[Incubus]

Agree totally with Dukes assessment of what works and what doesn't and at his path forward.
Older guys with family connections (States or Canada) have choices to make on leaving that behind (for SEA)
The web suks for real human contact
Direct flights 6 or 7 hours best....don't write off EE or Europe Duke
Building or integrating into a countries social fabricate is great and it works
Try to avoid marriage...having another family...at all costs..lmao... (yet stil have deep meaningful connections with women being the goal)
Duke I'm certain by your 60's (the new 40's?) or 70's your going to have built something up that fits your plans

[Selembao]

(10-20-2017 02:57 AM)Genghis Khan Wrote:  

That graph looks like BS to me. I'm an engineer and no way do I do that well (beating out male models?). Also no way are female entrepreneurs/founders swiped on right more than nurses and teachers. Shit, I specifically swipe left on any female CEO/founder type.

Especially the women's jobs listed don't make sense. Interior designer and physical therapist most swiped right?

[LowerCaseG]

Step 1 is change your age to 46 or so and see ow things change. Changes in increments.

[birthday cat]

(10-19-2017 03:56 PM)Duke Main Wrote:  

I haven’t contributed much to this forum because frankly there’s so much knowledge represented her there’s not a lot I can add. My best contribution may be to ask a few probing questions so the more knowledgeable guys can do what they do.

Online dating is a controversial topic on this forum. I understand that you want to focus on the cities you mentioned but that probably won't happen with the thread title "Older Guy Giving up on Online Dating"

If you have no motivation to work on online game then I think that is more than enough reason to abandon online game completely for now. However, there are several things you've said in this thread that don't add up. I would encourage you to consider what improvements you could make that would improve both your online and offline game.

I have met several guys in the last year that over estimated their abilities with women in the countries they traveled to. My friends from this forum and I see a lot of patterns repeating themselves. In my opinion you aren't going to solve all your problems just by switching from online to offline in another country. You may not want to hear this but I'm trying to be helpful so that you have realistic expectations.

Unfortunately nobody can tell you what city is best for you other than yourself after you have visited those cities and talked to people who have lived full-time in those cities. We don't know you well enough. This forum has a lot of information written by guys who have traveled to cities for a week or a few weeks. I recommend that you visit these cities and talk to guys who have lived in those cities for at least a few months. Also, women shouldn't be the only factor in choosing a city.

For example, many of us probably think Bogota has the most attractive women of all the cities you mentioned. However, that is not a city I would recommend for you because the women there are probably more difficult in many ways than your other cities and you said that you were "all but invisible" in the Philippines which I've heard is an easier place than all the cities you mentioned especially Bogota. You also said you wanted a relationship and in my opinion there are other cities that have girls who are more suitable for relationships.

There are a lot of pros and cons. A lot of trade-offs. Santo Domingo might be a great place if you like black girls or girls that you can attract with money but it might be the worst place on your list to learn Spanish. Panama City might be very convenient and have a lot of flight options but it might be a horrible place if you hate hot weather. You won't see the sun for about 5 months in the winter if you live by the coast in Lima but the other 7 months are quite nice and Peru has some of the best food in the world. San Jose has many other expats which may or may not be a good thing for you.

[Duke Main]

(10-20-2017 09:06 AM)birthday cat Wrote:  

(10-19-2017 03:56 PM)Duke Main Wrote:  

I haven’t contributed much to this forum because frankly there’s so much knowledge represented her there’s not a lot I can add. My best contribution may be to ask a few probing questions so the more knowledgeable guys can do what they do.

Online dating is a controversial topic on this forum. I understand that you want to focus on the cities you mentioned but that probably won't happen with the thread title "Older Guy Giving up on Online Dating"

If you have no motivation to work on online game then I think that is more than enough reason to abandon online game completely for now. However, there are several things you've said in this thread that don't add up. I would encourage you to consider what improvements you could make that would improve both your online and offline game.

I have met several guys in the last year that over estimated their abilities with women in the countries they traveled to. My friends from this forum and I see a lot of patterns repeating themselves. In my opinion you aren't going to solve all your problems just by switching from online to offline in another country. You may not want to hear this but I'm trying to be helpful so that you have realistic expectations.

