean time there is nothing else to do but make the most of what really is available to you, draw the maximum enjoyment of that, and avoid altering your position negatively in ways that will cause long term suffering and disappointment - ie. no mail order brides.

I like your posts, H1N1, but this paragraph advocates the kind of dangerous passivity someone's mother might advise them to engage in. It comes from a good place, but it's completely off the mark, good things don't come to those who wait, the guys that engage in passivity get to choose from the leftovers, that's what they get. Advice such as:

"your chance will come"

and

"make the most of what is readily available to you"

Is very far off the mark. For a woman, this could be good advice, as if she improves her looks/character enough, she'll have enough suitors above her market value that taking a passive approach can pay off.

But any man that follows this advice and takes a passive approach towards one of the most important decisions in a man's life, who they will marry, is constraining the options available to them severely, and will very likely to end up with leftovers, that's to say, with an American wife full of red flags, and very possibly a few years afterwards, a divorce, along with the inability to enjoy their children...children who will very likely hate them after a certain point.

And that's for the good looking guys with some social skills.

A fair percentage of the guys that come on this forum are actually not "Chads," in forum-speak, and for those guys, taking this passive approach will result in a nightmare scenario of unfulfilled wants/desires. Coding an app or writing a book or designing a bridge or reorganizing a company to increase efficiency are all well and good, but a man needs a physical outlet in the form of a beautiful woman devoted to him in order to be able to focus 100% on the work-related things that improve the society as a whole.

If a man doesn't have that healthy outlet, it can be impossible to focus on a craft, so to speak. It can be done, but over the years, this deprivation takes a mental toll.

Now, this does depend on the man. If he's the type that only needs release once every few days or once a week or less, then that man can deflect those desires with distractions, so I can see where this post can meet some guys' needs, but if he's the type that needs release more frequently, then that needs to be dealt with, to do otherwise is to deny the core of our animal nature...a sad state of affairs.

I can't recommend your solution to any but the most low T guys who don't have the drive to make the changes necessary to achieve what they want in life, via direct, targeted action, be it through upending their lives and moving abroad, or improving themselves to the point they become a top guy in the West that's in some kind of niche that allows them access to enough targets (college, for example) to create a realistic possibility of success.

Would that all our mothers were so wise. What I am advocating is not passivity, but patience. There is a significant difference. At 24, one has very little option but to be patient - one's potential has barely begun to crystalise and all the work remains to be done. Focused application in the areas available (which may or may involve success, however characterised, and whether modest or great, with women) when young seems to me to be the most likely means of enjoying success across domains as one ages, provided one hasn't done anything to negatively, permanently alter one's position (such as arranged marriage). In times where one isn't able to satisfy one's carnal desires completely with another person, I think porn can be a great boon to a man's life, allowing one to go some way at least towards enjoying fine young pussy and recognising the possibilities that exist and which one might aspire to for the future, when more bountiful times come along - which they will if one hasn't made irrevocable decisions at a very young age.

The one thing one shouldn't do, in my view, is what you are advocating, which is to make life altering decisions around women at such a young age - that is absurd, and a gross over valuation of their potential contribution to a man's life.

Your post is rife with the attitude that without a woman's love and devotion the whole well of life must be poisoned. Sober reflection on even the most intense of romances would suggest that in a great many cases the ideal of a woman's love and devotion can in mundane reality be that turd in life's well.

I think your post is overwrought with 'alt-right' doomsday ideology. Young Western pussy is really sickening how fine it is - for all the red flags, both real and imagined. One of the girls I'm fucking at the moment is 19, and has been with about 20 guys apparently. This doesn't bother me in the slightest - what bothers me is the unbearable choice I'm confronted with each time I see her spread before me of which hole to have, and which, in the moment, I must leave for another time.

I think it would be a travesty if a young guy was so lost in ideology that he made a decision that permanently altered his position and forever denied him the opportunity to come to appreciate these pleasures in his own time. I think you are peddling just such a narrow and ultimately unsatisfying idea.

