[CupCake]

I've been in a bad mood lately and I'm finding myself falling into the old habit of isolating myself and doing nothing but passive activities. I've been doing this stuff for years and I gotta kill this before it ruins me.

Any ideas on how to make friends and get myself more active?

[Black Quixote]

How to JumpStart Your Social Life by Me:

-Find a new hobby: Rock Climbing whatever, someone else does it. Its a good place to start. Makes you have something to talk about.

-Start hitting the gym: I meet people in the gym alot. Its just a matter of striking up conversation whether in the sauna or hitting the weights and asking for tips.

-start hitting the club, talk to EVERYBODY: its the quickest way to meet some cool people and girls. talk talk talk. You might suck at first. By your 300th conversation you will either get it, or start getting it.

-Day Game Approach: If you control the women, the men will SURELY follow. Approach but just try to make friends with as many girls as possible. Dont try and fuck them. These can be the base of your social life who you hit the club with, blah blah.

-Look at the groups on MeetUp.com at find those with similiar interests and hit some up.

Just how I would start making friends if I needed them that badly.

[UgSlayer]

It's a sad state when people have to go to the internet to learn tips on how to make friends.

Not ragging on you cupcake. Just the structure of our society in general.

I'm sure in you're case it's just self-imposed because of the isolation and mood you're in. I get like that too. Break the cycle. I know it's easier said than done, but pick up a hobby and be proactive in meeting people that way. You're bound to find someone you click with if you share the same hobby. Then after it's done be like "hey lets grab a bite to eat". From there it should be easy.

It's easy and not creepy to make friends in school because you're all there for some shared goal. Because of this friendships happen naturally. Think of hobbies the same way. Where the main goal is to do something you love, not making friends. You'll have a good time, people will be drawn to you, voila instant friends. It's up to you to keep contact or suggest a place to go afterwards. Try that with multiple interests/groups. Then be like "hey me and my buddy so and so are going to the bar/beach/etc this weekend you're more than welcome to come"

Hope this helps, and I genuinely hope you get out of your rut, because I know how much it can suck.

[Dash Global]

- get a part time job at a happening restaurant / bar

- start going out and MEETING women / people

- get some hobbies

- sign up for a class at the local college

- online social media

[ersatz]

Yes, tips for us workaholic guys working and living in isolated suburbs 60-70 hours a week will be appreciated. By the time I get home I have no energy or time to go to the gym and such (I just do a workout at home that's as good as the gym anyway).

I don't want to, but I have to buy a car or I'm going to go nuts.

[Dash Global]

(09-09-2011 11:46 PM)ersatz Wrote:  

Yes, tips for us workaholic guys working and living in isolated suburbs 60-70 hours a week will be appreciated. By the time I get home I have no energy or time to go to the gym and such (I just do a workout at home that's as good as the gym anyway).

I don't want to, but I have to buy a car or I'm going to go nuts.

70 hrs a week?!?

WTF

find a new job bro! lol

[Basil Ransom]

(09-09-2011 09:45 PM)CupCake Wrote:  

I've been in a bad mood lately and I'm finding myself falling into the old habit of isolating myself and doing nothing but passive activities. I've been doing this stuff for years and I gotta kill this before it ruins me.

Any ideas on how to make friends and get myself more active?

You don't really become friends with people purely out of compatibility. You become friends with someone when:
1. Circumstances put you two together, such as your house, gym or job.
2. You have something valuable to offer, such as connections.
3. Neither of you have many friends.
4. You share a harrowing/bonding experience.
5. You are extremely similar - rare in my experience.
6. You share uncommon interests that require other people.

I've made friends without any of these, but they're much more likely to peter out.

The more similar you dress to a man, the easier it is to befriend him. Not recommending you change your style, just stating a fact.

Joining a class is a good way, but you may not meet the quality of people you want, it's very hit or miss. People who already have a good set of friends will rarely make the effort to make more. Look for the transients, those new to the area.

Like Dash recommended, becoming a waiter in some spots can be great. Honestly, in my area, there's a ton of cool people who work at restaurants, and hang with each other as a result.

I rarely want to be friends with girls, and it's hurting my ability to meet more girls via social circle. If I try it haphazardly, the chick figures out I just want to bang her friends (he seems bored of me yet he keeps asking what my "friends" are doing...).

[Pilgrim37]

Isolation in the big city is more prevalent than you think....you are not alone.

You must get out of your house,apartment much more....
Nobody meets people in their living room.

I'm pretty good with my own company but I've wondered why I wasn't meeting new people sometimes ,and it was simply because I wasn't getting out and about enough.

Try not going straight home after work...as the others recommended:gym,some class,try and meet up with people or old acquaintances just to get out!

Having said that, I've found friends do tend to thin out as you leave school and get into a career and people move away.

Unless it is a really social profession you're in where making connections is vital like journalism ,fashion,restaurants you will need to take the initiative.. etc

Don't despair...switch off the computer,get out and get busy!