Unfortunately nobody can tell you what city is best for you other than yourself after you have visited those cities and talked to people who have lived full-time in those cities. We don't know you well enough. This forum has a lot of information written by guys who have traveled to cities for a week or a few weeks. I recommend that you visit these cities and talk to guys who have lived in those cities for at least a few months. Also, women shouldn't be the only factor in choosing a city.

For example, many of us probably think Bogota has the most attractive women of all the cities you mentioned. However, that is not a city I would recommend for you because the women there are probably more difficult in many ways than your other cities and you said that you were "all but invisible" in the Philippines which I've heard is an easier place than all the cities you mentioned especially Bogota. You also said you wanted a relationship and in my opinion there are other cities that have girls who are more suitable for relationships.

There are a lot of pros and cons. A lot of trade-offs. Santo Domingo might be a great place if you like black girls or girls that you can attract with money but it might be the worst place on your list to learn Spanish. Panama City might be very convenient and have a lot of flight options but it might be a horrible place if you hate hot weather. You won't see the sun for about 5 months in the winter if you live by the coast in Lima but the other 7 months are quite nice and Peru has some of the best food in the world. San Jose has many other expats which may or may not be a good thing for you.

Thank you birthday cat for a thoughtful post. What have I said that doesn't add up? I'm ready to listen to criticism and make changes and I appreciate all the feedback I'm getting. I've traveled to the Philippines many times over the last 15 years or so. As I mentioned before, the first time the phils I truly felt like a rockstar and my online profile yielded hundreds of replies from exotic hotties. I married (too quickly) a sweet beautiful filipina, and still have many filipino friends, including my ex.

I know that I've changed and the dating market has changed in the intervening years. I'm now grappling with those changes and trying to find the best way to adapt. That's why I've all but given up on online game. I believe the best way to play to my strengths is to meet women offline, and I'm pretty sure I'll do better in places other than the USA.

I don't expect someone to tell me what city is best for me. I'm asking for suggestions of other cities to consider based on the criteria I've posted. I already have firm plans to go to Lima, and in 2018 I'll be exploring a few of the other possibilities.

[BlackFriar]

http://www.interpals.net for "language exchange."

Instagram for pictures of you flying around the world. Especially of you flying a plane.

[MyFabolousLife]

Guadalajara would be an excellent choice. I'm in my early 30's and have been frequenting this City over the past 2 years, taking short direct flights from California. I will actually be heading back in two weeks (first week of November).

It's a great City because it's cleaner, safer and more manageable than Mexico City, the girls are attractive and the nightlife is mostly concentrated in a few designated areas.

I have developed a decent feel for this City and have a bit of a social circle of locals so if you make this your destination or ever head down there PM me.

(10-20-2017 12:08 AM)Duke Main Wrote:  

A lot of good advise about online dating. I'd like to focus on the city pairs I put in the OP and see what I can come up with as the best alternative. To recap, the possibilities I mentioned were:

Las Vegas ---> Guadalajara
Las Vegas ---> Panama City
Houston ---> Bogota
Houston ---> Lima
Orlando ---> Santo Domingo

I'm leaning toward Santo Domingo based on what I've read here and other places. Brother Abdul Majeed endorsed Panama City; kind of a long flight, as is IAB/LIM. Guadalajara would probably be the most convenient with my current circumstances. If I added Miami to the list I'd include Santiago DR as a destination as well as Medellin. LAX and SFO are closer to Asia but farther from Latin America, except parts of Mexico. And Asia would just be too rough for frequent travel.

The shorter the flight the better and nonstops are definitely preferred.

Again, I want to be an "almost" resident of the selected city; spending more or less one week a month living like a local. I think I forgot to mention I'm a white guy with decent/rusty Spanish. Once I get used to local slang and accents communication will be no problema.

[birthday cat]

(10-20-2017 12:08 PM)Duke Main Wrote:  

Thank you birthday cat for a thoughtful post. What have I said that doesn't add up? I'm ready to listen to criticism and make changes and I appreciate all the feedback I'm getting. I've traveled to the Philippines many times over the last 15 years or so. As I mentioned before, the first time the phils I truly felt like a rockstar and my online profile yielded hundreds of replies from exotic hotties. I married (too quickly) a sweet beautiful filipina, and still have many filipino friends, including my ex.