(03-17-2018 10:03 AM)Spaniard88 Wrote:  

(03-17-2018 07:02 AM)H1N1 Wrote:  

I have made the same, grandiose pronouncements about the futility of the romantic ideal if AWALT, the death of that noble dream, and the concerns over what paltry joys might lighten the shade of that otherwise inexorable gloom. The reality though is that life simply carries on regardless, and one makes the little day to day investments that one knows will simply improve results in the end if one simply doesn't do anything too stupid. You read, watch the world around you, deepen friendships, expand your social cirlce, work out, talk to strangers, go and do interesting things, make your money, etc etc. Just pay your dues with whatever is around you, accept the frustrations that certain kinds of deprivation can bring, and try to develop the patience and acceptance that in the long run will bring you greater pleasure and happiness. In the mean time, you simply learn the small, rather unexciting lessons that wisen you.

"Just pay your dues with whatever is around you, accept the frustrations that certain kinds of deprivation can bring, and try to develop the patience and acceptance that in the long run will bring you greater pleasure and happiness."

Noooooooo. Hell to the Nooooooooo!

So much soy in this post, H1N1! What's going on, man?

There is a certain irony in a grown man writing 'Noooooooo' and in the same breath accusing another of having soy on the brain.

[Noir]

There is plenty of merit in H1N1's post, in my humble opinion but there's no point arguing over what direction OP should take; it's his decision and it seems he came here for advice on women.

From the one angle, I overwhelmingly agree with H1N1; don't make women your sole priority and enjoy life. Enjoy your daily experiences with everyone and abstain from focusing solely on women.

I always say, work on yourself and the women will come. This comes from honest introspection and defining your own priorities.

At 24 especially, your ego is larger than your wisdom. Again, you have testosterone to direct you towards women but that's energy you can use elsewhere. It's akin to the flow of water, but OP needs to decide how to channel it.

There are many pleasures to life, past women. They scratch an itch but at 24, that's all they mostly do.

Let's be clear though, women and other ambitions are not mutually exclusive, as you frame it Spaniard.

From the other angle (re: specifically women), the advice in the thread should suffice, should OP be dedicated enough to make it work. We live in the information age where we take the availability of advice for granted and that paralyses many posters such as OP.

Be rational, be Socratic. Tear your options to shreds. What drove you to write this?

Address your psychological biases and cognitive blind spots and question why, at 24, you feel inclined to get married or even have this pressure regarding women.

Eliminate any noise and find real life individuals who you respect but don't care about your feelings; men who will be direct with you with forthcoming advice.

Don't judge yourself through the value of your partner. Judge yourself through the breadth of your experiences and quality of life because fundamentally, that's what will make you happy.

Being a happy and sincere individual (internally) will make you immune to most of the shit women may try and more attractive.

[debeguiled]

You guys are having a good debate.

Stop soy shaming.

That is just what deep soy wants.

[Montrose]

Having been married for 20 years, I have a couple of comments:

- when you are a 24 year old Engineer (which means you are going to enjoy a good social position) you don’t necessarily realize how much easier it’s going to be with women later in life. It gets better and easier every single year. I’m nearing 50 and still no sign of slowing down. My Engineer and Banker friends who married at 40 got women they would never have dreamed of at 25. The more you wait the better your marriage prospects.
- most studies show that women lose interest in sex within a few years after marriage. You are very likely to be sexually frustrated at some point (depending on your libido), especially if you feel that you didn’t take enough advantage of your youth.
- the idea of asking your parents for a bride sounds like a good one if and only if you want kids, but wait until you’re 30 and take a 19 year old. And ask for a shortlist of 3 or 4 women. Women age MUCH faster than you think, particularly after giving birth. In addition to virginity, personality is much more important than looks (discretion, happiness, cheerfulness, generosity, altruism, dedication, submissiveness are what you want to look for).
- if you don’t want kids, obviously don’t bother with marriage.