I think I might do the same as I've been having similar thoughts the last month or two.

[speakeasy]

I've met a lot of cool local people on couchsurfing this year. People that are active, like to do stuff, interested in travel and other cultures, globally aware. Which is just the type of people I want to meet. That's something to look into.

[Screwston]

I've thought about signing up for meetup.com for hoes and to meet some interesting people. I have my circle but I've always been a loner and don't really feel the need to go out and make a million friends.

[el mechanico]

Cupcake, Dashs advice about the resturant is golden.
When I first moved to California I sent a motorcycle with me and all the people I met just liked having a bigger pack to ride with and would invite me to all kinds of parties etc.

When I moved to Florida it was exactly the same. What do you like to do? Take your interests and turn them into money friends and pussy.
Start planning a trip. It may create some excitement and help you out of your funk.

[ersatz]

(09-09-2011 11:48 PM)Dash Global Wrote:  

(09-09-2011 11:46 PM)ersatz Wrote:  

Yes, tips for us workaholic guys working and living in isolated suburbs 60-70 hours a week will be appreciated. By the time I get home I have no energy or time to go to the gym and such (I just do a workout at home that's as good as the gym anyway).

I don't want to, but I have to buy a car or I'm going to go nuts.

70 hrs a week?!?

WTF

find a new job bro! lol

More accurately it's 50 hours usually, but sometimes I can work weekends. There's 3 meals, foosball games, etc so it isn't 10 hours of working straight. It's a startup and all. :/ I was a lazy ass most of my life and this is teaching me to work hard. Whenever I get home at 7, I feel like, wow, sooooo much free time.

[blurb]

(09-10-2011 11:52 PM)ersatz Wrote:  

(09-09-2011 11:48 PM)Dash Global Wrote:  

(09-09-2011 11:46 PM)ersatz Wrote:  

Yes, tips for us workaholic guys working and living in isolated suburbs 60-70 hours a week will be appreciated. By the time I get home I have no energy or time to go to the gym and such (I just do a workout at home that's as good as the gym anyway).

I don't want to, but I have to buy a car or I'm going to go nuts.

70 hrs a week?!?

WTF

find a new job bro! lol

More accurately it's 50 hours usually, but sometimes I can work weekends. There's 3 meals, foosball games, etc so it isn't 10 hours of working straight. It's a startup and all. :/ I was a lazy ass most of my life and this is teaching me to work hard. Whenever I get home at 7, I feel like, wow, sooooo much free time.

If it's not too personal, what kind of work do you do? Entrepreneur?

[ersatz]

Silicon Valley Software Factory Worker

[Chad Daring]

I tend to have the same issue, though I feel like I go out a lot, but in bars/clubs/lounges it feels like people are actually less social. Everyone seems to go with a big group.

Work has been vital for me, it helped to bite the bullet and hangout with people I wouldn't necessarily hangout with under normal circumstances. They might not be your favorite people, but they've got friends, and those friends have more friends. Face time with friends of friends can be an easy way to meet other people.

I dont agree with gyms for meeting people. From what I've seen the gym is a social wasteland. Everyone plugs themselves into an iPod or TV and just gets lost in a trance. I dont wear headphones at the gym and I try to talk to people when it comes up, which is rare. Its mostly older guys who Im trading lifting advice with.

Im actually planning on getting a job as a server in the fall once my other second job drops out when the warm season is over. I could go for something that directly makes more money, but the social aspect (and cash money) of serving is pretty alluring. Not to mention you can find a place and serve regardless of how ridiculous your availability might be.

[Basil Ransom]

(09-11-2011 03:56 PM)Chad Daring Wrote:  

I dont agree with gyms for meeting people. From what I've seen the gym is a social wasteland. Everyone plugs themselves into an iPod or TV and just gets lost in a trance. I dont wear headphones at the gym and I try to talk to people when it comes up, which is rare. Its mostly older guys who Im trading lifting advice with.

When it comes to commercial chain gyms, you're right. But if you go to an independent gym with a specialized focus, like a powerlifting or boxing gym, it's 1000 times easier to meet people. Every time I go to my current gym, I meet someone new, or talk to someone I've already met. I've already chatted with a good majority of all the men I've ever seen there. You can find a powerlifting gym here. That said, I haven't really hung out with anyone from the gym.

[oldnemesis]

(09-09-2011 11:46 PM)ersatz Wrote:  

Yes, tips for us workaholic guys working and living in isolated suburbs 60-70 hours a week will be appreciated. By the time I get home I have no energy or time to go to the gym and such (I just do a workout at home that's as good as the gym anyway).

Learn to say "no" to your boss. Otherwise your 70 hour week will soon become 100 hour week (and for the same pay).

[Black Quixote]

Is it Ironic I came back to this thread four months later and read my own tips and am applyin them?