You're welcome.

I think the most important thing is to do some traveling and talk to people who have lived in cities before making any decisions. We get a lot of guys here who ask "which is the best city for me" or even worse "which is the easiest city to get laid in" without realizing that there are pros and cons to all places and different people can have very different opinions of cities.

Most new guys don't do quite as well with women when they first start traveling as they thought they would. I think at least 80% or 90% of guys over estimate how easy it will be. I know I did.

There are things you said (like being an attractive airline pilot) that make me think you might be going after higher caliber girls. But there are other things you said (like being invisible in the Philippines) that make me think you might not have a chance with those girls. So it's difficult to give advice about the girls in a city when I don't know if your target market is 21 year old 8s or 40 year old 5s or something in between. Some cities might not have many 8s and you will never see a 9. Other cities might have plenty of 8s but if you show up without much Spanish or experience dating Latinas then you will probably have a bad time.

Also, you can play the money and status game but that makes a much bigger difference in some places so it depends on whether or not you want to play that game and to what extent. For example, Medellin Colombia has some of the prettiest girls in the world but many of them are looking for a man to spend money on them rather than a man that they connect with. That might work perfect for you but it's also possible that you would prefer a less attractive but sweeter girl in Quito Ecuador who just wants you to spend time with her.

[RatInTheWoods]

Tinder sux for older dudes, get on a "serious" online dating platform (like RSVP in Oz) and definately get photos of you in the pilot's seat of a plane.

Man you will slay with a job like that and good looks etc.

Of course if your target market is 18 year olds, that's not going to work. But you should have them lined up 10-15 years younger than you!

[germanico]

You are a pilot and you are "online dating"? Why?

Why shoot your own foot?

Just walk arounf in your uniform.

[Duke Main]

(10-20-2017 02:33 AM)Naughty By Nature Wrote:  

I wouldn't recommend online dating for older guys or younger guys.

It's a cesspool of trannies, catfish, bots, prostitutes, crazy women, and women who look significantly worse than their photos (this is the most common issue).

There's also the fact you're sitting in your room staring at a screen. You're not connecting with anyone, you're not building any confidence, and you're not getting outside your comfort zone.

Online dating makes you WORSE with women.

Agreed. I might try it again in some future time/place if it makes sense for me, but for now I need to do something different.

[Duke Main]

(10-20-2017 12:17 PM)BlackFriar Wrote:  

http://www.interpals.net for "language exchange."

Instagram for pictures of you flying around the world. Especially of you flying a plane.

I just quickly threw my profile on this site. Holy shit! The responses are already way better than dating sites.

[Duke Main]

(10-20-2017 12:51 PM)MyFabolousLife Wrote:  

Guadalajara would be an excellent choice. I'm in my early 30's and have been frequenting this City over the past 2 years, taking short direct flights from California. I will actually be heading back in two weeks (first week of November).

It's a great City because it's cleaner, safer and more manageable than Mexico City, the girls are attractive and the nightlife is mostly concentrated in a few designated areas.

I have developed a decent feel for this City and have a bit of a social circle of locals so if you make this your destination or ever head down there PM me.

(10-20-2017 12:08 AM)Duke Main Wrote:  

A lot of good advise about online dating. I'd like to focus on the city pairs I put in the OP and see what I can come up with as the best alternative. To recap, the possibilities I mentioned were:

Las Vegas ---> Guadalajara
Las Vegas ---> Panama City
Houston ---> Bogota
Houston ---> Lima
Orlando ---> Santo Domingo

I'm leaning toward Santo Domingo based on what I've read here and other places. Brother Abdul Majeed endorsed Panama City; kind of a long flight, as is IAB/LIM. Guadalajara would probably be the most convenient with my current circumstances. If I added Miami to the list I'd include Santiago DR as a destination as well as Medellin. LAX and SFO are closer to Asia but farther from Latin America, except parts of Mexico. And Asia would just be too rough for frequent travel.

The shorter the flight the better and nonstops are definitely preferred.

Again, I want to be an "almost" resident of the selected city; spending more or less one week a month living like a local. I think I forgot to mention I'm a white guy with decent/rusty Spanish. Once I get used to local slang and accents communication will be no problema.

Thanks MFL. I will hit you up next time I go there.

[Duke Main]

(10-20-2017 12:52 PM)birthday cat Wrote:  

(10-20-2017 12:08 PM)Duke Main Wrote:  

Thank you birthday cat for a thoughtful post. What have I said that doesn't add up? I'm ready to listen to criticism and make changes and I appreciate all the feedback I'm getting. I've traveled to the Philippines many times over the last 15 years or so. As I mentioned before, the first time the phils I truly felt like a rockstar and my online profile yielded hundreds of replies from exotic hotties. I married (too quickly) a sweet beautiful filipina, and still have many filipino friends, including my ex.

You're welcome.

I think the most important thing is to do some traveling and talk to people who have lived in cities before making any decisions. We get a lot of guys here who ask "which is the best city for me" or even worse "which is the easiest city to get laid in" without realizing that there are pros and cons to all places and different people can have very different opinions of cities.

Most new guys don't do quite as well with women when they first start traveling as they thought they would. I think at least 80% or 90% of guys over estimate how easy it will be. I know I did.

There are things you said (like being an attractive airline pilot) that make me think you might be going after higher caliber girls. But there are other things you said (like being invisible in the Philippines) that make me think you might not have a chance with those girls. So it's difficult to give advice about the girls in a city when I don't know if your target market is 21 year old 8s or 40 year old 5s or something in between. Some cities might not have many 8s and you will never see a 9. Other cities might have plenty of 8s but if you show up without much Spanish or experience dating Latinas then you will probably have a bad time.

Also, you can play the money and status game but that makes a much bigger difference in some places so it depends on whether or not you want to play that game and to what extent. For example, Medellin Colombia has some of the prettiest girls in the world but many of them are looking for a man to spend money on them rather than a man that they connect with. That might work perfect for you but it's also possible that you would prefer a less attractive but sweeter girl in Quito Ecuador who just wants you to spend time with her.

I'm pretty realistic about what I want and what I can get. I'm not looking to start another family so a good girl in her 20s wouldn't be on my radar. I'd go for that 7 in Quito who's in her 30s. I speak spanish pretty well, but I don't have experience dating latinas. Is there a thread on here or some other resource you'd recommend to avoid some rookie mistakes?

[seaofp]

OP I have had the same experience......I am 50 and I still get quite good interest from younger girls in person but the internet dating is beyond useless (UK and Thailand both)......tinder is more of a game to play when these bitches are bored it seems......swipe left, swipe right, have a short chat and then thats it.

I created a new tinder profile that was 10 years younger (40) and it still didn't improve.

I can only echo what someone else said about it making you more negative.....I deleted the app.

[LoveBug]

I posted this on another thread, but As you get older you will fall outside of a lot of women’s ‘preferences’, but that shouldn’t matter if you think of it as a sheer numbers game and do it in an alpha manner while being outcome independent. Don’t take it personal either. Message every girl that strikes your fancy and put them on their toes with your message, qualifying them. And don’t give a f if any respond to you at all, your toes are still tapping (fast times reference, lol).

A lot of older men approach it with a defeatist attitude instead of a game.

[DoctaWho]

There's a couple of guys on here who are really good at instgram and online dating profiles. I can't think of names but you might want to reach out to them. In countries that are lower socio-economically than the west, your age should not matter much. I would drop it down or be more realistic about the women you're looking for. A few years ago I met guys in their 60s doing well on Thai friendly and the Filipino version. Most did lie about their age though. In all reality the chick looking for a westerner probably doesn't care if you're 55 or 25 as long as she thinks you have what she wants (which in many cases is the potential to be a provider). I'd definitely say have someone take a look at your profiles.

Regarding where to live, it's tough to say without knowing more about you. How much do you make? What do you do? What kind of women are you REALLY looking for (if you want to date 30+ years younger than you it may limit your options)? Personally, I would probably spend more time in the foreign country and less time in the US as it will be harder to and take more work to break in socially outside of the US.

[Vaun]

Online dating is largely dependent on where you live.

If you live in a place with few single women, and marginal single women, your results will reflect that.

I didnt catch where you live, but I have been to many unpopulated or lower populated areas around the world and US, that offer abysmal results for the single man. In many of these areas, you will find many single moms, overweight and unattractive women, or lower quality women(uneducated, tattooed/pierced, low earning job, etc). If I were stuck in an area like this, I would plan frequent trips away to better areas. Since you're a pilot thats easy.

For your list, I would forget Orlando and Houston. No one is moving to either city and they are not seen as hot cities to live in now, so you are going to have an unimpressive pool of local women to choose from. Since you are completely free and can do what you want, I would look to live in one of the hottest cities in the US, where millenials and people in general are moving to. LV is a maybe, but there are a lot of trampy(tattooed/pierced/partier) women there, that have the legs and track record to stay out partying all night in the clubs. That may be what you want, but not for me. I know from experience.

For a guy like you, I would strongly consider living in; Miami South Beach, Austin, Chicago Downtown/Gold Coast, Boston, LA Marina Del Rey/Manhattan Beach, Manhattan NYC, Salt Lake City(if you ski), Denver, Atlanta.

For your profile, a lot has been said, but good pics are the key. I would also put your profession in your bio. I would cap the upper age limit to 40. I would target college educated girls, no single moms, no tats, no party girls. I would also try Bumble, its been way more successful for me than Tinder. Tinder sucks now.

I recently deleted all my online/app dating accounts, after a successful stretch over the last six months of dating several women 10-15 years younger simultaneously. And having much success. But none I want to stay with. From here until Jan 1 I want to focus on work, the gym, volunteering, and resetting to go out and find some more to play with, or to find an LTR. I actually need to get some sleep too....

[jselysianeagle]

(10-29-2017 05:14 PM)Vaun Wrote:  

I would cap the upper age limit to 40. I would target college educated girls, no single moms, no tats, no party girls. I would also try Bumble, its been way more successful for me than Tinder. Tinder sucks now.

Age bracket to 40 with no single moms? OP is in his 50s, so other than gold diggers, (or amazing fortune) the vast majority of quality 20-something women will not be interested (sorry OP, just keepin' it real). That in turn means the vast majority of childless women will be out of reach for the OP.

For an LTR it might be worthwhile to hold out for a woman without kids, but for some casual fun, if she's attractive, no drama and DTF, a single mom should be alright. Provided of course she's not a golddigger expecting him to foot the kid's bills.

The other thing I'd suggest, OP, is to really broaden the geographical net to include the entire country. You fly a whole lot anyway, so even if a woman happens to live a flight away that shouldn't be as much of a barrier for you.

[Vaun]

(10-29-2017 07:34 PM)jselysianeagle Wrote:  

(10-29-2017 05:14 PM)Vaun Wrote:  

I would cap the upper age limit to 40. I would target college educated girls, no single moms, no tats, no party girls. I would also try Bumble, its been way more successful for me than Tinder. Tinder sucks now.

Age bracket to 40 with no single moms? That's goin to very severely restrict OP's options, unless he gets lucky enough and snags a 20-something which, tbh, might be difficult or even impossible for a dude in his 50s.

For an LTR it might be worthwhile to hold out for a woman without kids, but for some casual fun, if she's attractive, no drama and DTF, a single mom should be alright. Provided of course she's not a golddigger expecting him to foot the kid's bills...

Sure, why not. Again, depends on logistics, on where you live. Where I am there are throngs of single women without children 40 and under. Maybe not so much in other places. Afraid though he'd get pegged as a provider by his age, as a lot of scheming single mom's are desperately on the hunt for that. Why not avoid that from the start? Airline pilot that looks 20 years younger than he is will be able to date pretty much any girl he sets his sights on.

[Akwesi]

I agree that women who are childless past 30-35 should be viewed with extreme suspicion. However, there are some possible exceptions. Personally I've met some great older girls who married older men at an early age and then became widows after a few years. Then there's of course also women who are infertile for some reason but may otherwise be high quality. Let's not make it a false choice between skanky soon-to-be grannies and runaway Ursuline nuns.

[Duke Main]

(10-29-2017 05:14 PM)Vaun Wrote:  

Online dating is largely dependent on where you live.

If you live in a place with few single women, and marginal single women, your results will reflect that.

I didnt catch where you live, but I have been to many unpopulated or lower populated areas around the world and US, that offer abysmal results for the single man. In many of these areas, you will find many single moms, overweight and unattractive women, or lower quality women(uneducated, tattooed/pierced, low earning job, etc). If I were stuck in an area like this, I would plan frequent trips away to better areas. Since you're a pilot thats easy.

For your list, I would forget Orlando and Houston. No one is moving to either city and they are not seen as hot cities to live in now, so you are going to have an unimpressive pool of local women to choose from. Since you are completely free and can do what you want, I would look to live in one of the hottest cities in the US, where millenials and people in general are moving to. LV is a maybe, but there are a lot of trampy(tattooed/pierced/partier) women there, that have the legs and track record to stay out partying all night in the clubs. That may be what you want, but not for me. I know from experience.

For a guy like you, I would strongly consider living in; Miami South Beach, Austin, Chicago Downtown/Gold Coast, Boston, LA Marina Del Rey/Manhattan Beach, Manhattan NYC, Salt Lake City(if you ski), Denver, Atlanta.

For your profile, a lot has been said, but good pics are the key. I would also put your profession in your bio. I would cap the upper age limit to 40. I would target college educated girls, no single moms, no tats, no party girls. I would also try Bumble, its been way more successful for me than Tinder. Tinder sucks now.

I recently deleted all my online/app dating accounts, after a successful stretch over the last six months of dating several women 10-15 years younger simultaneously. And having much success. But none I want to stay with. From here until Jan 1 I want to focus on work, the gym, volunteering, and resetting to go out and find some more to play with, or to find an LTR. I actually need to get some sleep too....

Thanks for this post.

Someone pointed out earlier that the title of this thread is not conducive to the direction I was hoping to take it. I don't have any desire to do online dating so I'm exploring other directions. Also, I meet tons (almost literally) of American women in my job and I choose to expend zero effort with them, because that's basically what they're worth to me.

That leads me to explore foreign lands, and I've realized that I need to be boots on the ground in one location long enough to make some good connections. That's what I'm focusing on in the months ahead.

[Duke Main]

(10-29-2017 07:34 PM)jselysianeagle Wrote:  

(10-29-2017 05:14 PM)Vaun Wrote:  

I would cap the upper age limit to 40. I would target college educated girls, no single moms, no tats, no party girls. I would also try Bumble, its been way more successful for me than Tinder. Tinder sucks now.

Age bracket to 40 with no single moms? OP is in his 50s, so other than gold diggers, (or amazing fortune) the vast majority of quality 20-something women will not be interested (sorry OP, just keepin' it real). That in turn means the vast majority of childless women will be out of reach for the OP.

For an LTR it might be worthwhile to hold out for a woman without kids, but for some casual fun, if she's attractive, no drama and DTF, a single mom should be alright. Provided of course she's not a golddigger expecting him to foot the kid's bills.

The other thing I'd suggest, OP, is to really broaden the geographical net to include the entire country. You fly a whole lot anyway, so even if a woman happens to live a flight away that shouldn't be as much of a barrier for you.

LOL, no offense taken.

[Duke Main]

(10-29-2017 08:05 PM)Akwesi Wrote:  

I agree that women who are childless past 30-35 should be viewed with extreme suspicion. However, there are some possible exceptions. Personally I've met some great older girls who married older men at an early age and then became widows after a few years. Then there's of course also women who are infertile for some reason but may otherwise be high quality. Let's not make it a false choice between skanky soon-to-be grannies and runaway Ursuline nuns.

I've actually considered the category of high quality widows. That seems like one of the few ways to find someone who hasn't been ruined by the carousel or bitter spinsterhood. Perhaps there's a business opportunity for widowcupid.com

[Diddylisch]

I agree. I noticed in the States when my profile hit 49 my online traffic dropped about 80% overnight. I deleted my profile and after about 30 days, as an experiment, created an identical profile, but rolled back my age 3 years, response rates returned to where it was when my actual age was 48. At 49 I was clearly being associated with fifty something's, a death sentence in the online world if still gong for under 40 women.

Advice to the pilot, if your physical attributes are as you say they are, just step up day gaming and leave most of the online stuff to the twenty-somethings.